Your Ideal Relationship Format

[Penmarked Femme]

Originally Posted by MasterfulButch

Back Story
When I first came out, I was new to the scene, young and following some gut instinct. I had no real understanding or the perspective that a few more years would have brought. Anyway, I kissed my first girl and had that wonderful feeling of ‘rightness’ which I’m sure many of you will identify with. Within a very short space of time my excitement was thoroughly doused as the girl and her gay male best friend proceeded to explain to me that “gay people don’t do long term relationships”. “If that’s what you want in life,” they told me, “then you better not go down this path.” This threw me into a spin of trying to reconcile my definite sexuality with my equally definite belief in a certain type of relationship. The thought that two of the most fundamental facets of my personality were so diametrically opposed was horrific.

Fast forward to the present day and I’m glad to say I now know how thoroughly wrong these people were. Years and experience have taught me that we can have whatever form of relationship we want, subject to finding a willing partner(s) of course. So, I thought I would celebrate this choice and also how far society has come in those intervening years by asking you for your opinions…

Getting to the point
Imagine (if you need to) that you’ve found your ideal partner(s) and there are no tedious barriers like financial situations to worry about, what would your optimum relationship format look like?

I’m thinking general here. Would you be monogamous? Would you be poly? Live together? Live in neighbouring properties with an inter-connecting door? Be focussed primarily on other things (e.g. work)? Backpack around the world together? Are you soulmates? Best friends? Have a commitment ceremony? Call her/them wife? Have children? Have pets? Start a charity together? Still be together twenty years on? Live in the moment? BDSM? Vanilla?

So been thinking and will think more about my ideal relationship. Recently a friend of mine challenged me to write down my list of non negotiables. I've already put this one out to the universe but perhaps I somehow skipped this planet so here it is.

1) wants/has children and is comfortable with my son and vice versa
2) funny
3) likes to socialize
4) acknowledges the realities of and sympathizes with grief
5) receptive to holism
6) spiritual
7) high sex drive
8) kinky
9) creative
10) stable finances
11) romantic
12) likes to dance
13) likes to travel
13) Butch preferably but not exclusively

[Penmarked Femme]

Originally Posted by MasterfulButch

Firstly, thank you everyone so far for taking the time and offering such thoughtful responses. It’s really interesting to see the differing perspectives and it gives much food for thought.

So, to answer my own question...

My ideal partner and I have a life-long, monogamous, one-on-one relationship. We do marry when the time is right, partly because I want to put on my butch finery, stand in front of her and offer myself to her but also because I want to formally say that nomatter what life throws at us, she’s the person I’ve chosen to have by my side. I want her to know that being with her enables me to be a better version of myself and that I commit to supporting, challenging and encouraging her in whatever path she chooses. I want to formalise the bond that exists between us and to do it in such a way that says ‘yes, gay marriage rights were worth fighting for’, rather like the way in which women voting today are standing on the shoulders of the suffragettes. I don’t see it as some stuffy ritualization of someone else’s rules though. It would be a small ceremony, presided over by someone of significance to us but not a religious representative. The backdrop would be epic nature. Something like us standing on an outcrop with a beautiful valley of woodland and meadows spread out below. It would be the sort of place that simultaneously humbles and inspires me and would be representative of the pact I’m entering into.

Our life together has us living in the same home but with our own bedrooms and studies. Both intimacy and affection are frequent and there are times when we share a bed overnight because we want to continue the physical contact. She doesn’t get grumpy when I sneak into bed next to her and wake her in the middle of the night for some… companionship. She’s also very tolerant about the sleeping naked rule as long as I keep to my side of the bargain and keep her warm. Thankfully she thinks I’m endearing. I am thoughtful enough to let her sleep unhindered on the nights before big meetings or exams etc.

We have a housekeeper, a lovely lady called Beryl. She’s great at keeping on top of the things that my partner and I just can’t get around to because of our working commitments. She’s also great for pet-setting which is good because the menagerie love her. Both my partner and I work hard and are fulfilled by what we do. I have a few different irons in the fire because I like it that way but we respect and show a genuine interest in each other’s activities. I’m proud of her and glad to know that the feeling is mutual. Despite working hard there’s still time for being sociable and playful thanks to Beryl’s helping hand. My partner knows I can be a little shy at first even though I proactively try to override it so she helps me to push beyond my comfort zone and live the sort of life I want to. In return, she knows that I’ve always got her back and I will put the full force of my imagination and determination into helping her get what she wants.

