Friendship Circles: Gender Differences in How We Do It?

[Gemme]

Does anyone really introduce folks as 'this is my femme friend, Veronica' or 'this is my butch friend, Chris'?

Putting it like that, I totally see what you and Martina are touching on.

But I do have femme friends. And butch friends. And Trans friends. But I don't introduce them as such. Not that I can think of, anyway. I might use it as a descriptor, such as, "You remember me talking about my friend, Kate, right? She's the blonde femme that was in the play last month" but that's about all I can think of as to how I might use that reference.

I do feel that we bond stronger with those who share the same/similar experiences and views. For me, that tends to be mostly with female-bodies folks, no matter their id. Whittling it down from there, I've lived my life as a straight person and a bisexual at different times and now am finally home with Queer, so I feel that I have a lot in common with just about everyone. I look pretty damn hot in a tie and fedora too, but I'm not sure that has anything to do with anything. Or friends. Unless a bunch of us got together and all looked hot together, but then I wouldn't give a rat's ass about anyone's identity. They would all be my fucking hot friends. In ties and fedoras.

I see how my personal identity affects the way my friendships flow. I'm a girl. For some folks, that doesn't affect anything but I feel a separate connection with other girls and, for some of my butch and trans friends, there is a thread of tenderness that I don't always see with others that don't know I'm a girl. So, it's not just about gender and it's not just about identity and it's not just about how each person presents theirselves but how their identity and gender present to mine and vice versa.

Don't get me wrong. If I love you enough, I'll kill for you, no matter how you identify. But the pain inflicted and the time it takes for the other person to die might change according to how you and I connect.