There was this one time... - Page 2

Parker · 02-02-2012, 02:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hollylane

I realized the excitement and the trembling legs were caused by the vibrations of the bike.

I gotta ask - did you immediately go out and get your own bike after that?

I'll come back as well when I think of a good story.

WomenMoveMe · 02-02-2012, 02:51 AM

When younger, I had a kabillion jobs. Okay, maybe about twenty or so, but a lot just the same. At one point I decided to try my hand at waitressing. It was not that I wanted to carry people's food around, but I had exhausted so many other forms of employment, I decided, why not?

I was living in South Florida and got a job at an expensive restaurant in Golden Beach on the intercoastal. I was paired with another. She took the order, I did the running.

We were busy almost every night. However, one night, it was just insane. I got 'in the weeds' (behind) quite a bit and became a little manic as I tried to catch up. At one of my tables was a very nice, Latin American family. They spoke no English and I spoke no...wherever they were from. The parents were very well put together, with a very handsome son of ten. I know he was ten because it was his birthday and I was to deliver a cake to the table after their meal.

Jittery from the panic of being in the arrears, I was trying my best to get the cake to them. I had to transfer the cake from it's cardboard platform to a raised silver serving plate. I managed that quite well and put the candles in place. I was anxious to get the cake to them so as to tend to all the other patrons that were demanding my immediate attention. As I rushed to the table, cake in hand, candles lit, I sorta slipped or tripped or something and inadvertently squashed against the cake.

It smashed the candles down in to the cake and the writing on the cake that had read, 'Feliz Cumpleanos', now read 'iz pleanos'. My apron now read 'leF muC" in green frosting. I was so behind, I decided to just go with it. As if they weren't going to notice!

I took the cake to the table, offering my biggest and best smile as if that might overshadow this disaster of a cake and they might not notice something was amiss. I offered a quick 'Happy Birthday' as they all just stared at me. They were so sweet they even tried to return my overzealous smile. The father said something and as I did not understand it, I didn't even have to pretend I didn't. It really was kind of a pathetic moment for all concerned and I felt terrible.

I did not last much longer as a professional waitress. Turns out, it just wasn't for me.

tapu · 02-02-2012, 04:07 AM

There was this one time when I was hiking in Big Sur with a few gay guy friends and we passed by a little straight family headed the other way.

It was hot and both my companions and I were wearing nothing more than shorts, white A-shirts, and hiking boots.

Moments after we passed the family, their little boy, maybe 5 years old, called out, "That one guy was a lady! I know 'cause I saw her boobies!"

Parker · 02-02-2012, 12:27 PM

My mom and I were just chatting about spirits, etc and it reminded me of how there was this one time, not too long ago, when it was late at night and I was taking out the trash. On my way back into the house, I clearly heard someone say, in what can only be described as a stage whisper, "Help ... me."

There was no one there.

tapu · 02-02-2012, 12:34 PM

Then there was this one other time, in a Big Sur camp, when my gay-guy friend turned left to go into the men's bathroom, and I turned right and went into the women's.

These two elderly ladies went into and then immediately came flying out of the men's room, laughing and blushing and hiccuping and saying, "Oh, my, we thought that young was a fella!"

In all fairness, my head was shaved and Kevin was a bit of a nelly boy....

Parker · 02-02-2012, 12:40 PM

lol, tapu just reminded me of how there was this one time when I was living in San Diego and I was at the Ferry Landing in Coronado waiting to head across the Bay to downtown SD but I wanted to visit the restroom first.

I was headed towards the ladies restroom, of course, when this little old woman came out, took one look at me, and then stood in the doorway refusing to let me in because she thought I was a man.

I was about to offer to flash my tits when she figured it out and let me pass.

Parker · 02-04-2012, 04:04 AM

There were these few times when I was a baby dyke in San Diego hanging out at a lesbian bar, singing Melissa Etheridge's Like The Way I Do at the top of my lungs with a few of my baby dyke friends. I remember seeing the older dykes watching us, smiling that smile - that knowing smile of remembering what it was like to be young and stupid, but fearless and full of energy.

I know that look because I *am* one of those older dykes now, smiling at the baby dykes and the young butches strutting around, cocky - I wish I could go back to that baby dyke that was me and tell her to stop taking shit so seriously, to cut loose a little more, to enjoy where she is at that moment.