We have a good group of friends and while she has more than me it’s fine because I get extra time for my solitary pursuits which works for me. We also have some separate interests as well as those that we enjoy sharing together. We have a mutual love of travel and next year we’re going to tour North America in an RV with our dogs while Beryl looks after the house and cats. My partner laughs at my desire to try a malted chocolate milkshake in every US state. I don’t know why. We’ve lots of other worldwide travel plans too, it’s just a case of fitting it all in around our other commitments which is a pleasant conundrum to have.

One day, when we’ve been together for donkey’s years, we’ll sit watching a sunset and smile about our years together. We’ll both be grey and wrinkled, I’ll be portly due to the malted chocolate milkshakes and she’ll have arthritis from years of sleeping naked but neither of us would change a thing. I take her hand, “thank you”, I say. She just looks at me and smiles and in that moment I can barely breath with my appreciation for the life I’ve led.

Beautiful, simply lovey. Want a malted milkshake now I could defiantly subscribe to a life like that!!

[always2late]

Originally Posted by MasterfulButch

Firstly, thank you everyone so far for taking the time and offering such thoughtful responses. It’s really interesting to see the differing perspectives and it gives much food for thought.

So, to answer my own question...

My ideal partner and I have a life-long, monogamous, one-on-one relationship. We do marry when the time is right, partly because I want to put on my butch finery, stand in front of her and offer myself to her but also because I want to formally say that nomatter what life throws at us, she’s the person I’ve chosen to have by my side. I want her to know that being with her enables me to be a better version of myself and that I commit to supporting, challenging and encouraging her in whatever path she chooses. I want to formalise the bond that exists between us and to do it in such a way that says ‘yes, gay marriage rights were worth fighting for’, rather like the way in which women voting today are standing on the shoulders of the suffragettes. I don’t see it as some stuffy ritualization of someone else’s rules though. It would be a small ceremony, presided over by someone of significance to us but not a religious representative. The backdrop would be epic nature. Something like us standing on an outcrop with a beautiful valley of woodland and meadows spread out below. It would be the sort of place that simultaneously humbles and inspires me and would be representative of the pact I’m entering into.

Our life together has us living in the same home but with our own bedrooms and studies. Both intimacy and affection are frequent and there are times when we share a bed overnight because we want to continue the physical contact. She doesn’t get grumpy when I sneak into bed next to her and wake her in the middle of the night for some… companionship. She’s also very tolerant about the sleeping naked rule as long as I keep to my side of the bargain and keep her warm. Thankfully she thinks I’m endearing. I am thoughtful enough to let her sleep unhindered on the nights before big meetings or exams etc.

We have a housekeeper, a lovely lady called Beryl. She’s great at keeping on top of the things that my partner and I just can’t get around to because of our working commitments. She’s also great for pet-setting which is good because the menagerie love her. Both my partner and I work hard and are fulfilled by what we do. I have a few different irons in the fire because I like it that way but we respect and show a genuine interest in each other’s activities. I’m proud of her and glad to know that the feeling is mutual. Despite working hard there’s still time for being sociable and playful thanks to Beryl’s helping hand. My partner knows I can be a little shy at first even though I proactively try to override it so she helps me to push beyond my comfort zone and live the sort of life I want to. In return, she knows that I’ve always got her back and I will put the full force of my imagination and determination into helping her get what she wants.

We have a good group of friends and while she has more than me it’s fine because I get extra time for my solitary pursuits which works for me. We also have some separate interests as well as those that we enjoy sharing together. We have a mutual love of travel and next year we’re going to tour North America in an RV with our dogs while Beryl looks after the house and cats. My partner laughs at my desire to try a malted chocolate milkshake in every US state. I don’t know why. We’ve lots of other worldwide travel plans too, it’s just a case of fitting it all in around our other commitments which is a pleasant conundrum to have.

One day, when we’ve been together for donkey’s years, we’ll sit watching a sunset and smile about our years together. We’ll both be grey and wrinkled, I’ll be portly due to the malted chocolate milkshakes and she’ll have arthritis from years of sleeping naked but neither of us would change a thing. I take her hand, “thank you”, I say. She just looks at me and smiles and in that moment I can barely breath with my appreciation for the life I’ve led.

Quick question....is Beryl available for loan out? I've always held on to the dream that, when I retire, I am packing up an RV and driving across the U.S. I just want to see everything! Of course, I'd have to take a few of my dogs and the one cat that is pathologically attached to me...but I'll have to leave a few behind (they don't handle long trips well). I need a Beryl!