What is on your mind - Page 246

Leigh · 11-30-2010, 03:28 PM

The future is very uncertain and holds alot of things that can only happen if I put My mind to them and simply go for it ~ very enlightening indeed

fiercegrrl · 11-30-2010, 03:59 PM

I want to go out on a date so badly. And then have a second and a thrid date with that person. But its impossible to find someone who can overlook that I'm battling cancer and will continue tp do so until it takes me down.
This makes me want to punch holes wallas ansd cry for days.
I need the holidays to be over. I find them such a huge reminder of this hole in my life.

lipstixgal · 11-30-2010, 04:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fiercegrrl

I want to go out on a date so badly. And then have a second and a thrid date with that person. But its impossible to find someone who can overlook that I'm battling cancer and will continue tp do so until it takes me down.
This makes me want to punch holes wallas ansd cry for days.
I need the holidays to be over. I find them such a huge reminder of this hole in my life.

Me too I would love to go out on a date but with who and where?? There are no butches here in NOrthern NJ there are a lot of femmes here that want to be with other femmes not for me...

Cirrus · 11-30-2010, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cody

you can get a spliter from radio shack or a hardware store.. just make sure where you plug in the cable from your wall that it goes into the input on the splitter. you can get splitters with many outputs.. but you do not want to leave any of them "open" or unused. is this the type of thing you asking about? or are you looking for more of a wireless feed?

Hey thanks, I was having the same problem, don't know jack about this stuff.

Jet · 11-30-2010, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lipstixgal

Me too I would love to go out on a date but with who and where?? There are no butches here in NOrthern NJ there are a lot of femmes here that want to be with other femmes not for me...

don't feel bad, my life is gone. because of what i am dealing with i will probably never date again. everything, and i mean everything-my person is gone.

Blade · 11-30-2010, 06:55 PM

waiting on the storm and hoping I don't have to drive to work in it in the morning

JustLovelyJenn · 11-30-2010, 07:14 PM

He is...

... in a million ways... and I just have to get them out...

... for too long I have thought I wanted the instant relationship. I was wrong. I was only scared of being alone. I'm not afraid anymore. I know who I want to be and what I want to do with my life. I know I can do it, even if its going to be hard, and long, and stressful. But, I want all that... FOR ME, not for anyone else.

So, what exactly do I want out of a partner? I want date nights, outings with my children, someone to go to when all the stress and strain get to me, someone to support when the same happens to them. I want... "Your place or Mine?" and "Are you free this weekend?". I want anticipation and excitement, passion and contentment. I want to be with someone else and still be myself. I want flowers and candle lit dinners. I want a true courtship...

... and yes, I think that is what He wants too. It makes me excited to think about. I can look at the future and wonder what possibilities are ahead of me, without wondering how much I am going to need to adjust to accommodate it.

That's a very big deal to me.

katsarecool · 11-30-2010, 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fiercegrrl

I want to go out on a date so badly. And then have a second and a thrid date with that person. But its impossible to find someone who can overlook that I'm battling cancer and will continue tp do so until it takes me down.
This makes me want to punch holes wallas ansd cry for days.
I need the holidays to be over. I find them such a huge reminder of this hole in my life.

I am so sorry that you are dealing with cancer and wish you lots of luck to beat it good!!!!! And it sucks you are dealing with being alone while doing it. I do hope you have a good support system. Well you do then!!! Take care!!!

bigbutchmistie · 11-30-2010, 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbutchmistie

On my mind :

A Co Worker:

Last Friday she and I had a long conversation about the death of parents, and how when your mom dies it rips out a piece of your soul you never get back. And I was sharing with her, how it changed me for both good and bad. With tears in her eyes, she stated she and her mom were great friends and how she couldnt imagine losing her. She would lose her mind. I said, " " I hope you never have to find that out. But when you do, you find within yourself as I did a strength you never knew you had. But also when you do you will know the kind of hollow emptiness I am talking about. Sure, you live your life. But you are never the same...

Then, I received sad new from my boss to day in regards to her. She lives between her grandma and her parents house taking care of her mom and grandma. Young girl. After work the other night, she went to the grocery store for her grandma. When she got home, she found her mom and dad shot to death from murder/suicide. Her dad shot her mom and turned around and shot himself.

http://www.star-telegram.com/2010/11...r-suicide.html

Im so heartbroken for her. At this time of the year. In this season when its about family.

My co worker still...

I saw her on Friday and again today at work she was back up there letting us know she would still be out awhile...