Or at least, I wish I could have stepped away from the self-absorption and arrogance of youth and spoken to those older dykes; to hear their stories and thank them for their struggles that made things just a bit easier for me, just like my struggles have made things a bit easier for this generation and their struggles will make things a bit easier for the next generation.

Parker · 02-06-2012, 09:27 PM

There was this one time when I was in high school and had no idea I was gay (apparently, I was the only one who didn't know ... w/e). I had this really really good friend who was also oblivious to her gayness but everyone around us knew and called us "bosom buddies."

In order to get the bullies off of her back, she tossed it all on me, saying *I* was the gay one and we weren't friends.

To impress upon everyone around her that she was not gay and in fact hated me and all gay people, she decided to carve the word "DIKE" into the locker next to mine.

Oops.

Even then, that made me lol - now, it is my favorite "gay HS" story.

ps ... we're both big ol' butches now

macele · 02-06-2012, 10:20 PM

there was this one time lol .... (always makes me laugh to say that), ...

i've had a "thought you were a guy" story too.

i put my hand on the restroom door to go in and all of a sudden i heard from behind me ... HEY! HEY! WAIT! YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE! ... i can hear him running toward me.

i turn around with a what the hell look on my face, ... it's a mall cop, ... he just says, i'm sorry. this time in a calm voice.

i'm too shy to share the, there was this one time ... sex stories LOL. but i've enjoyed you all sharing lol.

funkyfemme · 02-07-2012, 12:26 AM

After completing the Surgical Technology program with my best friend, we landed jobs at the same hospital and had to go thru orientation together shortly after we started. They had someone from each department come in and tell a lil bit about what they do blah blah blah. Some of it was mind-numbing and made for a loooooong three days. At some point, an older lady, prolly in her 60s, came in and she had braces and fire red dyed hair and was just killing us with her monotone voice. I couldn't even tell ya what department, she was that boring. Anyhooo, she's rambling on and on and all of a sudden one of the rubberbands on her braces popped and stung her lip!! She paused and said "excuse me" then turned her back to us to hook that rubberband up then turned back around was as red as her flippin hair and continued like nothing happened! Forgetaboutit!!!!! I was DONE after that!! My friend and I could not stop laughing!! That hard ass laughing where you can only shake and nothing comes out and you're all red and your stomach hurts. IDK maybe you had to be there but man, that shit was funnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!! That was about five yrs ago and we STILL talk about that!

jac · 02-19-2012, 07:11 AM

There was this one time...
I was in the beginning stages of training in martial arts, a novice (early 90s) and was in the middle of a sparring class with several others. We had all been jumping from one fight to the next at the command of our instructor. It was getting exhausting and I was fighting one of the toughest women in the place. The match had gotten rather heated and she had nailed me in the ribs taking the breath right out of me. Along the sidelines were some other students that were sitting around either tired or finished with their matches. There was this one woman (an ER doctor) we called Doc who was sitting watching with legs crossed. The woman I was fighting waited till I was almost with breath in me again and nailed me in the back of the head with a round kick. I heard someone say as I was falling to what I thought was soon to be the ground, "End it!" The woman fighting me (I heard about this later) took one finger to the back of my head and pushed me... It didn't take much at this point... I was falling already passed out... face first down Doc's cleavage and right into her lap. Face plant and passed out in her crotch! Being a lesbian it was forever before I stopped hearing about how I went down on Doc.... oy! lol

1QuirkyKiwi · 02-19-2012, 01:12 PM

There was this one time….

….Not so long ago when I was at a Buffet Party; with lots of chatting, laughing and music, I misheard a woman asking me about the finger food. I replied that I wasn’t fingering my food! ….All of a sudden the room fell silent....like it does. Oh boi! Did I have a hard time trying to explain what I really meant….it was one of those rare occasions where I was rendered speechless! LOL!

