Prenuptial Agreements. Anyone have one? Anyone who would consider one if they married?

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by storyspinner70

If either of us had substantial assets of any kind, or we were doing something businessy together, there would definitely be a pre-nup. The best, most caring person in the world can turn into a petty bitch when things go bad - even if it's just for a little while. Human nature is far from a settled, obvious thing. Trust them; love them; but be smart enough that if the end should happen to come, it's as smooth and simple as possible - there's already likely to be drama and pain already, you sure don't need more over who gets the antique chifferobe and Minx the cat.

Exactly. And my question was if one would get a pre nup if they had substantial money to lose. Money you had coming into the marriage. If one doesn't have any assets than it is easy to say, no pre nup. I don't have much, but I spent 20 years skipping vacations and holding onto a car for 17 years in order to put money away for retirement. I would, and have, told partners who have had more than me, that a pre nup is the way for them to go...whether they married me, or someone else. I would hate to see them, or anyone get "cleaned out", which happens.

It doesn't me that you don't love your partner or expect to be with them forever. You can't foresee the future and people break up for all sorts of reasons.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by Kent

Dapper, there's nothing wrong with the way you feel about the topic. But, just to clarify my feelings: if money is that important to someone, I doubt that I'll be marrying her. To me marriage is a sacred bond between two people who love each other til death do they part, money or no money. Money does not figure into my equation for marriage in any shape or form. Love is all that I want and need from a woman. Money is not important to me. Love is all it's about for me.

Money iis not important to me either. I also have nothing. I don't care about material goods. I really don't. I've moved around too much to see them as anything but a pain in the ass. I never wanted a morgage or to stay put.

I married someone who felt about those things exactly the same as I did. Exactly. It was fantastic. We never fought about money, not once.

And then forever fucked off with someone from work because her father died and she lost herself. Everything changed, very *VERY* suddenly. I didn't have a single doubt about her, not one. Not ever. And I don't trust people. But she chose someone who makes £100,000 a year with a house and to have kids with. As in she will be giving birth. She never wanted to have kids and the thought of giving birth wierded her self-concepts out.

Her father dying changed everything. everything everything everything.

When the divorce was in process I got a letter off of her telling me she saw our marriage as a business transaction.

you could have knocked me over with a feather. This was my anti-capitolist, socialist, die hard unionist, loving partner that proposed to me in a tree in Hamstead heath with a glass ring because we couldn't afford a silver one.

A business transaction.

Our wedding was in the snow in amsterdam during a full lunar eclipse on the longest night of the year.

A business transaction. that's all it meant to her now.

Invasion of the bodysnatchers.

We both had debts, not stuff. But my mom is not well and the gal I was dating at the time said "push that through asap before she gets her arsehole hands on your mom's inheritance"

I was given the option to file for 12 years of alimony because of desertion. Leaving me with all the bills etc.

I had left the country. what the hell did I care. But I thought about taking those 12 years of alimony to make her understand just what the fuck she did.

My dad told me no. let her go and make your own money, like you always have. So I signed the opportunity away.

Never ever think that people cannot suddenly change. I just learned that one.

Would I have a prenup next time? I have no idea. I don't have anything. I have 9 bags of stuff and 20 boxes and a student debt. That will change when I get my inheritance but we'll see. I'm not interested in anyone else's money. I've had people offer me the moon, and very wealthy people. It never impressed me and frankly rather put me off.

But who knows. But I do know that people can change on a dime.

[Blade]

I don't think anyone is contemplating divorce when they get married. I do believe it is in the best interest of both parties to create a pre-nup.

Rest assured, in a majority of the cases the person you marry, is not the same person you are divorcing. You can trust, but you can't predict how someone will behave when they are faced with dividing assets that were actually acquired before marriage, let alone the ones acquired during the marriage.

I was faced with sharing not only my 401k, but my company retirement as well. Also if my ex died before my retirement, then I would have owed the same percentage to the heirs monthly, when I began to draw from it. Heirs could have meant the next spouse. Umm yes this would have PISSED me off. You cheat on me and I'm going to end up paying the person you cheated with, for the rest of my life. WTF is that? This didn't pan out like this but for a while I thought it was going to, and it could have.

Count me in for a prenuptial agreement on the next marriage. Yes there will be another one, someday. I ain't scared.

