Negotiating Silence

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Arwen

I think Silencing is a form of shunning/ostracizing. We will not all get along. That's a fact, Jack. But we can behave in socially acceptable ways towards one another.

However, then we have to determine what is "socially acceptable."

In some groups, it is socially acceptable to send PM's or talk about someone behind their back.

I've done this to you, SuperFemme. I am using this example because you and I discussed this. We repaired what I allowed to happen by listening to and by perpetuating some rather unpleasant gossip. It is one of the reasons I try my best not to say anything behind someone's back that I would not say to their face. It's an important thing in my life.

I have been silenced by others telling me that my way of communicating in written form is demeaning or belittling. I do have a dogmatic way of communicating. I do not like that I have hurt people unintentionally. However, I know for a fact that I have hurt people intentionally. Not proud of that but I will also not allow anyone to use that as a weapon to silence me.

I've set up some pretty firm boundaries about avoiding those who do gossip in mean ways. I have to quantify that with "in mean ways" because if gossip is talking about someone, then I gossip a lot. I talk about Pixiestars and how much I enjoy her company. I mention Shariberry's shopping abilities. I am a horrible gossip about Ashton's tour guide skills. Or tell someone that they must buy Diva's CD because it is most excellent. Or read any of the 9Word poets' work. ETC.

If gossip is mean-spirited, then I will self-correct myself. I will say out loud that I do not want to talk about someone behind their back and correct that behaviour. If I do not want to be around gossips, I can't be one, right? And Gods know, I've been one!

I do see gossip as Silencing. And again, I am sorry for what I did to you rather than go directly to you.

, on the other hand, some people would way rather you (not you personally, the collective you) talked behind their backs than to their faces....In my part of the country it is not polite to say things to pople's faces and it freaks us out when someone does.

It really is difficult sometimes with all our cultural differences for us to communicate at all. Its a miracle that we do as well as we do.

[amiyesiam]

I love the thank you button. It lets people know you like what they posted. It takes time to respond to posts.

Next when someone says they are differently abled and people are rude, etc to them it is wrong. Perhaps because I have worked with differently abled people for over 15 years I have strong feelings about this.

Sometimes some people don't spend enough time letting people know they are liked, appreciated, respected, etc.

[QUOTE=SuperFemme;18730]Ok. Now I'd like to add something else to the mix.

What about Silencing through gossip? Shunning. Labeling of a person as a slut, a stalker, a gold digger or obsessed?

This is something we can all combat. Sending a pm to another member devaluing another member? It has been my experience that nobody ever goes to the person being shredded and *asks* before perpetuationg the bullshit.
I have really strong opinions about the above. I don't do this period. And I can shut someone who tries to do it to me down in a heart beat.
send me something unpleasant about someone else and you will get back a well worded and well thought out response tailored to your pm. It will cover, point by point (all logic no emotion) why your pm is not acceptable and please don't do it to me again.
If you shut a gossip down from the beginning, most learn not to bother to come to you with negativity.
Another point on gossip: We tend to call other peoples gossip drama. When it is our drama/gossip we call it venting about our life, sticking up for our selves etc.
really would you want others to say about you, what you say about others?

[christie]

Great thread idea!

For me, I chose to be silent quite a bit of the time because I see a lot of "interpretation" of others' words. A great deal of reading between the lines and putting a personal spin on them; rather than taking the words at face value.

I'm a say what I mean and mean what I say kinda woman. My words have often been interpreted incorrectly, and in as such, their meaning/intent completely disregarded.

I also think that when we try to be more concrete in our words, citing personal experiences/situations, those words are often used as "ammunition" against us. I have seen people post real issues... making themselves very vulnerable... and instead of the responders being supportive and uplifting, the OP has been raked over the proverbial coals and judged.

What can we do to change the issues I see? Its pretty simple to me... stop interpreting and be more open minded that not all our journeys are alike. Learn to agree to disagree, respectfully. Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Stop reading more into things than what is stated. Try to put ourselves in another's shoes and that whole "Do unto others."

Just my nickel's worth... That and $6 will get you a latte.

Christie

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by Arwen

I think Silencing is a form of shunning/ostracizing. We will not all get along. That's a fact, Jack. But we can behave in socially acceptable ways towards one another.

However, then we have to determine what is "socially acceptable."

In some groups, it is socially acceptable to send PM's or talk about someone behind their back.

I've done this to you, SuperFemme. I am using this example because you and I discussed this. We repaired what I allowed to happen by listening to and by perpetuating some rather unpleasant gossip. It is one of the reasons I try my best not to say anything behind someone's back that I would not say to their face. It's an important thing in my life.

