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#11 | |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NC & CO
Posts: 4,806
Thanks: 4,624
Thanked 12,196 Times in 3,779 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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I've been recently told that my post below was disrespectful and a gross violation of privacy. That was never my intent at all. (I rarely share online about who I date and when I'm dating, to protect their privacy and to not come over as immature and childishly infatuated.)
My intent was to describe the beautiful connection and chemistry I shared with someone and why I miss it. It was also my way of saying that being differently abled physically now, is preventing me from enjoying certain things/positions with a partner. I feel my physical health has robbed me of certain enjoyments... it's very hard to adjust to. I am also missing the mental space I had to be in to enjoy sex with any kind of penetration involved. Several years ago, I could never get to "that space" and penetration would trigger me into awful memories. Penetration with cock of any kind would send me into a very dark place filled with despair and ugly feelings about myself...then add to these feelings with my naive confusion of sex with a female who used cock, I had much inner turmoil for a long time. When I was with the partner described in the post below, it initially came natural to be totally connected to that mind space and our enjoyment of each other. I felt ALIVE for the first time ever! Not because of cock penetration, but because of the chemistry and connection. For over a year, I could "get there" to that mental space...then I lost that ability and developed a mind block... which is (my feeling and opinion) a reason why we didn't work out and why they no longer found me desirable. I have serious questions about that - having the mental place/mind fuck then loosing it and struggling to get it back - that I want to pose in open forum... but I can't. I miss being open and finding answers. I miss being open and free about sexuality and being able to explore what makes me an ALIVE and vibrant woman. I miss feeling unashamed about enjoying and exploring my sexuality, what turns me on and who I'm attracted to. I miss being "out of the closet" and permitted to be openly proud of who I am and proud of my gender and sexuality. Growing up like I did, I was always ashamed of these things and women where "made to feel sinful and disgusting" for enjoying themselves... then becoming a victim of many acts of violence, I lived ashamed of myself for years and years.... for a while, I felt unashamed and free... now I'm feeling forced back into a box/closet for several reasons, one being to protect those that don't share my feelings. Instead, I will refrain so I can prevent violating someone's privacy or their personal beliefs about sexuality. I sincerely did not mean to offend. Quote:
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