what NOT to do in a relationship....... - Page 16

RoyalRose · 08-01-2010, 10:47 PM

Do not belittle me in front of my friends and family. Your job is to always have my back, no matter what.

Do not be afraid of your emotions. I have them, you have them, everyone has them... and the only way we can have a good relationship is if we talk about them.

Jesse · 08-01-2010, 11:00 PM

We are a team and in order to communicate effectively, problem solving will need to come into play. You will need to be a part of that process in order for us to be successful. Do not shut down and refuse to communicate. If you are angry, say so. Frustrated? Speak up.

Duchess · 08-01-2010, 11:03 PM

Don't search through personal items. This is sooo disrespectful.

Duchess

Soft*Silver · 08-01-2010, 11:31 PM

dont ask me to compare you to FtMs if you are butch. Dont ask me to compare you to butches if you are FtMs. Dont question how I can call myself a lesbian if I have been with and could enjoy sex with CIS men.

dont chase the Golden O like its YOUR prize. Its MINE and I like the journey there as much, if not more than, the Golden O.

dont tell me to dye my hair. And dont tell me my silver makes me look old. It might make YOU look old but it doesnt make me look old...

Rockinonahigh · 08-02-2010, 12:47 AM

OH those golden O's....they are a gift from the goddess and should be persued with sweet loveing care,truly the journey is as good as geting there.

Bard · 08-02-2010, 06:27 AM

Do not ever hurt my child we are a matched set she and I and yes I will share her with you she is amazing advanced and sweet and she will get attached so when you discard me you alos hurt her and she is young this is a lesson I don't want her to learn .. I know she will down the road.. but for now she has enough with dealing with her two homes..

Ms. Tabitha · 08-02-2010, 07:21 AM

Don't go to bed angry
Don't forget to let the other person know you love and respect them
Don't belittle your partner
Don't compare your partner to an ex or a parent
Don't allow jealousy to erode the trust, love and respect of your relationship
Don't forget special occasions
Don't forget to give each other space. Clingy is NOT attractive.
Don't forget you are each others allies. I have your back and you have mine.
Don't continue to "give" in what you perceive is a lopsided relationship when you are at a point of resentment
Don't criticize him/her or put him/her down
Don't EVER use sex as a prize for good behavior or the withholding of sex as punishment for "bad" behavior
Don't try to change him/her. Appreciate who they are. THAT is what attracted you to them in the first place.
Remember - you are friends. You built a friendship. You built a relationship. If or when it ends, be adults. One day you may not have the relationship but you should maintain the friendship

Gemme · 08-02-2010, 07:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by desdansmoncoeur

Or a 'he'. She's a SHE!

Not related to a relationship, but I've got folks that will continue to call our girl pups 'he' long after I have repeatedly corrected them.

Don't make me repeat myself a thousand times (and wonder why I get more and more irritated with each repeat).

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockinonahigh

Dont grose out when...I eat pickled pigs feet or pickled pork hocks,I dont do this much any more but onece in a while i gotta have some.

I love sour pickles and keep them by the galon.

My mom was a big ppf fan. It grossed me out but she wasn't a fan of some of the things I ate either, so we let each off the hook.

I. Love. Pickles.

IrishGrrl · 08-02-2010, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diva

I'm thinkin' that one thing not to do in a relationship would be ~ if one is IN a relationship ~ to come into a thread like this and post what not to do before one discusses it with their partner.

Unless of course one is referring to PAST relationships and not the current one.

Rook · 08-02-2010, 05:58 PM

- Don't presume to know my thoughts...

{on that same token}

- Don't expect me to be a mind reader

- We'll talk, till sunrise if you'd like...But if I want "alone time", leave me alone, when i'm done, you'll know.{in other words, give me space & time to think}

- Don't assume my fondness for cuddling tenderness is an open door to "by all means, fuck me"....

- Do expect random gifts of appreciation/affection in different ways {from a random wildflower, to a simple kiss + smile}

- Don't touch my coffee....

- Love me, love my ferrets

- Do share the TV remote {I promise not to Hog it and blast sports...much}

- Do understand, I pamper My inner child, often...

