Your Death and Post-Death Preferences - Page 2

JustJo · 10-24-2011, 04:13 PM

I don't think this is morbid at all...realistic is more like it.

My mother and I have had several conversations about this lately since her cancer is what it is. She has decided to donate her body to research on Crohn's disease. As a 50 year survivor of it, they may be able to learn some things from her body after she's gone. She wants no funeral at all....it's a family tradition. We just don't do them. She said that her friends can gather at Dunkin Donuts and have a cup of tea and a cruller in her honor. Her family can do what they want (since they always have...and none of them are close).

As far as my own body, I'd like to donate whatever is usable, although I doubt any of it will be given my health issues. What's left can be cremated. I like roses, and roses like ashes....act accordingly.

Everything I own goes to my son.

tapu · 10-24-2011, 05:52 PM

Very interesting thread.

This book is the famous (infamous?) expose of the American funeral industry. It is extremely informative, and wicked funny! It's by Jessica Mitford. I had to have it, if only for the cover.

[ame="http://www.amazon.com/American-Way-Death-Revisited/dp/0679771867/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1319499717&sr=1-2"]http://www.amazon.com/American-Way-Death-Revisited/dp/0679771867/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1319499717&sr=1-2[/ame]

DapperButch · 10-24-2011, 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tapu

Very interesting thread.

This book is the famous (infamous?) expose of the American funeral industry. It is extremely informative, and wicked funny! It's by Jessica Mitford. I had to have it, if only for the cover.

http://www.amazon.com/American-Way-D...9499717&sr=1-2

Wait a minute. Didn't somebody post a similar picture of themselves..and maybe with their partner? I feel like people were having a picnic or something. Was it Medusa? Like a year or so ago.

DapperButch · 10-24-2011, 06:36 PM

So.

When I was dealing with colon cancer last/this year I thought about death for the first time. Well, it was the first time I thought about my death, anyway.

What struck me was that it was important to me that people remembered me after I died. Not remembered me FOR something. Just remembered me. I thought about how when an acquaintance dies I might feel sad about their loss, but that eventually I think about the person less and less.

My thought was that it was important to me that the people who were close to me not forget me quickly. What that means exactly, I don't know. I just know I had that thought often during my surgery/chemo induced haze (that really I swear I didn't come out of until like a month ago even though I finished chemo 6 months ago). I am not so sure what all is behind that psychologically, but this is what I remember focusing on.

In terms of my own funeral/burial, etc. I signed up to donate all organs, but I suppose now that wouldn't make sense since I had cancer/chemo? Or, at least they shouldn't take my parts I don't think. Sure, all of us have cancer cells floating around, but most likely I have more than most. And not to be morbid or anything, but there certainly is a solid chance that I have a tiny tumor in an organ somewhere that will become known to me in a few or more years. A tumor that is currently too small for a scan to pick up on. No, I do not think anyone should have my organs.

Anyway...

I don't really care what happens with my body. I do want to be cremated and don't want my body to be viewed. My mother will no doubt want some sort of service at her church and I am fine with that. I also have a plot next to my mother and father (evidently, they were cheap at the time, so my parents figured they would buy me one too, "in case I never got another plot and needed it"...thanks mom and dad!). If I die any time soon I am ok with my ashes being buried there. Otherwise, it really doesn't matter to me.

tapu · 10-24-2011, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Wait a minute. Didn't somebody post a similar picture of themselves..and maybe with their partner? I feel like people were having a picnic or something. Was it Medusa? Like a year or so ago.

My good DB, are you high? It shows Jessica Mitford in a crematorium.

Sachita · 10-25-2011, 04:49 PM

Take whatever organs still work then send me to ashes and sprinkle me in my garden.

Nat · 10-18-2013, 11:44 AM

As posted elsewhere, after attending enough funerals, my biggest hope is that there will be no preachers at my funeral. A year and a half ago, a pagan friend of mine committed suicide, and his deeply Christian family felt it necessary to blame his religion for his death. Not only did they burn his altar items, but the preacher at his funeral told the crowd of mourners that he had prayed each of us live miserable lives until and only if we accepted Jesus Christ as our savior. I stood there between two atheist friends, myself a pagan, and throngs of his young friends who may or may not have been Christian. It sounded to my ears like a sinister curse.