Wishing there was some way I could help her... And the only way to help is just be there to listen..

JakeTulane · 12-01-2010, 12:33 AM

Unexpected kindness.

Taking the high road and expecting nothing in return.

Remaining strong, no matter the storm.

(thinks, no wonder I have insomnia)

SimpleAlaskanBoy · 12-01-2010, 12:47 AM

Still worried about one of the cats who is acting quite out of sorts...keeping an eye on her...
Hoping we get the tree up tomorrow
Excited for Xmas, but miss my parents and younger brother and aunts and uncles and cousins..
Wondering if I can get the girl to trim my hair tomorrow...it's way too long and it's bugging me!
~SAB

katsarecool · 12-01-2010, 01:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SimpleAlaskanBoy

Still worried about one of the cats who is acting quite out of sorts...keeping an eye on her...
Hoping we get the tree up tomorrow
Excited for Xmas, but miss my parents and younger brother and aunts and uncles and cousins..
Wondering if I can get the girl to trim my hair tomorrow...it's way too long and it's bugging me!
~SAB

Healthy thoughts and wishes for your cat!!! I have an older guy who is not doing to well either and he worries me too.

Soft*Silver · 12-01-2010, 12:48 PM

I spent the night at a sleep clinic last night because I have had months of problems not being able to fall asleep. Once asleep. I can sleep well, but falling asleep is a problem. I stay awake until 8, 9, 10 AM. So I go there and the dr gives me ambian.I explain I have been prescribed this before but it doesnt work. He says to just take it. I shrug.

Next thing I know I am waking up and the nurses are looking at me warily and asking me if I know where I am and who I am. Puzzled I answer appropriately and wonder why they are backing up as I climb out of bed.

hmmm...seems I hallucinate in my sleep. And what I think of as not falling asleep is me actually hallucinating. I go "elsewhere". Its like a blackout. I didnt know where I was nor why I was there. I pulled all the wires off of me several times. I was not combative nor violent, just difficult but in a playful giggling way. THey said it was like I had been drinking or the life of the party. I was dancing and saying "I bet you never saw anyone dance like THIS before". Trust me..I NEVER dance..I am very very shy about dancing. But there I was, bellydancing around the room! When they got close to put the wires back on I was wide eyed and amazed that the figures on their scrubs were moving and telling a story. I also reached into their pockets and took out their personal possessions. Sighing...so not me. I ran down the hall, skipping sideways. I sang to them, pressed my face against the windows, tried to undress, and did all kinds of similiar uninhibitive kind of things. It took them quite some time to get me to settle down in the bed. Eventually, I left the wires on, got quiet and did do the normal sleep.

funny thing is...my brain wave patterns showed NO difference between those times and the sleep time.

My Dr has to get the report and then I have to go see him. No one has ever told me I behaved like this when I sleep. To be honest, it sounds very similar to who I acted like when I relapsed. If this is what happens to me when I sleep, no wonder I dont want to fall asleep!

I am so unnerved....and wonder how if at all, this plays into my breathing problems...

WolfyOne · 12-01-2010, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by softness

I spent the night at a sleep clinic last night because I have had months of problems not being able to fall asleep. Once asleep. I can sleep well, but falling asleep is a problem. I stay awake until 8, 9, 10 AM. So I go there and the dr gives me ambian.I explain I have been prescribed this before but it doesnt work. He says to just take it. I shrug.

Next thing I know I am waking up and the nurses are looking at me warily and asking me if I know where I am and who I am. Puzzled I answer appropriately and wonder why they are backing up as I climb out of bed.

hmmm...seems I hallucinate in my sleep. And what I think of as not falling asleep is me actually hallucinating. I go "elsewhere". Its like a blackout. I didnt know where I was nor why I was there. I pulled all the wires off of me several times. I was not combative nor violent, just difficult but in a playful giggling way. THey said it was like I had been drinking or the life of the party. I was dancing and saying "I bet you never saw anyone dance like THIS before". Trust me..I NEVER dance..I am very very shy about dancing. But there I was, bellydancing around the room! When they got close to put the wires back on I was wide eyed and amazed that the figures on their scrubs were moving and telling a story. I also reached into their pockets and took out their personal possessions. Sighing...so not me. I ran down the hall, skipping sideways. I sang to them, pressed my face against the windows, tried to undress, and did all kinds of similiar uninhibitive kind of things. It took them quite some time to get me to settle down in the bed. Eventually, I left the wires on, got quiet and did do the normal sleep.

funny thing is...my brain wave patterns showed NO difference between those times and the sleep time.

