There was this one time...

1QuirkyKiwi · 02-19-2012, 01:12 PM

There was this one time….

….Not so long ago when I was at a Buffet Party; with lots of chatting, laughing and music, I misheard a woman asking me about the finger food. I replied that I wasn’t fingering my food! ….All of a sudden the room fell silent....like it does. Oh boi! Did I have a hard time trying to explain what I really meant….it was one of those rare occasions where I was rendered speechless! LOL!

luv2luvgirls · 02-19-2012, 03:37 PM

there was this one time
20 yrs ago I was at a gay club and was used to girls walking up and kissing me. one night im hanging with my bud Rick and this girl comes up and starts kissing me. I start kissing back and next thing I know she has a hold of my tongue and wont let go. im trying to pull my tongue out of her death grip to no avail.She is holding on to my tongue like a life line and her teeth are sharp. So my buddy finally comes over and tries to pull us apart by our foreheads. The girl finally let go... lets just say I was cured of kissing strangers

luv2luvgirls · 02-20-2012, 04:13 PM

Ok talking about my Grans this morning reminded me of this one time,I was 15 and spending the night at her house and she was always up late. I woke up and after sitting next to her watching the TV for a minute I calmly asked Gran what are you watching? she, all 4'9'" of her and never heard her cuss, grabs her lil magnifying glass and her tv guide and states.. its says here a day in the life of a whore,and I always wondered what they went thru

gran your watching a porn

Parker · 02-23-2012, 09:21 AM

The opening scene of the dispatcher talking to the small child in last night's episode of Criminal Minds reminded me of this one time when I was a police dispatcher, I got a 911 call from a woman who was pretending I was a friend who owed her money.

It seems her dealer was there with her, wielding a bat and threatening to beat the shit out of her with it if she didn't pay him the money she owed him.

I was able to get all of the info I needed from her by asking yes/no questions so that she wouldn't alert the dude to the fact that she was talking to the police.

At one point, I heard him screaming at her and hitting the wall with his bat - so you have to hand it to her for having the smarts & the guts to fool him into believing she was calling a friend when she actually called 911.

She was able to stay calm and keep the ruse going so that I could stay on the phone with her until my guys got there, guns drawn, to arrest the SoB dealer.

Cuddles · 02-23-2012, 11:38 AM

Talk about an awkward moment. I was at my friend's (gay guy) apartment. He was a senior in HS & lived with his mom who was single. One afternoon while she was at work he was smoking a cig and asked me to get a pack from his mom's dresser. I remember hollering at him asking which drawer as I opened them and then I found her naughty drawer. About 10 dildos, videos, & a couple mags. In classic fashion the apartment front door opened then and I nearly had a heart attack as I slammed the drawer shut and threw myself out the bedroom door in record time. Turned out it was just my friend letting the dog out!

Parker · 02-28-2012, 03:28 AM

There was this one time I was going to post a story of something I did that was crazy and possibly illegal - it was a good and funny story that explained what it was like for me to go through menopause, but I thought better of posting it ... read: I chickened out.

Instead, I will talk about how this one time, I was briefly stationed on the USS Constellation (aka the Connie) during the Women in the Sea program - which, to be fair, I dont know if that was actually the name of the program, but I called it that so much as a joke (like, chicken of the sea) that I dont know it by any other name now. lol

Basically, I was in the Navy during the time of no women in combat, no women on ships (save for hospital ships), etc but the higher-ups wanted to see how men and women working on ships worked together and if we requested it, they would allow us anywhere from 2-14 days on a ship of their choosing. I was on the Fort McHenry for a couple of days, then went to the Connie for 2 weeks

See, I was a Plane Captain for an anti-submarine helicopter squadron - it was a land-based squadron that was about 98% female and we trained the men who would be deployed on aircraft carriers. We were good enough to train the men, but not join them - and we were misogynistically referred to as a "rag squadron."

So it was important to me and a friend of mine to be on an aircraft carrier to get our Landing Signalmen Enlisted (LSE) qualifications, which just meant we would be qualified to do the same job we did then, just on an aircraft carrier.

Anyway, my friend and I were plugging along, having a grand ole time (she and I got our quals in 2 weeks - it took the men their whole 6 month deployment ) hanging out on the flight-line, taking tons of pics, learning what it was like to live on a ship (it sucks lol), etc.

