Stone Butches

[Miss July]

Originally Posted by chrisbutch

when you mention you are stone...some women just head for the hills....

Now that's just plain sad.....................They don't know what they are missing.................leaves more for us to appreciate & adore.

Love the masculine energy you guys ooze.

[Heavenleahangel]

Originally Posted by Miss July

Now that's just plain sad.....................They don't know what they are missing.................leaves more for us to appreciate & adore.

Love the masculine energy you guys ooze.

Well said, Miss July! I do agree with you!

[Martina]

i have been with stone butches for long periods of time and did not miss having other kinds of sex. i was emotionally connected to the person, and we were having good sex. i did not languish thinking about what kinds of sex i could have with another person. i enjoyed my connection.

i do get annoyed when people say that the relationships i have had with stone butches can't compare to the relationship a stone femme has with a stone butch. i do not feel that my connections lacked anything.

i am sure that stone femmes have a je ne sais quoi, but i have some things to offer too. An experienced bottom makes a good candidate for pleasing a stone partner. We are conduits of energy. It's what we do. Moreover, we are good readers of the other, as are many stone butches. Or as were many stone butches of my generation. The combination of two very intuitive people in bed is pretty damned hot. It has worked for me, anyway.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by Martina

i have been with stone butches for long periods of time and did not miss having other kinds of sex. i was emotionally connected to the person, and we were having good sex. i did not languish thinking about what kinds of sex i could have with another person. i enjoyed my connection.

i do get annoyed when people say that the relationships i have had with stone butches can't compare to the relationship a stone femme has with a stone butch. i do not feel that my connections lacked anything.

i am sure that stone femmes have a je ne sais quoi, but i have some things to offer too. An experienced bottom makes a good candidate for pleasing a stone partner. We are conduits of energy. It's what we do. Moreover, we are good readers of the other, as are many stone butches. Or as were many stone butches of my generation. The combination of two very intuitive people in bed is pretty damned hot. It has worked for me, anyway.

thanks martina. I pretty much feel the same way. my recent foray had showed me once again, that it's the person (and frankly how filthy they are in bed) not the acts that are important to me.

that said, if I was unable to give head to someone's personal flesh cock (without the strapped appendage) that might be a hard line for me. I love sucking when it's on, but also giving head when it's not. I don't see it as feminising as its not a feminine area - it's their cock. I don't give a toss what shape it is. for me, that's what it is.

so the stones that have no problem with me giving flesh head, there isn't a problem. Couldn't give a rat's ass one way or another about the rest of the stuff I can and can't do. I care more about having dirty, hot, sex. And to do that both people have to be respected. Some people don't like having anal sex - for an anal lover that would be a big deal. for someone who didn't like giving anal, it's a non issue. for people who just want to have hot mutual sex, it's not an issue either.

I'm not a stone femme. But I'm respectful, filthy, fun and caring and I enjoy all that goes along with it. besides, just cause someone is stone doesn't mean they don't like having their hands tied behind them and then lap danced/sucked off. stone doesn't always mean "in control" either. I've recently had this pleasure. And besides it's even more fun after you untie and they want to get even. lol.

I know lots of people regardless of their sexuality don't enjoy that, but just because someone is one kind (stone) doesn't mean they don't enjoy a tussle and a bit of feisty power swapping/struggle.

besides, I flip like a pancake in the end with the right people so it's all in good healthy dirty fun, eh?*

and no one has ever complained or been left wanting, including me.


disclaimer* for those who enjoy it.

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by Martina

i have been with stone butches for long periods of time and did not miss having other kinds of sex. i was emotionally connected to the person, and we were having good sex. i did not languish thinking about what kinds of sex i could have with another person. i enjoyed my connection.

i do get annoyed when people say that the relationships i have had with stone butches can't compare to the relationship a stone femme has with a stone butch. i do not feel that my connections lacked anything.

i am sure that stone femmes have a je ne sais quoi, but i have some things to offer too. An experienced bottom makes a good candidate for pleasing a stone partner. We are conduits of energy. It's what we do. Moreover, we are good readers of the other, as are many stone butches. Or as were many stone butches of my generation. The combination of two very intuitive people in bed is pretty damned hot. It has worked for me, anyway.

