09-17-2012, 01:37 PM | #21 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
Nunya Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Bernlandia
Posts: 1,740
Thanks: 4,286
Thanked 5,525 Times in 1,386 Posts
Rep Power: 21474850 |
As long as everyone is honest about what they want from the beginning then nobody is wrong. Maintaining is a little distance is probably the healthiest way to go anyway. Logically I know that's true but as long as we're being honest, my emotions usually win out over logic and I would not stop wishing for more if I cared about someone who held me at a distance emotionally.
__________________
Now say you're sorry for ushering in the fourth fucking reich- anonymous |
09-17-2012, 02:00 PM | #22 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
queer femme Preferred Pronoun?:
her/she Relationship Status:
single Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 427
Thanks: 1,848
Thanked 1,941 Times in 376 Posts
Rep Power: 17615391 |
I'm another one who's scared of losing herself completely in someone else. I've done it before, don't want to do it again.
I don't want to give up my space anymore. I moved to another country (OK, Canada, but still...) to be with someone, gave up my my whole life in San Francisco, and moved into a tiny one bedroom apartment with another person. We didn't go out very often, I had a hard time making friends here, and my whole life basically became about her. Never again. |
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to ruby_woo For This Useful Post: |
09-17-2012, 02:40 PM | #23 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?:
she, her, little one Relationship Status:
dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: dallas, tx
Posts: 1,495
Thanks: 13,823
Thanked 6,443 Times in 1,288 Posts
Rep Power: 21474850 |
i love this thread idea. it's making me think really hard.
my biggest issue is that i suck at dealing with conflict and am a complete people pleaser. i'm also terrified of abandonment. (more because of childhood things than former relationships.) i can't deal with people being angry with me because i'm afraid they'll hurt me or they'll abandon me. it's funny because c. has some anger issues and so we've definitely had to meet in the middle on this one. he's actively working on his anger stuff and i'm actively working on not avoiding conflict or trying to walk on eggshells/anticipate his moods, and not freaking out and panicking when there is anger or conflict. on the upside, as i learn to communicate better and be more honest instead of avoidant, it has led to really healthy and awesome things in relationships because i'd rather talk about a problem than fight about it - that's just my personality. so we don't do the explosive fighting thing. i tease him about needing to have maintenance fights because we fight so little. i struggle with other things that are not as huge of a deal for me...like, i definitely love my own space and my independence. and i have a tendency to fall hard and fast and get super wrapped up in new relationship energy. i also have a tendency to fall for people who are not as into me as i am into them, but i'm much better at letting go of those situations now than i used to be. |
09-17-2012, 03:41 PM | #24 | |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Queer Sapiosexual Femme Relationship Status:
Mrs. Grumpy Cat Tournaments Won: 4 Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: 8,660 feet high in the Andes
Posts: 2,640
Thanks: 10,519
Thanked 11,660 Times in 2,292 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
Quote:
Fatale -- I don't think that makes you callous or horrible in any way! I know some women (more women than men actually) who look at love as something that comes and goes throughout someone's life. Different people come into your life for a while and then things go another way. You learn something from each one and you grow throughout the process. It's not a bad way to look at things. It helps you to appreciate what you have. I think, for you, dating someone like me would be a nightmare. You would have to find someone who either shares your attitude or is secure enough to realize that you will last as long as things are good and confident enough to think they're going to make it good for a long time. For me, my ideal would be to love the same person throughout my life (and possibly afterlife), but I understand not everyone gets that. And for some people, it happens more than once. We play with the cards we are dealt.
