Mental Illness

[Jedi]

I really think we should have a place where we can discuss and get support here. So many people think of this as an excuse when there are some of us who take medication daily and struggle to lead "normal" lives. Even if you just discuss what medication you are on and how it helps you or medication you were on what it did. Or...If you have found a way to cope without the need of medication. I have a feeling that we have more people out there than just me who need support. Even my own parents thought of this as an excuse until I fully explained what I go through in my head just to function.

I seriously hope others come here and back me in this and we can start a thread that really helps others. It is so needed.


Giving help and hope to those in need,

Jedi

[Jedi]

[QUOTE=June;95105]Jedi - I totally agree, this is a great idea for a thread. Just a couple of things:

1. Please only speak of your own personal experiences, not those who you think might be mentally ill. They get to tell their own stories, or not.

2. Remember, this is a public website, so it's not truly a "safe" space. Keep that in mind when posting about your experiences and disclose only what you feel comfortable sharing with -potentially- the rest of the world.

[/QUOTE

June,

That was all I intended. I only want to here from those who take may or may not take meds but struggle daily as I do.

Jedi]

[Jedi]

[quote=JediMaster;95110]

Originally Posted by June

Jedi - I totally agree, this is a great idea for a thread. Just a couple of things:

1. Please only speak of your own personal experiences, not those who you think might be mentally ill. They get to tell their own stories, or not.

2. Remember, this is a public website, so it's not truly a "safe" space. Keep that in mind when posting about your experiences and disclose only what you feel comfortable sharing with -potentially- the rest of the world.

[/QUOTE

June,

That was all I intended. I only want to here from those who take may or may not take meds but struggle daily as I do.

Jedi]

Sorry about the typos

[Apocalipstic]

Hey there Jedi! There is another thread on mental Illness that Darth Benkay started, I will try to find it later.

But on the subject of meds I have a long history.

I had a bad experience on lithium and several related drugs in my 20's, which I finally stopped taking "cold turkey". I can't even put into works how hard it was and the harm it caused me mentally.

For many years I refused meds, but finally after much reading and reflection I started on SSRI's with really good results.

When I stop taking my meds I am too anxious and frozen to even leave the house.

Yes I do have some side effects, mainly weight gain, but I would rather be fat than too crazy to leave the house.

I take Lexapro, Cymbalta and have Ativan for anxiety. I have way cut back on the Ativan though over time, which I am proud of.

I go to a therapist and we are working on brain-spotting for my PTSD and removing as many things from my life which make me anxious as I can. Relearning behaviors, setting boundaries and so forth.

Great idea for a thread JediMaster. No worries with the spelling!

[Andrew, Jr.]

Hi Jedi! Good to see you bro!

I take multiple meds for various health problems I have (diabetes, heart disease following a heart attack, high blood pressure, etc.), depression, anxiety, and neurological deficits that I have.

I don't live a lie, and am very open about my health and how it sudden has gone from good to piss poor. I find it very frustrating when other people gossip about me being a drug user and abuser. Sheesh. No, I am not. It is all under the care of many doctors. Believe you me. I am footing the bill.

I find it heart breaking when I think about the psychiatrist who broke the Hippa laws thinking it was ok to discuss my issues openly with my parents (my father is a retired physician). I think of the ol' boys club. And that is what it was like for me. I tried many therapists, but none really helped me. The damage was done. The hurt is greater than the wound if that makes sense. I have limits and boundaries that I have set in place.

I have discussed all of this with my current doctors and have legal documents in hand barring my parents from any interference with my healthcare now. I find it interesting that living a life of integrity is more peace-filled than I ever can imagined before.

I also will tell you that if you lock onto my name, go do a search of the posts I have done already, and you will find us at the other thread we are on that Apocalipstic told you about. It is very good.

Namaste,
Andrew

[Jedi]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

Hi Jedi! Good to see you bro!

I take multiple meds for various health problems I have (diabetes, heart disease following a heart attack, high blood pressure, etc.), depression, anxiety, and neurological deficits that I have.