- All those things u found attractive when we met? Try to remember that always....I do {Especially when you drive me nuts}..

PearlsNLace · 08-02-2010, 07:28 PM

Dont hash out the things your annoyed at me about-
with another femme.
Especially not a femme who thinks your the greatest thing since sliced bread

I will, of course, refrain from whining complaining and kvetching about YOU, to any butch who may be attractive, or has made it plain that you could be replaced.

One caveat to this~
I may hash my part of it out with my sponsor, and since hes an old queen, I dont think there will be any drama comming out of that, except for some perspective. I will, however, let you know Im working through stuff so you are not blind sighted when I have suddenly converted to reason and am no longer harping on whatever it is that Im processing.

Gemme · 08-02-2010, 08:36 PM

People working on themselves is a wonderful thing to see. Please don't expect to reap all the rewards if you don't put the work in. This applies to just about every aspect of an intimate relationship, different types of relationships, jobs, familial relationships, so on and so forth.

bigbutchmistie · 08-02-2010, 09:05 PM

Dont ask me to trust you with everything about my hopes and dreams and then when I tell you belittle them or me because of them. After all you did ask. Support me, as I do you. Doesnt matter how small you think they are.

Communicate with me about everything We are partners. Your opinion matters to me just as much as mine.

Dont lie. I dont care if its a white lie. Its still a lie. And it ruins relationships of all kinds. If you cant be honest with me your partner, theres a serious problem.

Dont push buttons that you know I have. I dont push on your insecurities dont push on mine.

Dont cheat. If Im not the man of your dreams fine tell me, and we can end it as friends as grown adults. Dont cheat.

Dont try and change me. If you think Im not enough for you move on. Dont be little who I am to try and mold me into who YOU think I should be.

Just because I will pamper you and love you unconditionally and be nothing but a mushy teddy bear when it concerns you, dont take it for my weakness.

Do NOT make me an option and expect me to make you my priority...

Soft*Silver · 08-02-2010, 09:27 PM

Dont tell me I look fat in anything. I am fat. I will look fat. If you are going to critique my clothing, talk about IT, not ME. Tell me it doesnt flatter me. Tell me the pleats are too much. Maybe you cant ID what it is you dont like. Tell me that! Dont tell me that there is something wrong with me when its the outfit you are commenting on

now, if you are going to critique me and tell me I am fat, you best qualify that. Too fat than when we first dated? Too fat to introduce your buddies to? Too fat for your exes to see and make comments about? Too fat for you to want to bring me home little candy treats anymore? What?

Dont expect me to like what you say if you are going to call me fat. But if you are serious and not just being mean, I will listen. I might not do a damn thing about it..but maybe I will. Maybe you are worried about my health or wondering why I gained that 10 lbs over xmas (forgetting the dozens of cookies I baked that you ate too) If its a kindness, i will indeed listen, but you need to know, I am never not going to be fat. I like my fat old self. I was skinny once, and damned near killed myself to be like that. Now I am 53, silver haired, ample bodied, sharp minded and smart as a whip...the least of your worries about me should not be that I am fat...lol...

bigbutchmistie · 08-02-2010, 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by softness

Dont tell me I look fat in anything. I am fat. I will look fat. If you are going to critique my clothing, talk about IT, not ME. Tell me it doesnt flatter me. Tell me the pleats are too much. Maybe you cant ID what it is you dont like. Tell me that! Dont tell me that there is something wrong with me when its the outfit you are commenting on

now, if you are going to critique me and tell me I am fat, you best qualify that. Too fat than when we first dated? Too fat to introduce your buddies to? Too fat for your exes to see and make comments about? Too fat for you to want to bring me home little candy treats anymore? What?

Dont expect me to like what you say if you are going to call me fat. But if you are serious and not just being mean, I will listen. I might not do a damn thing about it..but maybe I will. Maybe you are worried about my health or wondering why I gained that 10 lbs over xmas (forgetting the dozens of cookies I baked that you ate too) If its a kindness, i will indeed listen, but you need to know, I am never not going to be fat. I like my fat old self. I was skinny once, and damned near killed myself to be like that. Now I am 53, silver haired, ample bodied, sharp minded and smart as a whip...the least of your worries about me should not be that I am fat...lol...

