"straight" women and Butches. - Page 3

chefhottie25 · 06-25-2011, 11:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by June

Hi, Merlin -- Welcome to the Planet!

I maintain that if a straight woman gets with a Queer ID'd person, they aren't straight anymore. There has to be mutual desire for that to even happen.

i have had a few encounters with "straight" women...but i wouldn't say that their experience with me made them no longer straight. i believe that orientation is defined by what gender you want to have as a partner. you know...those we choose to have actual relationships with. some people just like to experiment with sex...and when they do it doesn't mean that it changes how they identify.

AtLast · 06-26-2011, 02:26 AM

I find discussions about "straight" women to be more often code for beauty, usually some dominant cultural interpretation of what beauty is. And it always seems like in these discussions butch ends up as male. Also, the whole affiliational paradigm is set in motion- we (as in a general we) are only worth what we can be affiliated with not who we are as individuals. And straight is at the top of the spectrum as being the most attractive or beautiful. When we all know, femmes are the most attractive in every way! Mainly, femme is just so much more than a physical state to me. There is a whole different carriage and psyche by femmes as far as I'm concerned. A very unique state of being.

Makes me nuts.

I ended up with a "straight" married woman for 21 years. She was separated from her husband at the time we met. We did fall in love and shared a healthy relationship together. As a lesbian couple. I did have fears that I was an "experiment" and had to deal with that and just took the risk. I have to admit that for the first 10 years of our relationship there were difficulties with straight men hitting on her frequently. We also did not live in a totally queer world. In fact, we were fairly closeted during that time period (we were both quite young when we met and coupled). Although, as we grew as people, she really found more of herself as on the butch spectrum in many ways (obviously, I did as well). One of the reasons we broke up. But, in most cases of friends that dated and fell for "straight" women, the story did not end well.

I guess I have to look at this in terms of individuals. I just can't put all straight women (or men for that matter) in one box. If I do that, I am doing what the rest of society does to me.

Something else that is bothering me are the continued references to butches in the masculine in terms of things like ego. Actually, ego bothers me in and of itself. Femmes appear to have some of it going on themselves I have experienced with butches. I don't view myself in terms of any kind of masculine ego construct. I know that some butches identify as male, but not all.

On the other hand, mention of the kind of degradation that some femmes have felt around this, I am saddened by the phenomena that are being discussed as it feels so negative toward the butch-femme dynamic as well as to the many types of queer relationships we have throughout our entire dynamic.

06-26-2011, 02:26 AM	#2
AtLast Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Woman Preferred Pronoun?: HER - SHE Relationship Status: Relating Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird Posts: 5,408 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,826 Thanked 10,827 Times in 3,199 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	I find discussions about "straight" women to be more often code for beauty, usually some dominant cultural interpretation of what beauty is. And it always seems like in these discussions butch ends up as male. Also, the whole affiliational paradigm is set in motion- we (as in a general we) are only worth what we can be affiliated with not who we are as individuals. And straight is at the top of the spectrum as being the most attractive or beautiful. When we all know, femmes are the most attractive in every way! Mainly, femme is just so much more than a physical state to me. There is a whole different carriage and psyche by femmes as far as I'm concerned. A very unique state of being. Makes me nuts. I ended up with a "straight" married woman for 21 years. She was separated from her husband at the time we met. We did fall in love and shared a healthy relationship together. As a lesbian couple. I did have fears that I was an "experiment" and had to deal with that and just took the risk. I have to admit that for the first 10 years of our relationship there were difficulties with straight men hitting on her frequently. We also did not live in a totally queer world. In fact, we were fairly closeted during that time period (we were both quite young when we met and coupled). Although, as we grew as people, she really found more of herself as on the butch spectrum in many ways (obviously, I did as well). One of the reasons we broke up. But, in most cases of friends that dated and fell for "straight" women, the story did not end well. I guess I have to look at this in terms of individuals. I just can't put all straight women (or men for that matter) in one box. If I do that, I am doing what the rest of society does to me. Something else that is bothering me are the continued references to butches in the masculine in terms of things like ego. Actually, ego bothers me in and of itself. Femmes appear to have some of it going on themselves I have experienced with butches. I don't view myself in terms of any kind of masculine ego construct. I know that some butches identify as male, but not all. On the other hand, mention of the kind of degradation that some femmes have felt around this, I am saddened by the phenomena that are being discussed as it feels so negative toward the butch-femme dynamic as well as to the many types of queer relationships we have throughout our entire dynamic.