luv2luvgirls · 02-19-2012, 03:37 PM

there was this one time
20 yrs ago I was at a gay club and was used to girls walking up and kissing me. one night im hanging with my bud Rick and this girl comes up and starts kissing me. I start kissing back and next thing I know she has a hold of my tongue and wont let go. im trying to pull my tongue out of her death grip to no avail.She is holding on to my tongue like a life line and her teeth are sharp. So my buddy finally comes over and tries to pull us apart by our foreheads. The girl finally let go... lets just say I was cured of kissing strangers

luv2luvgirls · 02-20-2012, 04:13 PM

Ok talking about my Grans this morning reminded me of this one time,I was 15 and spending the night at her house and she was always up late. I woke up and after sitting next to her watching the TV for a minute I calmly asked Gran what are you watching? she, all 4'9'" of her and never heard her cuss, grabs her lil magnifying glass and her tv guide and states.. its says here a day in the life of a whore,and I always wondered what they went thru

gran your watching a porn

Parker · 02-23-2012, 09:21 AM

The opening scene of the dispatcher talking to the small child in last night's episode of Criminal Minds reminded me of this one time when I was a police dispatcher, I got a 911 call from a woman who was pretending I was a friend who owed her money.

It seems her dealer was there with her, wielding a bat and threatening to beat the shit out of her with it if she didn't pay him the money she owed him.

I was able to get all of the info I needed from her by asking yes/no questions so that she wouldn't alert the dude to the fact that she was talking to the police.

At one point, I heard him screaming at her and hitting the wall with his bat - so you have to hand it to her for having the smarts & the guts to fool him into believing she was calling a friend when she actually called 911.

She was able to stay calm and keep the ruse going so that I could stay on the phone with her until my guys got there, guns drawn, to arrest the SoB dealer.

Cuddles · 02-23-2012, 11:38 AM

Talk about an awkward moment. I was at my friend's (gay guy) apartment. He was a senior in HS & lived with his mom who was single. One afternoon while she was at work he was smoking a cig and asked me to get a pack from his mom's dresser. I remember hollering at him asking which drawer as I opened them and then I found her naughty drawer. About 10 dildos, videos, & a couple mags. In classic fashion the apartment front door opened then and I nearly had a heart attack as I slammed the drawer shut and threw myself out the bedroom door in record time. Turned out it was just my friend letting the dog out!

Parker · 02-28-2012, 03:28 AM

There was this one time I was going to post a story of something I did that was crazy and possibly illegal - it was a good and funny story that explained what it was like for me to go through menopause, but I thought better of posting it ... read: I chickened out.

Instead, I will talk about how this one time, I was briefly stationed on the USS Constellation (aka the Connie) during the Women in the Sea program - which, to be fair, I dont know if that was actually the name of the program, but I called it that so much as a joke (like, chicken of the sea) that I dont know it by any other name now. lol

Basically, I was in the Navy during the time of no women in combat, no women on ships (save for hospital ships), etc but the higher-ups wanted to see how men and women working on ships worked together and if we requested it, they would allow us anywhere from 2-14 days on a ship of their choosing. I was on the Fort McHenry for a couple of days, then went to the Connie for 2 weeks

See, I was a Plane Captain for an anti-submarine helicopter squadron - it was a land-based squadron that was about 98% female and we trained the men who would be deployed on aircraft carriers. We were good enough to train the men, but not join them - and we were misogynistically referred to as a "rag squadron."

So it was important to me and a friend of mine to be on an aircraft carrier to get our Landing Signalmen Enlisted (LSE) qualifications, which just meant we would be qualified to do the same job we did then, just on an aircraft carrier.

Anyway, my friend and I were plugging along, having a grand ole time (she and I got our quals in 2 weeks - it took the men their whole 6 month deployment ) hanging out on the flight-line, taking tons of pics, learning what it was like to live on a ship (it sucks lol), etc.

One night, we were getting our night quals and a jet was coming in unexpectedly. We were just inspecting our birds, adding fluids, etc - but I should note that I was so stick-thin back then, someone had to hold me down when the helicopters took off because the down wash of the rotors threatened to blow me on my ass and possibly off of the ship. Also, while we were doing that, a couple of other squadrons were fueling their birds nearby.

As I said, this jet was coming in unexpectedly because there was some sort of problem and they half-expected a crash onto the deck of the ship, so sirens were going off, people were screaming and yelling for everyone to get off of the flight-line, the fuelers were trying to drag their hoses (about 6-8" round and heavy) off of the flight-line - just total chaos.

My friend and I, along with all the other people on the flight-line were running for the catwalks on either side of the carrier when I tripped over a fuel hose. Losing my balance, I went flying down the stairs and into the arms of someone in the catwalk - if they hadnt caught me, my momentum most likely would have carried me over the railing & off of the ship into the water several stories down.

