Cancer Support and Caregivers Who Are Trail Blazers!

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by deb0670

I lost my Step-Dad to Cancer in November.
In January, he was diagnosed with bladder cancer and he went out and did everything he possibly could do to fight it. He did the chemo, he changed his eating and drinking habits, he started exercising more.. you name it.
The cancer spread too fast to his lymph nodes, so they could not do the surgery they were going to do. He fought so hard to beat it.. but he just couldn't. My mom was by his side the whole time. He was her true soul mate and the only man she was ever really in love with.
It hurt me so badly watching from a distance what she had to go through.. i could not even imagine.
I was never really close to my step dad due to him never really wanting to be close to anyone, including his own kids. But my mom.. i love her dearly. When she called me to say he just had a matter of days, all i could do was pray and try to comfort her the best i could.
Then when he passed, she called trying to sound so brave.. but broke down. I felt like such a horrible daughter because i could not be there for my Mom when i felt like she needed me the most. She lives in California and we are in Georgia, and we just could not afford the trip.
She said it was ok and she understood.. but still.. i. should. have. been. there.
She is still in the grieving process, and will be for quite sometime,
They were together for 16 years and married for 14. They were mini-storage managers and lived in an apt above their office. So now, Mom has to go upstairs to an empty apt and go to work without him every day.
She was going to move out here to be with us in about 6 months.. but she decided to go live near her sister instead.
i have mixed feelings about that.
Anyways,
sorry for the book.
i am still keeping y'all in my prayers.

Hey, deb. It is a couple of months after a person's death that supporters tend to wander away and go back to their lives. They think about the survivor less and contact them less. It is when the fanfare of support/activities around the death, dies down that the survivor really needs someone. The best thing you can do for your mother is to save your money and fly out there when you can. She STILL needs you. You can still be there for her. It is not any less important than it was right after her husband's death.