My Dr has to get the report and then I have to go see him. No one has ever told me I behaved like this when I sleep. To be honest, it sounds very similar to who I acted like when I relapsed. If this is what happens to me when I sleep, no wonder I dont want to fall asleep!

I am so unnerved....and wonder how if at all, this plays into my breathing problems...

This is interesting and alarming at the same time
Do you think the Ambian has something to do with it?
Would you do the sleep clinic again?

Soft*Silver · 12-01-2010, 02:09 PM

yes, I would do the sleep clinic again.

yes, ambian could have something to do with it. One of the side affects is hallucinations. But I cant rule out I havent been having these for awhile.

The Dr who sent me to the clinic is a pulmonologist and he is the Dr I think is full of shit so I am going to hunt down a sleep Dr.

I am fascintated by this now. It makes so much sense why I strain not to fall asleep, even tho I desperately want to. And it explains why even tho I have taken sleeping pills (ambian) they havent worked (or so I thought)

when I woke up this morning I thought I had slept thru the night uninterrupted, that they had simply slipped in and put the probes on me while I slept. I guess it was a good two hour struggle with me!

I do get to watch the video on Tuesday ...

On other news, I went to the eyes ears and nose Dr that the stupid Dr sent me to, who said I was anxious and had vocal cord dysfunction. The specialist scoffed and said nothing is wrong with my cords and my cords arent affected by anxiety. He laughed. He asked why the Dr said this. I wanted to say because I have a vagina but I caught myself....I figured I had already raised enough hell in the sleep clinic...

lipstixgal · 12-01-2010, 02:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by softness

I spent the night at a sleep clinic last night because I have had months of problems not being able to fall asleep. Once asleep. I can sleep well, but falling asleep is a problem. I stay awake until 8, 9, 10 AM. So I go there and the dr gives me ambian.I explain I have been prescribed this before but it doesnt work. He says to just take it. I shrug.

Next thing I know I am waking up and the nurses are looking at me warily and asking me if I know where I am and who I am. Puzzled I answer appropriately and wonder why they are backing up as I climb out of bed.

hmmm...seems I hallucinate in my sleep. And what I think of as not falling asleep is me actually hallucinating. I go "elsewhere". Its like a blackout. I didnt know where I was nor why I was there. I pulled all the wires off of me several times. I was not combative nor violent, just difficult but in a playful giggling way. THey said it was like I had been drinking or the life of the party. I was dancing and saying "I bet you never saw anyone dance like THIS before". Trust me..I NEVER dance..I am very very shy about dancing. But there I was, bellydancing around the room! When they got close to put the wires back on I was wide eyed and amazed that the figures on their scrubs were moving and telling a story. I also reached into their pockets and took out their personal possessions. Sighing...so not me. I ran down the hall, skipping sideways. I sang to them, pressed my face against the windows, tried to undress, and did all kinds of similiar uninhibitive kind of things. It took them quite some time to get me to settle down in the bed. Eventually, I left the wires on, got quiet and did do the normal sleep.

funny thing is...my brain wave patterns showed NO difference between those times and the sleep time.

My Dr has to get the report and then I have to go see him. No one has ever told me I behaved like this when I sleep. To be honest, it sounds very similar to who I acted like when I relapsed. If this is what happens to me when I sleep, no wonder I dont want to fall asleep!

I am so unnerved....and wonder how if at all, this plays into my breathing problems...

I had two sleep studies and didn't think that you could pull the wires out but I was on meds so it didn't occur to me. How the hell did you get the wires out? There in there pretty good I think with some goop they put on your scalp. Interesting and would you do it again with out the ambien, maybe try lunesta instead and see if yo have sleep apnea its lifesaving to get the machine I have one and its getting better each night that I use it. It just takes time to get use to the mask that is all. Good luck!!

Soft*Silver · 12-01-2010, 02:23 PM

Lipstix...I cant answer your questions because I wasnt there...lol. I am only telling you what they told me I did. I feel the goop they put on me in my head. Nasty snotty crap. I am sure they are going to put me thru another round at the sleep clinic. I called there today and when I said my name the person said "oooo we heard about you today!" ooohhh jeeezzz...lol. I am infamous at the sleep clinic! Honestly. I took the pills. Then the next second I woke up and it was morning. Just like that. No memory of any of it. Like an alcoholic black out.

Jet · 12-01-2010, 02:41 PM

I just had an MRI on my left shoulder. I haven't been able to use it in about 3 months. That means no workouts which mean everything to me. I'll know results this week I think. If I don't get this fixed i'm going to f••king lose it.