I have been silenced by others telling me that my way of communicating in written form is demeaning or belittling. I do have a dogmatic way of communicating. I do not like that I have hurt people unintentionally. However, I know for a fact that I have hurt people intentionally. Not proud of that but I will also not allow anyone to use that as a weapon to silence me.

I've set up some pretty firm boundaries about avoiding those who do gossip in mean ways. I have to quantify that with "in mean ways" because if gossip is talking about someone, then I gossip a lot. I talk about Pixiestars and how much I enjoy her company. I mention Shariberry's shopping abilities. I am a horrible gossip about Ashton's tour guide skills. Or tell someone that they must buy Diva's CD because it is most excellent. Or read any of the 9Word poets' work. ETC.

If gossip is mean-spirited, then I will self-correct myself. I will say out loud that I do not want to talk about someone behind their back and correct that behaviour. If I do not want to be around gossips, I can't be one, right? And Gods know, I've been one!

I do see gossip as Silencing. And again, I am sorry for what I did to you rather than go directly to you.

I think gossip is inherently mean spirited. I also think that certain people are just a recipe for disaster when they bring out the worst in others.

I think one of the most healing moments for me was when you apologized to me. So please stop now, I forgive you. Your apology was a gift because it validated the months of crazy making. It was brave of you to do so and I am eternally grateful.

Interestingly, I chose to not engage and silenced myself during that time period. My health could not take the toxic nature of thinking about it. Yet the silence imposed was deafening.

There was not necessarily a power imbalance but at times it was perceived by me to be one. I had to do the work around that.

It's not unimportant that we live in a world where boundaries are being blurred about privacy and a demand to know is pervasive. Take the Tiger Woods incident. How dare he not make a statement! I want to vomit everytime I hear about it.

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

, on the other hand, some people would way rather you (not you personally, the collective you) talked behind their backs than to their faces....In my part of the country it is not polite to say things to pople's faces and it freaks us out when someone does.

It really is difficult sometimes with all our cultural differences for us to communicate at all. Its a miracle that we do as well as we do.

I am so Southern it hurts sometimes. I grew up in this culture of talking behing others' backs. I do not condone it. I have seen the damage it does. I have felt the damage. I understand what you are saying. I really do.

However, there are some traditions that need to be changed. If I would not say it to your face, I am re-teaching myself how to not say it at all. I'm thumperizing my life in that way because it is important to me personally.

I am giving up my right-by-Southern ability to say, "Did you see that dress Apocalipstic wore to the party? Bless her heart, it wasn't her best color." And all other variations of that type of talk. I am on a mission in my own life to eradicate it from all corners of my communication. If I wouldn't tell Jackhammer she is an ass to her face, then I won't do it behind her back. (NOTE: both examples are pure fiction! )

This really isn't about silencing so I'll (grin) silence myself on this. It's my own personal soapbox on something I do that I detest.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Arwen

I am so Southern it hurts sometimes. I grew up in this culture of talking behing others' backs. I do not condone it. I have seen the damage it does. I have felt the damage. I understand what you are saying. I really do.

However, there are some traditions that need to be changed. If I would not say it to your face, I am re-teaching myself how to not say it at all. I'm thumperizing my life in that way because it is important to me personally.

I am giving up my right-by-Southern ability to say, "Did you see that dress Apocalipstic wore to the party? Bless her heart, it wasn't her best color." And all other variations of that type of talk. I am on a mission in my own life to eradicate it from all corners of my communication. If I wouldn't tell Jackhammer she is an ass to her face, then I won't do it behind her back. (NOTE: both examples are pure fiction! )

This really isn't about silencing so I'll (grin) silence myself on this. It's my own personal soapbox on something I do that I detest.

I totally hear what you are saying, I am also working to practice kindness .

I will say that if someone does not like something about me, I would WAY rather them say it behind my back. I could care less if someone hates my dress.

I agree that it would be best if we did focus on the good in people and trying to see why they tick as they do. I think that sometimes we can be overly confrontational just so we can feel like we are speaking our truth. I think we need to look at what is to be gained by hurting the person, and I don't think us feeling better about ourselves is always a good reason.

I further think (and this is not something I have ever seen you ((Arwen)) do, just jumping off of the subject) that we need to be careful about making fun of people we do not agree with. Just becasue we might do it to their face and feel authentic in doing so is not a good reason.

Does that make sense?

[NJFemmie]

Originally Posted by Linus

Something that just popped into my head: if someone responds to a post and only addresses one point, totally ignoring the other points of the post that they are responding to and focuses on that one point, is that silencing?

It's a challenge, IMO, because sometimes there isn't a need to respond to all points and sometimes it's a specific point that you want to address or feel you can offer an opinion/view on. But by doing the latter, I wonder if that feels like or accomplishes a silencing behaviour whether we intend to or not.