And there was my limit with preachers at funerals. Maybe one day I will change my mind. I want to be buried somewhere neglected enough that perhaps someone can plant some white irises on my grave. Might be nice if someone could slip a few coins in my pocket before I go underground.

Heavenleahangel · 10-18-2013, 01:01 PM

Since I have diabetes, I have arranged for my body to be donated to research. All organs that are usable will be harvested and the rest goes to try and figure out what causes/cures diabetes.
I do request my family and friends (as few as there are) to have a celebration of my life and have a good old fashioned pig picking and cook out with my favorite foods!

imperfect_cupcake · 10-18-2013, 01:54 PM

the arrangement of my remains are for the living, not me. It's their way to deal with death so it's up to them. I would *prefer* if my brain was donated to neurological research and my body to where ever it's needed (even if it's just for medical students to cut up, wtf do I care, I'm dead, I'm not going to know fuck all)

However, if there is anyone that gives a toss when I cork it (parents might be dead, I won't have kids and I may not have a partner) and it matters to them, let them do what they like. Death arrangements are for the living to help them adjust and let go. So it's really for them to decide.

CherylNYC · 10-18-2013, 03:45 PM

I've told everyone and anyone who will listen that they should pull the plug if I can no longer ride my motorcycles. I want everything and anything on or in my body that's still useful to be harvested/recycled. I'm the long-term beneficiary of a cadaver ACL in my left knee, and I very much wish to return the favor. With interest.

I want to be cremated, and I want my ashes sprinkled off a motorcycle riding down the Blue Ridge Parkway. Then I want a memorial party. It doesn't have to be fancy, but I demand good, funny stories, and I want some pictures of me at every age to prod memories. If there's anyone still left alive to tell them, I want my friends to tell all their favourite tales about me, even the embarrassing ones, and I want everyone to laugh until their faces hurt.

Cin · 10-18-2013, 03:50 PM

I would like my body taken out in the middle of the ocean and dumped. But I have to accept that's not going to happen.

I am claustrophobic so as irrational as it seems I am freaked out at the thought of being buried. I'm not that fond of being closed up in a furnace either but I imagine that's fairly fast, at least compared to the length of time you can be stuck in a coffin after being buried. And after I am cremated I would appreciate someone taking me for a boat ride and dumping my ashes at sea. (and I mean dump, in reality there's way too much to toss just open the bag and dump it over the side) I don't want any kind of service at all. Nothing. No mourning type shit.

Before any of that I have no problem with being practice for medical students. Well not way before, I want to be dead first of course.

All this is dependent on if there is any one still around who gives a fat rat's ass about my death. If there is I think they will enjoy knowing they are saying good bye in the way I would have wanted.

If there isn't I really won't know what they do with me and I guess it doesn't matter. I know I won't have a clue after the lights go out. And I seriously don't give a crap about anything after I'm dead. Put me in a clown costume if you like. Except for the irrational fixation i have about not being closed up. I don't want to be locked up in a coffin or be uncollected ashes stored in a box on a shelf somewhere. I want to be set free.

TIMBERWOLF · 10-18-2013, 08:52 PM

I have my will made out and my son's have a copy of it. I am a organ donor and they can use what they can. Unfortunately I am on Dialysis so kidneys aren't good. My son knows that I want to be cremated after everything is done scattered over Big Bear Mountain in Calif. Due to my Native American beliefs all ashes will be scattered. All I have is left to my son's.

Ginger · 09-20-2015, 12:31 PM

Anyone can be disinherited except a legal spouse.

If you and your partner aren't married, make sure you have a will so the biological family doesn't take what the remaining partner needs to live out her life in safety and dignity.

10-24-2011, 04:13 PM	#1
JustJo Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: pushy broad Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Follow your heart; it knows things your mind cannot explain. Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Southeast corner Posts: 5,633 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 24,417 Thanked 25,404 Times in 4,660 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	I don't think this is morbid at all...realistic is more like it. My mother and I have had several conversations about this lately since her cancer is what it is. She has decided to donate her body to research on Crohn's disease. As a 50 year survivor of it, they may be able to learn some things from her body after she's gone. She wants no funeral at all....it's a family tradition. We just don't do them. She said that her friends can gather at Dunkin Donuts and have a cup of tea and a cruller in her honor. Her family can do what they want (since they always have...and none of them are close). As far as my own body, I'd like to donate whatever is usable, although I doubt any of it will be given my health issues. What's left can be cremated. I like roses, and roses like ashes....act accordingly. Everything I own goes to my son. __________________ I'm not tall enough to ride emotional roller coasters