Ms Softness if any butch doesnt recognize the beauty of who you are and is abusive to you in that light. They arent worthy of you. And that goes for all femmes... I could never imagine telling a femme she was fat. Or not introducing her to my friends.

You know only best for you my sweet friend.

Soft*Silver · 08-02-2010, 09:55 PM

Mistie..I love ya! Its an old story and its over now...lol. LONG over, long time ago. But it still pertains to this thread, so I included it.

I dont think there will be another butch to ever make me sad again, honey. I would kiss you if I could....for the love you gave me here tonight...

and by the way, I look damn good fat...lol...

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbutchmistie

Ms Softness if any butch doesnt recognize the beauty of who you are and is abusive to you in that light. They arent worthy of you. And that goes for all femmes... I could never imagine telling a femme she was fat. Or not introducing her to my friends.

You know only best for you my sweet friend.

bigbutchmistie · 08-02-2010, 09:55 PM

Like everyone else dont compare me to your exes. I am nothing like them. Im my own man and a damn good one. I can promise you that

Dont expect me to be superman 24/7 a week. Im human and I have my down time.

JinxdGirl · 08-02-2010, 09:57 PM

Do not tell me to get over my past. I've dealt. I'm dealing. It will still pop up now and then.
Do not get mad at me for what I did in YOUR dream.
Do not expect me to cook & clean. I'll do one, you'll do the other.
Do not change the rules in the middle of the game or relationship.
Do not threaten me. Ever. Seriously.

bright_arrow · 08-02-2010, 09:58 PM

Don't push me when I'm irritated at you. I like to think I'm very laid back, it takes a bit to set me off, and I don't want to be annoyed/angry with you. It takes a lot more for me to get over being angry with you than if I am just irritated. Besides, I will get snippy. There's a side of me you shouldn't have to ever see, and if you do, not directed at you!

bigbutchmistie · 08-02-2010, 09:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by softness

Mistie..I love ya! Its an old story and its over now...lol. LONG over, long time ago. But it still pertains to this thread, so I included it.

I dont think there will be another butch to ever make me sad again, honey. I would kiss you if I could....for the love you gave me here tonight...

and by the way, I look damn good fat...lol...

BBW's are beautiful

And you deserve nothing but the best Ms Softness, thank you,

08-01-2010, 11:00 PM	#302
Jesse Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Transguy Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Central West Coast of Florida Posts: 5,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,866 Thanked 17,784 Times in 3,940 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	We are a team and in order to communicate effectively, problem solving will need to come into play. You will need to be a part of that process in order for us to be successful. Do not shut down and refuse to communicate. If you are angry, say so. Frustrated? Speak up. __________________ “You’re so hard on yourself. Take a moment. Sit back. Marvel at your life: at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that widened you, at the suffering that strengthened you. Despite everything, you still grow. Be proud of this.”

08-01-2010, 11:03 PM	#303
Duchess Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Absolute Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Toe curling :-) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 2,382 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,792 Thanked 5,592 Times in 1,521 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	*Don't search through personal items. This is sooo disrespectful.* *Duchess* __________________ *無料のライブ*

08-01-2010, 11:31 PM	#304
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,592 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,907 Times in 4,062 Posts Rep Power*: 21474857	dont ask me to compare you to FtMs if you are butch. Dont ask me to compare you to butches if you are FtMs. Dont question how I can call myself a lesbian if I have been with and could enjoy sex with CIS men. dont chase the Golden O like its YOUR prize. Its MINE and I like the journey there as much, if not more than, the Golden O. dont tell me to dye my hair. And dont tell me my silver makes me look old. It might make YOU look old but it doesnt make me look old... __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

08-02-2010, 06:27 AM	#306
Bard Family Man How Do You Identify?: TG Male Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones Relationship Status: She just gets me Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ..... Posts: 2,828 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,997 Thanked 12,786 Times in 2,431 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Do not ever hurt my child we are a matched set she and I and yes I will share her with you she is amazing advanced and sweet and she will get attached so when you discard me you alos hurt her and she is young this is a lesson I don't want her to learn .. I know she will down the road.. but for now she has enough with dealing with her two homes.. __________________ This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of will Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain And a hundred percent reason to remember the name! Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.