I posted a few pics I found on-line to give you an idea - none of them are exactly right, though the third is pretty damn close.

The first 2 are of the catwalk on the Connie (both pics are from 1972) - but in different areas of the ship than we were that night so the wall of the catwalk is wrong, but they are still a good spacial reference.

This third one is from a model of the USS Enterprise - this catwalk is really close to what we were running onto that night, but ours was just a bit narrower (like the other pics) - the stairs and railings instead of walls are what I'm talking about in my story.

The end.

02-02-2012, 02:51 AM	#22
WomenMoveMe Member How Do You Identify?: I just wander about and be! Relationship Status: Caution: Dead End Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Kentucky Posts: 561 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,473 Thanked 2,099 Times in 417 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	There was this one time... When younger, I had a kabillion jobs. Okay, maybe about twenty or so, but a lot just the same. At one point I decided to try my hand at waitressing. It was not that I wanted to carry people's food around, but I had exhausted so many other forms of employment, I decided, why not? I was living in South Florida and got a job at an expensive restaurant in Golden Beach on the intercoastal. I was paired with another. She took the order, I did the running. We were busy almost every night. However, one night, it was just insane. I got 'in the weeds' (behind) quite a bit and became a little manic as I tried to catch up. At one of my tables was a very nice, Latin American family. They spoke no English and I spoke no...wherever they were from. The parents were very well put together, with a very handsome son of ten. I know he was ten because it was his birthday and I was to deliver a cake to the table after their meal. Jittery from the panic of being in the arrears, I was trying my best to get the cake to them. I had to transfer the cake from it's cardboard platform to a raised silver serving plate. I managed that quite well and put the candles in place. I was anxious to get the cake to them so as to tend to all the other patrons that were demanding my immediate attention. As I rushed to the table, cake in hand, candles lit, I sorta slipped or tripped or something and inadvertently squashed against the cake. It smashed the candles down in to the cake and the writing on the cake that had read, 'Feliz Cumpleanos', now read 'iz pleanos'. My apron now read 'leF muC" in green frosting. I was so behind, I decided to just go with it. As if they weren't going to notice! I took the cake to the table, offering my biggest and best smile as if that might overshadow this disaster of a cake and they might not notice something was amiss. I offered a quick 'Happy Birthday' as they all just stared at me. They were so sweet they even tried to return my overzealous smile. The father said something and as I did not understand it, I didn't even have to pretend I didn't. It really was kind of a pathetic moment for all concerned and I felt terrible. I did not last much longer as a professional waitress. Turns out, it just wasn't for me.

02-02-2012, 04:07 AM	#23
tapu Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Understated butch. Preferred Pronoun?: I Relationship Status: Party of One Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Maine Posts: 1,654 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,324 Thanked 3,114 Times in 1,103 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	There was this one time when I was hiking in Big Sur with a few gay guy friends and we passed by a little straight family headed the other way. It was hot and both my companions and I were wearing nothing more than shorts, white A-shirts, and hiking boots. Moments after we passed the family, their little boy, maybe 5 years old, called out, "That one guy was a lady! I know 'cause I saw her boobies!" __________________ Really? That's not funny to you?

02-02-2012, 12:34 PM	#25
tapu Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Understated butch. Preferred Pronoun?: I Relationship Status: Party of One Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Maine Posts: 1,654 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,324 Thanked 3,114 Times in 1,103 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Then there was this one other time, in a Big Sur camp, when my gay-guy friend turned left to go into the men's bathroom, and I turned right and went into the women's. These two elderly ladies went into and then immediately came flying out of the men's room, laughing and blushing and hiccuping and saying, "Oh, my, we thought that young was a fella!" In all fairness, my head was shaved and Kevin was a bit of a nelly boy.... __________________ Really? That's not funny to you?