10-24-2011, 05:52 PM	#2
tapu Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Understated butch. Preferred Pronoun?: I Relationship Status: Party of One Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Maine Posts: 1,654 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,324 Thanked 3,115 Times in 1,103 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Very interesting thread. This book is the famous (infamous?) expose of the American funeral industry. It is extremely informative, and wicked funny! It's by Jessica Mitford. I had to have it, if only for the cover. [ame="http://www.amazon.com/American-Way-Death-Revisited/dp/0679771867/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1319499717&sr=1-2"]http://www.amazon.com/American-Way-Death-Revisited/dp/0679771867/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1319499717&sr=1-2[/ame] __________________ Really? That's not funny to you? Last edited by tapu; 10-24-2011 at 05:56 PM.

10-24-2011, 06:36 PM	#4
DapperButch Roadster Guy How Do You Identify?: FTM, Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Northeast Posts: 7,745 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26,545 Thanked 26,809 Times in 5,771 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	So. When I was dealing with colon cancer last/this year I thought about death for the first time. Well, it was the first time I thought about my death, anyway. What struck me was that it was important to me that people remembered me after I died. Not remembered me FOR something. Just remembered me. I thought about how when an acquaintance dies I might feel sad about their loss, but that eventually I think about the person less and less. My thought was that it was important to me that the people who were close to me not forget me quickly. What that means exactly, I don't know. I just know I had that thought often during my surgery/chemo induced haze (that really I swear I didn't come out of until like a month ago even though I finished chemo 6 months ago). I am not so sure what all is behind that psychologically, but this is what I remember focusing on. In terms of my own funeral/burial, etc. I signed up to donate all organs, but I suppose now that wouldn't make sense since I had cancer/chemo? Or, at least they shouldn't take my parts I don't think. Sure, all of us have cancer cells floating around, but most likely I have more than most. And not to be morbid or anything, but there certainly is a solid chance that I have a tiny tumor in an organ somewhere that will become known to me in a few or more years. A tumor that is currently too small for a scan to pick up on. No, I do not think anyone should have my organs. Anyway... I don't really care what happens with my body. I do want to be cremated and don't want my body to be viewed. My mother will no doubt want some sort of service at her church and I am fine with that. I also have a plot next to my mother and father (evidently, they were cheap at the time, so my parents figured they would buy me one too, "in case I never got another plot and needed it"...thanks mom and dad!). If I die any time soon I am ok with my ashes being buried there. Otherwise, it really doesn't matter to me. __________________ -Dapper Are you educated or indoctrinated?

10-25-2011, 04:49 PM	#6
Sachita Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Goddess Relationship Status: Completely in love Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Southern Virginia Posts: 3,225 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,564 Thanked 8,992 Times in 2,247 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Take whatever organs still work then send me to ashes and sprinkle me in my garden. __________________ You either like me or you don't. It took me Twenty-something years to learn how to love myself, I don't have that kinda time to convince somebody else. ~ Daniel Franzese

10-18-2013, 11:44 AM	#7
Nat Senior Member How Do You Identify?: bigender (DID System) Preferred Pronoun?: he/him or alter-specific Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Central TX Posts: 3,537 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,047 Thanked 13,968 Times in 2,589 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	As posted elsewhere, after attending enough funerals, my biggest hope is that there will be no preachers at my funeral. A year and a half ago, a pagan friend of mine committed suicide, and his deeply Christian family felt it necessary to blame his religion for his death. Not only did they burn his altar items, but the preacher at his funeral told the crowd of mourners that he had prayed each of us live miserable lives until and only if we accepted Jesus Christ as our savior. I stood there between two atheist friends, myself a pagan, and throngs of his young friends who may or may not have been Christian. It sounded to my ears like a sinister curse. And there was my limit with preachers at funerals. Maybe one day I will change my mind. I want to be buried somewhere neglected enough that perhaps someone can plant some white irises on my grave. Might be nice if someone could slip a few coins in my pocket before I go underground. __________________ I'm a fountain of blood. In the shape of a girl. - Bjork What is to give light must endure burning. -Viktor Frankl Last edited by Nat; 10-18-2013 at 11:47 AM.

