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03-09-2012, 10:13 AM
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#1 |
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Do you think saying "I love you" always has strings?
I love my girl... I fear saying so. I make a habit of reminding her I am not 'in love' with her. {sigh} ...but d*mn, it would feel so good to say it out loud.
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03-09-2012, 10:14 AM
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#2 | |
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03-09-2012, 10:20 AM
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#3 | |
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Oy Vey
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You could always let her read this thread so she has some inkling on what the hell is going on... You could write her a note that says I love you. Or sky writing I love you. You know it is possible to love someone and not "be in love" with them, maybe that's what needs to be examined, what kind of love you have for her and if it's not the kind she is wanting, needing, having to have then it's up to her to bounce you out her life or keep you around to remind her how much you don't love her.... One could have love with strings attached to it, I do though it's not really a string it's a nice leather leash  Oh and it's consentual, the leash and strings, or rope, or tape, or whatever else is laying around...
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03-09-2012, 10:52 AM
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#4 |
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I am not sure that it has strings. But I do know that it has responsibility.
"I love you but I am not in love with you" can be hard for people to hear-esp if they are IN love with you. But if you love her, tell her. Don't lose her! Love is hard to find. 
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There are beauties who stop traffic and then there are beauties who grow obsessively in the hearts of the susceptible. Last edited by LaneyDoll; 03-09-2012 at 10:58 AM. |
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03-09-2012, 11:18 AM
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#5 |
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Well I for one believe that love has no strings attached to it. If I love someone or they love me it is not a promise of some kind of particular outcome it's an emotional/energetic state of being for as long as it stays that way.
However, that being said, many others hear those words and suddenly are planning their future wedding. So I think it's good to be clear first about what love and in love actually mean to you. Perhaps have that conversation first? It might also be a way to see what page she is on as well. I agree with the others, it's also important to decide which of those two (love or in love) it is as well. It takes time and experience of someone in order to properly make that assessment imho. Good luck and enjoy the lovely feelings of joy you are experiencing with another human being 
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03-09-2012, 03:45 PM
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#6 |
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Unless you have a friendship relationship only and you both understand that, do not ever tell someone you love them. They may be in love with you and take that I love you the wrong way if you are not in love with them. They may think by you saying that, that you are in love with them and it might scare the hell out of them and scare them off. But if you are just friends and you both understand that and neither of you are expecting anything from the relationship but friendship then she will understand that I love you doen't mean I am in love with you. IMO....
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03-09-2012, 04:27 PM
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#7 |
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Life has ways of making the simplest things complicated. I can say things like, "I adore you." - "You are importaint to me." - "I am so grateful to have you in my life!" --so I say it out loud in other ways-- but not, 'I L-O-V-E you.'
I feel the responsibility. Those words really mean something to me. And I posted this as a 'poly' thread because she is not my primary, and never will be. It is a 'friends with benefits' relationship, and she lives 4 and a half hours away, one way. We might get to see each other/ spend time together, 6 times a year and we are not fluid bonded. We have known each other over a year. I worry (sort of) about her getting hurt, I would like her to date others. But she isn't out. She was many years ago, but when that realtionship fell apart she married a man, and stayed with him 8 years, and has now been divorced from him 3 years. This is not a problem for me, just a bit of history to show why I worry about her feelings. She grew up being told and believeing she is going to hell... ~yadda yadda~ So, to shorten the story... I am her 3rd voluntary relationship in her whole life. She is 44 now, I am 47. (just for reference and I have had MANY relationships) regarless of how I 'feel' .. I think I need to protect her, form a lack of relationship experience... I have promised to always be her friend before anything else. So I struggle with the balance. (and I need to talk it out some of my own feelings and thoughts before I say something to her) We have talked frankly about the difference between "love" and being... "in love" we talk several times a week... she has been to my home and met my family I have been to /stayed with her at her home and met her family. I REALLY don't want her hurt! (chuckles) I did try to scare her off... but d*mn she has read almost everything I have ever posted on line. She knows almost as much about me as I do!
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03-09-2012, 04:49 PM
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#8 |
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I guess i've worked too much today and i'm too tired but i don't see what the problem is....
You have this girl who is not your primary, will never be and your relationship is friends with benefits and that's cool with the both of you. Now you are wanting to say i love you to her but you are not in love. So...why say it then. Don't rock the boat. Don't fix what doesn't need fixin. Sounds like from your posts, she may be more into you than you are her...and you want to say "I love you?". Ummmm, not a good idea...IMO. Maybe i'm missing something.... If it is a raw need YOU have to say it....just remember... All choices we make in life equate to some type of consequence, whether it be good, bad or indifferent. Let sleeping dogs lie and just enjoy what you have.... Oh and PS. I also think that saying I love you and being in love are different. But, to peeps that don't get it....it is a hard rocky road.
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03-09-2012, 04:57 PM
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#9 |
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I agree , never tell someone that you " love "them because if your not inlove with the person your with 1. why are you with the person and 2. why are you telling the person you love them when in fact your not "inlove" with them?
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03-09-2012, 05:12 PM
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#10 |
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I love you all.
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03-09-2012, 05:15 PM
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#11 |
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I have to say, I felt a rush of peace... as I read these responses,
My common sense feeling all along has been to not say it. I have waited and tried to get the relationship passed the, early stages of "its so wonderfull to have someone in my life" phase... I have struggled with feeling like a jerk.. because I have not been completely upfront with her about this issue,... I can talk things to death! I think my life experience is warning me ...that she will feel more attached if I said what I feel. It never would have gone this far if I didn't care for her. But, I can love someone and walk away... she has said she can too. but I think, ... my gut is warning me that ..she really isn't at that level. the conflict.. has been I am a very open and honest person... and I haven't told her. (but, I may have told everyone else in the whole world.) --- And I very much appreciate everyone hashing this out with me.
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03-18-2012, 10:27 PM
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#12 |
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Choose Love
I spent many, many years inside my own head, worrying about how what I said or did would be perceived. I never put myself out there unless I was sure that the other person felt the same way.
Recently I realized how important it is to let the people you care about know how much you care about them. I tell everyone that I love, that I love them, that I appreciate them, that I am glad they are in my life. Life is too short to keep that important information to yourself. It is amazing how the more you share your love for others the more it is shared with you. I am truly blessed to have so many people in my life to love. Risk is a part of life, but if you don't risk you don't really live. Good Luck, L |
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03-19-2012, 06:17 PM
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#13 |
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Yes, it comes with strings. Stringy, sticky, tangly ones.
Don't say it unless you mean it. If you mean it, say it. |
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03-19-2012, 06:58 PM
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how about bringing something delectable to bed..something you can feed her and just say something sweet like.." i love the way you make me feel" or ' i love the way you kiss me" etc. you are using the word love but in an appreciative way most women would enjoy hearing.
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03-19-2012, 07:04 PM
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#15 | |
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This is not okay. 
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03-19-2012, 07:11 PM
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does this person understand the difference between love and in love? If they do, I see nothing wrong with saying I love you, but dont think it would be a good idea to say...."I love you , but not in love with you" .. thats an ouch.
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03-19-2012, 07:22 PM
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Whoa to which part Gemme
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03-19-2012, 07:28 PM
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03-19-2012, 07:30 PM
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03-19-2012, 07:36 PM
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