Infidelity

[IrishGrrl]

The whole cheating thing. Wow. Well, I'm going to say that I strongly disagree with the whole "once a cheater always a cheater" thing. Once upon a time I was a cheater. Not in just one relationship either. Several. I"m not going to list my reasons for cheating..the point is mute. What is important is that I always had a "good reason" for it. (In my head) Usually it was something like, lack of sex in the relationship,or lack of attention from my partner. I recognize now that I was not at a point in my development to speak my mind, and fix it or leave. I wasnt strong enough..I wanted love to be a magical fix. Took me a long time to wake up from the bullshit we are taught as children about the whole fairytale. Now, I wouldnt cheat..not ever. If I"m in a position where I feel neglected to a point of no return, lack of sex..then I will end it. I'm aware of what I need, and what it takes. Even if it means letting the love of my life go..even if it kills me.

Irish

[SuperFemme]

wait.
i'm cute AND a pinata reject.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by Kobi

With the Tiger Woods and Sandra Bullock ( who in their right mind would cheat on Sandra Bullock????) issues of late. I am wondering what people think of fidelity in relationships these days. Is it an outdated concept?
How do you think you would react if you found out your partner was cheating?

Personally, I still think monogamy is my relationship mode of choice because I like things simple and predictable. And I suspect if I found out my partner was cheating on me, I would be throwing their belongings out a second story window - its the Italian in me.

I have cheated and i have been cheated on, so I don't do relationships anymore. The thing about that scum ass Jesse James is that he was never man enough to handle her success. He's weak enough to act out being shown up by her limelight and tremendous success. She's gorgeous; brilliant, level and has million things going for her....any man who's a real man would die for that and he's nothing but a sleaze ass fuckin' baby who was nothing without her. Prick. My .02

[Soft*Silver]

Originally Posted by Jet

She's gorgeous; brilliant, level and has million things going for her....any man who's a real man would die for that and he's nothing but a sleaze ass fuckin' baby who was nothing without her. Prick. My .02

I am so appalled by the ideology that comes with the attitude that a man has to be out of his mind to cheat on a pretty woman. A REAL man knows when he has gravy on his taters. A REAL man knows when he cant do better.
A REAL man gets his "dues" regarding women..he gets the cream of the crop and so he would be a mad hatter if he cheated on his "prize" or "trophy wife"...

well, for all us plain girls, us Susan Boyles and Kathy Bates kind of girls, we might not be the Sandra Bullocks of the world but we sure do deserve respect and honesty, fidelity and love in our relationships TOO. And any man who would cheat on us, us salt of the earth kind of gals, then they arent anymore of a REAL man than Jesse is. In fact, REAL isnt the term at all. INGRATE would be more like it. Cuz it doesnt matter if the woman he is with is a beauty queen or a plain gal..what matters is HIS character, not her looks...

(damn..this set me off...and I know Jet doesnt deserve me flooding all over his statement. Sometimes we posters pick our words without knowing people can hear so much more than whats intended by them...)

[apretty]

Originally Posted by softness

Kathy Bates kind of girls,

i think kathy bates is beautiful--frequently she's un-prettified to portray a strong character but i wouldn't describe her as plain. she definitely has an 'it factor' that radiates and resonates with her fans.






...but she's frequently remembered as her 'misery' character which i think speaks to her broad range (and compelling performance) as an actress, not that she's "plain".

[Soft*Silver]

plain, as in not made up, as in simple expression of features and not over glammed. I think she is beautiful, myself. Her beauty is honest. Its why I chose her to play me in a movie, in another thread.

[adorable]

I have been cheated on several times. It has never seemed to matter if I was skinny or fat. Rich or poor. If my hair was perfect or if I never complained. It didn't seem to matter how often we had sex or how well I cooked dinner either. It did seem to be a character flaw in each one of them. That flaw that allows you to lie to the person who you claim to love more then any other. IF you are willing to sneak around, lie, lie more to cover up those lies, hide your phone, cover up credit card charges ~ go through all of that trouble to fuck around with someone who you, generally are quick to say doesn't matter ON someone you supposedly love ~ what on earth does that say about your character? Instead of putting all of that effort into fixing whatever is wrong with your relationship - cheating is what? easier? It's easier than just leaving the relationship? Easier for who? It solves what? I don't get it. Really.

