PTSD and Trauma recovery

[JustLovelyJenn]

I did some self care this week that really helped me. I set some boundaries for those around me and I have been working on creating a welcoming space for myself. We had to do some rearranging in our home to make sure that everyone has the spaces they need, but, its helping already... even with the stacked boxes I am trying to sort through I still feel like my space is more of what I need, and my daughter is feeling the same way in her new space.

What do you all do to create safe spaces for yourself? What things help you feel comfortable? What things do you absolutly need for that feeling of security?

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by JustLovelyJenn

I did some self care this week that really helped me. I set some boundaries for those around me and I have been working on creating a welcoming space for myself. We had to do some rearranging in our home to make sure that everyone has the spaces they need, but, its helping already... even with the stacked boxes I am trying to sort through I still feel like my space is more of what I need, and my daughter is feeling the same way in her new space.

What do you all do to create safe spaces for yourself? What things help you feel comfortable? What things do you absolutly need for that feeling of security?

What a great post! I have to have my own space too! Its weird too, sometimes I have to move things around till I feel safe. I recently moved and have boxes too lol. Its a studio basically 2 large rooms and I had one as living room and one as kitchen/bedroom. I did not feel right in that room...so I (with help) moved my bed into the larger living room and it feels perfect. I have huge windows with lots of trees and it calms me. It is in a huge house built in the 1920s, separated into studios. Nashville has gotten hellishly expensive. Anyway, having people in the house at night, but not in my space, is really helpful. I am not scared that way.

I'm working on getting unpacked. I organized my books last weekend and that gave me a sense of calm too.

Ohhhh, and I have always had a grocery store phobia thing where I get overwhelmed and have to leave. However, something I find is helping is that I do not have to explain to anyone what I bought, and why....and things can go in my bags how I want....and I am less stressed about it.

Even at work, I have my own office and I got floral paintings at a church festival and international gifts from clients to decorate. I had maintenance take out almost all of the overhead lighting. Too much bright light makes me anxious.

I am super glad to hear you are carving out space for you and that your daughter has a mom who understand she needs her own space.

Sending love your way!

J

[homoe]

~~

I've always had a need for my own space to be uncluttered. If things are not in their place I feel disorganized and out of sync. If my bedroom is not in pie order at bedtime, I know I won't be getting a good nights rest.

I attribute this to childhood trauma, which at this point, I'd rather not get into.

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Christmas was stressful but thankfully is over for another year!

I have noticed that when other people act badly I feel like I need to change myself so they will maybe act better. Does anyone else do this?

Yes. I do this so much that people get angry at me if I DONT. They all expect it of me. I was the scapegoat and the peacemaker. I was the black sheep and the go-to for help person. I have struggled with PTSD since I was 11 years old. My story is a looong one meaning the traumatic things were not just happening at home in my childhood.... it really means a lot to read everyone else opening up but I dont want to share mine right now.

I will wait until I am in "that place" already in my mind. No sense in triggering myself while I am dealing with this break up and this emotional abuse I am currently getting daily. So far, with said person at work, it has been emotionally relaxed day. When you get that peace you hang onto it and avoid the "victim" feeling and panic attacks if you can.

Threads like this one are a big reason I come to online community. I am not told here that I "am gay because of these traumas" by the people here. No one tries to fix me and make me want to be hetero here. My queerness was not a result or caused by my life. I would be asexual if that were true because the traumas werent caused by one gender, or even one race...

Thank you everybody here for that acceptance and kindness.

[friskyfemme]

Originally Posted by Amelia

Yes. I do this so much that people get angry at me if I DONT. They all expect it of me. I was the scapegoat and the peacemaker. I was the black sheep and the go-to for help person... while I am dealing with this break up and this emotional abuse I am currently getting daily.

I totally relate to your state of mind. I had several abuses following my childhood and my father. I thought until I was in my mid-thirties it was my purpose in life to take on everyone's dysfunction to create 'peace' from chaos. Then I found myself. A 'me' that deserved and commanded respect from my family. I realized that I was taking on everyone else's stuff so I didn't have to deal with my own. I finally put myself first. It felt selfish and self absorbed at first, but in the end I have the respect and love of my family with all their quirks. I still deal with some of the tragedy. But I am determined I will die, in peace.

[Dragonfly]

Exactly! I barely see my family because I cut those dysfunctional expectations out of my life. I am still in the feel selfish stage. I know in my head that I am doing what I need to do by avoiding them... but it takes longer to UNDO that "role" than it took for them to lock me into it. Holidays are harder even though I thought it was going to make it easier. I should have expected them to be healthier... rather than easier.

Seems less selfish to think I am doing this for their good also. An enabler I was letting them continue to harm themselves and that helps me every day to think its not just "for me". I also have two teens who have been catching on for a few years... and getting angry in my defense. I think of doing what is right as a role model for my two and my four nephews. I dont want them to be dragged into it and influenced. I dont want the cycle to infect our next generation growing up.

The buck stops here...

[friskyfemme]

Originally Posted by Amelia

Exactly! I barely see my family because I cut those dysfunctional expectations out of my life. I am still in the feel selfish stage. I know in my head that I am doing what I need to do by avoiding them... but it takes longer to UNDO that "role" than it took for them to lock me into it. Holidays are harder even though I thought it was going to make it easier. I should have expected them to be healthier... rather than easier.

