VANILLA THREAD Who can initiate sex in your relationship? VANILLA THREAD

[ArkansasPiscesGrrl]

I am a Femme, who prefers to be in a relationship where both parties can feel open to initiating sex.

My last relationship was like that at first. Even though I had a higher sex drive than she did, she "kept up" for the first several months, and both of us initiated and responded back.

Then life experiences happened to her, and she had to take a break. I pulled back in respect to her need for a break, but always let her know that I was there for her. I tried initiating on several occasions, trying to see if she was ready to come "back". We had LOTS of discussions about it (yes, communication is key!), and she would always just let me know not yet. At one point, however, it got to where I was feeling like my trying to initiate was crossing a line. I mean, for both of us. She felt pressured (hell, who wants THAT??), and I felt rebuffed. I finally told her that I would stop trying to initiate anything, and just let HER decide to come to me when she was ready again. I didn't want to feel that icky stuff of being pushy (to me that bordered on abuse). And it is no good for anyone's ego to be constantly turned down, you just end up quiting asking.

Well, she never came back. Even after 3 yrs. So that, combined with other dysfunctions in the relationship, ended it.

She's now found someone else. Oh well.

(sorry for the rant)

[JAGG]

I'm butch. I love either!! I think it's so hot when a lover surprises me out of the blue. You know like when you are busy or whatever, and that is the last thing on your mind. And they can make it go from that to the only thing you want, there is nothing you want more this world than that! That is so damn hot!