02-07-2012, 12:26 AM	#30
funkyfemme Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Gamey as Fuck Relationship Status: I move from person to person real quick. Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: A sad little town Posts: 800 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,059 Thanked 2,824 Times in 662 Posts Rep Power: 0	There was this one time... After completing the Surgical Technology program with my best friend, we landed jobs at the same hospital and had to go thru orientation together shortly after we started. They had someone from each department come in and tell a lil bit about what they do blah blah blah. Some of it was mind-numbing and made for a loooooong three days. At some point, an older lady, prolly in her 60s, came in and she had braces and fire red dyed hair and was just killing us with her monotone voice. I couldn't even tell ya what department, she was that boring. Anyhooo, she's rambling on and on and all of a sudden one of the rubberbands on her braces popped and stung her lip!! She paused and said "excuse me" then turned her back to us to hook that rubberband up then turned back around was as red as her flippin hair and continued like nothing happened! Forgetaboutit!!!!! I was DONE after that!! My friend and I could not stop laughing!! That hard ass laughing where you can only shake and nothing comes out and you're all red and your stomach hurts. IDK maybe you had to be there but man, that shit was funnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!! That was about five yrs ago and we STILL talk about that!

02-19-2012, 01:12 PM	#32
1QuirkyKiwi Senior Member How Do You Identify?: BBW. Unique femininity that does not encompass the western paradigm. Preferred Pronoun?: Anything Respectful! Relationship Status: Single, Happy, not Desparate or Looking, but Open to Possibilities... Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Europe and Aotearoa on a 5:2 ratio. Posts: 2,308 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,003 Thanked 6,035 Times in 1,617 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	There was this one time…. ….Not so long ago when I was at a Buffet Party; with lots of chatting, laughing and music, I misheard a woman asking me about the finger food. I replied that I wasn’t fingering my food! ….All of a sudden the room fell silent....like it does. Oh boi! Did I have a hard time trying to explain what I really meant….it was one of those rare occasions where I was rendered speechless! LOL! __________________ What will make the difference to me is your strength of character and what's in your heart...

02-02-2012, 12:27 PM	#24
Parker Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: Butch. Lesbian. Dyke. Woman. Female. Preferred Pronoun?: She, of course! Relationship Status: Content Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Small Town Life Posts: 2,880 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,858 Thanked 11,727 Times in 2,429 Posts Rep Power: 0	My mom and I were just chatting about spirits, etc and it reminded me of how there was this one time, not too long ago, when it was late at night and I was taking out the trash. On my way back into the house, I clearly heard someone say, in what can only be described as a stage whisper, "Help ... me." There was no one there.

02-02-2012, 12:40 PM	#26
Parker Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: Butch. Lesbian. Dyke. Woman. Female. Preferred Pronoun?: She, of course! Relationship Status: Content Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Small Town Life Posts: 2,880 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,858 Thanked 11,727 Times in 2,429 Posts Rep Power: 0	lol, tapu just reminded me of how there was this one time when I was living in San Diego and I was at the Ferry Landing in Coronado waiting to head across the Bay to downtown SD but I wanted to visit the restroom first. I was headed towards the ladies restroom, of course, when this little old woman came out, took one look at me, and then stood in the doorway refusing to let me in because she thought I was a man. I was about to offer to flash my tits when she figured it out and let me pass.

02-04-2012, 04:04 AM	#27
Parker Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: Butch. Lesbian. Dyke. Woman. Female. Preferred Pronoun?: She, of course! Relationship Status: Content Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Small Town Life Posts: 2,880 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,858 Thanked 11,727 Times in 2,429 Posts Rep Power: 0	There were these few times when I was a baby dyke in San Diego hanging out at a lesbian bar, singing Melissa Etheridge's Like The Way I Do at the top of my lungs with a few of my baby dyke friends. I remember seeing the older dykes watching us, smiling that smile - that knowing smile of remembering what it was like to be young and stupid, but fearless and full of energy. I know that look because I am one of those older dykes now, smiling at the baby dykes and the young butches strutting around, cocky - I wish I could go back to that baby dyke that was me and tell her to stop taking shit so seriously, to cut loose a little more, to enjoy where she is at that moment. Or at least, I wish I could have stepped away from the self-absorption and arrogance of youth and spoken to those older dykes; to hear their stories and thank them for their struggles that made things just a bit easier for me, just like my struggles have made things a bit easier for this generation and their struggles will make things a bit easier for the next generation.