Seems less selfish to think I am doing this for their good also. An enabler I was letting them continue to harm themselves and that helps me every day to think its not just "for me". I also have two teens who have been catching on for a few years... and getting angry in my defense. I think of doing what is right as a role model for my two and my four nephews. I dont want them to be dragged into it and influenced. I dont want the cycle to infect our next generation growing up.

The buck stops here...

You are absolutely right! You are doing more than getting yourself healhy you are 'breaking the cycle'. Although it has taken 20yrs for my siblings to 'get it', their kids have been drawn to me- 'safehaven' It used to be said of me by my sibs that my dysfunction was I am queer. But my nieces and nephews don't even see my sexuality as different. I have been told by more than one of them that I am the only sane one in the family. I do talk to the older ones about helping the parents grow up. I also stress the importance of love, compassion, and keeping oneself intack. Like you, I hope that this will help heal my family.

[friskyfemme]

Throughout my life, I have actually ached physically to be loved by someone who loved me 'unconditionally'(whatever that means!). Everytime I have 'found' love, I have tested (challenged) that the person did indeed love me. If they did meet the 'test', I felt extreme anxiety that they would soon find me out (that I wasn't the 'wonderful' person they thought I was). I 'knew' they would evenutally see for theirself and leave me. So, I 'worn' them down until they finally did leave. If they didn't meet the 'test', I would leave.
Either way this would feed into my feeling of not being worthy! It has only been recently, that I have come to realize that this is seeded in my childhood not only of my father's abuse physical and emotional; but also my mother's inability to protect me and my sibs from his abuse.
I do know consciously that blaming others for my own inadequatecy; is only destructive. I also know consciously, that fostering an hidden image of being inadequate or unworthy is self defeating. However, burying this in my subconscious has kept me from being 'present' in a relationship. I am declaring now: I am WORTHY of forever love and I am going to ALLOW my forever lover to find and stay wih me. I don't expect this to happen overnight, but at least I am stepping out of the shadow of my past into the Light of my future .
You might be asking yourself-what happened to FF to inspire this unexpected transformation. The answer is YOU! All of YOU who have shared their PSTD struggles in this thread! You have forced me to look at my own hidden pain. THANK YOU! May Spirit wrap you in love and peace!
FF

[Leigh]

While I have never been diagnosed with PTSD, I see so much of Myself in many of you (especially Andrew and Atomic) and wanted to say thank you to all of you for being brave enough to share those most traumatic parts of life ........ your all heroes in My eyes

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by friskyfemme

Throughout my life, I have actually ached physically to be loved by someone who loved me 'unconditionally'(whatever that means!). Everytime I have 'found' love, I have tested (challenged) that the person did indeed love me. If they did meet the 'test', I felt extreme anxiety that they would soon find me out (that I wasn't the 'wonderful' person they thought I was). I 'knew' they would evenutally see for theirself and leave me. So, I 'worn' them down until they finally did leave. If they didn't meet the 'test', I would leave.
Either way this would feed into my feeling of not being worthy! It has only been recently, that I have come to realize that this is seeded in my childhood not only of my father's abuse physical and emotional; but also my mother's inability to protect me and my sibs from his abuse.
I do know consciously that blaming others for my own inadequatecy; is only destructive. I also know consciously, that fostering an hidden image of being inadequate or unworthy is self defeating. However, burying this in my subconscious has kept me from being 'present' in a relationship. I am declaring now: I am WORTHY of forever love and I am going to ALLOW my forever lover to find and stay wih me. I don't expect this to happen overnight, but at least I am stepping out of the shadow of my past into the Light of my future .
You might be asking yourself-what happened to FF to inspire this unexpected transformation. The answer is YOU! All of YOU who have shared their PSTD struggles in this thread! You have forced me to look at my own hidden pain. THANK YOU! May Spirit wrap you in love and peace!
FF

Frisky!!!

Just remember that there's gonna be days when you feel like you took two steps forward and three back. Dont focus on the mistake beat yourself up thoughts, but make it the oops try better next time thought. Give yourself some leeway and forgiveness that nothing happened to you in the past all overnight... and so this too don't expect immediate permanent changes overnight. Realizing is awesome and the first step. Just don't forget we are all still here to be supportive on those days when you get overwhelmed or are being hard on yourself. Everyone has a day when they think screw this its too hard/painful ect....

When I think of it as changing habits I think I am more able to act/think like I want to... and not act/think like I used to before I realized I needed to change. And I allow myself to backslip when I do... and accept its just a speed bump and not a huge wall of "no hope". Less pressure for me tends to help me be more successful in recovering.

[friskyfemme]

Originally Posted by Amelia

Exactly! I barely see my family because I cut those dysfunctional expectations out of my life. I am still in the feel selfish stage. I know in my head that I am doing what I need to do by avoiding them... but it takes longer to UNDO that "role" than it took for them to lock me into it. Holidays are harder even though I thought it was going to make it easier. I should have expected them to be healthier... rather than easier.

Seems less selfish to think I am doing this for their good also. An enabler I was letting them continue to harm themselves and that helps me every day to think its not just "for me". I also have two teens who have been catching on for a few years... and getting angry in my defense. I think of doing what is right as a role model for my two and my four nephews. I dont want them to be dragged into it and influenced. I dont want the cycle to infect our next generation growing up.

The buck stops here...

It is a big move. I totally relate to where you're coming from. I had to let my family catch up with where I was coming from. IT took many years. But my motivation was definitely to break he cycle for my kids and nieces and nephews. I can see that healing in their children. So even though I still ride the waves of dysfunction I feel like I was able to do some good for my family. Blessings to you.