Femmes: How do you like to be treated on a date?

imperfect_cupcake · 01-01-2014, 07:31 PM

Aw. Snows. You really are a perfect sweetheart. I'd so shag you. Or be shagged or however that would work for you. Hahaha. I'd give you the warmest hug ever if you were in the room.

I think for now with my level of fed up ness I'm just going to pass on the ID just for now and stick with Dolly Dyke. My lack of seeing people like me, which wasn't the case in the UK, sort of has me at the end of my previously femme rope. I get tired of "you're femme? Where's your handbag hahaha" by butches and having to say things like "up your ass. With your head."

I understand femme as gender. Completely. It's pretty much the way I see it which makes me rip my eye balls out when people start talking about femmes as being ladies. Not ladies = disgusting and improper and not femme

If we take that logic and apply it to another gender, let's say butch... Because they aren't feminine, butches aren't women. And we all know that's not true. Look at butches. There's a fucktruck full of women butches around.

So I hear you. And I'll fight your femme corner. But presently, I just don't have the energy for explaining to hurt egos:

why femme doesn't mean all the prescribed behaviour stuff to someone who keeps moving to the outside of the pavement when I'm trying to look at stuff,

thinking that I should be wrapped in cotton and saved

is horrified when I'm "vulgar"

thinks glancing noticeably at my tits during a date is horrid and disrespectful to my delicate femininity

that if I should be the princess of centre of the universe while around (instead of an equal and a friend)

kissed chastely on the cheek on the second date. Maybe (another reason why I don't date...)

When I explain to them how much I find that stuff really not me, it upsets me and I feel "othered" by it (distanced form them, made to feel different, like I'm being treated like a romantic unit by prescribed rules instead of recognized as the individual I am, with individual wants and likes) then I'm:

hurting their ego
not a lady because that is how you treat ladies
if she doesn't like it that way then she is not really very femme
she's cruel
she's a big meanie
I was only trying to show her I think she's a special jewel to be worshiped [again, still not getting it....]
she just wants to use me like a dildo if she wants sex
she's indiscriminate and has a dirty vagina (I've actually HEARD these things said to me, and many more, in the year I've been home.... )

All these rules make me dispair. I'm also not used to them anymore. They weren't there for 10 years. I find them restrictive and chafing. It's like putting a bra on that you didn't have for 10 years and find it really doesn't fit.

And everyone around is talks like it's the best fitting bra in the world and you wonder if your tits are freaky or what.

I'll keep the femme one that fit in the UK. I think too many people in the community on this side of the Atlantic, especially south of the boarder, have a different understanding of the word for it to not be a royal pain in the fucking arse to say I'm femme and not have it mean all these things I find torturous. I get that many girls love to be treated that way. Bravo. Fine. I'm just not one of you. And they out number me by far, it appears, or people wouldn't be trying to hard to shove me into that mode of behaviour.

I have to constantly disclaimer "femme" to others. IN my community. I actually have to do more now to those IN rather than out. I think that's sort of telling to me, for my comfort levels. So I think, for now, when I talk to anyone from North America, I'll just use another word. It saves me a lot of grief of explanation.

But to those that get me? Yeah

imperfect_cupcake · 01-01-2014, 07:34 PM

And can I just say, I've re-read my post and I'm waiting for Daktari to come in and say something about my freaky tits.

Ha you dirty bugger. Scooped you!

The_Lady_Snow · 01-01-2014, 07:36 PM

I think Dolly Dyke is lovely and so divine! I can almost taste it~

imperfect_cupcake · 01-01-2014, 07:44 PM

You know, Snows, I'm kind of tempted to make EVERYONE call me Dame Freaky Tits. The whole thing. They can't shorten it to DFT. They have to say the word tits. To a girl. And call them freaky.

The_Lady_Snow · 01-01-2014, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

You know, Snows, I'm kind of tempted to make EVERYONE call me Dame Freaky Tits. The whole thing. They can't shorten it to DFT. They have to say the word tits. To a girl. And call them freaky.

I support your temptations and your tits!