I don't live a lie, and am very open about my health and how it sudden has gone from good to piss poor. I find it very frustrating when other people gossip about me being a drug user and abuser. Sheesh. No, I am not. It is all under the care of many doctors. Believe you me. I am footing the bill.

I find it heart breaking when I think about the psychiatrist who broke the Hippa laws thinking it was ok to discuss my issues openly with my parents (my father is a retired physician). I think of the ol' boys club. And that is what it was like for me. I tried many therapists, but none really helped me. The damage was done. The hurt is greater than the wound if that makes sense. I have limits and boundaries that I have set in place.

I have discussed all of this with my current doctors and have legal documents in hand barring my parents from any interference with my healthcare now. I find it interesting that living a life of integrity is more peace-filled than I ever can imagined before.

I also will tell you that if you lock onto my name, go do a search of the posts I have done already, and you will find us at the other thread we are on that Apocalipstic told you about. It is very good.

Namaste,
Andrew

Andrew,

I'M SORRY FOR WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH. That being said...I wanna hear from those who also take meds and try to live "normal lives."
It never seems to be ok to jusdt be mentally ill anymore. You have to have other illnesses on top of it. Mine don't debilitate me but could if I let them. i fight so hard not to be a statistic. I would love to be recognized for that. I know that isn't really gonna be the case......but I fight nonetheless.

Jedi

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by JediMaster

Andrew,

I'M SORRY FOR WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH. That being said...I wanna hear from those who also take meds and try to live "normal lives."
It never seems to be ok to jusdt be mentally ill anymore. You have to have other illnesses on top of it. Mine don't debilitate me but could if I let them. i fight so hard not to be a statistic. I would love to be recognized for that. I know that isn't really gonna be the case......but I fight nonetheless.

Jedi

I get up, take my meds and go to work every day!

We should be proud that we overcome incredible odds to exist every day!

[Andrew, Jr.]

Yes we do! We take our meds, and go on living as best we can. We live life fully. It is the other folks who have the issues with us. They think of us as freaks, or wacko. I have heard it all. The negative stigma is overwhelming at times. People always disappoint me. Always. Remember health is a gift. Having exceptional health is something to be treasured.

[Jedi]

Today was a rough day. I did many things I don't normally do. My roommate who is in wheelchair had a rough day where her chair died. i rescued her. Why am I the rescuer for so many....including an ex who really hurt me to my core?

[dixie]

Originally Posted by JediMaster

Today was a rough day. I did many things I don't normally do. My roommate who is in wheelchair had a rough day where her chair died. i rescued her. Why am I the rescuer for so many....including an ex who really hurt me to my core?

Hmm... I guess some of us just have a tendency to fall into that rescuer mode. I know I have played rescuer on many occassions, even when 9 times out of 10 i couldn't even rescue myself.


As for mental illness itself, most people know me and know what I have been through the last couple years. I've always (as far back as I can remember) struggled with mental illness, eventhough I never really knew that's what my problem was. I just thought I was a bad person who gave in to some promiscuity, drained my bank accounts, lived dangerously and impulsively, and just in general made bad choices. In April of 2008, after being in a "bad" relationship, I had yet another run in with the "s" word. (Suicide.) I ended up in the psych ward for a few weeks. That's where I learned that I had a laundry list of previously undiagnosed mental health issues, the main being Bipolar. I was shocked to learn that this illness had been a major factor in all those "bad" decisions I had made in my life. I was started on medications and thanks to group and individual therapy I began learning how to cope.

I returned to work but had to see a therapist and psychologist at least 3 times a week, since I was newly diagnosed. My employer was very generous and understanding in the beginning, or so I thought. A couple months later, I received a call at home from the main optometrist in the office I worked at. I was told this: "We have tried to be understanding of your illness but it just isn't working out. Don't bother coming back to your job, you have already been replaced." Wow.. I had only had one day off that week, so it made me wonder how long they had been looking for my replacement.

