How we grieve

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

The grief i experienced when my parents passed away was/is as different as they were.

My father died unexpectedly...yes he had a heart condition, but his passing was sudden and numbing. I stood up at his memorial and gave the eulogy with not a tear until a year later. I was driving down the road, heard his favorite song "what a wonderful world", and had to pull over for hours while i sobbed and sobbed. I miss him every day, but it gets easier with time; he has been gone 15 years.

My Mother had a long illness where i was the primary caretaker...and i was the one who told her what her end of life choices were, and sat with her in the hospital while she died. I cried every single day for two years...sadness, guilt, pain so severe i wanted to die. If i had not had my family i probably would have followed her. Sometimes i am so angry with her for choosing the easy
way out...and then i feel the guilt because if i would have been selfish and said "fight for us", she would have fought...but the outcome would have been the same with so much pain for her thrown in.

I'm sorry I've kind of lost my point here...but i guess it is too say that everyone grieves in their own time, and in their own way and does what they have to in order to survive the experience and keep living.

Part of the reason i had a hard time beginning to grieve my father, was the death of my beloved Grandfather only 6 weeks later. My father died on Feb 22nd, and my Grandfather died on April 1st. I completely shut down emotionally, finally grieving them both a year later.

Ascot, you have helped me more than i can say...i carried guilt because i stayed with my Mom through the hospitalization, and then her time in hospice...but on that last day my sister said " please go home, i'll stay with her, be with your family tonight and come back tomorrow". My sister had spent no time with her during her illness, or during her hospitalization, so i gave her that time. I have always felt such guilt that i wasn't there that night when my Mom passed away; you're right, i think my sister needed to be the one.