Cynthia Nixon says she's gay by 'choice.' Is it really a choice?

[Glenn]

At first I thought I don't give a rats ass either because I was also born this way and I am a lifelong butch, and I am very secure with it. But all night, I was thinking about the future generations of my brothers and sisters, and their security, and their future battles with the religious right and media steriotypes. A lot of heterosexuals literally raise their kids on what the media tells them. If everyone who is somewhat a star in the media gets up and states it is a choice, then, that may motivate some folks to choose their own, sometimes nefarious methods in the future to change us. I have personally experienced people who hated us, evolve into becoming more accepting when given reasons to believe we are born this way, rather than thinking my nature is just a choice. This thread has made me realize how important it is how my spokespeople respond in the media to people, especially movie stars, and attractive women, that heterosexuals admired. Because this may influence how my brothers and sisters in the future are treated, I am very proud of my people who questioned her "terminology" in the media, and reinforced the fact that for many of us, it never was, nor will be, just simply a... choice.

[T4Texas]

I think everyone is different in that we come to being gay in different ways and times. For me, as I look back, I was attracted to females at the age of six which makes me think for myself, it was a biological/DNA thing. For others, they are late bloomers who come out in their 40s/50s/60s and perhaps for them its more of a choice to leave their straight lives behind. Or perhaps the gene was always there and they are just now acting on it. Society conditions us to live the straight life and for some its harder to just stand up and say NO, Im not going to be conventional. It reminds me of a bumpersticker I saw once that said I wasnt born in Texas, but I got there as fast as I could. I feel we all try to get to that place we think we belong as we grow older. I dont think any person here can say their sexual/gender lives hasnt been some kind of evolutionary process.
As for Cynthia Nixon. I think its her business how she chooses to represent herself. We would all be up in arms if someone told us how we should ID so she gets her choice. The complaints of certain people in the community I feel are nitpicking. If the gay community would stand up and present a more solid front, we would probably have less problems with the religious right but IMO the gay community has always been hit and miss on matters of politics and subjects that relate to our wellbeing as gays.

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by Glenn

At first I thought I don't give a rats ass either because I was also born this way and I am a lifelong butch, and I am very secure with it. But all night, I was thinking about the future generations of my brothers and sisters, and their security, and their future battles with the religious right and media steriotypes. A lot of heterosexuals literally raise their kids on what the media tells them. If everyone who is somewhat a star in the media gets up and states it is a choice, then, that may motivate some folks to choose their own, sometimes nefarious methods in the future to change us. I have personally experienced people who hated us, evolve into becoming more accepting when given reasons to believe we are born this way, rather than thinking my nature is just a choice. This thread has made me realize how important it is how my spokespeople respond in the media to people, especially movie stars, and attractive women, that heterosexuals admired. Because this may influence how my brothers and sisters in the future are treated, I am very proud of my people who questioned her "terminology" in the media, and reinforced the fact that for many of us, it never was, nor will be, just simply a... choice.

This makes sense to me.

Having grown up and come out in an era when homosexuality was illegal and criminal, as well as a mental illness that needed treatment, I am always mindful that there are still folks out there who view my sexuality as a moral issue in need of fixing.

Those same folks are still looking to revoke those gains, rights, and freedoms that so many of our brothers and sisters died for.

I am also aware, that the terminology and concepts used within our community is understood differently by us than it may be viewed by outsiders who are still looking to annililate us from the face of the earth cuz we are a moral disease that must be eradicated.

Words can be tricky things that help or empower us in one way or potentially harm us in another depending on how they are interpreted by others. Others may not define us, but others may have the power and/or need to thwart us in accordance with their own beliefs.

For some people, being queer is a biologically based thing. They didnt choose to be this way. This is how they came. This can be very comforting and empowering.

In a society like ours, where science, genetics specifically is progressing, being queer, might come down to a gene. What is done with that information is a concern to me. Genetic engineering and genetic cleansing is a concern to me.

On the other hand, for some, sexuality is fluid and choice is indeed a big factor. It is who they are. It is how they came. This too can be very comforting and empowering. It may be the ideal, I dont know.

For me, when the media points the spotlight on folks like Anne Henche or Cynthia Nixon for how they personally see their own situations, I get antsy. And, I get antsy for the same reasons some of the transfolks got antsy about Chaz Bono. These people have the visibility to color others perceptions of who the collective, diverse "we" are. Like it or not, what they say and how they say it, has an impact. It is not seen as just their unique presentation of themselves. It is seen as representing a group.