Losing my job meant losing the excellent insurance benefits that came with it. I was really worried about how I was going to continue treatment. Luckily, I discovered a nonprofit mental health facility in my hometown. I began treatment there, which was really great. They handled my therapy, my medications, and also assigned me an "advocate" who helped me in day to day living, so to speak. Things were looking up. I had a few setbacks, but things were finally evening out. Then the inevitable seemed to happen...

I have had no treatment or medication since June of 2009. The nonprofit facility shut its doors due to an employee embezzling all of their funds. I went to my weekly appointment to find a note taped to their door, explaining the situation. No apology. No referrals to other agencies. Nothing. There have been no other services available in my area. (A very rural area.)

I have tried as recently as two weeks ago to see if any new services have come available. Two Fridays ago I went to our county's health and social services offices. They were really friendly until I asked about mental health services. I was promptly "shoo'd" out of their offices. I guess mentioning mental health to them equates to "omg, a raving psychotic maniac in our presence".

I'm not quite sure what to do now. I've been trying to train my mind with the exercises I learned in the hospital and from tips I've learned while researching online. I admit that I am doing better now than I was this time last year, but I still need help. I have days when I can't get out of bed. I have days when I have "awakened" from a "trance", and felt pain in my arm. I look down at my arm to realize that I had been digging my fingernails down my inner forearm until the skin is hanging, and blood dripping. I have days when I am so manic that I literally want to pull my hair out strand by strand, because I am so anxious and my mind will NOT stop! Luckily, the "s" word hasn't creeped up on me in months. Even that small step is momentous to me, because I have been attempting suicide on different occasions since age 10. (The first attempt that I remember.)

I have so many symptoms, so many phobias, so many "hang-ups". And as of this year I can add hallucinations (auditory and visual) to the list. I'm scared. I know what I am capable of if left to my own devices. I know I need help and treatment. But unfortunately, it's just not available for me right now. I am lucky, however, that I have a very good support team made up of friends and family. If it weren't for them, I know this road would be even more challenging.

[Soon]

Originally Posted by dixielady

<snip>

I have had no treatment or medication since June of 2009. The nonprofit facility shut its doors due to an employee embezzling all of their funds. I went to my weekly appointment to find a note taped to their door, explaining the situation. No apology. No referrals to other agencies. Nothing. There have been no other services available in my area. (A very rural area.)

I have tried as recently as two weeks ago to see if any new services have come available. Two Fridays ago I went to our county's health and social services offices. They were really friendly until I asked about mental health services. I was promptly "shoo'd" out of their offices. I guess mentioning mental health to them equates to "omg, a raving psychotic maniac in our presence".

I'm not quite sure what to do now. I've been trying to train my mind with the exercises I learned in the hospital and from tips I've learned while researching online. I admit that I am doing better now than I was this time last year, but I still need help. I have days when I can't get out of bed. I have days when I have "awakened" from a "trance", and felt pain in my arm. I look down at my arm to realize that I had been digging my fingernails down my inner forearm until the skin is hanging, and blood dripping. I have days when I am so manic that I literally want to pull my hair out strand by strand, because I am so anxious and my mind will NOT stop! Luckily, the "s" word hasn't creeped up on me in months. Even that small step is momentous to me, because I have been attempting suicide on different occasions since age 10. (The first attempt that I remember.)

I have so many symptoms, so many phobias, so many "hang-ups". And as of this year I can add hallucinations (auditory and visual) to the list. I'm scared. I know what I am capable of if left to my own devices. I know I need help and treatment. But unfortunately, it's just not available for me right now. I am lucky, however, that I have a very good support team made up of friends and family. If it weren't for them, I know this road would be even more challenging.

Dixie,

Maybe if you feel comfortable posting about where you are (general area?) located, some of the BFP'ers may have some resources in which you can access. Or, perhaps, there are people who know Dixie and or can PM her with some options?

I am sorry to hear of the unavailability of resources/treatment at the moment. I am hoping, with this post, some will offer advice/suggestions/options.

All the best to you and everyone.

[dixie]

Originally Posted by HowSoonIsNow

Dixie,

Maybe if you feel comfortable posting about where you are (general area?) located, some of the BFP'ers may have some resources in which you can access. Or, perhaps, there are people who know Dixie and or can PM her with some options?

