The Femme Continuum: The "Highs" and "Lows" of Visibility

[imperfect_cupcake]

aurgh. you know people say shit like "oh ha ha ha, where's your purse?"
"oh but darlin, *you're* my purse." is how I sometimes gracefully step out of that while I silently judge the hell out the person for being a fucking moron.

you know... I may be pretty large city urban in my visual presentation of femininity but

1) fucking haaaaaaaaaaaate clothes shopping but I love scavanging for junk on the beach or the shores or the Thames
2) I never ever wanted to plan my own wedding. when my mother in law and sister in law wanted to "make suggestions" and "get involved" I said "you want it? take it. Please. I don't care what you do, I'm sure it will be beautiful. just leave me to make the cake and pick my dress, that's it." I was so happy to not have to deal with "a girls dream of planning their wedding." No way, thanks, I'll go piddle about with my mates and glue weird stuff into a lump that lights up.
3) I don't carry a purse if I can help it. If I do, it better have a mail bag type strap on it.
4) I am the one saving people from bugs.
5) you can do your own house work or get a house cleaner, I don't hoover and I'm not touching your dirty clothes.
6) I have always been the person in charge of the house finances, bills, contracts, repairs etc. I call the repair people, negotiate prices, argue with the phone company, keep the files and ensure the banking is done on time.
7) I am the one that sets up camp. The vast majority of my exes have never even put up a tent before. bugger off and quit hovering. Go get firewood (that's the dead stuff on the ground, yeah? Put that fucking hatchet down before you take your ankle off) or roll in some mud or carve your name into a tree or something.
8) I've been an apprentice white water guide, I've tramped through mangrove swamps chasing monkeys and getting shat on, AND I can open a beer bottle with my teeth. so ner, big boy.

I'm super pleasant. This is also why my exes have also been the type to roll their eyes and groan and tell me I love you babe but shut the fuck up. HAHAhahaha....

So just like any other gender, it does not dictate anything but an accent through which my body speaks.

I don't know if femme really is a useful term for me anymore. I wish it was, it's part of my history and my coming out, but I find it far more restrictive in other people's points of view. And it's really hard to keep telling people I'm an elephant when everyone on this side of the atlantic thinks that means I have fur and whiskers.

I don't know, I'm just having real doubts about using an ID in a way most people don't understand. there isn't much point.

[Licious]

I am enjoying this thread.

I also find that there seems to be a load of expectations with the term femme. Like I can't have a sort of tomgirlie side who likes to dig in the organic garden, or I have to be in heels all the time, event though where I live, most femmie straight girls live in sandals and jeans, as I do. Like I have to keep my nails long even though they bug me when I type and so I tend to keep them shorter. And so forth.

Subscribing!

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

So just like any other gender, it does not dictate anything but an accent through which my body speaks.

Fucking love this.

[Crow]

I happen to find jeans as sexy as heels and a dress. Throw in a jigger of sassy with a beautiful smile and the skies the limit.

[girl_dee]

Low is that i feel extremely invisible in my new town here...

[Femmewench]

One of the reasons I enjoy being in the company of butches, and there are many, many reasons, is that I'm immediately identifiable as not-straight. I've been out to everyone I know except to one medical director I worked with who was an active rabid-church goer. People ask why we're so concerned with being out and Pride, etc. Part of it is that without that I will always be assumed to be straight.
I could be dressed head to toe in rainbow colors and all things identified as dyke/queer/butch even and I'm still read as straight. Holding a butch's hand immediately changes that. ~I wanna hold your hand.~

[homoe]

Originally Posted by Crow

I happen to find jeans as sexy as heels and a dress. Throw in a jigger of sassy with a beautiful smile and the skies the limit.

A femme in jeans and heels is twice as sexy.......although not being a slave to fashion, I don't know if that's a fashion do or don't

[Kätzchen]

Originally Posted by homoe

A femme in jeans and heels is twice as sexy.......although not being a slave to fashion, I don't know if that's a fashion do or don't

I prefer to take the advice offered by Sophia Loren:

[homoe]

Originally Posted by Kätzchen

I prefer to take the advice offered by Sophia Loren:

Yes, that's nice too.............

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by homoe

A femme in jeans and heels is twice as sexy.......although not being a slave to fashion, I don't know if that's a fashion do or don't

I like a femme in jeans that hang low on her hips paired with a white tank top with spaghetti straps. It is just my thing for some reason.

I love a femme dressed up, as well. I like tasteful, sophisticated shoes with a bit of a heel paired with a dress.

I am always open to wearing what my partner finds attractive on me. In fact, I prefer to wear something they like (assuming I like it, as well).

[MsTinkerbelly]

As a femme, I am invisible until I am out with my Kasey.

The lows for me are the times I see family and would like to acknowledge them, but instead if I nod and smile I just come off as a middle aged straight woman trying to be pleasant. A definite low is when I am told by friend or stranger that it is "okay that you are gay"...like I asked them for their fucking approval!

The highs are the times I am out with my Kasey and we are acknowledged as family by couples or another butch. Or when we are treated as just another couple by Joe Q. Public. An example would be the couples dinner every month at our Church...it is announced the Sunday before that all couples of any kind are welcome to attend.

I have always felt privileged that I can take my "gayness off" should circumstances regarding my safety come up, but I also feel very guilty when I see or hear some of the shit Kasey takes from the public when they don't see me there.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

I like a femme in jeans that hang low on her hips paired with a white tank top with spaghetti straps. It is just my thing for some reason.

I love a femme dressed up, as well. I like tasteful, sophisticated shoes with a bit of a heel paired with a dress.

I am always open to wearing what my partner finds attractive on me. In fact, I prefer to wear something they like (assuming I like it, as well).

Dear femmes,

I am sorry for my post. I saw other butches posting, so I did not consider this thread is only for femmes. I just looked at the first post and saw that it is. Sorry!

[homoe]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Dear femmes,

I am sorry for my post. I saw other butches posting, so I did not consider this thread is only for femmes. I just looked at the first post and saw that it is. Sorry!

Yes, what Dapper said .....so sorry!