What Is A Crush?

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

Everyone has different words for different ideas. And we certainly have different meanings for each word.

I often get confused by the word "crush" because it seem to be a wide range of things as well as people being able to develop feelings, where I could not (baffled!!) and not have feelings where I can...

So I'd like everyone to define those attractions for me, including the words that you use to define. I'll start.

the words I use are: "attracted to" "I'm sweet on her" "I have a crush on her" "I'm falling for her" "I'm in love with her" "I love her"

those all mean different things to me.

"attracted" - means I have a sexual response in my body in seeing them or talking to them. I also enjoy their conversation a lot. nothing else. would like to have sex with them and a laugh. nothing more. Attracted very rarely leads to crush. usually skips sweet on.

"sweet on" - means I don't spend much time thinking about them sexually.romantically and if they have zero feelings for me sexually/romantically I couldn't care less. But they make my skin smile to see them and I feel a tad mushy about em when we are talking. I favour them a bit. I feel this way about some of my exes as well as a couple of my friends - sweet on can lead to crush.

"Crush" - like "sweet" but amplified quite a bit. I like fatasizing about the sometimes, I've really happy to see them, if they tease me I blush, I lose bits of my personality around them, I'd like to date them and I'd like them to grab various parts of my body and show me what for. crush progresses to falling for if sex occurs, it's brilliant and it continues for 3/4 months. In some cases, 3/4 weeks...

"Falling for" - that daze of reciprocal crush, good sex, really good chemistry and up all night story telling. I start feeling like we are hanging out in a tree fort together (this always happens) or being kinds in some way together.

"In Love" - obsessive thoughts, the need to make dinner for them, spoil them rotten, constant sex, three day snuggle/fuck fests. miss work and get in trouble. I start to trust them.

"Love" - full trust, adoration of who they are. rolling my eyeballs. wanting to throw them off a fucking bridge really badly but I make them a love card instead. less afraid of fights ending anything, future planning together. Cats.


What are your words and your definitions???

Originally Posted by pajama

"attracted" - My definition is similar to the OP. Attracted is typically a physical reaction. It may, or may not, actually be sexual. It may be aesthetic mostly. Just that they are "easy on the eyes". For me, this is the first step toward being in-love.

"sweet on" - not a descriptor I use

"Crush" - For me, a crush is someone that, if the circumstances were different, I would actively pursue to date. My crushes have typically started because I was attracted to someones personality or brains, seldom does it start as a physical attraction. I may fantasize about dates or outings, but not sex. I tend to get "stupid" when my crush is around.

(Side definition - stupid - I will become quiet. I will stammer over ideas when I speak to them. I will jump at their every anticipated need. I will thread stalk them to learn more about them. I may stare at them across the room when they aren't looking. LOL)

"Falling for" - that daze of reciprocal crush, good sex, really good chemistry and up all night story telling. <== Yep, basically the same for me.

I changed the order on the following two because I wanted to keep this list in order of progression, in my head/heart.

"Love" - A more deep caring. I'm starting to day dream about "the next step" whatever that may be (moving in, moving closer, going on vacation together, etc). Funny though, because I don't give trust easily, at this stage I don't necessarily trust them 100%. Just one of MY shortcomings, not necessarily anything they have done. At this point conversations start getting deeper, we start talking more about feelings and what molded us or scared us, what we want out of life/love.

"In Love" - This to me is the culmination of the process, where there is full intimacy and trust. But few have gotten this far. It's where I'm actually willing to give up of myself for you. Not in the "you pick where we'll have dinner way", but in a way that changes the course of my life. (I'm an only child, a Sagittarius, and an egomaniac, so this is a BIG step for me.)

I've also been known to use smitten and courting. These are terms that apply to the very early on dating time.

Thanks for asking Honeybarbara and getting this dialogue started.

Attracted to: usually involves a visceral sexual response to a person but can be a brains only kind of attraction too. It's the initial lighting of a match for me; the hiss and spark of it all.

Sweet on: like Ana, it's not something I usually use to describe my feeling or 'level' of attraction to a person but if I did, my definition would be close to what Babs described. I have used smitten as well and this would apply here.

Crush: I can understand the confusion regarding this word because it does mean so many different things, even to the same person. I can have femme or female crushes, which are crushes on my friends and other femmes/straight females I admire. It is never sexual at all in nature. It usually involves a warm 'n fuzzy feeling when I communicate with the person or think of them and/or a defined similarity in thoughts/feelings/ideas/etc regarding any number of topics. I can have crushes on butches/Transguys/straight guys that are or are not sexual in nature.

Crushes, for me, are that rush of feelings when you see someone that floats your boat. For the intellectual and/or non-sexual crush, it's the smile that comes across my face and the urge to squish them in a big bear hug. For the sexual crush, it's the butterflies in my stomach and the sideline fantasies of doing naughty deeds together, whether that would become a reality or not. Crushes are the way I tease myself, although I don't think I could control them. At least, not the initial flicker. Where I go from there is fully in my control though. Depending on the circumstances, I let the feelings go or I act on them.

Falling for: This pretty much the same for me as described by the two of you. It's the opening of myself to them and being vulnerable with them. We've begun dating and having some serious conversations and have begun to share our lives with one another. Feelings of possession may begin to emerge. Like the phrase implies, I feel like I am literally falling for this person. If I'm lucky and the feeling is reciprocated, they will catch me. If not, then I fall into the abyss and begin the grieving process for 'what could have been'.

I'm also switching the order between 'love' and 'in love' because, for me, I can love someone without being in love with them but I cannot be in love with someone without loving them.

Love: It's the same as the falling stage, but everything's 'more'. Stronger, deeper, and more intense feelings. Keeping with the lit match analogy, it's the holding of the match while the flame fully develops and begins to devour the wood. There's good sex and good, deep conversations and trust bridges are being built. It's the smile that slides over my face when I think of them unexpectedly during the day or when I watch them do something absolutely ridiculous or mundane, like cutting vegetables. Possession is complete. "Mine"

In Love: For me, this is the ultimate pinnacle of feelings for a person. I have handed the essence of myself, good and bad, over to this person with faith that they will care for it appropriately. Trust is given, complete with pretty wrapping and blingy doo bobs. We discuss the future, not as a 'maybe' but as a 'known'. Plans are made accordingly with the knowledge that our futures are intertwined like a knotted chain (but hopefully less frustrating). Feelings are deep and swing the pendulum from happiest to most sad because I'm wide open to them and I've given them power. Ideally, it's an equal exchange of power, not only in the bedroom, but in day to day life. I'll carry you today and you'll carry me tomorrow or vice versa. The flame matures and I'm holding the match, praying to make the light last as long as possible before it fully engulfs the match.

At this point, the flame signifies the love. It heats cold nights and sad hearts and, if mishandled, it burns. Sometimes a little burn is a good thing but a big burn is never good. The flame needs to be nurtured and cultivated. Love is a living, breathing entity between people. It needs to be fed and watered and cared for and, if it's not done so by all involved, it can die.