I am sorry to hear of the unavailability of resources/treatment at the moment. I am hoping, with this post, some will offer advice/suggestions/options.

All the best to you and everyone.

I'm fine with that. Heaven knows I need all the help I can get. I live in western North Carolina. The surrounding counties have facilities, but most have told me that since I'm not a citizen of their county they can't help me. (Due to their funding obligations criteria.)

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by dixielady

Losing my job meant losing the excellent insurance benefits that came with it. ...

I have had no treatment or medication since June of 2009. The nonprofit facility shut its doors due to an employee embezzling all of their funds. I went to my weekly appointment to find a note taped to their door, explaining the situation. No apology. No referrals to other agencies. Nothing. There have been no other services available in my area. (A very rural area.)

I have tried as recently as two weeks ago to see if any new services have come available. Two Fridays ago I went to our county's health and social services offices. They were really friendly until I asked about mental health services. I was promptly "shoo'd" out of their offices. I guess mentioning mental health to them equates to "omg, a raving psychotic maniac in our presence".

Originally Posted by dixielady

I'm fine with that. Heaven knows I need all the help I can get. I live in western North Carolina. The surrounding counties have facilities, but most have told me that since I'm not a citizen of their county they can't help me. (Due to their funding obligations criteria.)

Hi, dixielady. I am sorry that the nonprofit agency in your area (I am assuming it was a community mental health center?), closed its doors.

The county is responsible for its residents and so the people who were going to that center, must have gone somewhere?

I assume that you either have Medicaid, or are uninsured?

If you have Medicaid, you can call them/look online, and they will give you a list of providers in your area. Medicaid actually pays better than most private insurances (for outpatient mental health treatment), so you should be able to find private practitioners in your area that do take Medicaid.

If you are uninsured, the county/NC has to supply you with something, or approve you going to another county. What did the people at Health and Social Services tell you? If you have a Mental Health and Hygiene Department, check them out. Otherwise, contact Health and social services again and push the issue. Again, the clients from the agency you went to have to be getting services somewhere (otherwise the hospitals would most likely have had a very significant increase in admissions since 6/2009 and you would have heard about it)...many of these people probably receive services from Health and Social Services as well, so that organization must know something. :-(

Good luck to you. I'm sorry this has happened.

[dixie]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Hi, dixielady. I am sorry that the nonprofit agency in your area (I am assuming it was a community mental health center?), closed its doors.

The county is responsible for its residents and so the people who were going to that center, must have gone somewhere?

I assume that you either have Medicaid, or are uninsured?

If you have Medicaid, you can call them/look online, and they will give you a list of providers in your area. Medicaid actually pays better than most private insurances (for outpatient mental health treatment), so you should be able to find private practitioners in your area that do take Medicaid.

If you are uninsured, the county/NC has to supply you with something, or approve you going to another county. What did the people at Health and Social Services tell you? If you have a Mental Health and Hygiene Department, check them out. Otherwise, contact Health and social services again and push the issue. Again, the clients from the agency you went to have to be getting services somewhere (otherwise the hospitals would most likely have had a very significant increase in admissions since 6/2009 and you would have heard about it)...many of these people probably receive services from Health and Social Services as well, so that organization must know something. :-(

Good luck to you. I'm sorry this has happened.

Thank you.

The agency I went to was a private nonprofit. My county doesn't seem to offer any type of mental health program, or none that I can find anyway. At the social services (DSS) offices, they claim they have never heard of such programs. At the actual health department, they claim they don't treat such things.

I am uninsured still. When I lost my job my son was able to get NC Healthchoice (which is similar to Medicaid) but for some reason I don't qualify. Or at least, I do qualify but I would have to pay $2000 out-of-pocket before it would pay anything. Kinda seems pointless to me. If I'm going to pay a couple grand on my own, I might as well pay it all, ya know?

I will keep searching and keep harassing my county until I figure something out...

Thanks to everyone for the help and advice though. I really appreciate it.