What works for Cynthia Nixon, is great for Cynthia Nixon.

But, what is always lingering in the back of my mind is images of the likes of Matthew Shepard and Brandon Teena.

[BullDog]

If we make our official "stance" that we were all born this way and can't help it- the right wingers could go all out looking for the "gay" gene to cure us.

Why is someone proclaiming being gay as a choice more of a frightening scenario? I don't get it.

I believe I was born with same sex attraction. However how I choose to live my life in a homophobic world is full of personal choices I have made.

Making choices for oneself is powerful. There is no "cure" for that.

[Chancie]

For me, it's not important to explain or analyze why I am queer.

I don't need to say, I was born this way, or

I was made this way.

I am queer.

But it is my choice to be with butches.

I certainly could have continued to have relationships with men, and

Some of those relationships were lovely.

[apretty]

I think we all have the choice to believe whether or not we were "born gay."

I was not "born gay" and I do fully identify as Queer.

E and I have this conversation periodically and for E, it's not the same so I respect our different beliefs and experiences.

[pamela]

the important point is that she expressed her thoughts and was not afraid to do so.

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by Vlasta

I am sorry Arwen as I much I have respect for you this it's just MHO , with bisexuals it's like I want my cake and eat it too .

Well I do like cake as much as the next person, but you are wicked out of line. You're not talking about Arwen, fine. But you -are- talking about me.

In the future I would appreciate it if you would either back your ugliness up or back your ugliness off. Pick one. (Meaning - if you're not prepared to explain or examine your ugliness try and keep it to yourself.)

[WolfyOne]

Originally Posted by betenoire

Well I do like cake as much as the next person, but you are wicked out of line. You're not talking about Arwen, fine. But you -are- talking about me.

In the future I would appreciate it if you would either back your ugliness up or back your ugliness off. Pick one. (Meaning - if you're not prepared to explain or examine your ugliness try and keep it to yourself.)

Is it wrong for someone to express their thoughts without being afraid?
We all have our own opinions and share our personal thoughts.
It doesn't mean we want to get into a pissing contest with anyone else.
Some of us are good at debates and can explain what we mean, others can't.
I personally don't like pissing contests.
We will always agree to disagree or disagree to agree.

I have an ex that once told me, it's not about being with man or woman that defines who she is, it's who she falls in love with. That day, I opened my eyes and actually heard and understood what she was saying. She put no labels on herself because you can't tell the heart who it can or can not love.

For myself, I don't know if I was born this way. I grew up in a society in an era when you were told that marrying a man and having a family is what was expected of women. My dad was a cop, I was not defiant back then because I knew it would only lead to an ass whooping. I can honestly say, I grew up a tomboy, but at 17 was married and by 19 divorced. I was on a 2 year journey trying to figure out why I didn't like sex or being touched by men. A straight friend of mine sat me down with a bottle of wine one night and we talked for hours. She opened me up to a world I never knew existed because I was really sheltered from it as a kid. Honestly, as a kid, I never knew gay existed. Another friend used to call me a baby bitch in the making and I had to have her tell me what she meant. This is part of my journey, this is my story, this is my truth. I wouldn't change the me I became on my journey for anyone. So, was I born this way or was it a choice?

[The_Lady_Snow]

Nixon is not someone "I" consider a queer I look up to or one that inspires me, frankly I just read about her roll my eyes and go on to the next story, her comments can be ridiculous between this and " man boobs" I'm over her... I am a bit disconcerted with the comments made about bi sexuals that for "me" is more alarming than what Nixon is spewing out..

[JustJo]

I've stayed out of this convo because I don't have strong opinions either way.

I think it's perfectly possible that some of us are born this way, some choose this, some grow into it, some discover it....and I'm good with whatever. To each their own.

I also think it's very likely that the conservative voices that hate us for it will hate us all equally and try to find a way to eradicate it....whether it was born or chosen.

I think the most important thing is that we present a united front to those folks...even when we internally disagree...and not pick each other apart for our differences. This is why I have finally decided to participate....because I find the "anti-bisexual" stuff recently expressed in here as disgusting and mean.

I don't define anyone else, and they don't define me. I don't have to share someone's ID or preferences or lifestyle....or even "approve" of it. However, we are all in this community together...and throwing out those negative judgments based on who someone is, is just plain nasty.