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02-21-2013, 11:10 AM
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#361 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Miss Twiggy Preferred Pronoun?:
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and that shit doesn't sound atrocious! Relationship Status:
divorce happens..all that glitters ain't gold 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: SLC Utah
Posts: 2,284
Thanks: 2,768
Thanked 7,159 Times in 1,793 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854   |
Up extra early today and my sister who had stayed out very late the night before comes in and asks if I can help her hide the dark circles under her eyes.
Sis: Wow I can't even see my bags anymore that is amazing I can't even see them anymore how do you do that Me: It's an optical illusion trust me Sis: Oh so it is kind of like tea bagging in the porn flicks Me: (EYES WIDE WTF LOOK) ....had to walk away |
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02-22-2013, 02:09 PM
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#362 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
FTM Preferred Pronoun?:
guy ones Relationship Status:
... Join Date: May 2011
Location: chillin' in FL
Posts: 3,690
Thanks: 21,951
Thanked 9,679 Times in 2,875 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854 |
at my second home, work with my second family.. lol
I took over dispatch and just as I did we get an alarm for a code 29 - fire alarm. Our officers are in the middle of shift change and are barely getting their radios and keys. Me and my mentor take over and start pushing buttons to acknowledge the alarm and start the emergency channel dispatch. As I'm trying to contact our officers to see where they are and dispatch someone to our fire command, I call for one whose call number is five zero and we call him five o. lol Later I find out he didn't grab a radio in time and he just tagged along with another officer to get to the scene asap as we only have 3 mins to respond or alarms, sirens, flashes go off for evacuation and the fire department is dispatched. So later after unsuccesfully being able to reach him by radio I say, "damn, five o is always the last to respond." We all laughed good. haha! |
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02-22-2013, 03:58 PM
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#363 | |
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Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
cleverly disguised as a responsible adult* Preferred Pronoun?:
wild woman Relationship Status:
No, thank you.
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Home in NC..gonna dig in like a tick this time…
Posts: 7,661
Thanks: 15,231
Thanked 27,598 Times in 6,955 Posts
Rep Power: 21474859 |
Quote:
Just sayin'. |
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02-22-2013, 04:13 PM
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#364 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
just JC Preferred Pronoun?:
hy Relationship Status:
the hardest to learn was the least complicated 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Ohio getting ready for a move though
Posts: 412
Thanks: 2,681
Thanked 1,157 Times in 318 Posts
Rep Power: 13500137 |
lmao
friend melissa...
Jace theres little hairs in the bathroom sink me... because i got a haircut today i need to get a shower she... you're tall as a tree how did you get a shower in the sink me.... i ran my hands thru it i need a shower she looks at me and has that what do you mean look...sigh lol love the bestie
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02-22-2013, 09:02 PM
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#365 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
just JC Preferred Pronoun?:
hy Relationship Status:
the hardest to learn was the least complicated
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Ohio getting ready for a move though
Posts: 412
Thanks: 2,681
Thanked 1,157 Times in 318 Posts
Rep Power: 13500137 |
word
oldest child....
i made a delicious smoothie this morning my sweetie .... yeah it was diabetes in a blender..... wth.... lol
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02-23-2013, 08:16 PM
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#366 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
Lady-femme Preferred Pronoun?:
Lady-ones Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Central Massachusetts
Posts: 524
Thanks: 2,084
Thanked 1,725 Times in 413 Posts
Rep Power: 20699138 |
Me: Ooo! I wonder if they make cheetoh-flavored (vaping) juice!
Scorp: Here, I'll just let you suck on my toes. .gif "Say What?")
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02-24-2013, 12:26 AM
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#367 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
just JC Preferred Pronoun?:
hy Relationship Status:
the hardest to learn was the least complicated
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Ohio getting ready for a move though
Posts: 412
Thanks: 2,681
Thanked 1,157 Times in 318 Posts
Rep Power: 13500137 |
wth
my sweetie to the youngest childs gf...
is that a vagina on your shirt?? GF... no its a ded deer i got the at dollar general for 8 bucks for our 23 month anniversary my sweetie.... hey we should go to cheesecake factory or pf changs really?? and these are the days of our lives lol love my girls!!!!!
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02-24-2013, 02:39 AM
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#368 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She, her, hey you! 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 514
Thanks: 204
Thanked 688 Times in 225 Posts
Rep Power: 5173241 |
I tried to tickle my 14 years old son's knee, and he said to me, "Mom, I am impervious to that." I was like who the hell, wait! When the hell did you learn that word: impervious?!
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  now how can you ignore a dancing pink elephant? and how i so wish it would rain here.
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02-25-2013, 07:03 PM
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#369 |
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Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?:
She, as in 'She's a GEM' 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The roads are narrow here
Posts: 36,631
Thanks: 182,498
Thanked 107,957 Times in 25,668 Posts
Rep Power: 21474888 |
..."this ain't no sparkly Twilight shit up in here"...
Context is everything, but y'all will never know. 
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02-25-2013, 07:18 PM
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#370 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NC & CO
Posts: 4,806
Thanks: 4,624
Thanked 12,194 Times in 3,779 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
I swear I was standing quietly in my own cubical ....
one coworker to the younger one after the younger one asked for 3 favors in a row..
younger one : "Can I ride with you? " coworker who had already admitted to major PMS: "YOU'RE HANGING OFF MY LEFT TIT!!" me: ... ROFLMAO!!! that did not just come from YOUR mouth! who are you?