01-01-2014, 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

And can I just say, I've re-read my post and I'm waiting for Daktari to come in and say something about my freaky tits.

Ha you dirty bugger. Scooped you!

Who moi? I'm sure you must have me mixed up with someone else!

imperfect_cupcake · 01-01-2014, 08:09 PM

Now that I've fully windbagged myself out with belly ranting... I have no retort.

01-01-2014, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

Now that I've fully windbagged myself out with belly ranting... I have no retort.

ps. Apologies for stepping into a femme zone thread. My excuse is that is was just too irresistable

silkepus · 03-20-2014, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

And can I just say, I've re-read my post and I'm waiting for Daktari to come in and say something about my freaky tits.

Ha you dirty bugger. Scooped you!

Wish I had freaky tits. Unfortunately my tits are well behaved and polite with wholesome interests *sigh* typical my luck.

imperfect_cupcake · 03-20-2014, 03:51 PM

I'd much rather have wholesome anything. I might get a date

silkepus · 03-20-2014, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

I'd much rather have wholesome anything. I might get a date

Trust me, wholesomness will not get you any dates, I can vouch for that!

DapperButch · 03-20-2014, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

I'd much rather have wholesome anything. I might get a date

Quote:

Originally Posted by silkepus

Trust me, wholesomness will not get you any dates, I can vouch for that!

They are both tasty.

<--- likes the all-in-one variety

imperfect_cupcake · 03-20-2014, 10:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DapperButch

They are both tasty.

<--- likes the all-in-one variety

to be honest, I don't even know what wholesome actually means. As far as I understand, wholesome = whole wheat bread and home baked.

BombsiteBoudicca · 03-06-2015, 05:16 PM

Best date I had was going for hot dogs and knishes at katz's deli in NYC. I think it took my butch daddy a while to understand he didn't have to do the fancy dinner/candlelight/hearts and flowers thing. Just laughing and talking over some simple shared food is glorious. The most important thing is that we're spending relaxed time together. I mean...I love that he buys me expensive perfume too, don't get me wrong!! ; )

Worst date? My ex had a real knack of making me cry whenever we went out for dinner (hence EX). But one time we went to a pub, and they went to get us drinks at the bar....and came back to the table empty handed- they had been carded at the bar (they were 39 at the time but has a real baby face and was often mistaken for a teenage boy) 'Old lady' over here had to go to the bar and prove my butch girlfriend was actually not my underage son. SERIOUSLY.

fatallyblonde · 01-01-2014, 09:44 PM

right on honeybarbara, femme is so many things and manifests in so many ways and all are legit. thanks for saying it so tough!

