Butches & Their Ex's Children

[Wolfsong]

Originally Posted by skeeter_01

There were things that I wish we could have changed but, not the fact that I have a son and we love each other! I have another son too but, I haven't heard from him yet...time will tell...

That's the most important thing you know? I'm really happy for you that it worked out this way.

I think my most significant epiphany in the whole experiance is a different understanding fathers who "abandon" their kids. I used to think that they were among the lowest of the low. True, some of them are. I just think now it's just too easy to say that they as a group are douchbags without looking at things from another perspective and on an individual basis.

I remember the last argument that we (my ex and I) had (because she was angry with me for intervening a disciplinary action in which she was so angry I thought for certain that she was literally going to hurt Natalie physically) where she said, "You have a uterus, go have your own kid." I suppose she had a point to a certain extent. I had no legal rights. We weren't even together at the time. I didn't even have "partner privilege" to really have an opinion. At the time that really hurt. She had encouraged and fostered this relationship while we were together (and when she was in a good mood) from the very beginning. Now that it was there, I didn't know where to go with it.

Tricky thing these relationships that we have. Marriage for us in most places is not yet legal and we cannot create life that consists of both partner's DNA. I've met many a butch along the way (and a few femmes too) that had a family and when it fell apart there was nothing anyone could do about it. Things worked out the best for me and for them. I could not see myself for the rest of my life having to live with the rock around my neck that is my ex. I cannot imagine how difficult it would have been to co-parent with her. I'm willing to bet she could say the exact same thing. We have a very different value system. The same differences that made us impossible partners would have made parenting a horrible nightmare, particularly for Natalie.