Empathy

[thedivahrrrself]

Originally Posted by JustJo

Hmmmm....interesting.

I was reading and thinking about this thread and felt like there was another side to this I wanted to raise and didn't know how....right up until Anya hit the nail on the head.

Being raised by and with a pair of angry narcissists, I learned "empathy" early....not in a good way, but as a means of self defense. If I could read what was coming, who was in what mood, and know what would appease....then I was safer. Not safe, but safer.

Jo, I totally get where you're coming from. My mom was a textbook Narcissist, and empathy was a complete defense mechanism for me. Her anger was like wildfire in the wind; you never knew where or when it would strike. To this day, when she is upset, even from a long distance, I feel my stomach knot up.

Originally Posted by JustJo

It's a hard thing to unlearn...feeling like I need to supply all of what everyone wants and needs, place my feelings and needs beneath theirs, etc. I'm learning, and doing better all the time....but that "disappear and lose perspective, as well as themselves"....oh hell yeah.

Thanks Anya.

I second all this! And it is very hard to unlearn, but absolutely necessary, as I am finding out, to having any kind of healthy relationship.



To all of us trying to do away with old habits....