5 Signs You May Be Dating an E-Cheater

Martina · 04-16-2010, 09:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dylan

But I also tend to think that if the same things keep happening with everyone you date, that has more to do with you than 'everyone you date'. When the only common variable is you, you're probably what's really at issue.

If you look at the rest of the world as assholes just waiting to treat you badly, you'll definitely prove that's true...but maybe not because everyone really is an asshole, but because you treat everyone like they're an asshole.

I totally agree. I am highly suspicious of the perpetually-wronged-in-relationships folks. I mean, I feel bad for them. But . . . .

I get wanting to be single, too. But swearing off because people are too whatever is just not healthy. If you prefer being on your own, wahoooo. If you just don't think the world is fair or happiness is possible for you, it's definitely time for some personal work, IMO.

Bit · 04-16-2010, 02:15 PM

I think the time-frame guidelines might not apply to us in the butch-femme community, for one very simple reason: we're a very small community scattered all over the globe; quite often we find compatible partners quite far away. You can't expect to reasonably meet inside a month if the two of you are ten states apart and neither has the money for constant travel--or if you're in two different countries.

I also think the part about not meeting family wouldn't necessarily apply when so many of us are estranged from our families.

I do think that at least having contact with someone's friends is a very good idea--if your love interest is online, the friends are likely to be as well. But I wouldn't expect to meet the friends face to face unless the relationship moved face to face, yanno?

Andrew, Jr. · 04-16-2010, 04:29 PM

Bit,

I think you said it best for me. This site, and so many here I do consider my family. Maybe not blood, but still my family.

Lynn · 04-16-2010, 05:09 PM

I think the list brings up the kind of things you think about in hindsight. How many people do I know who ignored everything and trekked across country or across town to UHaul it with their own true loves? So many, it's hard to believe. I've also ignored the rational and sane, but fortunately, managed to end things before losing the farm. Truthfully, a list like this would have done very little for me, ahead of time. Everyone has to grow and learn from his or her own experiences. For every one of these warning signs, I can think of someone who would have benefitted from heeding the advice.

I agree that the best measure is the feeling in your own gut. But, sometimes your gut's voice is drown out by the insistent voices of other parts.

I can understand feeling despairing of ever meeting anyone or being cautious about finding someone, on line or in person. But, I can't imagine reaching the point where I would just throw up my hands and declare that there isn't anyone for me, on line or wherever. You just never know where you will meet someone. Closing off a door, for me, implies fear rather than openness. Coming from a place of fear or resentment is a good way to attract someone who is entirely inappropriate, based on my experience.

Rockinonahigh · 04-16-2010, 05:35 PM

Im not shure how I feel about online dateing cause sofar its been up and down,some of the ladies I meet cause we are not to far and some there is no way to do that..ive even dated the one sho were closer to me.I really dont see how I can be in an ldr and feel like we can have a real relationship unless we can be together in real time.I want to court and woo who ever she may be.I have friends on line but being,seeing and spending time with someone is really important to me its real dateing to me.I have had all of the above mentioned things happen to me,I got burned really bad a fue times so will be very careful about these things from now on.

Bit · 04-16-2010, 06:20 PM

Been thinking about it... I've had several online relationships that didn't last, but I counted them as real when I had them, and I made all the same commitments I make in face to face relationships.

I think those relationships would have not lasted face to face for the same reasons they didn't last online.

Andrew, I also consider many people here to be family.

SuperFemme · 04-16-2010, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martina

I totally agree. I am highly suspicious of the perpetually-wronged-in-relationships folks. I mean, I feel bad for them. But . . . .

I get wanting to be single, too. But swearing off because people are too whatever is just not healthy. If you prefer being on your own, wahoooo. If you just don't think the world is fair or happiness is possible for you, it's definitely time for some personal work, IMO.

I am just as suspicious of the Knights and Knightess' in Shining Armour. If you want to rescue a princess or prince please for the love of god be honest about the fact that you're an Ogre.

UofMfan · 04-16-2010, 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

I am just as suspicious of the Knights and Knightess' in Shining Armour. If you want to rescue a princess or prince please for the love of god be honest about the fact that you're an Ogre.

