Can a poly/mono work?

imperfect_cupcake · 07-05-2012, 11:04 PM

non-monogamous and I married a monogamous wife. I stopped having sex with others. At first it was uncomfortable and I freaked out about a lot of issues like, what if she tries to manipulate me through lack of sex, what if she tries to control me through monogamy, what if.... and really most of my issues were about feeling in control and lack of trust. after two months of dealing with my shit, I was fine. I found I was far more jealous of her giving attention to others but that calmed down too.

we were together, and I was perfectly happy to be monog, no issues came up. Until she did what my biggest fear is around being monogamous. She fucked off with someone else while we were having sexual issues due to both of us going through a depression.

I am always afraid that monogamous people will just piss off with others at some point, for sex/intimacy when the attention needs to be on our relationship. When I've had a problem in the past with a death in the family (which is what happened) and I've been non-monog, we've always closed the relationship temporarily to deal with our stuff and not bring other people into the mix while we sort our shit out and igve support.

I'm actually very angry about having changed a big thing about myself only to have had it thrown back at me. She was so scared in the first year we were together that she wasn't kinky enough, wasn't non-monog, wasn't expereinced enough... the amount of reassurance I used to pour on her... and she fucks off with a woman 10 years my junior. Thanks.

Monogamy my ass.

That said, I know I can do monogmany now so depending on who I meet next - as long as they can deal with my battered trust with monogamy...

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07-05-2012, 11:04 PM	#7
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	non-monogamous and I married a monogamous wife. I stopped having sex with others. At first it was uncomfortable and I freaked out about a lot of issues like, what if she tries to manipulate me through lack of sex, what if she tries to control me through monogamy, what if.... and really most of my issues were about feeling in control and lack of trust. after two months of dealing with my shit, I was fine. I found I was far more jealous of her giving attention to others but that calmed down too. we were together, and I was perfectly happy to be monog, no issues came up. Until she did what my biggest fear is around being monogamous. She fucked off with someone else while we were having sexual issues due to both of us going through a depression. I am always afraid that monogamous people will just piss off with others at some point, for sex/intimacy when the attention needs to be on our relationship. When I've had a problem in the past with a death in the family (which is what happened) and I've been non-monog, we've always closed the relationship temporarily to deal with our stuff and not bring other people into the mix while we sort our shit out and igve support. I'm actually very angry about having changed a big thing about myself only to have had it thrown back at me. She was so scared in the first year we were together that she wasn't kinky enough, wasn't non-monog, wasn't expereinced enough... the amount of reassurance I used to pour on her... and she fucks off with a woman 10 years my junior. Thanks. Monogamy my ass. That said, I know I can do monogmany now so depending on who I meet next - as long as they can deal with my battered trust with monogamy...