LipstickLola · 12-01-2010, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by softness

Lipstix...I cant answer your questions because I wasnt there...lol. I am only telling you what they told me I did. I feel the goop they put on me in my head. Nasty snotty crap. I am sure they are going to put me thru another round at the sleep clinic. I called there today and when I said my name the person said "oooo we heard about you today!" ooohhh jeeezzz...lol. I am infamous at the sleep clinic! Honestly. I took the pills. Then the next second I woke up and it was morning. Just like that. No memory of any of it. Like an alcoholic black out.

That's very unprofessional, I'm sorry that happened to you.

Leigh · 12-01-2010, 02:48 PM

Reading this story, and wanting to cry ~ how could someone do this to a helpless child, and for no apparent reason?

http://beta.ca.news.yahoo.com/grandm...death-off.html

11-30-2010, 03:28 PM	#4901
Leigh Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, etc Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 7,767 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,029 Thanked 13,024 Times in 4,784 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	The future is very uncertain and holds alot of things that can only happen if I put My mind to them and simply go for it ~ very enlightening indeed __________________ "When you fall off the wagon ... clutch the sides of it until you get a better grip!"

11-30-2010, 03:59 PM	#4902
fiercegrrl In Memory Of How Do You Identify?: fierce femme grrl Preferred Pronoun?: beautiful, pumpkin, princess, sweet pea, babygirl Relationship Status: i don't think it's in the stars for me. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: washington DC Posts: 133 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34 Thanked 292 Times in 83 Posts Rep Power: 2486279	I want to go out on a date so badly. And then have a second and a thrid date with that person. But its impossible to find someone who can overlook that I'm battling cancer and will continue tp do so until it takes me down. This makes me want to punch holes wallas ansd cry for days. I need the holidays to be over. I find them such a huge reminder of this hole in my life. __________________ "and you can use my skin. to bury secret sins."

11-30-2010, 06:55 PM	#4906
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,855 Thanked 14,415 Times in 4,058 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	waiting on the storm and hoping I don't have to drive to work in it in the morning __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

11-30-2010, 07:14 PM	#4907
JustLovelyJenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: That's Need to Know Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Aberdeen, WA Posts: 4,478 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12,464 Thanked 13,992 Times in 3,684 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	He is... ... in a million ways... and I just have to get them out... ... for too long I have thought I wanted the instant relationship. I was wrong. I was only scared of being alone. I'm not afraid anymore. I know who I want to be and what I want to do with my life. I know I can do it, even if its going to be hard, and long, and stressful. But, I want all that... FOR ME, not for anyone else. So, what exactly do I want out of a partner? I want date nights, outings with my children, someone to go to when all the stress and strain get to me, someone to support when the same happens to them. I want... "Your place or Mine?" and "Are you free this weekend?". I want anticipation and excitement, passion and contentment. I want to be with someone else and still be myself. I want flowers and candle lit dinners. I want a true courtship... ... and yes, I think that is what He wants too. It makes me excited to think about. I can look at the future and wonder what possibilities are ahead of me, without wondering how much I am going to need to adjust to accommodate it. That's a very big deal to me. __________________ --Jenn

12-01-2010, 12:47 AM	#4911
SimpleAlaskanBoy Member How Do You Identify?: Bisexual trans guy Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Daddy to a sweet daisy. Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: O-H-I-O Posts: 410 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,426 Thanked 1,010 Times in 295 Posts Rep Power: 5996528	Still worried about one of the cats who is acting quite out of sorts...keeping an eye on her... Hoping we get the tree up tomorrow Excited for Xmas, but miss my parents and younger brother and aunts and uncles and cousins.. Wondering if I can get the girl to trim my hair tomorrow...it's way too long and it's bugging me! ~SAB __________________ "Eeyup."-Big Macintosh, MLP:FiM <-----Pocky Jedi "There's only one rule I know of babies-G-d damn it, you've got to be kind." -Kurt Vonnegut (G-d Bless You, Mr. Rosewater)

12-01-2010, 12:33 AM	#4910
JakeTulane Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Mr. Prickly Porcupine Preferred Pronoun?: Butch - Hy, Hym, Hys Relationship Status: She has softened My quills Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Permanently Banned 8/8/2011 Posts: 4,880 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,221 Thanked 5,264 Times in 2,732 Posts Rep Power: 0	Unexpected kindness. Taking the high road and expecting nothing in return. Remaining strong, no matter the storm. (thinks, no wonder I have insomnia)