02-06-2012, 09:27 PM	#28
Parker Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: Butch. Lesbian. Dyke. Woman. Female. Preferred Pronoun?: She, of course! Relationship Status: Content Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Small Town Life Posts: 2,880 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,858 Thanked 11,727 Times in 2,429 Posts Rep Power: 0	There was this one time when I was in high school and had no idea I was gay (apparently, I was the only one who didn't know ... w/e). I had this really really good friend who was also oblivious to her gayness but everyone around us knew and called us "bosom buddies." In order to get the bullies off of her back, she tossed it all on me, saying I was the gay one and we weren't friends. To impress upon everyone around her that she was not gay and in fact hated me and all gay people, she decided to carve the word "DIKE" into the locker next to mine. Oops. Even then, that made me lol - now, it is my favorite "gay HS" story. ps ... we're both big ol' butches now

02-06-2012, 10:20 PM	#29
macele Member How Do You Identify?: a bold-assed maximus Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: mississippi Posts: 1,066 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,178 Thanked 3,231 Times in 847 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	there was this one time lol .... (always makes me laugh to say that), ... i've had a "thought you were a guy" story too. i put my hand on the restroom door to go in and all of a sudden i heard from behind me ... HEY! HEY! WAIT! YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE! ... i can hear him running toward me. i turn around with a what the hell look on my face, ... it's a mall cop, ... he just says, i'm sorry. this time in a calm voice. i'm too shy to share the, there was this one time ... sex stories LOL. but i've enjoyed you all sharing lol.

02-19-2012, 07:11 AM	#31
jac Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: butch stone Preferred Pronoun?: masculine ones work best... Relationship Status: ♥ engaged to spritz ♥ Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: bangor, maine Posts: 3,344 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,720 Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts Rep Power: 0	There was this one time... I was in the beginning stages of training in martial arts, a novice (early 90s) and was in the middle of a sparring class with several others. We had all been jumping from one fight to the next at the command of our instructor. It was getting exhausting and I was fighting one of the toughest women in the place. The match had gotten rather heated and she had nailed me in the ribs taking the breath right out of me. Along the sidelines were some other students that were sitting around either tired or finished with their matches. There was this one woman (an ER doctor) we called Doc who was sitting watching with legs crossed. The woman I was fighting waited till I was almost with breath in me again and nailed me in the back of the head with a round kick. I heard someone say as I was falling to what I thought was soon to be the ground, "End it!" The woman fighting me (I heard about this later) took one finger to the back of my head and pushed me... It didn't take much at this point... I was falling already passed out... face first down Doc's cleavage and right into her lap. Face plant and passed out in her crotch! Being a lesbian it was forever before I stopped hearing about how I went down on Doc.... oy! lol

02-19-2012, 03:37 PM	#33
luv2luvgirls Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Asshole Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Kentucky/Austin/Wherever Posts: 2,310 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,387 Thanked 5,470 Times in 1,827 Posts Rep Power: 0	there was this one time 20 yrs ago I was at a gay club and was used to girls walking up and kissing me. one night im hanging with my bud Rick and this girl comes up and starts kissing me. I start kissing back and next thing I know she has a hold of my tongue and wont let go. im trying to pull my tongue out of her death grip to no avail.She is holding on to my tongue like a life line and her teeth are sharp. So my buddy finally comes over and tries to pull us apart by our foreheads. The girl finally let go... lets just say I was cured of kissing strangers

02-20-2012, 04:13 PM	#34
luv2luvgirls Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Asshole Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Kentucky/Austin/Wherever Posts: 2,310 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,387 Thanked 5,470 Times in 1,827 Posts Rep Power: 0	Ok talking about my Grans this morning reminded me of this one time,I was 15 and spending the night at her house and she was always up late. I woke up and after sitting next to her watching the TV for a minute I calmly asked Gran what are you watching? she, all 4'9'" of her and never heard her cuss, grabs her lil magnifying glass and her tv guide and states.. its says here a day in the life of a whore,and I always wondered what they went thru gran your watching a porn

02-23-2012, 09:21 AM	#35
Parker Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: Butch. Lesbian. Dyke. Woman. Female. Preferred Pronoun?: She, of course! Relationship Status: Content Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Small Town Life Posts: 2,880 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,858 Thanked 11,727 Times in 2,429 Posts Rep Power: 0	The opening scene of the dispatcher talking to the small child in last night's episode of Criminal Minds reminded me of this one time when I was a police dispatcher, I got a 911 call from a woman who was pretending I was a friend who owed her money. It seems her dealer was there with her, wielding a bat and threatening to beat the shit out of her with it if she didn't pay him the money she owed him. I was able to get all of the info I needed from her by asking yes/no questions so that she wouldn't alert the dude to the fact that she was talking to the police. At one point, I heard him screaming at her and hitting the wall with his bat - so you have to hand it to her for having the smarts & the guts to fool him into believing she was calling a friend when she actually called 911. She was able to stay calm and keep the ruse going so that I could stay on the phone with her until my guys got there, guns drawn, to arrest the SoB dealer.

