Dating Personality Types

[Femmadian]

Originally Posted by TruTexan

I don't know where to look to find what Brigg-Myer's type that would be a good fit for me. I'm curious to know.

Most sites I've seen with general descriptions like this one do allude to which types are best with which other types (if you click on the type you may be from the list at the bottom), though if you want a more concise breakdown, this site and this site provide good info too. People are more than their types, obviously, but it's still nice info to have.

Originally Posted by candy_coated_bitch

< /snip >
I mesh very well with fellow introverts. Extroverts can draw me out, which can be really good, but then after a while I start fantasizing about killing them so they will shut up. It has to be an extrovert that can understand where an introvert is coming from. You'd be surprised at the number who don't.

< /snip >

I've often found that thinkers want to "fix" my feelings when I don't want or need that.

I've found this too with extroverts, that introversion can be viewed by them as a character defect or something which needs to be fixed or overcome. Sometimes they can take it very personally when you want or need to withdraw from them for your own sanity. I've also seen extroverts conflate shyness with introversion more often than other introverts when in fact they are two very different things as HB said.

Now, I've also met some extroverts who are more mature and understand the introvert's need for time away from it all to maintain her/his equilibrium. I think that it's helpful to think of extroversion and introversion as places on a scale rather than two opposing points. What I've found useful when trying to help people understand the differences and also to place themselves on that spectrum in case they aren't quite sure is to ask where they get their energy and draw their sustenance from. Do you gain energy from being around other people and bouncing ideas off them? Does it make you feel pumped afterwards? Or do you recharge yourself by quiet time, reading a book, calming your mind, spending time alone with your thoughts and away from other people? Do you feel more grounded after that? Similarly, what drains you and what do you need to take a break from? Is too much alone time a bad thing for you? Or do you often feel strained under the pressure to be "on" all the time around other people?

Extroverts are also estimated to be about three quarters of the (North American) population so I think that simply being saturated with them can make it seem like 1) they're everywhere and omg, omg, omg, do they ever shut up (?!) and 2) through the sheer number of them, there are probably more extroverts that don't "get" us than there are of all of us combined, so it can seem like they just don't understand us en masse, though I think it's just a perception issue (not saying that you're saying this, CCB; just a musing ).

Extroverts are assumed to be the default and they're so dominant in our culture at large that, speaking as an introvert, I can't really fault a lot of them for not really getting us. They just don't have the exposure to us that we do to them. Plus, ya know, we're introverts and we don't exactly wear our thoughts and feelings on our sleeves. Overall, I think we're tougher nuts to crack!

On the second point I do agree and it has been my experience as well that T types tend to see (certain) feelings as something to "fix," but I try to remember that it comes from a place of wanting to help. Both F and T types try to help in their own ways, but they differ in how. F types tend to offer help by extending an empathetic ear or shoulder or by reassuring whoever's distressed that their feelings are valid or that yes, that ex really was a jerk and you are totally justified in feeling this way and omg, did I ever tell you the time my ex did something similar? Let's bond and commiserate over our shared experiences! Thinkers want to help too, but they try to distract the distressed, fix the issue that's causing what they perceive as negative or bad feelings, or try to change the way you feel about something by challenging it and trying to associate new emotions with the same stimuli. Both are compassionate in their own way and I think, ultimately, do mean well. They just express it differently.

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