Too screwed up to be Loved?

[QueenofSmirks]

Originally Posted by CharmingButch25

So I have been doing a lot of thinking today and well for the past few days.
Does anyone else belive that they are too f*cked up to be loved?
Or have way to many demons within themselves to let anyone in?
Ive been dating since I was 11 years old and yet every relationship ends the same, No one wants to actually give me a chance and see what can really happen because Yes I am f*cked up and I have issues, BUT doesnt anyone?
I dunno maybe its a stupid question I just wonder if anyone else feels the same? Or is it just me
I mean I know what Im looking for and it doesnt seem unresonable
So it brings me to the conclusion maybe I have too many demons to be loved or cared for...

I think everyone is capable of loving or being loved. That doesn't mean they are capable of being in a long-term, healthy relationship. Work on your issues, or don't. It's up to you. But if you have so much baggage that all your relationships end up the same, then obviously you have work to do. Everyone is responsible for their own shit, and we can't expect people to put up with endless amounts of baggage.

[TimilDeeps]

Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks

I think everyone is capable of loving or being loved. That doesn't mean they are capable of being in a long-term, healthy relationship. Work on your issues, or don't. It's up to you. But if you have so much baggage that all your relationships end up the same, then obviously you have work to do. Everyone is responsible for their own shit, and we can't expect people to put up with endless amounts of baggage.

ok, is what I was going to say so I won't be redundant, but yeah, what she said.

[CharmingButch25]

Yes very good point. I dont expect anyone to put up with endless issues and I work on my stuff daily. A lot is issues from childhood that I got thrown into therapy since I was 7 and im still working on them. Im capable of loving very capable just not sure of being loved

[*Anya*]

I agree with Q of S.

We all have baggage. The question is: are you willing to unpack that baggage, take it out, examine it and work with a therapist to deal with it?

Sometimes, our childhoods have damaged us terribly. In order to heal, we have to deal with the pain and the scars. The damage can never be undone but once we understand what was done to us and how it impacts our adult relationships, we can work as best as we can to not let us affect us in the here and now.

Therapy works if you are committed and accept that you have things that need changing.

I was terrified I would be an abusive parent when I had my first baby. I did not want to do to my girls what was done to me. I got my butt in therapy and stayed until I knew I would not repeat my parents behavior.

I am also clear as to how my childhood has impacted my adult relationships. Periodically I get back in to deal once again with those pesky scars.

Do I believe that we all are capable of love and deserving of love? I would say absolutely, with one caveat. That being, a sociopath but that is not what we are talking about here.

Therapy and counseling work if you let it and if you truly want to have loving relationships.

If you don't, it won't and the same patterns of behavior will continue or you could chose to give up on relationships but it does not sound to me like you really want to do that either.