12-01-2010, 12:48 PM	#4913
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,592 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,908 Times in 4,062 Posts Rep Power*: 21474857	I spent the night at a sleep clinic last night because I have had months of problems not being able to fall asleep. Once asleep. I can sleep well, but falling asleep is a problem. I stay awake until 8, 9, 10 AM. So I go there and the dr gives me ambian.I explain I have been prescribed this before but it doesnt work. He says to just take it. I shrug. Next thing I know I am waking up and the nurses are looking at me warily and asking me if I know where I am and who I am. Puzzled I answer appropriately and wonder why they are backing up as I climb out of bed. hmmm...seems I hallucinate in my sleep. And what I think of as not falling asleep is me actually hallucinating. I go "elsewhere". Its like a blackout. I didnt know where I was nor why I was there. I pulled all the wires off of me several times. I was not combative nor violent, just difficult but in a playful giggling way. THey said it was like I had been drinking or the life of the party. I was dancing and saying "I bet you never saw anyone dance like THIS before". Trust me..I NEVER dance..I am very very shy about dancing. But there I was, bellydancing around the room! When they got close to put the wires back on I was wide eyed and amazed that the figures on their scrubs were moving and telling a story. I also reached into their pockets and took out their personal possessions. Sighing...so not me. I ran down the hall, skipping sideways. I sang to them, pressed my face against the windows, tried to undress, and did all kinds of similiar uninhibitive kind of things. It took them quite some time to get me to settle down in the bed. Eventually, I left the wires on, got quiet and did do the normal sleep. funny thing is...my brain wave patterns showed NO difference between those times and the sleep time. My Dr has to get the report and then I have to go see him. No one has ever told me I behaved like this when I sleep. To be honest, it sounds very similar to who I acted like when I relapsed. If this is what happens to me when I sleep, no wonder I dont want to fall asleep! I am so unnerved....and wonder how if at all, this plays into my breathing problems... __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

12-01-2010, 02:09 PM	#4915
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,592 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,908 Times in 4,062 Posts Rep Power*: 21474857	yes, I would do the sleep clinic again. yes, ambian could have something to do with it. One of the side affects is hallucinations. But I cant rule out I havent been having these for awhile. The Dr who sent me to the clinic is a pulmonologist and he is the Dr I think is full of shit so I am going to hunt down a sleep Dr. I am fascintated by this now. It makes so much sense why I strain not to fall asleep, even tho I desperately want to. And it explains why even tho I have taken sleeping pills (ambian) they havent worked (or so I thought) when I woke up this morning I thought I had slept thru the night uninterrupted, that they had simply slipped in and put the probes on me while I slept. I guess it was a good two hour struggle with me! I do get to watch the video on Tuesday ... On other news, I went to the eyes ears and nose Dr that the stupid Dr sent me to, who said I was anxious and had vocal cord dysfunction. The specialist scoffed and said nothing is wrong with my cords and my cords arent affected by anxiety. He laughed. He asked why the Dr said this. I wanted to say because I have a vagina but I caught myself....I figured I had already raised enough hell in the sleep clinic... __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

12-01-2010, 02:23 PM	#4917
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,592 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,908 Times in 4,062 Posts Rep Power*: 21474857	Lipstix...I cant answer your questions because I wasnt there...lol. I am only telling you what they told me I did. I feel the goop they put on me in my head. Nasty snotty crap. I am sure they are going to put me thru another round at the sleep clinic. I called there today and when I said my name the person said "oooo we heard about you today!" ooohhh jeeezzz...lol. I am infamous at the sleep clinic! Honestly. I took the pills. Then the next second I woke up and it was morning. Just like that. No memory of any of it. Like an alcoholic black out. __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

12-01-2010, 02:41 PM	#4918
Jet Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: .. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .. Posts: 3,471 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 292 Thanked 2,647 Times in 1,293 Posts Rep Power: 0	I just had an MRI on my left shoulder. I haven't been able to use it in about 3 months. That means no workouts which mean everything to me. I'll know results this week I think. If I don't get this fixed i'm going to f••king lose it.

12-01-2010, 02:48 PM	#4920
Leigh Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, etc Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 7,767 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,029 Thanked 13,024 Times in 4,784 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Reading this story, and wanting to cry ~ how could someone do this to a helpless child, and for no apparent reason? http://beta.ca.news.yahoo.com/grandm...death-off.html __________________ "When you fall off the wagon ... clutch the sides of it until you get a better grip!"