__________________
Small business owners around the world use microfinance to help expand their businesses and provide for their families. You can help! Click here to learn about Kiva. |
|
09-17-2012, 03:53 PM | #25 | |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Queer Sapiosexual Femme Relationship Status:
Mrs. Grumpy Cat Tournaments Won: 4 Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: 8,660 feet high in the Andes
Posts: 2,640
Thanks: 10,519
Thanked 11,660 Times in 2,292 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
Quote:
Angeltoes, I believe you will get tougher mentally. Life has a way of helping us all out there. Look at where you were 5-10 years ago. Are you a little better now than you were? Your post pulled at my heart, because I can be crazy oversensitive too. I'm better than I used to be, but it's a terrible burden on all your relationships - be they friendship or love. I'm incredibly lucky. I found someone who really helps me grow in this area. He addresses my sensitivity and insecurities first, then explains the problem. He doesn't take it easy on me, but I think he approaches me in a different way than he probably would anyone else, because he realizes that I can be super-fragile, and I hold his opinion higher than just about anyone's. Even if he is furious with me, he makes sure I understand that I am loved. And I think that's something we can all do. Regardless of what MrSunshine says, I think almost everyone goes into a relationship with some kind of baggage. It's our own responsibility to let it go and work on ourselves, yes, but we can all be better at relating to our partners and making sure we address their needs and are sensitive to their scars.
__________________
Small business owners around the world use microfinance to help expand their businesses and provide for their families. You can help! Click here to learn about Kiva. |
|
09-17-2012, 03:58 PM | #26 | |||
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Queer Sapiosexual Femme Relationship Status:
Mrs. Grumpy Cat Tournaments Won: 4 Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: 8,660 feet high in the Andes
Posts: 2,640
Thanks: 10,519
Thanked 11,660 Times in 2,292 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
<------------ does NOT like sharing closet space.
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
__________________
Small business owners around the world use microfinance to help expand their businesses and provide for their families. You can help! Click here to learn about Kiva. |
|||
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to thedivahrrrself For This Useful Post: |
09-17-2012, 04:08 PM | #27 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
a round peg in a square hole Preferred Pronoun?:
Guess... Relationship Status:
Seat taken Join Date: May 2011
Location: Rocky Mountain High
Posts: 2,491
Thanks: 2,199
Thanked 10,056 Times in 2,077 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852 |
I don't have any fears other than fact that my partner is 20 years older than me. I get afraid that I am going to be alone sooner than I want to be, or go through issues with her aging when I am still relatively young. I am a freak when it comes to thinking about the future and being paranoid anyways, so that doesn't help. We talk about it and deal with it. We are both in it for the long haul, so it is what it is, regardless. I just can't imagine my life without her, so that's what gets me all scared.
__________________
"It's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to fall down. Get up! Look sickening....and make them eat it!" - Latrice Royale Starry |
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to starryeyes For This Useful Post: |
09-17-2012, 05:50 PM | #28 |
Timed Out
How Do You Identify?:
stone femme Daddy's girl Preferred Pronoun?:
she/her Relationship Status:
disinterested Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: in my head
Posts: 991
Thanks: 5,848
Thanked 3,745 Times in 734 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
i thought i had too many fears to count but then i realized that the real issue is that i'm afraid i wont be accountable enough to and for myself
|
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Nomad For This Useful Post: |
09-17-2012, 07:26 PM | #29 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Miss Twiggy Preferred Pronoun?:
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and that shit doesn't sound atrocious! Relationship Status:
divorce happens..all that glitters ain't gold Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: SLC Utah
Posts: 2,284
Thanks: 2,768
Thanked 7,161 Times in 1,793 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853 |
|
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to MissItalianDiva For This Useful Post: |
09-17-2012, 07:50 PM | #30 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Athlete/tomboi Preferred Pronoun?:
she, her, cutie Relationship Status:
Estoy recibiendo cómodo con él Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: you never know where i might end up ;)
Posts: 1,365
Thanks: 1,807
Thanked 1,759 Times in 642 Posts
Rep Power: 20456638 |
my fears are abandonement; i also have a strong personality (i've toned it down a lot) and a lot of peeps choose not to deal with me instead of communicating.
few tend to have patience to get to know me to fully understand and adore me. i take a lot, and i also give a lot in return... who i have attracted has always been an issue, since my self-worth was not always that great... it's gotten a hell of a lot better. i'm not afraid to up and move, since i consider myself a "mobile" individual. there are a few places i would rather live than in California. do i have a handle on my issues...? You Betcha... it's not always easy for me to meet and get into a relationship... i'm very jaded and cautious... but once i feel i can trust, my world and heart opens... and it wont take an ice pick to get there i used to be a "people pleaser"... not so much anymore... either you like me and accept me or not... ~namaste'
__________________
"She walks a different path than some of us, but those on her wavelength enjoy the journey with her." --DLOS
|
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to tazz For This Useful Post: |
08-28-2014, 07:48 PM | #31 |
Junior Member
How Do You Identify?:
bi femme Preferred Pronoun?:
Feminine Relationship Status:
Poly-married Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 31
Thanks: 35
Thanked 61 Times in 23 Posts
Rep Power: 92902 |
self esteem
A lot of my relationship fears and concerns relate to my own self-esteem. i know this and admit to it.