I did blame myself. Sometimes it's hard not to. But the truth is that people will do what they're going to do. All anyone has is their word. Having been cheated on so many times still effects me. That fear that you have no control over another person who may not have control over themselves - it causes tapes to play in my head. I hate that. You are forced to trust people, even if you say you "don't trust anyone." When they say they are going to work - you still assume they are actually going to work. Who would lie about that? Well, I've met those fuckers. I know what people are capable of - and that pain isn't anything that I am in any hurry to experience again.

But what can you do? Nothing. No matter how perfect you are. No matter how successful you are. No matter how nice you are. It has nothing to do with YOU. It has everything to do with THEM. People either have character, integrity and respect (for themselves, you and your relationship) or they don't. All you can do is have faith. There are times in my life right now where I start getting consumed with fear. I just stop and try my best to give it to God. That might sound hokey, but I don't know what else to do with it. lol. If there is an alternative, I'd love to know what it is....

[Dylan]

Originally Posted by Jet

I have cheated and i have been cheated on, so I don't do relationships anymore. The thing about that scum ass Jesse James is that he was never man enough to handle her success. He's weak enough to act out being shown up by her limelight and tremendous success. She's gorgeous; brilliant, level and has million things going for her....any man who's a real man would die for that and he's nothing but a sleaze ass fuckin' baby who was nothing without her. Prick. My .02

Here's my thing about outsiders pontificating on celebrity relationships

Do you know these people personally? Or are you basing all of your 'knowledge' on what you see in the media?

Who's to say she's not a raging maniac bitch? Who's to say she's not controlling, manipulative evil heinous?

This is something that just always bugs the crap outta me. It started with that whole Hugh Jackman incident (is that the one who hired the hooker a few years back?)

Just because a woman is deemed attractive and successful and "America's Sweetheart" (this year) doesn't mean she's All That.

I mean, I'm not condoning cheating, but for realz, this Poor Sandy crap is just over the top.

And The Poor HughJackman'sWife (whatever the hell her name is) crap was over the top too.

"Oh, my god, how could anyone cheat on Sandy"...well, maybe she's evil. We don't know, we don't have to live with her. We get to see her *acting* face whenever she's filmed or shown walking down the street, or drinking a cup of coffee. She makes her money off of presenting a Fabu Demeanor. For that kind of money, I'd smile at people too. But behind closed doors, we don't know what goes on.

How do you know she's brilliant? Seriously? How do you know she's got a million things going for her? How do you know she's not heinous to live with?

What? Cuz they dress her up all pretty and shit, and make her sparkly?

Does that mean un-gorgeous women *deserve* to get cheated on? I just don't get it.


And On Top Of That...Who The Hell Cares If Jesse Fucked Every Woman In The Country? Who Cares Who Tiger Fucks? WHY Is This Even News?,
Dylan...seriously hates the "How Could Anyone Cheat On Someone I Don't Know" crap

[SuperFemme]

I can't believe you just compared the Wolverine with Hugh Grant. j

Hugh Grant:

Hugh Jackman:

[Dylan]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

I can't believe you just compared the Wolverine with Hugh Grant.

Eh, Hugh Grant, Hugh Jackman...same person...equally unmemorable

They're all the same and no one will remember either one of them 50 years from now...unless one of the goes crazy like Howard Hughes

I just don't care about celebrity bullshit, and I don't understand why this country cares more about gossip than actual news


Oh Wait, I'll Now Try To Fit In..."Gasp, Poor Sandy...I Just Wanna Send Her A Hug In A Basket",
Dylan

P.S. Thanks for adding the pictures tho...that really helps. I DID like the Wolverine movie. Can't name anything else he's been in tho. And I can't name one movie Hugh Grant was in.

[SuperFemme]

Deliver it in person, she has a house in your hood.

[julieisafemme]

Celebrity opinions about politics, who they have sex with and whether or not they have an addiction of any kind is not my business nor is it interesting.

Politician opinions about politics, who they have sex with and whether or not they have an addiction of any kind is my business and I care about that a lot. There was a discussion on FB about do gay celebrities owe it to the community to come out? I don't think they do unless they want to. Politicians do have a responsibility to be out. If they are lying they should be outed.

Originally Posted by Dylan

Eh, Hugh Grant, Hugh Jackman...same person...equally unmemorable

They're all the same and no one will remember either one of them 50 years from now...unless one of the goes crazy like Howard Hughes

I just don't care about celebrity bullshit, and I don't understand why this country cares more about gossip than actual news


Oh Wait, I'll Now Try To Fit In..."Gasp, Poor Sandy...I Just Wanna Send Her A Hug In A Basket",
Dylan

P.S. Thanks for adding the pictures tho...that really helps. I DID like the Wolverine movie. Can't name anything else he's been in tho. And I can't name one movie Hugh Grant was in.

