Too much honesty?

[Ciaran]

Originally Posted by Ciaran

If I was totally honest all the time, then, irrespective of how sensitive I deliver the message, I'd very quickly get into trouble.

For example, if someone tells me that they've just got a new hairstyle, I'll likely tell them that it looks really nice - whether I think it does or not. It's just polite, inane conversation to me but, if i like or at least don't dislike the person, I'd likely tell them a white lie to avoid causing any offence.

Originally Posted by only_you

Well, I'm usually considered "too honest" and I often seem to get into trouble for that... In the end, I start keeping too much to myself and that seems to be disliked too...

I'm having a very hard time with what ppl call "white lies", to me I don't see any reason why someone would lie about small things like someones hair-cut for example. If I look bad, I would like to know!

I will happily "lie" about such things. It depends on context to me.

For example, last week I met a friend for a coffee and she had a very large Coach bag. I'd never seen her with this before and as a middle-income earner with a young family, it is a luxury that she couldn't afford on a regular basis.

I didn't think it looked nice (because of the colour and a bit on the large size) but I immediately complimented her on her nice her bag was. I did this because I thought she'd be happy with the compliment, as she appeared to be, and it gets the conversation off to a reasonable start.

Does that make me insincere? Maybe. Does it make me a bad person? No, although many other things about me do.

It's the same when someone asks me about their haircut or a dress that they are wearing. Often they are not asking for an honest critique but, rather, for validation. If I think that they are looking for validation, then I'll validate where possible. Of course, if it looks ridiculous, I'd politely say something - it's all about context.


Take, for example, someone who is wearing a new dress on a night out. I don't particularly like it but, if asked, I'll try to be complimentary about the dress and how the lady is wearing it.


On the other hand, if my friend shows me the dress because she bought it and is having second thoughts, thinking of taking it back, then I'll feel more able to give an honest critique and, diplomatically, will do so.