How to be a femme ally

[Medusa]

Wow! How did I miss this thread?! GREAT thread topic!

Years ago, someone that I loved very much told me that there was a world where you had "Femme's Femmes" and "Butch's Femmes".

At first, I bucked that idea because it felt like reinforcing all of the negative shit that we are fed from day one about how women are supposed to hate each other (or at least mistrust each other).

But yanno? I look at the women who have access to my heart and can say without at doubt that these are women who would never put getting attention or validation from a random Butch (or mine) over our friendship or my heart.

These are women I would trust to sleep naked next to my partner and would never blink.

These are women who I know to exercise good boundaries when it comes to seeking validation from others, and specifically, Butches.

See, I think that we sometimes don't like to talk about the fact that there are Femmes among us who try to heal whatever cracks they have with the mortar of Butch attention. Because sometimes attention equals attraction. And sex equals love. And love fills the cracks within us that are formed by our Mommas and Daddies, Family, and Lovers.

I have to love those Femmes from a distance. That whole "letting go with love" thing because I have been that Femme and understand what kind of hard work it takes to work toward being enough for oneself.

My allies are going to look like Femme's Femmes - Women who are interested in cultivating deep, meaningful relationships with other Femmes even when it's a lot of work.

Those are the women who get my time and my heart.

Those are the women who I am going to call on when my partner dies and I am grieving so deeply that my marrow is cracking.

Those are the women that I will freely fuck up in front of and accept, with gratitude, the lessons they have to teach.

Some people call them "heart friends". Some call them "kindred spirits".

All I know is that I am a better Femme when surrounded by my girls.