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She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~ |
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02-25-2013, 07:41 PM
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#371 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Pansexual/Sapiosexual femmey dyke who likes to crossdress now and then Preferred Pronoun?:
She/her OR ze if I'm crossdressing Relationship Status:
Floating and walking My path, happy in life. 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: On my Merry Fairy way! , Canada
Posts: 3,630
Thanks: 8,727
Thanked 8,694 Times in 2,987 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852 |
I just heard this comversation between my nephews outside through the window
Youngest "why do you think mom wants us to stay out of her room? Did she buy us gifts?" Oldest "No, I think she got dad a gift that he gets to unwrap secretly" Youngest "NO FAIR! I want to be the one to unwrap moms present! Do you think we'll ever get to use it?" Oldest "let's wait a few months to find out" Meanwhile I am sitting here spitting out my tea and trying not to crack up. |
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02-27-2013, 07:31 AM
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#372 |
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Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
cleverly disguised as a responsible adult* Preferred Pronoun?:
wild woman Relationship Status:
No, thank you.
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Home in NC..gonna dig in like a tick this time…
Posts: 7,661
Thanks: 15,231
Thanked 27,598 Times in 6,955 Posts
Rep Power: 21474859 |
While we were at the movies yesterday, the landlord called to say our BIG cat, Bud, had gotten out! He hadn't been outside at the new place yet so we hurried home....
Landlord: He's been hanging out on the deck, he's fine. Teddy and I call him to the door. Teddy: Get your fat ass in that house! Me: Don't talk to me like that! oh we do have fun..... 
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04-07-2013, 06:43 PM
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#373 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Stone Butch Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: above my boots
Posts: 2,097
Thanks: 2,649
Thanked 3,755 Times in 1,171 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853 |
Hollylane's romance
I literally just fingered the lime.
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04-08-2013, 01:05 PM
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#374 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She or Goddess Relationship Status:
Settled in Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Edmonton Alberta
Posts: 1,322
Thanks: 2,849
Thanked 5,329 Times in 1,045 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
I had finished my studio and was putting a tarp on the floor and plastic sheeting up on the walls getting ready to paint (I am a messy abstract painter).
Girlfriend: What are you doing? What are you planning to do in here? Me: Have you ever seen Dexter? Girlfriend: You're kidding right? (With worried look) Me: Piss me off and find out. Then I laughed at her and told her it was just to protect the hardwood and paint form my mess. She seemed very relieved... but she won't go in the studio now. I think my plan worked.
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 Creativity is a drug I can't do without.-Cecil B. DeMille 
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04-10-2013, 05:06 PM
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#375 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Miss Twiggy Preferred Pronoun?:
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and that shit doesn't sound atrocious! Relationship Status:
divorce happens..all that glitters ain't gold
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: SLC Utah
Posts: 2,284
Thanks: 2,768
Thanked 7,159 Times in 1,793 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854 |
Me ...Stop sniffing me
Ex....I can't help it Me..... FFS I am not a scratch and sniff sticker go sniff some markers |
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04-11-2013, 02:32 PM
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#376 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
femme Relationship Status:
married 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: here.
Posts: 398
Thanks: 5,201
Thanked 1,678 Times in 338 Posts
Rep Power: 21474850 |
"Baby, we really need to stop coming together"
followed by: "Well, at least we didn't do as much damage this time" I'm never going to stand in that checkout line with hym again...especially if the same cashier is there. |
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04-12-2013, 03:02 PM
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#377 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Butch Preferred Pronoun?:
BadAss! / Sarcastic Bastard! 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,352
Thanks: 3,507
Thanked 6,926 Times in 1,818 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853 |
" Baby.... want to come out and smoke with me"
" I think it's already smokin Love!"
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Tell me I can't do it.. then stand back and watch me amaze you. 
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04-13-2013, 11:46 AM
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#378 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Stone Butch Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: above my boots
Posts: 2,097
Thanks: 2,649
Thanked 3,755 Times in 1,171 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853 |
Where’s the fucking nut cheese. I never thought I’d be looking for it.
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04-15-2013, 11:21 AM
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#379 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
FTM Preferred Pronoun?:
guy ones Relationship Status:
... Join Date: May 2011
Location: chillin' in FL
Posts: 3,690
Thanks: 21,951
Thanked 9,679 Times in 2,875 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854 |
at work again..
Telling people to get out of pool and hot tub because of weather conditions (thundering, lightening, not to mention it's raining lightly at the time) and we have had tornado warnings around the area all evening and still under a tornado watch for another hour.
A man as he's in the hot tub: "Well I thought being low to the ground was the safest place to be." Me: "Not if you're in that water and lightening strikes it." I walk away and damn patio furniture starts flying striking me as I'm trying to dodge it. I run back to bar area inside and call to dispatch that the guests have been advised and we have furniture flying. I go back outside and it's pouring rain with strong wind gusts everyone is running. I run to the gate and stand there getting drenched making sure all these idiots get inside safely. Get inside and I notice the wet sign has fallen so I pick it up, cutting my finger in the process and my glasses are covered in rain drops. The guests say, "You're lucky. You came just in time. You should play the lotto!" Me: "I wish I could win the lotto!" *thinking later* I don't get paid enough for this shit and I'll never jeopardize my life again like that if they're gonna choose to be out in these weather conditions. Of course, its just a thought. It's my job!! |
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04-15-2013, 12:04 PM
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#380 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
Queer Preferred Pronoun?:
Her Relationship Status:
Married 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: East Finchley
Posts: 752
Thanks: 478
Thanked 1,886 Times in 523 Posts
Rep Power: 16307164 |
Me: Honey?
Calling for my husband from up the stairs. My step daughter: I'm not your honey! |
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I'm misunderestimated. 
Linear Mode