You hit the nail right on!

morningstar55 · 04-16-2010, 08:24 PM

the topic of cheating ...... is always a touchy of subject.....
a lot of good postings here..........
but in light of it all....... here is a good song for the thread

....... haha

04-16-2010, 05:09 PM	#4
Lynn Member How Do You Identify?: Unabashed Feminine Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: Her, She Relationship Status: Married! Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Upstate NY Posts: 689 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,499 Thanked 2,413 Times in 505 Posts Rep Power: 9668976	I think the list brings up the kind of things you think about in hindsight. How many people do I know who ignored everything and trekked across country or across town to UHaul it with their own true loves? So many, it's hard to believe. I've also ignored the rational and sane, but fortunately, managed to end things before losing the farm. Truthfully, a list like this would have done very little for me, ahead of time. Everyone has to grow and learn from his or her own experiences. For every one of these warning signs, I can think of someone who would have benefitted from heeding the advice. I agree that the best measure is the feeling in your own gut. But, sometimes your gut's voice is drown out by the insistent voices of other parts. I can understand feeling despairing of ever meeting anyone or being cautious about finding someone, on line or in person. But, I can't imagine reaching the point where I would just throw up my hands and declare that there isn't anyone for me, on line or wherever. You just never know where you will meet someone. Closing off a door, for me, implies fear rather than openness. Coming from a place of fear or resentment is a good way to attract someone who is entirely inappropriate, based on my experience. __________________ In the flush of love's light we dare be brave And suddenly we see that love costs all we are and will ever be. Yet it is only love which sets us free. Maya Angelou Wedding Photos: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?...1&l=22b092b98c

04-16-2010, 08:24 PM	#9
morningstar55 Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme,she Preferred Pronoun?: she,her, Relationship Status: very single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: western NY Posts: 3,809 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,280 Thanked 4,240 Times in 1,845 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	the topic of cheating ...... is always a touchy of subject..... a lot of good postings here.......... but in light of it all....... here is a good song for the thread ....... haha __________________ -------------------------------------------- life is to short to wake up in the morning with regrets so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who dont, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance take it... if it changes your life let it.

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04-16-2010, 02:15 PM	#2
Bit Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Stonefemme Relationship Status: married to Gryph Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Wichita, KS Posts: 2,177 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,126 Thanked 3,770 Times in 1,264 Posts Rep Power: 10778871	I think the time-frame guidelines might not apply to us in the butch-femme community, for one very simple reason: we're a very small community scattered all over the globe; quite often we find compatible partners quite far away. You can't expect to reasonably meet inside a month if the two of you are ten states apart and neither has the money for constant travel--or if you're in two different countries. I also think the part about not meeting family wouldn't necessarily apply when so many of us are estranged from our families. I do think that at least having contact with someone's friends is a very good idea--if your love interest is online, the friends are likely to be as well. But I wouldn't expect to meet the friends face to face unless the relationship moved face to face, yanno?

04-16-2010, 04:29 PM	#3
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	Bit, I think you said it best for me. This site, and so many here I do consider my family. Maybe not blood, but still my family.

04-16-2010, 05:35 PM	#5
Rockinonahigh Senior Member How Do You Identify?: stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: makes no diffrence,I know who I am. Relationship Status: single,maybe looking if the right person comes along. Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: shreveport,Louisiana Posts: 4,907 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,682 Thanked 14,933 Times in 3,938 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Im not shure how I feel about online dateing cause sofar its been up and down,some of the ladies I meet cause we are not to far and some there is no way to do that..ive even dated the one sho were closer to me.I really dont see how I can be in an ldr and feel like we can have a real relationship unless we can be together in real time.I want to court and woo who ever she may be.I have friends on line but being,seeing and spending time with someone is really important to me its real dateing to me.I have had all of the above mentioned things happen to me,I got burned really bad a fue times so will be very careful about these things from now on.

04-16-2010, 06:20 PM	#6
Bit Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Stonefemme Relationship Status: married to Gryph Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Wichita, KS Posts: 2,177 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,126 Thanked 3,770 Times in 1,264 Posts Rep Power: 10778871	Been thinking about it... I've had several online relationships that didn't last, but I counted them as real when I had them, and I made all the same commitments I make in face to face relationships. I think those relationships would have not lasted face to face for the same reasons they didn't last online. Andrew, I also consider many people here to be family.