06-13-2010, 06:20 PM | #21 |
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I have to ask just for clarification because I really need it right now..
Was I wrong to assume this was Butch and Transmen space? or was everyone allowed? Thank you for your time.
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06-13-2010, 06:22 PM | #22 | ||
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06-13-2010, 06:23 PM | #23 |
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Linus thank you I am to busy with a soon to be 10 year old to have read it all... I appreciate the clarification, for now I can post some thoughts.
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"If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden |
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06-13-2010, 06:26 PM | #24 | |
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What is kewl is that quite a few members have just come in and posted! |
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06-13-2010, 06:28 PM | #25 |
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I'm thinking they will let ANYONE in this thread eh?
So many thanks to ya'll this is a great thread. i have been reading along. |
06-13-2010, 06:28 PM | #26 | |
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Forgive me here, AtLast, but I just want to make sure...the topic is butch, transmen, and intergendered friendships, though, correct?
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06-13-2010, 06:29 PM | #27 |
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06-13-2010, 06:45 PM | #28 | |
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06-13-2010, 07:15 PM | #29 | |
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*I* think (not saying this for everyone) that another thread should be started on a femme's perspective or affect on these friendships. This way you all have the chance to build some bridges and friendships without more stuff thrown in there. I hope that made sense. Oh lookee here I got ballsy and made the damn thread... http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...647#post129647 Mince!!!!
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06-13-2010, 07:33 PM | #30 |
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Hi again!
I am gonna attempt to explain some of my perspective on this subject so please everybody bear with me and be patient. My first relationship ended because my best friend who was/is butch betrayed me by sleeping with my first girlfriend. We had been together several years when this happened and I had been friends with said butch for about 3 years. I moved on but not without some baggage that still to this day enters into my relationships. I would like to see us discuss codes of ethics we should all be living by in order to respect one another. We all have them in our circles. 1.You don't steal or sleep with another butches/trans/guys partner, lover, girl, or woman. 2.Use preferred pronouns when addressing each other. 3. If a butch buddy or trans or guy friend asks me about someone they are interested in I feel it is my duty to be honest with them in a way that is not bashing but is straight forward about my experience of that person. These are just some thoughts folks!!! |
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06-13-2010, 07:40 PM | #31 | |
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Personally, I think that there are two people in this scenario: both the butch and your first g/f did the cheating. Neither is to be excluded and both parties were willing participants. To me, the idea that one shouldn't "steal" a lover, partner, etc. suggests -- TO ME -- the idea that a woman is chattel (sp?) and owned. If she chooses to find someone else (and it's not a poly relationship), then there is more going on there.
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06-13-2010, 07:50 PM | #32 | |
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no doubt about that Linus but we are discussing the butch side of it...not the ex side of it. as far as your opinion about that i am implying that women are owned that is not where i am coming from and i am sorry you choose to view it that way. sooo thanks for the patience and understanding that i asked for.
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Last edited by weatherboi; 06-13-2010 at 08:08 PM. Reason: nevermind |
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06-13-2010, 07:52 PM | #33 |
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Personally, I tend to keep to myself, if asked I'll be honest without giving the details. It is after all none of my business. What goes on between two consenting adults is none o' mine.
Pronouns are a given I'll respect yours if you respect mine. Being an adult and taking responsibility for myself is all I can do.
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06-13-2010, 07:55 PM | #34 |
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You know, when I'm having a conversation in real time...where I make most of my friends...I don't tend to pick apart the supposed underlying meanings of everything/sentence/word they use.
I think VERY often times here, conversations get mired in down in 'semantics wars' How does this apply to this thread? Linus, I don't think there is anyone here who thinks weatherboi thinks of women as chattel. If for no other reason (besides I've never seen him say anything off color) than Snow would kick his ass. Honestly, I think these gender wars start over stuff like this, and these things RARELY happen (to me anyways) in real time. Had I heard that sentence in real time, by someone I'm familiar with on the same level as weatherboi, I would probably concentrate on the meat of the entirety of the whole statement than a picking apart of semantics Just Trying To 'Bond', Dylan |
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06-13-2010, 07:56 PM | #35 | |
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06-13-2010, 08:02 PM | #36 | |
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Part of the support for each other is to recognize the differences as well as the similarities. Our world (and I'm referring to this in a wider general sense) is all about extremes of support or contrary. Society seems more intent on accepting extremes rather than recognizing the middle ground or middle way. Just because I do not agree with your point of view doesn't mean I do not respect you or your understanding. I went through the "my g/f was stolen by.." point not too long ago (about 4 years now). I look back on it as a learning experience. It was not the butch's fault nor the g/f fault. It was reflective of the time and what was going on. It cost me a potential friendship with both because of my internal view of "ownership" and "how dare he!" thoughts. To me -- and I'll emphasize that these are MY thoughts, MY views and are only to be view as that of the Linus -- the ethic of "no butch/transman/whatever should steal another's femme/girl/whatever" creates boundary lines and animosity in itself. Rather I would prefer to create deep friendships with those transmen/butches/whatever that would negate their desire to cause distrust. Will it never happen again? Eh. Who knows? Anything is certainly possible. But for me personally, I find it creates lines where there shouldn't be any.
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06-13-2010, 08:17 PM | #37 | |
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For me, number one also includes not dating a friend's ex-girlfriend. I would not say that it is "unethical" to date a friends ex-g.f. per say, and some people may even ask their friend if it would be ok, but for me, I find it best just to see anyone that any of my friends have dated as being "off limits". It just makes things a lot easier. Anyone else follow this "rule"?
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06-13-2010, 08:24 PM | #38 | |
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06-13-2010, 08:30 PM | #39 |
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I"m kinda out of this as far as dating, um married, but when I did date it wasn't about my friends ex, I just never gave it a thought, cause if it's my friends ex, the ex wouldn't be in my circle of dating prospects. Now I've also had some long term relationships, so none of this has ever been an issue for me.
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06-13-2010, 08:32 PM | #40 | |
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yes!!! i hold this same rule for myself.
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