Cynthia Nixon says she's gay by 'choice.' Is it really a choice?

betenoire · 02-01-2012, 06:37 AM

Also, if being queer is the worst thing that's ever happened to you I think you live a pretty fucking charmed life.

And as someone who -does- have a choice / other potential options - I gotta say landing here isn't half bad.

Heart · 02-01-2012, 08:22 AM

"Here’s the problem with that argument [it's not a choice]: It hinges on the notion that what is problematic about the idea that Nixon’s gayness—or anyone else’s—being a choice, is that we shouldn’t choose it. The rhetoric of shame tells us that either LGBTQ folks had no choice and therefore are gay, or, if we had a choice and chose to be gay, we made the wrong one. But what if we made the right one? And we keep making it every day?"

http://lgbtpov.frontiersla.com/2012/...revolutionary/

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/29/op...&smid=fb-share

Blue_Daddy-O · 02-01-2012, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by betenoire

Also, if being queer is the worst thing that's ever happened to you I think you live a pretty fucking charmed life.

And as someone who -does- have a choice / other potential options - I gotta say landing here isn't half bad.

Losing your family, losing loved ones, being discriminated against, losing a job or being turned down for a job, getting beaten and murdered for being Gay/Queer, being treated like a second class citizen for being Gay/Queer. I would hardly call any of these situations a charmed life.

Quintease · 02-01-2012, 12:39 PM

I'm pretty f**king glad I turned out to be gay.

I'm particularly glad I was born at a time when gayers were fighting for the right to be cheery.

BullDog · 02-01-2012, 12:44 PM

I would hardly call being a straight woman in a highly misogynist world to be a charmed life either.

I am VERY happy being a butch and lesbian and definitely wouldn't want it any other way.

Blue_Daddy-O · 02-01-2012, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BullDog

I would hardly call being a straight woman in a highly misogynist world to be a charmed life either.

I am VERY happy being a butch and lesbian and definitely wouldn't want it any other way.

BullDog, are you making a comparison of both situations: Your statement of being a Straight Woman vs. being Gay/Queer in order to support Betenoire's statement that being Queer is living a charmed life?

ANYONE who lives a fullfilling life is very fortunate. That doesn't change the fact that there are still multitudes still suffering.

BullDog · 02-01-2012, 01:07 PM

What I am saying is as a woman I would never choose to be straight. I do believe I was born with the predisposition of same sex attraction, but if given the choice I would most definitely choose to be a lesbian.

Blue_Daddy-O · 02-01-2012, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BullDog

What I am saying is as a woman I would never choose to be straight. I do believe I was born with the predisposition of same sex attraction, but if given the choice I would most definitely choose to be a lesbian.

I agree, even for myself. Even with the trials and tribulations I have lived through due to being Gay, I still wouldn't change being true to myself. I am always very happy to see this in others, being true to oneself, no matter the consequences.

betenoire · 02-01-2012, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Vegan_Daddy-O

Losing your family, losing loved ones, being discriminated against, losing a job or being turned down for a job, getting beaten and murdered for being Gay/Queer, being treated like a second class citizen for being Gay/Queer. I would hardly call any of these situations a charmed life.

My first girlfriend used to do a lot of blah blah blahing about "If you've never been beaten up you don't understand what it means to be queer". Like being shit on was some sort of a homa right of passage or a badge of honour.

But I have very little patience for the "being gay is horrible" doctrine. Very little patience.

I chose to be here. I have partnered almost exclusively with women for the last 13 years. (granted, that's not a very long time but I -am- only 34.) And you know what? Since diving head-first into the "community" my life has improved immeasurably.

Have I ever been harassed? Oh you bet. Is my relationship with my parents strained and complicated now? Yep, that too. But you know what? Those things are hardly a blip on the radar compared to the world of awesome that I CHOSE to live in.

Softhearted · 02-01-2012, 10:55 PM

Being homosexual or bisexual is not horrible, but when you are a teenager it certainly feels like it...

If I really had a choice, I wonder if I would have choosen teenaged years feeling tomrented, depressed, suicidal, and yes, I dare to say, abnormal...

The only choice I had was either to accept it or to repress it... I repressed it until my late 20's...

02-01-2012, 06:37 AM	#1
betenoire Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Satan in a Sunday Hat Preferred Pronoun?: Maow Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: The Chemical Valley Posts: 4,086 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,312 Thanked 8,740 Times in 2,566 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Also, if being queer is the worst thing that's ever happened to you I think you live a pretty fucking charmed life. And as someone who -does- have a choice / other potential options - I gotta say landing here isn't half bad. __________________ bête noire \bet-NWAHR\, noun: One that is particularly disliked or that is to be avoided.

02-01-2012, 12:39 PM	#4
Quintease Member How Do You Identify?: Rainbow femme Preferred Pronoun?: princess Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 514 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 508 Thanked 1,817 Times in 417 Posts Rep Power: 10560327	I'm pretty f**king glad I turned out to be gay. I'm particularly glad I was born at a time when gayers were fighting for the right to be cheery. __________________ It is not worth an intelligent person's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.

02-01-2012, 12:44 PM	#5
BullDog Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Dominant Stone Butch Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In A Healing Place Posts: 5,371 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,160 Thanked 22,635 Times in 4,461 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	I would hardly call being a straight woman in a highly misogynist world to be a charmed life either. I am VERY happy being a butch and lesbian and definitely wouldn't want it any other way. __________________ Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other. - Rainer Maria Rilke

02-01-2012, 01:07 PM	#7
BullDog Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Dominant Stone Butch Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In A Healing Place Posts: 5,371 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,160 Thanked 22,635 Times in 4,461 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	What I am saying is as a woman I would never choose to be straight. I do believe I was born with the predisposition of same sex attraction, but if given the choice I would most definitely choose to be a lesbian. __________________ Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other. - Rainer Maria Rilke

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02-01-2012, 08:22 AM	#2
Heart Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: rainbows! Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: NY Posts: 466 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 303 Thanked 2,522 Times in 409 Posts Rep Power: 12032611	"Here’s the problem with that argument [it's not a choice]: It hinges on the notion that what is problematic about the idea that Nixon’s gayness—or anyone else’s—being a choice, is that we shouldn’t choose it. The rhetoric of shame tells us that either LGBTQ folks had no choice and therefore are gay, or, if we had a choice and chose to be gay, we made the wrong one. But what if we made the right one? And we keep making it every day?" http://lgbtpov.frontiersla.com/2012/...revolutionary/ http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/29/op...&smid=fb-share

02-01-2012, 10:55 PM	#10
Softhearted Member How Do You Identify?: --- Preferred Pronoun?: ---- Relationship Status: --- Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: --- Posts: 298 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 454 Thanked 285 Times in 109 Posts Rep Power: 1556235	Being homosexual or bisexual is not horrible, but when you are a teenager it certainly feels like it... If I really had a choice, I wonder if I would have choosen teenaged years feeling tomrented, depressed, suicidal, and yes, I dare to say, abnormal... The only choice I had was either to accept it or to repress it... I repressed it until my late 20's...