How Do You Self-Identify...and why.

[PumaJ]

When I first came out, I just called myself Gay. That was back during the days of "Gay Liberation" before the Women's Liberation movement & feminism swept up those of us who were lesbians. Then I called myself a "Dyke" & sometimes a "Queer". Even in those days, I never gave up my mascara;-) & sewed flower appliques on to my denim overalls, and my lovers were very, very Butch. It was so very uncool to acknowledge Butch & Femme, though, so we didn't even if we were. Eventually, I came around to just being my fabulous High Femme Lesbian feminist self & owning that ID in the context of my personal life.

To me saying lesbian implies a woman who loves & is sexually attracted to another woman. Which I am sort of, but when I am totally honest with myself about who I'm attracted to, it isn't just other women. Rather, I am very specifically attracted to those who run so much of their female masculinity that they really are 3rd gender, i.e. neither male or female gender, but both in one female form. Though none of them have wanted to be men, they are rather strongly male identified while still being female & wear all male clothing down to the underwear. I am not attracted to men. No. It is the male energy in female form (female masculinity) that gets me going. So, to me that is something other than just being a lesbian, it is being Queer. I am attracted to 3rd gender females. My current partner IDs as Boi & uses alternative pronouns.

I am friends with other femmes, be they in female or male bodies. I am friends with some straight women. So though I am very Femme in appearance & dress, I've been a career woman my whole adult life. I am fiercely independent, never wanting or needing to be financially supported by anyone else. For a long, long time I was in managerial positions due to my intellectual & clinical ability which in some ways is very male like. I've owned my home for a long time. So, all in all Queer seems more appropriate.