You are so right about this, Martina. Energy exchange is a hard thing to describe, but I find it to be one of the primary features of stone sex, (or my version of it, anyway). Being receptive is a natural continuum of sexual submission for me.

And I'm sure you have a lot more to offer than just "some things"!

[LaneyDoll]

Originally Posted by Heavenleahangel

Laneydoll; I just wanted to say I like the way you worded your post. I think it means you accept this as there is nothing derogative or "bad" to tolerate.

Thank you! To me, "stone" is not something bad or something to tolerate. It is simply who someone is. For me it is like someone's ethnicity, hair color etc. It is just who they are. I "tolerate" someone who snores-lol.

To all the stones out there (whether butch or femme), if someone "tolerates" who you are at your core, you may need to find someone else. Someone who embraces it.

[Heavenleahangel]

Originally Posted by LaneyDoll

Thank you! To me, "stone" is not something bad or something to tolerate. It is simply who someone is. For me it is like someone's ethnicity, hair color etc. It is just who they are. I "tolerate" someone who snores-lol.

To all the stones out there (whether butch or femme), if someone "tolerates" who you are at your core, you may need to find someone else. Someone who embraces it.

Again, nicely said, LaneyDoll! I totally agree with you. If a stone is only being "tolerated" (whether butch or femme) then, they are soooo under-respected and not being treated/spoiled like they should be! If someone can't embrace all of me, then they can't enjoy the parts of me they want! It's all or nothing! Isn't that the way it should be?

[SweetJane]

I agree Heavenleahangel and LaneyDoll! It is just a part of who we are.

Discovering that I'm a stone femme answered a lot of questions in my life and explained much. I was finally at peace when I realized that was who I was. But as a stone femme (and I'm sure stone butches know this instinctively) I find myself set slightly apart from the community. I'm not eager to rush into romantic connections with others because I know that only a small majority of the community is stone or fully understands it. I'm reluctant to let my heart lead as I mingle among people because there is such a mix of identities where I live. I really don't want to become fond of someone, knowing I could never deliver all that they would require in an intimate relationship. So I have concentrated on finding friends and keep those boundaries.

The B-F community is a fraction of the wider community and we stones are a small portion of that. We should be kind to each other and give each other respect.

[Converse]

Attraction is an interesting thing, particularly instant attraction. It’s that time when hidden (often even to ourselves) yearnings surface and our being goes into alert mode without any involvement from our brain.

What I always find curious is that occasionally when time passes is that intellect and social pressures can often drive us to want to change the object of our initial attraction. Like the partner for example who begins to critique their other as being too masculine or too feminine – and for the sake of the relationship the other attempts to modify and stifle.

When there is an attraction and we enjoy all that the person is and at the same time feel confident in our assumption that the “stone part” is something that will change over time, we do so because we have reduced the essence of being Stone to simply being about sexual acts. Like a Deliahs request to have Samson visit the barber, much more can be lost in that request than simply the mane of hair.

I understand the analogy raised about sexual bottoms and it may or may not be relevant in the context of sexual encounters with Stone tops, but in my mind topping/bottoming is a whole other conversation that can easily be had without the word stone being used. I’m sure I’m not the only Stone Butch who has enjoyed “encounters” with femmes who have not identified as stone, and yes D/s and Top/bottom dynamics may all be part of the equation but they can easily exist outside of a Stone paradigm.

When talking about a Stone paradigm I’m referring to: A set of assumptions, concepts, values, and practices that constitutes a way of viewing reality for the community that shares them – this is what one Stone can offer another, it doesn’t require an explanation- it simply is, and the practices in the bedroom are merely a part of that continuum.