08-02-2010, 07:21 AM	#307
Ms. Tabitha Member How Do You Identify?: Hey Lady Preferred Pronoun?: Female Relationship Status: Married ~ 4-1-13 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Central Texas Posts: 1,440 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 980 Thanked 3,581 Times in 1,040 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Don't go to bed angry Don't forget to let the other person know you love and respect them Don't belittle your partner Don't compare your partner to an ex or a parent Don't allow jealousy to erode the trust, love and respect of your relationship Don't forget special occasions Don't forget to give each other space. Clingy is NOT attractive. Don't forget you are each others allies. I have your back and you have mine. Don't continue to "give" in what you perceive is a lopsided relationship when you are at a point of resentment Don't criticize him/her or put him/her down Don't EVER use sex as a prize for good behavior or the withholding of sex as punishment for "bad" behavior Don't try to change him/her. Appreciate who they are. THAT is what attracted you to them in the first place. Remember - you are friends. You built a friendship. You built a relationship. If or when it ends, be adults. One day you may not have the relationship but you should maintain the friendship

08-01-2010, 10:47 PM	#301
RoyalRose Junior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Portland, OR Posts: 6 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5 Thanked 21 Times in 4 Posts Rep Power: 0	Do not belittle me in front of my friends and family. Your job is to always have my back, no matter what. Do not be afraid of your emotions. I have them, you have them, everyone has them... and the only way we can have a good relationship is if we talk about them.

08-02-2010, 12:47 AM	#305
Rockinonahigh Senior Member How Do You Identify?: stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: makes no diffrence,I know who I am. Relationship Status: single,maybe looking if the right person comes along. Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: shreveport,Louisiana Posts: 4,907 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,682 Thanked 14,933 Times in 3,938 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	OH those golden O's....they are a gift from the goddess and should be persued with sweet loveing care,truly the journey is as good as geting there.

08-02-2010, 05:58 PM	#310
Rook Senior Member How Do You Identify?: A.G - Stone Butch - GenderFuck Preferred Pronoun?: Hym, Hyz...or, just b respectable, it's not that hard.. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Columbus Posts: 2,280 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,227 Thanked 3,182 Times in 1,287 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	- Don't presume to know my thoughts... {on that same token} - Don't expect me to be a mind reader - We'll talk, till sunrise if you'd like...But if I want "alone time", leave me alone, when i'm done, you'll know.{in other words, give me space & time to think} - Don't assume my fondness for cuddling tenderness is an open door to "by all means, fuck me".... - Do expect random gifts of appreciation/affection in different ways {from a random wildflower, to a simple kiss + smile} - Don't touch my coffee.... - Love me, love my ferrets - Do share the TV remote {I promise not to Hog it and blast sports...much} - Do understand, I pamper My inner child, often... - All those things u found attractive when we met? Try to remember that always....I do {Especially when you drive me nuts}.. __________________

08-02-2010, 07:28 PM	#311
PearlsNLace Member How Do You Identify?: queer Preferred Pronoun?: They/Them & her/she Relationship Status: Lucky, very lucky Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Portlandia, Oregon Posts: 427 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 875 Thanked 1,286 Times in 315 Posts Rep Power: 6505517	Dont hash out the things your annoyed at me about- with another femme. Especially not a femme who thinks your the greatest thing since sliced bread I will, of course, refrain from whining complaining and kvetching about YOU, to any butch who may be attractive, or has made it plain that you could be replaced. One caveat to this~ I may hash my part of it out with my sponsor, and since hes an old queen, I dont think there will be any drama comming out of that, except for some perspective. I will, however, let you know Im working through stuff so you are not blind sighted when I have suddenly converted to reason and am no longer harping on whatever it is that Im processing.