One night, we were getting our night quals and a jet was coming in unexpectedly. We were just inspecting our birds, adding fluids, etc - but I should note that I was so stick-thin back then, someone had to hold me down when the helicopters took off because the down wash of the rotors threatened to blow me on my ass and possibly off of the ship. Also, while we were doing that, a couple of other squadrons were fueling their birds nearby.

As I said, this jet was coming in unexpectedly because there was some sort of problem and they half-expected a crash onto the deck of the ship, so sirens were going off, people were screaming and yelling for everyone to get off of the flight-line, the fuelers were trying to drag their hoses (about 6-8" round and heavy) off of the flight-line - just total chaos.

My friend and I, along with all the other people on the flight-line were running for the catwalks on either side of the carrier when I tripped over a fuel hose. Losing my balance, I went flying down the stairs and into the arms of someone in the catwalk - if they hadnt caught me, my momentum most likely would have carried me over the railing & off of the ship into the water several stories down.

I posted a few pics I found on-line to give you an idea - none of them are exactly right, though the third is pretty damn close.

The first 2 are of the catwalk on the Connie (both pics are from 1972) - but in different areas of the ship than we were that night so the wall of the catwalk is wrong, but they are still a good spacial reference.

This third one is from a model of the USS Enterprise - this catwalk is really close to what we were running onto that night, but ours was just a bit narrower (like the other pics) - the stairs and railings instead of walls are what I'm talking about in my story.

The end.

02-19-2012, 01:12 PM	#1
1QuirkyKiwi Senior Member How Do You Identify?: BBW. Unique femininity that does not encompass the western paradigm. Preferred Pronoun?: Anything Respectful! Relationship Status: Single, Happy, not Desparate or Looking, but Open to Possibilities... Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Europe and Aotearoa on a 5:2 ratio. Posts: 2,308 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,003 Thanked 6,035 Times in 1,617 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	There was this one time…. ….Not so long ago when I was at a Buffet Party; with lots of chatting, laughing and music, I misheard a woman asking me about the finger food. I replied that I wasn’t fingering my food! ….All of a sudden the room fell silent....like it does. Oh boi! Did I have a hard time trying to explain what I really meant….it was one of those rare occasions where I was rendered speechless! LOL! __________________ What will make the difference to me is your strength of character and what's in your heart...

02-19-2012, 03:37 PM	#2
luv2luvgirls Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Asshole Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Kentucky/Austin/Wherever Posts: 2,310 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,387 Thanked 5,470 Times in 1,827 Posts Rep Power: 0	there was this one time 20 yrs ago I was at a gay club and was used to girls walking up and kissing me. one night im hanging with my bud Rick and this girl comes up and starts kissing me. I start kissing back and next thing I know she has a hold of my tongue and wont let go. im trying to pull my tongue out of her death grip to no avail.She is holding on to my tongue like a life line and her teeth are sharp. So my buddy finally comes over and tries to pull us apart by our foreheads. The girl finally let go... lets just say I was cured of kissing strangers

02-20-2012, 04:13 PM	#3
luv2luvgirls Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Asshole Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Kentucky/Austin/Wherever Posts: 2,310 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,387 Thanked 5,470 Times in 1,827 Posts Rep Power: 0	Ok talking about my Grans this morning reminded me of this one time,I was 15 and spending the night at her house and she was always up late. I woke up and after sitting next to her watching the TV for a minute I calmly asked Gran what are you watching? she, all 4'9'" of her and never heard her cuss, grabs her lil magnifying glass and her tv guide and states.. its says here a day in the life of a whore,and I always wondered what they went thru gran your watching a porn

02-23-2012, 09:21 AM	#4
Parker Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: Butch. Lesbian. Dyke. Woman. Female. Preferred Pronoun?: She, of course! Relationship Status: Content Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Small Town Life Posts: 2,880 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,858 Thanked 11,727 Times in 2,429 Posts Rep Power: 0	The opening scene of the dispatcher talking to the small child in last night's episode of Criminal Minds reminded me of this one time when I was a police dispatcher, I got a 911 call from a woman who was pretending I was a friend who owed her money. It seems her dealer was there with her, wielding a bat and threatening to beat the shit out of her with it if she didn't pay him the money she owed him. I was able to get all of the info I needed from her by asking yes/no questions so that she wouldn't alert the dude to the fact that she was talking to the police. At one point, I heard him screaming at her and hitting the wall with his bat - so you have to hand it to her for having the smarts & the guts to fool him into believing she was calling a friend when she actually called 911. She was able to stay calm and keep the ruse going so that I could stay on the phone with her until my guys got there, guns drawn, to arrest the SoB dealer.