[Rockinonahigh]

Yes I would have a prenup in a heart beat,I would protect my asetts plus whatever my son stands to inherit from me.I would also make shure whatever we accumalated dureing a marrige (if I ever did it again) that she would be taken care of finiancly in case of my passing or agree to an ammount of settlement prior to divorce.Getting married again is not high on my list of things.

[thedivahrrrself]

I think the issue of trust is a straw man here. EVERYONE trusts the person they marry when they marry them, but life can throw serious curve balls that fuck up even the best of relationships. A perfectly wonderful person can become an addict, for instance, and destroy the relationship 15 years down the line.

No one wants to think about divorce before marriage, but Anya is right. It happens about half the time. Not all of that is because people married an asshole. Most of the time it's two normal people who were (or maybe still are) very much in love, but they can't make it work for whatever reason. None of us can see the future.

As for me, I won't be pondering marriage any time in the near future, so I don't know exactly what I would do, but I do think it's prudent for both parties to at least consider a pre-nup, particularly if anyone comes into the relationship with a child.

[always2late]

I have no plans on getting married again. But, for those who are considering marriage, a pre-nup is not unreasonable. As other posters have stated, no one enters into a marriage thinking it will end in divorce, but it does happen.

My ex an I had a domestic partnership, entered into with the best of intentions. I would never have believed that the person I started our partnership with was the same person that appeared at the end. At the time of our split, I couldn't afford a divorce (it still rankles me that in NJ I wasn't afforded all the benefits of marriage...but had to pay the full cost of divorce). Anyway, I wasn't able to afford the divorce until a few years after our actual split. By that time, my ex had begun using drugs and was not the same person I'd known. Luckily, I had no assets or any money to speak of...because I know that in the state she was in, she would have tried to get whatever she could to support her habit.

We all want to believe a marriage will last forever, and that we can trust our partner completely...but things can, and do, happen. Life holds no guarantees.

[Jane Bond]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

But who knows. But I do know that people can change on a dime.

Mine changed on a dime, then the witch wanted 9 cents change from me. Sorry for what you went through, my dear, but it may help you to know you'll likely meet a woman far superior to the rat you married.
The way I see it, any woman would be better than the ex wife.

[imperfect_cupcake]

No. Not "any" woman would be better than my ex. There have been far, far worse.
And when we got together she was a VERY different person. Someone who treated me incredibly well, better than any one ever had, and genuinely loved me like mad. She was kind, protective, intellectual, and funny.
She was my best friend.

But the point is, she changed after going through trauma.

And that can happen to anyone.

So, now that I'm making good coin and I have an inheritance, pre-nup. And living either in seperate places or with stipulations that ensure I keep my independence and private space.

I'm deeply romantic and very caring. But I'm not a mug and I'm no ones nurse maid/cleaner either.

[kittygrrl]

I have nothing against the idea of a prenup. I realize some people wouldn't get married without one and frankly they shouldn't. Personally if you can't trust me with your assets, why in the world would you want to marry me or visa versa? You don't need legal paper to live together.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Because I may trust who the person is as they are, but shit happens to people. And sometimes trauma, or severe injuries, or unknown/unforeseen shit can change people into people you no longer recognize. I've seen it happen. Stuff you'd never guess would ever happen to someone, happens. And it changes someone. And suddenly they are gone. And then the person they are now with convinces them to take half of what's yours. You have no idea.

It's not about trust. It's about not being naive that life doesn't do surprising things that change us. I've watched nervous break downs, brain cancer, deaths, new and sudden addictions, midlife crisis etc these are all things that have deeply changed people I know and put them through divorces.

[Nattih]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

Personally if you can't trust me with your assets, why in the world would you want to marry me or visa versa? You don't need legal paper to live together.

No matter how I toss it around, I agree with this sentiment. If either of us feels iffy about going all in with regard to love, finances, combined households, raising children, etc then we can just remain an unmarried couple. that is a good way to protect yourself from me and any of my nefarious ways that you may think are hidden and laying in wait.

But if you are saying you want to get married, to *me* that means all in. All the way in the ring. 0 limbs outside.

I do own a business that I alone am investing in and I do have land that I will inherit, but the way I see it...there are so many worse things I can and will lose during the breakdown of a marriage that are dear.