I am poly and I am married to a man. WE have dated separately and we have dated the same person in both closed and open relationship. The fears that developed after a few tries at dating the same person is a few of them about 3-6 months into dating have broken things off with me saying that they are only interested in my husband and do not find me sexually attractive. This was a low-blow. I felt like it was the equivalent of taking my self-esteem and throwing it on the ground in order to stomp on a few times before throwing it into a meat grinder. (side note: my husband did not continue dating these woman because he felt they were not open and honest enough about what they wanted and resented their treatment of me) As someone who is naturally nervous about approaching women in general...the previosu relationships caused me to wonder if any woman would ever be interested in me. I ended up dating again but I still have these insecurities about my own attractiveness, especially when it comes to sexual relationships.
__________________
Love knows no Limits. |
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to D Phryxus For This Useful Post: |
08-28-2014, 09:31 PM | #32 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme goddess queen Manda Preferred Pronoun?:
Ma’am Relationship Status:
Married Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: .
Posts: 257
Thanks: 162
Thanked 956 Times in 232 Posts
Rep Power: 6492220 |
My biggest relationship fear is feeling like I have to tone down my natural personality. I can come off stuck up if people can't realize I'm being sarcastic. I don't want to bottle all my comments and hold back how I feel because someone is overly sensitive. Needless to say, I can be hard to deal with.
__________________
Mermaids don't lose sleep over the opinions of shrimp. |
08-31-2014, 07:49 AM | #33 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
female ones Relationship Status:
Single Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Germany
Posts: 146
Thanks: 563
Thanked 275 Times in 90 Posts
Rep Power: 4780807 |
At times I'm afraid that I'll never have a relationship at all. Im not that old but I have never even held hands with someone.... except friends and family.
__________________
“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's needs, but not every man's greed.” Mahatma Gandhi |
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Asari For This Useful Post: |
08-13-2015, 11:29 PM | #34 |
Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Transgender Preferred Pronoun?:
He/him/his Relationship Status:
Single Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 17,752
Thanks: 31,018
Thanked 28,859 Times in 9,716 Posts
Rep Power: 21474864 |
Insecurity
Fear of being abused Fear of being cheated on
__________________
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Albert Einstein |
08-14-2015, 12:07 AM | #35 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Stone Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
Shy for President Join Date: May 2014
Location: NH
Posts: 1,105
Thanks: 5,475
Thanked 3,677 Times in 898 Posts
Rep Power: 21474848 |
It's funny, I never had any insecurities until the last relationship.
I am afraid to open up now. Kind of like "anything you say can and will be used against you". I won't discuss my fears or dreams too freely. I have a fear of being cheated on. I was a VERY trusting person, now, I am not sure that I would ever be as trusting again. I am afraid of not being good enough. I don't want to have to try hard to be someone I am not, just to be accepted or considered good enough. I am now a runner. I was never a runner before but now, I look for "warning signs" and, even though I am not dating anyone, I know for a fact that the first time I saw even a smidgen of my ex in someone, I would run. I look for reasons to not be interested and/or to equate others with my ex.... I am afraid to give my heart completely because I am now afraid that my heart will be crushed without thinking twice. I didn't realize that I had soany fears until I thought about it. The old me is definitely not around anymore. I no have that spark of fearlessness when it comes to getting in a relationship. |
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to Shystonefem For This Useful Post: |
08-20-2015, 01:05 AM | #36 |
Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Transgender Preferred Pronoun?:
He/him/his Relationship Status:
Single Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 17,752
Thanks: 31,018
Thanked 28,859 Times in 9,716 Posts
Rep Power: 21474864 |
Rejection, is a really big fear for me.