[chefhottie25]

Originally Posted by JediMaster

I really think we should have a place where we can discuss and get support here. So many people think of this as an excuse when there are some of us who take medication daily and struggle to lead "normal" lives. Even if you just discuss what medication you are on and how it helps you or medication you were on what it did. Or...If you have found a way to cope without the need of medication. I have a feeling that we have more people out there than just me who need support. Even my own parents thought of this as an excuse until I fully explained what I go through in my head just to function.

I seriously hope others come here and back me in this and we can start a thread that really helps others. It is so needed.


Giving help and hope to those in need,






Jedi

Jedi, I am happy you started this thread. I suffer from schizophrenia...but I am well medicated and attend therapy and a support group once a week. I don't have insurance...but my local mental health clinic provides me with all of it. I was diagnosed 2 years ago after getting clean from a heroin and cocaine addiction. Since my recent group of meds have taken affect I feel stable, and I have not suffered any symptoms like visual and auditory hallucinations. I have been through a fair amount of med changes...and finally I think I have the right combination. I rely on structure to take my meds. I take them the exact same time every day. I also don't feel like a zombie anymore. Meds I took earlier made me feel that way...so I would quit taking them, which made things worse. I was hospitalized 5 times in the past 18 months. I have adjusted to the way I now have to live my life. I am aware of my stressors and triggers...that alone is a big acomplishment for me. I do feel less emotional than I used to be...but I am adjusting to that. I am proof that meds, therapy, and support work. I don't know if I will ever be normal, but I can function very well like this.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by dixielady

Thank you.

The agency I went to was a private nonprofit. My county doesn't seem to offer any type of mental health program, or none that I can find anyway. At the social services (DSS) offices, they claim they have never heard of such programs. At the actual health department, they claim they don't treat such things.

I am uninsured still. When I lost my job my son was able to get NC Healthchoice (which is similar to Medicaid) but for some reason I don't qualify. Or at least, I do qualify but I would have to pay $2000 out-of-pocket before it would pay anything. Kinda seems pointless to me. If I'm going to pay a couple grand on my own, I might as well pay it all, ya know?

I will keep searching and keep harassing my county until I figure something out...

Thanks to everyone for the help and advice though. I really appreciate it.

I'm sorry, dixielady, you did say nonprofit. The State (MD) that I worked in changed all of our community mental health centers into private, nonprofit agencies in the mid-'90's, so I went to right to that in my head.

I looked up Medicaid in your State: http://www.dhhs.state.nc.us/dma/medi...sicmedelig.pdf. If you look at page two it talks about eligibility requirments and the deductible that you speak of, which is based on your income. This should give you an idea as to how they made that determination (and you can check their work!)

Check out this link: http://www.dhhs.state.nc.us/mhddsas/lmedirectory.htm

It is for North Carolina's Division of Mental Health, Developmental Disabilities, and Substance Abuse Services. Choose your county and make the call. If you cannot find your county on the list, for some reason, call the closest one and ask them who to call.

I wish you luck. I know that the "system" can be frustrating and overwhelming. Also, people don't always take the time to explain it all to residents. If you would like, you can PM me and I can make phone calls to find out information for you. Since I am working from a place of general knowledge about how our government entitlement programs work, it would not be too hard for me, and I have no problem "pushing people" to get what others are entitled to/need.

I just hate to see you not get what you need due to people not being helpful to you. It makes me angry when I hear of government agencies "shooing people away", when it is their job to do just the opposite.

Take care.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I hate to see this. Another example of how people fall thru the cracks who need help here in America. This is why I am all for universal healthcare coverage. Everyone should have it. I would not mind paying higher taxes to see that everyone was covered. I also would like to see the people who are at the highest income brackets pay a lot more towards this.

[Jedi]

Well.....to be totally honest, I function but I am not happy.....not usually anyway. I still get calls from my crazy ex. I'm still trying to recover from what she did. It really damaged me.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Jedi,

I am sorry to hear this. I wish you peace from here on out.

Andrew

[SuperFemme]

It's Psych Week on Discovery Health Channel. Starts tonight at 9 pm est.
Here is a preview, I will be tuning in and hoping to learn something all week.