Couples together 5 or 10 or 20+ yrs or better - Page 3

Gemme · 09-15-2011, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tawse

this thread has been dead for a bit but here I am anyway lol

There has been a lot of good thoughts and tips given thus far and I don't really have too much to add - just maybe in a different phrasing.

Find someone who compliments your neuroses / issues. LOL for example, Gillian is an absolute control freak - so look at me, I don't want much control at all. We go well.

I am (not as much now due to meds, yay!) very stubborn and aggressive minded when it comes to pushing my point of view. She is very calm cool and collected, and speaks to me in my language so I can get it.

I have issues sometimes with my moods (BiPolar) and she can let me know in a way that doesn't strike me as patronizing or threatening - that maybe I need to talk to the shrink about my meds - or maybe what I'm feeling as a "hard cold truth" is more in the chemicals in my brain. I trust her unconditionally. Even if we argue there is no doubt that she would never do me intentional harm.

She has some issues with low level hoarding - I keep that in check by asking her politely if she really needs said item. She also has a box that she puts her "I'm going to scrapbook this" items into - only one box. Also - if I get her ok, I will "get rid of" stuff she has a problem with getting rid of - when she goes to work.

You just have to find that right person who keeps your insanity in check - and doesn't make you feel less of a person when they acknowledge you're a bit insane...

also...

Gillian read an article once that suggested that the thing you were attracted to the most in your partner - would eventually become the thing that annoyed you the most in later years.

It's a fun point to ponder and holds some truth (though not entirely) in ours.

Gillian and I might be related.

bbdoll · 12-17-2011, 07:46 PM

subscribing....im learning so much from u guys.

Ravenouss · 12-17-2011, 07:57 PM

21 years here.

Our secret: patience and a certain dose of mutual freedom

Remember that a kingdom might have many princesses/princes, but only one Queen/King...

stephfromMIT · 08-21-2012, 10:16 PM

Mandy and I have been together 8 years. We do it by loving and honoring our differences, but accentuating what we have in common.

Mrs Arcstriker · 08-26-2012, 05:27 PM

Easy enough...

Arc and I are the center of our family. We adore one another, and we are a really united front.

That said,

We have two amazingly fantastic adult daughters. They were mine by a previous marriage to my beloved ex-husband. When I went out to look for a life-partner, the deal-breaker would have been the person that didn't consider the father of my children as a huge part of our family...

To this day...My ex-husband usually interacts with Arcstriker more than he does with me (because of logistics). At our Maureen's college graduation, Arc and I were sitting in wait to see Maureen in her cap and gown after 4+ years of supporting her through college...and the ex-husband came up to us and clapped Arc on the back and said "You two owe yourselves a pat on the back for this..."

My point is this...In our marriage, Arc had the task of meeting us where we grew, and of accepting that this was a really unconventional family...and Arc took the bait and stepped up to the plate to put Maureen through college and to accept our Katie (disabled) as his his own.

Fast-forward to day-to-day life. Arc and I both work ridiculously hard. Financial gain is a family value for us both (and for our kids), and to that end, we are very careful to carefully care for one another. As a couple we both work every second that we can in order to have the things that we want, and not just the things that we need. I am sure that for some this might seem strange but we cherish the fact that we have the means for a rich life, not only emotionally, but also physically.

That said, when we work our asses off, we do so with the promise of reward as a couple. Our work-life renders us pretty well spent, but we take our time as a family enjoying amazing down-time. That means great vacations for the kids, and gifting them with all the things that we never had growing up.

As a couple, we travel once a month ALONE with one-another, and in between times we just enjoy being US...Beloved friends, smokingly hot lovers, and partners in crime. After 8 years we have had COUNTLESS grown-up trips where we enjoy one another without our children...and if it all fell down tomorrow, we would still have the smouldering passion that comes from being new to eachother in that back bedroom.

As I read all I just wrote, I wonder how many people think this is totally fucked-up, but in the end I really don't care. Our day-to-day life survives on the fact that we are always working for the next great adventure. While we wait for the next trip as a couple, the sex only gets hotter, the plans only get bigger, and the LIFE that we have only seems to get sweeter.

12-17-2011, 07:46 PM	#42
bbdoll Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme2dmax Preferred Pronoun?: Doll, Dahlin Relationship Status: attach to maself.... ;) Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: NY Posts: 53 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26 Thanked 42 Times in 22 Posts Rep Power: 386964	subscribing....im learning so much from u guys. __________________ "F.E.A.R" FALSE. EVIDENCE. APPEARING. REAL.

12-17-2011, 07:57 PM	#43
Ravenouss Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: There might be many princesses in a kingdom, but only one Queen! Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Washington, D.C. Posts: 59 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 120 Thanked 126 Times in 38 Posts Rep Power: 1644235	21 years here. Our secret: patience and a certain dose of mutual freedom Remember that a kingdom might have many princesses/princes, but only one Queen/King... __________________ A chacun sa chimere... Baudelaire

08-21-2012, 10:16 PM	#44
stephfromMIT Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Troll Preferred Pronoun?: she her Relationship Status: engaged to my fiancee Amanda Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: cambridge MA Posts: 230 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 703 Thanked 408 Times in 143 Posts Rep Power: 0	Mandy and I have been together 8 years. We do it by loving and honoring our differences, but accentuating what we have in common.

08-26-2012, 05:27 PM	#45
Mrs Arcstriker Timed Out How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: her, she...female ones... Relationship Status: married to Arcstriker Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: CT Posts: 143 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 37 Thanked 407 Times in 100 Posts Rep Power: 0	Easy enough... Arc and I are the center of our family. We adore one another, and we are a really united front. That said, We have two amazingly fantastic adult daughters. They were mine by a previous marriage to my beloved ex-husband. When I went out to look for a life-partner, the deal-breaker would have been the person that didn't consider the father of my children as a huge part of our family... To this day...My ex-husband usually interacts with Arcstriker more than he does with me (because of logistics). At our Maureen's college graduation, Arc and I were sitting in wait to see Maureen in her cap and gown after 4+ years of supporting her through college...and the ex-husband came up to us and clapped Arc on the back and said "You two owe yourselves a pat on the back for this..." My point is this...In our marriage, Arc had the task of meeting us where we grew, and of accepting that this was a really unconventional family...and Arc took the bait and stepped up to the plate to put Maureen through college and to accept our Katie (disabled) as his his own. Fast-forward to day-to-day life. Arc and I both work ridiculously hard. Financial gain is a family value for us both (and for our kids), and to that end, we are very careful to carefully care for one another. As a couple we both work every second that we can in order to have the things that we want, and not just the things that we need. I am sure that for some this might seem strange but we cherish the fact that we have the means for a rich life, not only emotionally, but also physically. That said, when we work our asses off, we do so with the promise of reward as a couple. Our work-life renders us pretty well spent, but we take our time as a family enjoying amazing down-time. That means great vacations for the kids, and gifting them with all the things that we never had growing up. As a couple, we travel once a month ALONE with one-another, and in between times we just enjoy being US...Beloved friends, smokingly hot lovers, and partners in crime. After 8 years we have had COUNTLESS grown-up trips where we enjoy one another without our children...and if it all fell down tomorrow, we would still have the smouldering passion that comes from being new to eachother in that back bedroom. As I read all I just wrote, I wonder how many people think this is totally fucked-up, but in the end I really don't care. Our day-to-day life survives on the fact that we are always working for the next great adventure. While we wait for the next trip as a couple, the sex only gets hotter, the plans only get bigger, and the LIFE that we have only seems to get sweeter.