01-01-2014, 07:31 PM	#1
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,709 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Aw. Snows. You really are a perfect sweetheart. I'd so shag you. Or be shagged or however that would work for you. Hahaha. I'd give you the warmest hug ever if you were in the room. I think for now with my level of fed up ness I'm just going to pass on the ID just for now and stick with Dolly Dyke. My lack of seeing people like me, which wasn't the case in the UK, sort of has me at the end of my previously femme rope. I get tired of "you're femme? Where's your handbag hahaha" by butches and having to say things like "up your ass. With your head." I understand femme as gender. Completely. It's pretty much the way I see it which makes me rip my eye balls out when people start talking about femmes as being ladies. Not ladies = disgusting and improper and not femme If we take that logic and apply it to another gender, let's say butch... Because they aren't feminine, butches aren't women. And we all know that's not true. Look at butches. There's a fucktruck full of women butches around. So I hear you. And I'll fight your femme corner. But presently, I just don't have the energy for explaining to hurt egos: why femme doesn't mean all the prescribed behaviour stuff to someone who keeps moving to the outside of the pavement when I'm trying to look at stuff, thinking that I should be wrapped in cotton and saved is horrified when I'm "vulgar" thinks glancing noticeably at my tits during a date is horrid and disrespectful to my delicate femininity that if I should be the princess of centre of the universe while around (instead of an equal and a friend) kissed chastely on the cheek on the second date. Maybe (another reason why I don't date...) When I explain to them how much I find that stuff really not me, it upsets me and I feel "othered" by it (distanced form them, made to feel different, like I'm being treated like a romantic unit by prescribed rules instead of recognized as the individual I am, with individual wants and likes) then I'm: hurting their ego not a lady because that is how you treat ladies if she doesn't like it that way then she is not really very femme she's cruel she's a big meanie I was only trying to show her I think she's a special jewel to be worshiped [again, still not getting it....] she just wants to use me like a dildo if she wants sex she's indiscriminate and has a dirty vagina (I've actually HEARD these things said to me, and many more, in the year I've been home.... ) All these rules make me dispair. I'm also not used to them anymore. They weren't there for 10 years. I find them restrictive and chafing. It's like putting a bra on that you didn't have for 10 years and find it really doesn't fit. And everyone around is talks like it's the best fitting bra in the world and you wonder if your tits are freaky or what. I'll keep the femme one that fit in the UK. I think too many people in the community on this side of the Atlantic, especially south of the boarder, have a different understanding of the word for it to not be a royal pain in the fucking arse to say I'm femme and not have it mean all these things I find torturous. I get that many girls love to be treated that way. Bravo. Fine. I'm just not one of you. And they out number me by far, it appears, or people wouldn't be trying to hard to shove me into that mode of behaviour. I have to constantly disclaimer "femme" to others. IN my community. I actually have to do more now to those IN rather than out. I think that's sort of telling to me, for my comfort levels. So I think, for now, when I talk to anyone from North America, I'll just use another word. It saves me a lot of grief of explanation. But to those that get me? Yeah Last edited by imperfect_cupcake; 01-01-2014 at 07:39 PM.

01-01-2014, 07:36 PM	#3
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,076 Times in 15,669 Posts Rep Power: 21474875	Woof! I think Dolly Dyke is lovely and so divine! I can almost taste it~ __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

03-06-2015, 05:16 PM	#14
BombsiteBoudicca Junior Member How Do You Identify?: high femme/baby girl/girly girl/sometimes a femme daddy Preferred Pronoun?: Honey; darling; sexy Relationship Status: Daddy's girl Join Date: Feb 2015 Location: UK/USA Posts: 6 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 76 Thanked 27 Times in 5 Posts Rep Power: 0	best and worst date Best date I had was going for hot dogs and knishes at katz's deli in NYC. I think it took my butch daddy a while to understand he didn't have to do the fancy dinner/candlelight/hearts and flowers thing. Just laughing and talking over some simple shared food is glorious. The most important thing is that we're spending relaxed time together. I mean...I love that he buys me expensive perfume too, don't get me wrong!! ; ) Worst date? My ex had a real knack of making me cry whenever we went out for dinner (hence EX). But one time we went to a pub, and they went to get us drinks at the bar....and came back to the table empty handed- they had been carded at the bar (they were 39 at the time but has a real baby face and was often mistaken for a teenage boy) 'Old lady' over here had to go to the bar and prove my butch girlfriend was actually not my underage son. SERIOUSLY. __________________ *Our visions begin with our desires - Audre Lorde*

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Switch to Linear Mode Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

01-01-2014, 07:34 PM	#2
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,709 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	And can I just say, I've re-read my post and I'm waiting for Daktari to come in and say something about my freaky tits. Ha you dirty bugger. Scooped you!

01-01-2014, 07:44 PM	#4
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,709 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	You know, Snows, I'm kind of tempted to make EVERYONE call me Dame Freaky Tits. The whole thing. They can't shorten it to DFT. They have to say the word tits. To a girl. And call them freaky.

01-01-2014, 08:09 PM	#7
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,709 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Now that I've fully windbagged myself out with belly ranting... I have no retort.

03-20-2014, 03:51 PM	#10
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,709 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I'd much rather have wholesome anything. I might get a date

01-01-2014, 09:44 PM	#15
fatallyblonde Member How Do You Identify?: lesbian femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/Her Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: earth Posts: 446 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 389 Thanked 770 Times in 181 Posts Rep Power: 7054722	right on honeybarbara, femme is so many things and manifests in so many ways and all are legit. thanks for saying it so tough!