What makes a Butch "Butch"

[Amante]

I'm glad that I came across this thread.

After 15 years of almost exclusively dating very masculine butches - most of whom were to a large degree male-identified - and a few FTMs, I am now with a fully female-identified butch who is what I refer to as my "peacock butch" because of how male peacocks are far more showy and colorful than the females.

I knew even before we met in person that she sometimes wears makeup and sometimes paints her nails, that she sometimes carries a purse and that she buys most of her clothes from the women's section, and while she would never wear a dress or skirt, there are many things that she has worn and still wears that are far from masculine. I honestly wasn't sure at first how I'd react to this: Would I be able to relate to her as a butch if she had on lipstick?!? And I knew before we met that even her sexual expression was different than I was used to, in ways that I won't go into detail, but it left me wondering how I'd be with that.

So this took some seriously getting used to for me, but in the end I was glad to be forced to reexamine my definition of what makes someone butch. Because in all the ways that in the end really matte to ME, she is the butchest butch I've ever been with: In the butch/femme relationship and sexual energy that we have, in how we make love, in how she cares for me and is protective of me without it ever taking away from my own strength, in how in this butch/femme dance she naturally leads while I naturally follow while always being completely equal partners in that dance.

So yes, it was strange and new to me that when we went to the opera last week, along with her slacks and tailored silky blouse she wore a dramatic velvet cape, carried a clutch purse, and wore makeup. But it didn't diminish who she was as a butch one tiny bit, and I was relieved to find myself finally relaxing about my own responses. She loves flashing her colorful feathers and showing off her glorious self, and I love her all the more for her courage to be exactly who she is instead of feeling that she has to conform to a certain standard of dress in order to know that she's butch to the core. SHE knows who she is, and her confidence in that and her comfort in expressing herself in any way she wants (as opposed to if she dressed like that i order to hide) is all it took for me to be completely comfortable with her as my butch.

[DapperButch]

WOW! Great post! Good to hear of such a confident butch who knows who she is and doesn't give a crap as to others` definitions! She is lucky to have a partner like you who doesn't box her in!

[suebee]

There are so many things that make my wife butch: the way she walks, the way she dresses, her code of conduct when with a straight woman or a femme. But the bottom line is that she identifies as butch. This isn't *what" she is, but *who* she is. Of all the external attributes or behaviors I could name, how she sees herself is the most important factor in her butchness. I know of many women who might be as masculine who don't see themselves as butches. It's first and foremost a state of mind.