top or dom/me, sub or bottom

DapperButch · 07-12-2013, 03:53 PM

*Bumping* a good topic

Loren_Q · 07-12-2013, 05:09 PM

Yeah... not always easy to explain. Okay, the 101 view

Loosely speaking tops/dominants would drive whatever action would occur, bottoms/submissives follow (or receive).

But there are nuances.

If it's SM play, the top would wield the implement, the bottom receives it. In a power dynamic the dominant controls/has authority, the submissive is controlled.

However, I know sadistic tops who are sexually submissive. I know dominant masochists ("You'll hurt me this way").

And sex? It's whatever is comfortable for the individual.

If speaking in general terms, I tend to lump dominants, sadists (drivers) into "top" and submissives, masochists (receivers) into "bottom". If speaking in a leather or BDSM environment I use narrower terms: top/bottom for physical play and dominant/submissive for power dynamic. And then there's the whole Master/slave combination...

I do prefer to use dominant or dom and not domme, because dominant (like top) isn't gender specific and domme is a made up asb usenet thing.

That's my take.

imperfect_cupcake · 07-12-2013, 07:35 PM

/aside -
Domme is no longer asb made up term - I worked (and still occasionally) as a Pro-Domme. And the word Domme is used, in Real life, in the flesh, canada and the UK escort sex work (if that's where it came from?), and I used to go to Femmedomme nights at pansexual blah blah things. So the word has been out there for a good 10-12 years, in the flesh. And made up words do make the leap into regular language too ("LOL" etc... now something people say in person).

/tangential opinion

I see top as do'er, active, yes. rather then, controller. I was trying to get that clarity from people who didn't have the langauge and finding it difficult.

no longer, at the moment, as I'm taking a break from everything, but it's not easy to articulate.

anyone else have a different take? anyone ID as a top, rather than a dominant? and why?

07-12-2013, 03:53 PM	#1
DapperButch Roadster Guy How Do You Identify?: FTM, Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Northeast Posts: 7,745 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26,545 Thanked 26,809 Times in 5,771 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Bumping a good topic __________________ -Dapper Are you educated or indoctrinated?

07-12-2013, 05:09 PM	#2
Loren_Q Member How Do You Identify?: Loren. If you want to know about me, just ask. Preferred Pronoun?: She/her, but I'm not that picky. Relationship Status: it's complicated... Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: San Francisco Bay Area Posts: 115 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 73 Thanked 573 Times in 108 Posts Rep Power: 4035343	Yeah... not always easy to explain. Okay, the 101 view Loosely speaking tops/dominants would drive whatever action would occur, bottoms/submissives follow (or receive). But there are nuances. If it's SM play, the top would wield the implement, the bottom receives it. In a power dynamic the dominant controls/has authority, the submissive is controlled. However, I know sadistic tops who are sexually submissive. I know dominant masochists ("You'll hurt me this way"). And sex? It's whatever is comfortable for the individual. If speaking in general terms, I tend to lump dominants, sadists (drivers) into "top" and submissives, masochists (receivers) into "bottom". If speaking in a leather or BDSM environment I use narrower terms: top/bottom for physical play and dominant/submissive for power dynamic. And then there's the whole Master/slave combination... I do prefer to use dominant or dom and not domme, because dominant (like top) isn't gender specific and domme is a made up asb usenet thing. That's my take. __________________ Loren "Everything in the world is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power." Oscar Wilde

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07-12-2013, 07:35 PM	#3
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	/aside - Domme is no longer asb made up term - I worked (and still occasionally) as a Pro-Domme. And the word Domme is used, in Real life, in the flesh, canada and the UK escort sex work (if that's where it came from?), and I used to go to Femmedomme nights at pansexual blah blah things. So the word has been out there for a good 10-12 years, in the flesh. And made up words do make the leap into regular language too ("LOL" etc... now something people say in person). /tangential opinion I see top as do'er, active, yes. rather then, controller. I was trying to get that clarity from people who didn't have the langauge and finding it difficult. no longer, at the moment, as I'm taking a break from everything, but it's not easy to articulate. anyone else have a different take? anyone ID as a top, rather than a dominant? and why?