__________________
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Albert Einstein |
08-20-2015, 03:54 AM | #37 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
she Relationship Status:
Hy calls me Hys Kitten Join Date: May 2015
Location: 2nd star to the right and straight on til morning
Posts: 729
Thanks: 1,814
Thanked 1,809 Times in 447 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
Truthfully I know I am quite damaged through many experiences in life. But I can also say I have grown and healed a great deal in recent years, not least through the unconditional love and understanding from my loved one.
I few I can think of straight off are....gifts: I used struggle to allow Hym to send me things.....in my crazy childhood I always had to `pay` in some way if I received anything, either material or a nice experience, attention etc....so I have a default emotion of fear when I am blessed or happy about something...I have come a long way in this. Hy has finally taught me that Hys attentions and generosity do not have a price tag. Another would be feeling `not good enough`....in many ways but one example would be that when we first found each other despite mailing and speaking on the phone for...wait for it.....maybe 6 months....it was only then I felt confident enough to send Hym my photo. It was all credit to Hym that despite asking a couple of times, when I stalled Hy would laugh and say it didnt matter as Hy adored me anyhow no matter what I looked like. There are quite a few more but to be honest I dont really want to visit that head space for long so I`ll leave it there.... I would happily say that I am far more whole and healed now than I was few years ago. Daisy |
08-20-2015, 05:16 AM | #38 |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
Me Relationship Status:
I am a human and not a possession Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southern Volusia County, FL
Posts: 6,746
Thanks: 23,549
Thanked 13,442 Times in 4,316 Posts
Rep Power: 21474857 |
I have been through a lot of emotional and physical abuse as a child. There are times, when I'm afraid to allow someone to love me. This type of insecurity is something that I continue to work on. As a result, it can end a relationship and then I become depressed. Being a Capricorn, I love to help people out and this helpfulness has been taking advantage of by former partners. I am learning on a daily basis, how to be there for people but not give 100% of my help to only one person.
I am afraid of rejection and having my heart broke. That's why it takes me so long to trust my next partner. Zimmeh
__________________
"A loving heart is the truest wisdom"
-Chinua Achebe |
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Zimmeh For This Useful Post: |
08-20-2015, 07:52 AM | #39 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
she,her Relationship Status:
Post Apocolyptic Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 172
Thanks: 850
Thanked 768 Times in 148 Posts
Rep Power: 12960228 |
Intresting topic. I have been thinking alot about this lately.
I think my experience reflects alot of those here... a fear of rejection that stems from a feeling of not 'being enough'. I don't know how this can be avoided when you have been through the end of a relationship which in fact PROVED that you weren't enough and were summarily rejected. Unless you are the one who always done the leaving I don't know how this can be avoided. My last partner made me feel like I was made for her and that what we had was special and unshakable. I am now left trying to internalize that it wasn't special - and was like so many others that have blown up was just a made up illusion that was based on fundamental lies. This is the only thing that has helped me come to terms with something I never thought I would be able to live without. I have become acutely aware of my shortcomings as an intimate partner and am currently trying to address some of these things. This apears to walk the fine line of being the person you are, verses changing yourself into something else in order to sustain a relationship. I don't want to be what I'm not but I do want to be the best version of what I am in order to maximize the happiness in my life. The difficulty is determining the difference...
__________________
Karysma |
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to Karysma For This Useful Post: |
08-24-2015, 06:17 PM | #40 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Butch Woman Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
Married Join Date: May 2013
Location: California
Posts: 695
Thanks: 904
Thanked 1,320 Times in 506 Posts
Rep Power: 9408453 |
You know what hurts and left a huge hole in my heart...a Femme saying she's your soul mate and during some of the hardest times in your life she leaves you..not even a letter,a phone call,nothing...u just never hear from her,again.
I haven't moved on from loving her...i'm still here if she ever wants to come back. |
The Following User Says Thank You to Tuff Stuff For This Useful Post: |
Tags |
dating, hurt, insecurity, relationships, scars |
|
|