[apretty]

also, i think you have to be what is known as a 'sack of shit' to cheat, but i agree with the above description as well: "It has to do with being a person with values, morals and personal integrity." well said, Jacks.

i almost cheated once and i got paid-back big time by then dating a worthless piece of no-job having, lying, broke ass, mean, woman-hitting, neanderthal sack of shit. thankfully he cheated cuz then i got to DUMP him and his few tired belongings back where i found him.



so i don't know if cheaters always cheat, i guess i believe that people are capable of change if they've had a life-changing event and did the work (professional, intensive therapy) and committed to change and staying changed. but that takes work and time, though it's not impossible.

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by Jackhammer

I don't think it has much to do with being a "Real Man". (What is a Real Man anyway??????)

It has to do with being a person with values, morals and personal integrity.
Those standards to me are Gender neutral.

It also requires a level of emotional maturity that he apparently lacks.

Right.

Well said and THANKS for bringing up that pesky "real man" thingy.

He trolls for tattooed babes to visit his couch on MYSPACE for god's sake. I mean. Come on.

[apretty]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

Right.

Well said and THANKS for bringing up that pesky "real man" thingy.

He trolls for tattooed babes to visit his couch on MYSPACE for god's sake. I mean. Come on.

plus! what's worse--i heard the girlfriends interviewed and he *doesn't tip* servers. that's just BEYOND low. i think i'm more offended by the no-tipping than any of the other.


totally talking about tiger woods, here--wrong cheater! please disregard!

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by apretty

plus! what's worse--i heard the girlfriends interviewed and he *doesn't tip* servers. that's just BEYOND low. i think i'm more offended by the no-tipping than any of the other.


totally talking about tiger woods, here--wrong cheater! please disregard!

i get confused. bad tipper and the *vanilla gorilla* are both just lame IMO. who wants to bet on how many times NO condoms were used?

Ick. Ick. Ick.

[Soon]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

i get confused. bad tipper and the *vanilla gorilla* are both just lame IMO. who wants to bet on how many times NO condoms were used?

Ick. Ick. Ick.

it seems that he wasn't fond of using the condoms...and THAT is what makes me really sick and mad. That is messed up--beyond.

[apretty]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

i get confused. bad tipper and the *vanilla gorilla* are both just lame IMO. who wants to bet on how many times NO condoms were used?

Ick. Ick. Ick.

seriously, i would bet no condoms were used, ever.

...i would have used that golf club to beat down the door of a free clinic.

[Kätzchen]

Originally Posted by Kobi

With the Tiger Woods and Sandra Bullock ( who in their right mind would cheat on Sandra Bullock????) issues of late. I am wondering what people think of fidelity in relationships these days. Is it an outdated concept?
How do you think you would react if you found out your partner was cheating?

Personally, I still think monogamy is my relationship mode of choice because I like things simple and predictable. And I suspect if I found out my partner was cheating on me, I would be throwing their belongings out a second story window - its the Italian in me.

First: I want to say that I miss you in our community and thanks for this thread topic of discussion.

Second: Fidelity is of paramount importance, especially for those of us who desire and prefer monogamous relationship ties. I *HATE* behavioral choices that cause people to cheat. I also view it as a huge red flag when my partner's friends know my partner has cheated on me and then they accidentally blurt it out in front of both my partner and I -- as it happened on January 1st, just earlier this week.

Needless to say, i am heartbroken over my partner's decision to do what they did, and although we have yet to dissolve our relational tie, I do hope we can salvage something of the last few years we've been together. Not sure what will happen, but I do know that I will not be moving forward until both of us decide what we want to do next.

<<<<<<~~~~ my heart is heavy from our/my relationship trauma. I won't be available anytime soon.

[Chancie]

It’s cool and maybe sad to see so many familiar names on this thread.

I’ve never cheated on anyone, nor knowingly been with someone who was cheating, but I have been cheated on. A few months before I joined the old site, maybe 20 years ago, my partner of ten years told me that she was having an affair.

It was emotionally immature of her, at the least, but as time past, I was relieved, and of course Pete and I have been together for 14 years, and married for eight years.

Still, it was a cowardly choice, and I’m very sorry for others whose partners have made the same cowardly choice.