10-18-2013, 01:01 PM	#8
Heavenleahangel Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Femme; Earth bound Angel and Babygirl; Preferred Pronoun?: She, Angel, as long as it's respectful Relationship Status: Waiting for the One who can complete me Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Albany, NY~but originally from Georgia Posts: 562 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,257 Thanked 2,068 Times in 468 Posts Rep Power: 18675554	Since I have diabetes, I have arranged for my body to be donated to research. All organs that are usable will be harvested and the rest goes to try and figure out what causes/cures diabetes. I do request my family and friends (as few as there are) to have a celebration of my life and have a good old fashioned pig picking and cook out with my favorite foods! __________________ Sweet Georgia Peach

10-18-2013, 01:54 PM	#9
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	the arrangement of my remains are for the living, not me. It's their way to deal with death so it's up to them. I would prefer if my brain was donated to neurological research and my body to where ever it's needed (even if it's just for medical students to cut up, wtf do I care, I'm dead, I'm not going to know fuck all) However, if there is anyone that gives a toss when I cork it (parents might be dead, I won't have kids and I may not have a partner) and it matters to them, let them do what they like. Death arrangements are for the living to help them adjust and let go. So it's really for them to decide.

10-18-2013, 03:45 PM	#10
CherylNYC Member How Do You Identify?: Stonefemme lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: I'm a woman. Behave accordingly. Relationship Status: Single, not looking. Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: NYC Posts: 1,467 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,474 Thanked 7,111 Times in 1,205 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I've told everyone and anyone who will listen that they should pull the plug if I can no longer ride my motorcycles. I want everything and anything on or in my body that's still useful to be harvested/recycled. I'm the long-term beneficiary of a cadaver ACL in my left knee, and I very much wish to return the favor. With interest. I want to be cremated, and I want my ashes sprinkled off a motorcycle riding down the Blue Ridge Parkway. Then I want a memorial party. It doesn't have to be fancy, but I demand good, funny stories, and I want some pictures of me at every age to prod memories. If there's anyone still left alive to tell them, I want my friends to tell all their favourite tales about me, even the embarrassing ones, and I want everyone to laugh until their faces hurt. __________________ Cheryl

10-18-2013, 03:50 PM	#11
Cin Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Truly Madly Deeply Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: In My Head Posts: 2,815 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,333 Thanked 10,401 Times in 2,477 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I would like my body taken out in the middle of the ocean and dumped. But I have to accept that's not going to happen. I am claustrophobic so as irrational as it seems I am freaked out at the thought of being buried. I'm not that fond of being closed up in a furnace either but I imagine that's fairly fast, at least compared to the length of time you can be stuck in a coffin after being buried. And after I am cremated I would appreciate someone taking me for a boat ride and dumping my ashes at sea. (and I mean dump, in reality there's way too much to toss just open the bag and dump it over the side) I don't want any kind of service at all. Nothing. No mourning type shit. Before any of that I have no problem with being practice for medical students. Well not way before, I want to be dead first of course. All this is dependent on if there is any one still around who gives a fat rat's ass about my death. If there is I think they will enjoy knowing they are saying good bye in the way I would have wanted. If there isn't I really won't know what they do with me and I guess it doesn't matter. I know I won't have a clue after the lights go out. And I seriously don't give a crap about anything after I'm dead. Put me in a clown costume if you like. Except for the irrational fixation i have about not being closed up. I don't want to be locked up in a coffin or be uncollected ashes stored in a box on a shelf somewhere. I want to be set free.

10-18-2013, 08:52 PM	#12
TIMBERWOLF Member How Do You Identify?: Old Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Lesbian Butch so that would be she, but I come to just about anything S Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: FL Posts: 384 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 218 Thanked 591 Times in 212 Posts Rep Power: 4807545	I have my will made out and my son's have a copy of it. I am a organ donor and they can use what they can. Unfortunately I am on Dialysis so kidneys aren't good. My son knows that I want to be cremated after everything is done scattered over Big Bear Mountain in Calif. Due to my Native American beliefs all ashes will be scattered. All I have is left to my son's.

09-20-2015, 12:31 PM	#13
Ginger Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme lesbian Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: East coast Posts: 2,416 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,829 Thanked 12,296 Times in 2,057 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Anyone can be disinherited except a legal spouse. If you and your partner aren't married, make sure you have a will so the biological family doesn't take what the remaining partner needs to live out her life in safety and dignity. __________________ Reach out.