[SweetJane]

Converse. Well said as always, but especially:
"When talking about a Stone paradigm I’m referring to: A set of assumptions, concepts, values, and practices that constitutes a way of viewing reality for the community that shares them – this is what one Stone can offer another, it doesn’t require an explanation- it simply is, and the practices in the bedroom are merely a part of that continuum."

This is something I'm beginning to understand. It is a way of being that just is.... as is being butch or femme is.

But stone isn't a manner of dress, for example, that alerts us to others or, most especially, those we want to attract. And there lies the other part that may be as invisible as femmeness is in the hetero world. For stone femmes, it may be us who have to give some indication we are attracted to who we perceive our our counterparts. How else will they know?

[Martina]

Originally Posted by Converse

I’m sure I’m not the only Stone Butch who has enjoyed “encounters” with femmes who have not identified as stone,

'

Not just encounters, but actual relationships, long term ones, mutually satisfying "nothing is missing" relationships.

So many people who talk about the stone dynamic seem to want to minimize the fact that these partnerships can be successful.

[chai~]

Originally Posted by Martina

i have been with stone butches for long periods of time and did not miss having other kinds of sex. i was emotionally connected to the person, and we were having good sex. i did not languish thinking about what kinds of sex i could have with another person. i enjoyed my connection.

i do get annoyed when people say that the relationships i have had with stone butches can't compare to the relationship a stone femme has with a stone butch. i do not feel that my connections lacked anything.

i am sure that stone femmes have a je ne sais quoi, but i have some things to offer too. An experienced bottom makes a good candidate for pleasing a stone partner. We are conduits of energy. It's what we do. Moreover, we are good readers of the other, as are many stone butches. Or as were many stone butches of my generation. The combination of two very intuitive people in bed is pretty damned hot. It has worked for me, anyway.

Hi Martina, what is your interpretation of "stone femme"?
Stone butch seems to have a clearer definition, but not stone femme!
I'm confused!!! Thank you!

[chai~]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

thanks martina. I pretty much feel the same way. my recent foray had showed me once again, that it's the person (and frankly how filthy they are in bed) not the acts that are important to me.

that said, if I was unable to give head to someone's personal flesh cock (without the strapped appendage) that might be a hard line for me. I love sucking when it's on, but also giving head when it's not. I don't see it as feminising as its not a feminine area - it's their cock. I don't give a toss what shape it is. for me, that's what it is.

so the stones that have no problem with me giving flesh head, there isn't a problem. Couldn't give a rat's ass one way or another about the rest of the stuff I can and can't do. I care more about having dirty, hot, sex. And to do that both people have to be respected. Some people don't like having anal sex - for an anal lover that would be a big deal. for someone who didn't like giving anal, it's a non issue. for people who just want to have hot mutual sex, it's not an issue either.

I'm not a stone femme. But I'm respectful, filthy, fun and caring and I enjoy all that goes along with it. besides, just cause someone is stone doesn't mean they don't like having their hands tied behind them and then lap danced/sucked off. stone doesn't always mean "in control" either. I've recently had this pleasure. And besides it's even more fun after you untie and they want to get even. lol.

I know lots of people regardless of their sexuality don't enjoy that, but just because someone is one kind (stone) doesn't mean they don't enjoy a tussle and a bit of feisty power swapping/struggle.

besides, I flip like a pancake in the end with the right people so it's all in good healthy dirty fun, eh?*

and no one has ever complained or been left wanting, including me.


disclaimer* for those who enjoy it.

Hi honeybarbra, what is your interpretation of "stone femme"?
Stone butch seems to have a clearer definition, but not stone femme!
I'm confused!!! Thank you!

[chai~]

Originally Posted by SweetJane

I agree Heavenleahangel and LaneyDoll! It is just a part of who we are.

