Public Displays of Affection (PDA)

[Ciaran]

I live in West Hampstead, a part of London with a large gay presence and it's very common to see gay couples, primarily women, hold hands here.


Personally, I strongly dislike holding hands. It's not to do with potentially attracting attention or homophobic abuse (because of the way I present, that possibility is always there even if, in reality, it doesn't happen that often). In fact, I'm very happy with other personal displays of affection i.e. more than happy to hug in public and, where appropriate, kiss etc and, more generally, to share personal space in public.


However, for whatever reason, hand holding has always been a big no-no for me. I remember a partner a decade or so ago who involuntarily took my hand when we were walking. I got very uncomfortable and, after a minute or so of suffering (which seemed much longer), I had to release my hand and tell her so.


I'm not sure I've held hands in public since and don't intend to again. Not to do with fear over homophobia - just my personal taste.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Gemme, you misunderstood.

To clarify: I was saying that a possible reason that a person who is typically affectionate in ALL OTHER environments but in SAFE Non-Gay places do NOT touch their partner, perhpas one or two things are going on:
1) They have been gay bashed -verbally or other (this is what i meant by trauma), s0 they area bit gun shy.
2) They are ashamed and/or embarrassed by their sexually (this is whar i meant by internalized homophobia)

I read the coversation to be about people being different in their displays of affection when they are in situations where they could be judged for their sexuality.

Does this make more sense?

It makes more sense. I still think there are more than two explanations for that particular response, even if it's out of character for them in other places.

But I do see what you are saying now.

[Asari]

Originally Posted by easygoingfemme

I'm not into pda. I'm fine holding hands in public, an arm around me, a quick kiss hello/good-bye but that's enough.

Same here.
As to me it feels more special and intense if I'm showing my affection in private only.
Maybe it's because I have a rather reserved family and cultural background. I don't know.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Gemme

It makes more sense. I still think there are more than two explanations for that particular response, even if it's out of character for them in other places.

But I do see what you are saying now.

Yes, of course there could be a number of different explanations. I think I was just rambling along in my thoughts when I wrote that post.

[Happyfemme]

I like holding hands and a quick kiss in public.

[Chinajewelry]

My girlfriend and I went to get tea the other night and then we were kissing in my car. We hear this honking, so we look around and she's like "Are they honking at us?" but I was like "why would they be honking at us..?" This car circled the parking lot, honking obnoxiously, and parked next to us, still honking. We're trying to get back into the moment, you know, but they're staring at us and hanging their heads out the windows. What the hell!? So I rolled down my window and flipped them off. I told them to f*ck off! It didn't discourage these guys though, one of them stuck their head out and actually asked me if he could join us. I thought it was so rude and immature! Would they have done that to a straight couple? I doubt it...