What are your three non-negotiables (in a relationship)?

[kittygrrl]

kindness
kindess
and more kindness

[Shystonefem]

1. If you cannot disagree with me without yelling, screaming or name calling, we won't get along

2. You don't have to love my kids but accepting them as my family and a huge part of my life is very important. If you expect me to spend Christmas without the kids, we won't get along.

3. I will support your career and I expect you to support mine. Expect that I work long hours and I will respect if you do.

Ok... there's one more

4. No violence and no drug dependency.

[DanceFoolsDance]

Self-sufficient (must have a stable work and living situation)
Good health and hygiene (honest effort, in all ways)
Trustworthy (hiding, lying, and manipulating is my biggest deal breaker)

[AnAwkwardAccident]

1. Compassionate
2. Respectful
3. Intelligent

[JDeere]

Open and total communication
Honesty
Respect

If you can't do these three don't bother with me then

[kassykit]

Liars, this is a huge one for me. Don't lie, that simple.

You must be honest, compassionate, and kind.

[MasterfulButch]

This thread makes for interesting reading.

Some responses are pretty fundamental and were probably clear to us all along. Others we've become aware of through living something else and perhaps offer the most learning contribution for others. For me, my top three of these are:

1. Sexual chemistry - sure you can have a committed, loving friendship but in a relationship I need more. There is so much depth to my personality here, I need to be able to express/explore it with my partner.
2. Value alignment - compatibility on what matters to you. Moral issues. Work ethic etc. E.g. find something of value in the street. Keep it or hand it in?
3. Availability - couples differ on this I know. Some like the joined-at-the-hip approach while others value independence. I need her to be similar to me, to want to spend time with me and also to be available to do so.

[Greco]

Intelligence (Spiritual, and Emotional), Healthy in mind, body, spirit, Honesty, Personal Integrity goes without saying. Sensuality, Creativity, Passionate, Compassionate, Resilient, Resourceful all add up to one Stunningly Beautiful Woman. She must love to dance! smiling...hmmm...glasses? oh, yes...and a few other qualities...

Greco

[Apocalipstic]

Just 3

Kind
Calm
Consistent

[Mel C.]

hmmmm...difficult for me because I keep asking myself "what if"...

1) sense of humor that meshes with mine
2) independence, yet able to show that I am important/wanted
3) good natured (I'm a handful)

[imperfect_cupcake]

I've had to rethink a lot of stuff. It's hard to pick three. I think I can limit it to five. Lol

1) sexual chemistry - it's has to be there, they have to be dominant, at least prone to a bit of sexual sadism, at least a bit of a papa bear. I got to rediscover an old part of myself recently and I felt like I was truly comfortable again. I've decided to stick with that. And I don't want to give it up again. It's such an easy and natural way to be.

2) sense of humour match - they have to be sarcastic, dark humoured and quick. Banter. Playful. Kid sense of play to mine.

3) they gotta love the talk - intoverted/extroverted don't care, but if you don't, at the core, enjoy discussion, a bit of debate, sharing stories about yourself and being present and able to sit with being uncomfortable and hashing something out, then it really won't work with me.

4) steady - meaning you don't change your mind constantly, you aren't moody, you don't storm off and sulk, you stay and talk. You don't tell me you want one thing on Thursday and then a week later you suddenly want something else. Then a week later it changes again. You are emotionally stable. I don't care if you are a bit crusty and misanthropic, as long as you think I'm the bees knees and stick to that. Don't come in with tides of joy, then cry for four hours then sulk then ... You have no idea how many of my partners were like this.
Recently I dated someone emotionally stable and I was shocked to find how easy the relationship was (aside from the challenges of differing ideas etc which I don't mind hashing out), how unstressful, and how much care *I* got for a change. Someone actually want to look after *me*. That please!!!

5) although I'm a feisty submissive and I adore the living bejesus out of you, and I'm a very devoted partner, I want my independence. I even enjoy the kink of sexual ownership. These tits still belong to you, babes, but right now, I need to go deal with school, have some time to myself, a bit of time with friends, and I don't want to live with a partner. But boy I will spoil you when you show up for dinner/the weekend. Knock your papa bear socks off. And it's bloody great you want to spoil me back.

[Orema]

1. Must be opinionated and direct with compassion and empathy.
2. Confidence has to be driven by honesty and intelligence (not by possessions, travel, lineage, etc.)
3. Sexual fetishes must be in line with each other or compliment each other. I'm GGG (Good, Giving, Game), but there are some lines I won't cross.

[Lacey]

Flirting with others
Secret friendships/relationships
Lacking communication skills.

[kittygrrl]

philanthropist
ethical- in every sense of the word
capacity to cherish & love beyond measure

[CherryWine]

It's hard to pick just three.

I am going to say you must be an honest person, first and foremost.

Must have a great sense of humor. Make me laugh A LOT, and laugh with me too.

Must be a great kisser. If you don't know how to give a sweet, passionate kiss then we won't be getting very far after that.

[Kätzchen]

Deal breakers (relationship or not).


Being disrespectful toward me or others.
Self-absorbed.
Manipulative behaviors.

Any of the above (or other behaviors of simular accord) will earn you a one-way ticket to another universe, far far away.

[Tuff Stuff]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

I think everyone should have at least a few things that they have to have (in a realtionship) to keep the home fires burning and have a little slice of joy in your lives together. I have a few and I know, my S.O. does also. But our have-to's are very different. I'm interested in what works for others. Please share your thoughts of what works and/or would work for you. Thanks

Mine:
Must be monogomous
Intelligent
Sick sense of humor



Hers:
Confidence
Good work ethic
Sex maniac

[RockOn]

- open & honest (and not tell only part of the story because being with-holding is being deceptive which equates to lying)

- must have a light side, enjoys laughing at silly things ... too much seriousness will squelch my soul

- no drunks, no druggies ... in my opinion, nothing ... (repeat) nothing brings on lying and cheating faster ... the shallowness of these type games, games, games = boredom ... I see through the smoke & mirrors ... once upon a time, I had to be a loser in order to have such keen perception ... every day that goes by, I am so thankful to be sober from substances that kept my mind riddled and confused ... not everyone is fortunate enough to live through it to break out to the other side ... FACT: many die and that is sad

[job]

1. You must love animals. And I don't mean eating them. How you treat animals tells me pretty much everything I need to know about you.

2. Honesty. Even if you think I won't like it, just say it. If I don't know how you really feel then nothing between us is accurate or real.

3. Want me. If you can take me or leave me, then I don't want you. I don't want to be replaceable.

Good hygiene and a dirty mind are gimmes...

[storyspinner70]

1. Must have a good voice: You can look like a supermodel and sound horrible and I'm not having it. No. How things sound matter a lot to me. Just couldn't do it. I got super lucky in that regard.

2. Have to be clever or intelligent: Again, I got lucky and my butch is both.

That's pretty much my two main requirements. The rest will sift out with time and we'll work it out as it comes up.