Discovering that I'm a stone femme answered a lot of questions in my life and explained much. I was finally at peace when I realized that was who I was. But as a stone femme (and I'm sure stone butches know this instinctively) I find myself set slightly apart from the community. I'm not eager to rush into romantic connections with others because I know that only a small majority of the community is stone or fully understands it. I'm reluctant to let my heart lead as I mingle among people because there is such a mix of identities where I live. I really don't want to become fond of someone, knowing I could never deliver all that they would require in an intimate relationship. So I have concentrated on finding friends and keep those boundaries.

The B-F community is a fraction of the wider community and we stones are a small portion of that. We should be kind to each other and give each other respect.

Hi SweetJane, what is your interpretation of "stone femme"?
Stone butch seems to have a clearer definition, but not stone femme!
I'm confused!!! Thank you!

[SweetJane]

Chai,there's a stone femme thread.

[chai~]

Originally Posted by SweetJane

Chai,there's a stone femme thread.

I know there is a thread, but it seems foggy to me. I've read it, and I was just wondering what your personal interpretation was.

It seems like the butch's definition is pretty black and white, don't touch/feminize x, y, z. More often then not, this is it.

The femme definition seems a lot messier. Femme will touch, or won't touch.
Femme, will BE touched, or WON"T be touched.

I don't know how to navigate this, so I am just looking for clearer takes on it.

Thanks any way tho!

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by chai~

I know there is a thread, but it seems foggy to me. I've read it, and I was just wondering what your personal interpretation was.

It seems like the butch's definition is pretty black and white, don't touch/feminize x, y, z. More often then not, this is it.

The femme definition seems a lot messier. Femme will touch, or won't touch.
Femme, will BE touched, or WON"T be touched.

I don't know how to navigate this, so I am just looking for clearer takes on it.

Thanks any way tho!

I agree that 'stonefemme' can be confusing because it can mean two different things, but SweetJane was making the point that this thread is about stone butches. Your questions about femmes who are stone would be more appropriate in another thread.

[chai~]

you're right, sorry. I was just understanding from the posts, that stone femmes were also voicing their points of view on these relationships. so it would be acceptable to ask here.

[SweetJane]

Chai hun, no harm done. And you're very right the definitions among stone femmes are broad spectrum. But for me, I'm the complement of a stone butch. My surrender and response is a gift. I touch but not in intimate areas. But that's my definition.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by Martina

'

Not just encounters, but actual relationships, long term ones, mutually satisfying "nothing is missing" relationships.

So many people who talk about the stone dynamic seem to want to minimize the fact that these partnerships can be successful.

My very first female in-love that was for just over three years ... we were shopping for a house, she was moving to canada... was stone.

it's wasn't and identity or a community for her. It was a fact of her sexuality. Just part of who she was, sexually. I did not ID as a stone femme, and still don't. I was mad in love with her. everything about her. it was *not* a dom/sub or top/bottom relationship. Just like all other relationships, we communicated our needs, laughed, shared things, went travelling, and had tons of hot sex.

I don't see my relationships with stones, daddies, switches, glitter butches, etc as different from each other. They all require respect, understanding, compassion, love, communication, desire and friendship. No one dynamic is more special or different than another. I don't even think butch-femme is different than most other kinds of dyke or het relationships. There are still the same ingredients. I just don't like to think I'm all that special or different from the next person who does something a bit differently from me.

I'm presently enjoy company with a stone. There is nothing about her which makes her more human, more special, more unique, more real, more deserving than anyone else. Aside from her just being her. It has nothing to do with with her ID and her sexuality - although it's hot and frankly is making my days a lot easier, that for sure... But it is not because she's stone... it's because she is who she is. it's *nice* she has the sexuality that she dose cause it's just what I want (and I'm talking about the whole sexual picture) but I certainly wouldn't want to reduce her to an ID dynamic - she'd hate that. she's hot. it's pretty much that simple.