02-23-2012, 11:38 AM	#5
Cuddles Junior Member How Do You Identify?: A romantic butch who loves to cuddle... and steal your french fry when you're not looking! Preferred Pronoun?: No preference. Relationship Status: Single, always looking to mingle and maybe be tamed one day Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Northern Florida Posts: 61 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 117 Thanked 191 Times in 36 Posts Rep Power: 1805812	Talk about an awkward moment. I was at my friend's (gay guy) apartment. He was a senior in HS & lived with his mom who was single. One afternoon while she was at work he was smoking a cig and asked me to get a pack from his mom's dresser. I remember hollering at him asking which drawer as I opened them and then I found her naughty drawer. About 10 dildos, videos, & a couple mags. In classic fashion the apartment front door opened then and I nearly had a heart attack as I slammed the drawer shut and threw myself out the bedroom door in record time. Turned out it was just my friend letting the dog out!

02-28-2012, 03:28 AM	#6
Parker Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: Butch. Lesbian. Dyke. Woman. Female. Preferred Pronoun?: She, of course! Relationship Status: Content Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Small Town Life Posts: 2,880 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,858 Thanked 11,727 Times in 2,429 Posts Rep Power: 0	There was this one time I was going to post a story of something I did that was crazy and possibly illegal - it was a good and funny story that explained what it was like for me to go through menopause, but I thought better of posting it ... read: I chickened out. Instead, I will talk about how this one time, I was briefly stationed on the USS Constellation (aka the Connie) during the Women in the Sea program - which, to be fair, I dont know if that was actually the name of the program, but I called it that so much as a joke (like, chicken of the sea) that I dont know it by any other name now. lol Basically, I was in the Navy during the time of no women in combat, no women on ships (save for hospital ships), etc but the higher-ups wanted to see how men and women working on ships worked together and if we requested it, they would allow us anywhere from 2-14 days on a ship of their choosing. I was on the Fort McHenry for a couple of days, then went to the Connie for 2 weeks See, I was a Plane Captain for an anti-submarine helicopter squadron - it was a land-based squadron that was about 98% female and we trained the men who would be deployed on aircraft carriers. We were good enough to train the men, but not join them - and we were misogynistically referred to as a "rag squadron." So it was important to me and a friend of mine to be on an aircraft carrier to get our Landing Signalmen Enlisted (LSE) qualifications, which just meant we would be qualified to do the same job we did then, just on an aircraft carrier. Anyway, my friend and I were plugging along, having a grand ole time (she and I got our quals in 2 weeks - it took the men their whole 6 month deployment ) hanging out on the flight-line, taking tons of pics, learning what it was like to live on a ship (it sucks lol), etc. One night, we were getting our night quals and a jet was coming in unexpectedly. We were just inspecting our birds, adding fluids, etc - but I should note that I was so stick-thin back then, someone had to hold me down when the helicopters took off because the down wash of the rotors threatened to blow me on my ass and possibly off of the ship. Also, while we were doing that, a couple of other squadrons were fueling their birds nearby. As I said, this jet was coming in unexpectedly because there was some sort of problem and they half-expected a crash onto the deck of the ship, so sirens were going off, people were screaming and yelling for everyone to get off of the flight-line, the fuelers were trying to drag their hoses (about 6-8" round and heavy) off of the flight-line - just total chaos. My friend and I, along with all the other people on the flight-line were running for the catwalks on either side of the carrier when I tripped over a fuel hose. Losing my balance, I went flying down the stairs and into the arms of someone in the catwalk - if they hadnt caught me, my momentum most likely would have carried me over the railing & off of the ship into the water several stories down. I posted a few pics I found on-line to give you an idea - none of them are exactly right, though the third is pretty damn close. The first 2 are of the catwalk on the Connie (both pics are from 1972) - but in different areas of the ship than we were that night so the wall of the catwalk is wrong, but they are still a good spacial reference. This third one is from a model of the USS Enterprise - this catwalk is really close to what we were running onto that night, but ours was just a bit narrower (like the other pics) - the stairs and railings instead of walls are what I'm talking about in my story. The end.