02-23-2012, 11:38 AM	#36
Cuddles Junior Member How Do You Identify?: A romantic butch who loves to cuddle... and steal your french fry when you're not looking! Preferred Pronoun?: No preference. Relationship Status: Single, always looking to mingle and maybe be tamed one day Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Northern Florida Posts: 61 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 117 Thanked 191 Times in 36 Posts Rep Power: 1805812	Talk about an awkward moment. I was at my friend's (gay guy) apartment. He was a senior in HS & lived with his mom who was single. One afternoon while she was at work he was smoking a cig and asked me to get a pack from his mom's dresser. I remember hollering at him asking which drawer as I opened them and then I found her naughty drawer. About 10 dildos, videos, & a couple mags. In classic fashion the apartment front door opened then and I nearly had a heart attack as I slammed the drawer shut and threw myself out the bedroom door in record time. Turned out it was just my friend letting the dog out!

02-28-2012, 03:28 AM	#37
Parker Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: Butch. Lesbian. Dyke. Woman. Female. Preferred Pronoun?: She, of course! Relationship Status: Content Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Small Town Life Posts: 2,880 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,858 Thanked 11,727 Times in 2,429 Posts Rep Power: 0	There was this one time I was going to post a story of something I did that was crazy and possibly illegal - it was a good and funny story that explained what it was like for me to go through menopause, but I thought better of posting it ... read: I chickened out. Instead, I will talk about how this one time, I was briefly stationed on the USS Constellation (aka the Connie) during the Women in the Sea program - which, to be fair, I dont know if that was actually the name of the program, but I called it that so much as a joke (like, chicken of the sea) that I dont know it by any other name now. lol Basically, I was in the Navy during the time of no women in combat, no women on ships (save for hospital ships), etc but the higher-ups wanted to see how men and women working on ships worked together and if we requested it, they would allow us anywhere from 2-14 days on a ship of their choosing. I was on the Fort McHenry for a couple of days, then went to the Connie for 2 weeks See, I was a Plane Captain for an anti-submarine helicopter squadron - it was a land-based squadron that was about 98% female and we trained the men who would be deployed on aircraft carriers. We were good enough to train the men, but not join them - and we were misogynistically referred to as a "rag squadron." So it was important to me and a friend of mine to be on an aircraft carrier to get our Landing Signalmen Enlisted (LSE) qualifications, which just meant we would be qualified to do the same job we did then, just on an aircraft carrier. Anyway, my friend and I were plugging along, having a grand ole time (she and I got our quals in 2 weeks - it took the men their whole 6 month deployment ) hanging out on the flight-line, taking tons of pics, learning what it was like to live on a ship (it sucks lol), etc. One night, we were getting our night quals and a jet was coming in unexpectedly. We were just inspecting our birds, adding fluids, etc - but I should note that I was so stick-thin back then, someone had to hold me down when the helicopters took off because the down wash of the rotors threatened to blow me on my ass and possibly off of the ship. Also, while we were doing that, a couple of other squadrons were fueling their birds nearby. As I said, this jet was coming in unexpectedly because there was some sort of problem and they half-expected a crash onto the deck of the ship, so sirens were going off, people were screaming and yelling for everyone to get off of the flight-line, the fuelers were trying to drag their hoses (about 6-8" round and heavy) off of the flight-line - just total chaos. My friend and I, along with all the other people on the flight-line were running for the catwalks on either side of the carrier when I tripped over a fuel hose. Losing my balance, I went flying down the stairs and into the arms of someone in the catwalk - if they hadnt caught me, my momentum most likely would have carried me over the railing & off of the ship into the water several stories down. I posted a few pics I found on-line to give you an idea - none of them are exactly right, though the third is pretty damn close. The first 2 are of the catwalk on the Connie (both pics are from 1972) - but in different areas of the ship than we were that night so the wall of the catwalk is wrong, but they are still a good spacial reference. This third one is from a model of the USS Enterprise - this catwalk is really close to what we were running onto that night, but ours was just a bit narrower (like the other pics) - the stairs and railings instead of walls are what I'm talking about in my story. The end.