08-02-2010, 08:36 PM	#312
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,631 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,498 Thanked 107,973 Times in 25,668 Posts Rep Power: 21474888	People working on themselves is a wonderful thing to see. Please don't expect to reap all the rewards if you don't put the work in. This applies to just about every aspect of an intimate relationship, different types of relationships, jobs, familial relationships, so on and so forth. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

08-02-2010, 09:05 PM	#313
bigbutchmistie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Since You Need A Label. Butch Relationship Status: Still Dreaming Of My Happily Ever After Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Arlington Texas Posts: 4,009 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,950 Thanked 5,364 Times in 1,941 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Dont ask me to trust you with everything about my hopes and dreams and then when I tell you belittle them or me because of them. After all you did ask. Support me, as I do you. Doesnt matter how small you think they are. Communicate with me about everything We are partners. Your opinion matters to me just as much as mine. Dont lie. I dont care if its a white lie. Its still a lie. And it ruins relationships of all kinds. If you cant be honest with me your partner, theres a serious problem. Dont push buttons that you know I have. I dont push on your insecurities dont push on mine. Dont cheat. If Im not the man of your dreams fine tell me, and we can end it as friends as grown adults. Dont cheat. Dont try and change me. If you think Im not enough for you move on. Dont be little who I am to try and mold me into who YOU think I should be. Just because I will pamper you and love you unconditionally and be nothing but a mushy teddy bear when it concerns you, dont take it for my weakness. Do NOT make me an option and expect me to make you my priority...

08-02-2010, 09:27 PM	#314
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,592 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,907 Times in 4,062 Posts Rep Power*: 21474857	Dont tell me I look fat in anything. I am fat. I will look fat. If you are going to critique my clothing, talk about IT, not ME. Tell me it doesnt flatter me. Tell me the pleats are too much. Maybe you cant ID what it is you dont like. Tell me that! Dont tell me that there is something wrong with me when its the outfit you are commenting on now, if you are going to critique me and tell me I am fat, you best qualify that. Too fat than when we first dated? Too fat to introduce your buddies to? Too fat for your exes to see and make comments about? Too fat for you to want to bring me home little candy treats anymore? What? Dont expect me to like what you say if you are going to call me fat. But if you are serious and not just being mean, I will listen. I might not do a damn thing about it..but maybe I will. Maybe you are worried about my health or wondering why I gained that 10 lbs over xmas (forgetting the dozens of cookies I baked that you ate too) If its a kindness, i will indeed listen, but you need to know, I am never not going to be fat. I like my fat old self. I was skinny once, and damned near killed myself to be like that. Now I am 53, silver haired, ample bodied, sharp minded and smart as a whip...the least of your worries about me should not be that I am fat...lol... __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

08-02-2010, 09:55 PM	#317
bigbutchmistie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Since You Need A Label. Butch Relationship Status: Still Dreaming Of My Happily Ever After Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Arlington Texas Posts: 4,009 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,950 Thanked 5,364 Times in 1,941 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Like everyone else dont compare me to your exes. I am nothing like them. Im my own man and a damn good one. I can promise you that Dont expect me to be superman 24/7 a week. Im human and I have my down time.

08-02-2010, 09:57 PM	#318
JinxdGirl Member How Do You Identify?: Tomyboy Femme Preferred Pronoun?: The girl ones, please! Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Greensboro, NC Posts: 123 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 293 Thanked 168 Times in 48 Posts Rep Power: 215554	Do not tell me to get over my past. I've dealt. I'm dealing. It will still pop up now and then. Do not get mad at me for what I did in YOUR dream. Do not expect me to cook & clean. I'll do one, you'll do the other. Do not change the rules in the middle of the game or relationship. Do not threaten me. Ever. Seriously.

08-02-2010, 09:58 PM	#319
bright_arrow ☆ the stars are aligned ☆ How Do You Identify?: one queer mama Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: married to my Boo Daddy <3 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: nor cal Posts: 2,910 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,644 Thanked 9,363 Times in 2,296 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Don't push me when I'm irritated at you. I like to think I'm very laid back, it takes a bit to set me off, and I don't want to be annoyed/angry with you. It takes a lot more for me to get over being angry with you than if I am just irritated. Besides, I will get snippy. There's a side of me you shouldn't have to ever see, and if you do, not directed at you!