National Coming Out Day 10/11! What's Your Story?

[Soon]

It's funny b/c I still cannot talk about it to many--even though, it has been over ten years.

I might be able to do the bare bones of it.

2002--I was 32 and had only been with one other woman for a year before this scenario.


Characters: Catholic Mother--Me

Restaurant--her and myself having a bday lunch (we are two days apart in the same month)

She asked how my *friend* was...and then proceeded to ask where she slept when she visited me (she was living in a different province at the time).

I replied, "Oh, so you know that we are more than friends..."

Her response: "WHAT?!?!?!?! You are kidding me; tell me you are joking!"

My response: "No. I though you KNEW!! Why would you ask her sleeping arrangements, if you didn't. etc etc"

Mom's response: "OMG. You HAD BOYFRIENDS!!!"

My response: "Yes...and now I don't...and exactly what IS your problem that M. is my lover?"

Her response: "It's against the CATHOLIC Church!"

My response: "And so was me sleeping with the past boyfriends, but you got used to that!"

Her response: "YOU ARE NOT GAY! People KNOW when they are/you were NOT born that way...." (still working on that as I believe women's sexuality is quite complicated, but what can you do when the meme is you are BORN that way.)

My response: I left the restaurant.

MOM left and knocked on my apt where my partner was sitting there and she proceeded to tell my gf how SELFISH I was and had always been. That's another story.

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Conclusion: It got better from there.
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That is ONE of the coming out stories...of course, we do it over and over and over...i have tonnes of them, but that is the one that stands out in my head.

[*Anya*]

I came out to my 2 daughters first because they asked me why my girlfriend-my first "real" one, slept in my bed with me and why we were kissing. They must have been 7 and almost 6.

I said I loved her. They said OK. it did not bother them until they were pre-teens and knew what it really meant. Then it upset them because they wanted a hetero family like most of their friends. By the time they were in their late teens, they thought it was cool.

Then I told my brothers. They were 19 & 13. Neither cared until I told my parents and then all hell broke loose. WWIII freakout on mom's part. She did not talk to me for 15 years and my bros saw my rejection by our parents and didn't want any part of it so they sided with mom & dad joined in. I understand that, really.

One time, just a major coincidence, one year that my long-term butch and I were vacationing in Hawaii and we were in a store and who should walk by but my mother! My parents were there @ the same time. She walked right by me. I turned around and said: "Mom!" but she kept on walking! Yes, she saw and heard me.

Not invited to my brothers weddings as they got older or any family function. My girls also were rejected.

Now that they are in their 80's, it is an uneasy peace. They ask me zero about my life and do not want to hear anything about my being gay whatsoever. I accept them as they are as they are too old to change now.

My brothers both live out of state and we rarely speak.

The Waltons-we are not.

[LeftWriteFemme]

Today I was teasing the owner of the gallery where my work is represented, telling her that if it weren't for the fact that I'm gay and she's straight I would rub her til all her lupus pain went away......we both laughed. Then she said, "Oh isn't today National Coming Out Day?" and we laughed and laughed some more....she is one of those cool straight people. It's been a nice coming out day

[Starbuck]

Last November I came out to my dad first, he took it rather awkwardly, which is how I expected him to. Later I told my mother; she said she was not surprised and that she'd told my dad when I went into the Army she thought I was a Lesbian.

Fast forward almost a year and my dad and I have gotten into some pretty bad arguments about me letting his family know because he said it was an embarrassment to him (the stuff on FB he said). I tend to think he's just embarrassed of me, oh well...his loss. I'm still waiting on the shit to hit the fan on this one!

But today being NCOD 2011, I took the opportunity to share my lesbian status with the rest of the family that I'm connected to on FB. I've not received any messages from them and quite frankly I don't expect to. I have, however, received accepting and supportive messages from other FB friends. My post included the fact that if my declaration cost me family or friends, so be it, we
weren't true family or friends in the first place, but that I still loved them. I am out to my husband, I just wish some things were different at the moment. I keep telling myself that the grass on the other side of the fence may not be as green as it looks and so I'm afraid of upsetting the status quo. I just need more time to get things sorted out in my head first. Wish me luck!

[Gráinne]

I decided to come out to my best friend, who lives in another state and who I thought had no clue what I was doing on a B-F site, or any lesbian site for that matter. Up to then, I'd told her everything that was going on, and this felt like a whole secret life.

I said, "K, I have something to tell you. I realized I am gay". She answered, "I thought so all these years (45 years of friendship!), but didn't want to pry". K is devoutly Catholic, and I'm Jewish, but that and my being gay doesn't make one iota of difference.

When I started attending the synagogue I go to now, I wanted to tell the rabbi so that if he had some objection, he could get it out and I could keep searching. I said, "There's something you need to know. I'm..not straight". His answer? "I knew that's what you were going to say". I found later I wasn't alone.

[Soft*Silver]

I came out, differently, this year. I had pidgeon holed myself into categories that I thought were flexible but were really just substitutes for other rigid labels I was born into. I think over the years, I just wore my labels down like you do leather..rub and rub and rub until the hardness softens..(my name!)...and what comes along eventually is something so much easier to wear.

[princessbelle]

I came out to my mom first because she is nosey and i knew she would pick up on it anyway. My longtime partner had lived as my roommate for just a couple of weeks. It was not good. My mom is a Southern Baptist Republican and wears each one of those titles to her core. I was disowned and written out of her will and she did not speak to me for 6 months. When she figured out she needed me, she called and we talked. That was 12 years ago. She still don't really "get it" but i'm her daughter again and back in her will and good graces. She is also kind to my partners and treats them like family. She's come a long way.

Coming out to my kids was way easier. I waited about a year till they were 13 and 16. Until then they just saw my partner as our roommate and we did not show SOA in front of them. My youngest, middle of the road republican son didn't like it but just basically chose to ignor it. My oldest, liberal democratic son, said he knew it and was proud. He had a shirt that said "my mom is gay and i'm proud of her". I was particular about where he wore that...lol.

I've came out increasingly over the years to my friends and specific people at work including my boss who is wonderful and accepting. My aunts/uncles and the like have no clue. I will probably keep it that way.

My brother knew before he passed and was fine with it. My father passed prior to me coming out to myself but i know his princess could do no wrong and is smiling down on me and my life.

It takes a lot of time, often, for family members to come around. I try and convey that with every opportunity that i get when i know younger people are coming out to their family.

Just give them the info....give it a few months to sink in and don't take their confusion and disappointment to heart. Most of the time, things change.