** the irony of this post doesn't escape me **

I did have a nicely worded post for this and then I lost my internet connection ... basically ...

Some people in here have already nailed a part of this on the head - I think a lot of this so-called "dismissiveness" is based on the LOOK AT ME complex.

I admit that I don't answer EVERY single post in a thread - I don't find it particularly necessary - especially if others have already typed out what I was thinking on the matter. If I don't have anything to add to it - I won't. I have posted tons of stuff in my day without so much as an acknowledgment, and quite frankly, I can't take it personally. (Did I feel dismissed? perhaps - it depended on my mood that day...) Whether I was blatantly ignored, or perhaps they felt my comments were of no importance or use - is subjective (or would that be relative ...?) anyway, so ... I moved on.

Then, you have some posters who are ALL OVER THE PLACE with their rant - and frankly, I may just pull the pertinent information and comment on what I felt was the subject matter.

Words also stated it quite nicely - some use language/verbiage that makes my head want to explode. I have the occasional bout of ADD - I can't be bothered, sorry. I prefer the easy read - I am getting too old to play decipher this post, lol.

So - yes, I suppose it's a tricky matter ... but I think a lot of it is based on attention. Online forums are not the same as a face to face conversation, and that has to be the given. You cannot expect the same results and/or attention.

[theoddz]

Originally Posted by Arwen

I am so Southern it hurts sometimes. I grew up in this culture of talking behing others' backs. I do not condone it. I have seen the damage it does. I have felt the damage. I understand what you are saying. I really do.

However, there are some traditions that need to be changed. If I would not say it to your face, I am re-teaching myself how to not say it at all. I'm thumperizing my life in that way because it is important to me personally.

I am giving up my right-by-Southern ability to say, "Did you see that dress Apocalipstic wore to the party? Bless her heart, it wasn't her best color." And all other variations of that type of talk. I am on a mission in my own life to eradicate it from all corners of my communication. If I wouldn't tell Jackhammer she is an ass to her face, then I won't do it behind her back. (NOTE: both examples are pure fiction! )

This really isn't about silencing so I'll (grin) silence myself on this. It's my own personal soapbox on something I do that I detest.

eh ehehehe....and in Southern culture, all mean-spiritedness is negated/mitigated by those three little magical words, "Bless her/his heart".

Couldn't resist that......bless my heart.

~Theo~

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I further think (and this is not something I have ever seen you ((Arwen)) do, just jumping off of the subject) that we need to be careful about making fun of people we do not agree with. Just becasue we might do it to their face and feel authentic in doing so is not a good reason.

Does that make sense?

I am snipping your post for space rather than ignoring any of it. I think I have a personal issue with confrontation. I want to talk things out. I want to find out WHY someone feels a need to bitch about me behind my back. I will GO to the person I am told is talking about me. I want to have a conversation and maybe some resolution, you know?

However, I am slowly coming to realize that that is ME wanting others to toe my party line. And if I am not willing to toe theirs, how can I demand they toe mine? Right?

The idea of ridicule as a silencer is important to me. Again, something I've done. I'm working on the idea of mirror a lot so I am focusing on me-me-me for many of my discussions.

Ridicule is scarily close to teasing. I tease a lot. I've crossed the line and been called on it (thank you to those who were kind/brave/honest enough to have a discussion with me about it). I am really working on the kindness thing myself. Some see it as artificial. I know my "seek joy, y'all" has been met with laughter. It's all good. I don't need to have my personal journey match anyone else's.

But when I find others who gossip and ridicule me, then I find that I do not need them in my life. Life is hard enough without having to deal with people who choose that particular path. And, smile, it's just another path. I just don't want to walk it, that's all.

I think sometimes folks see my statements as peripheral put-downs. Not so. If anything, they are reminders to myself of what I can and can not tolerate in my own life from myself. Again, learning that I can only control me is an interesting lesson.

So I find gossip silencing and you, Apoca, may find it liberating because you don't have to hear it about yourself. I think it is others trying to get me to fit their world and you see it as unimportant in your world. I like the way you see it. Maybe I can wrestle my poor self-esteem around to seeing it your way.

Did I state how you see it correctly? I don't mean to diminish your voice.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Arwen

I am snipping your post for space rather than ignoring any of it. I think I have a personal issue with confrontation. I want to talk things out. I want to find out WHY someone feels a need to bitch about me behind my back. I will GO to the person I am told is talking about me. I want to have a conversation and maybe some resolution, you know?

However, I am slowly coming to realize that that is ME wanting others to toe my party line. And if I am not willing to toe theirs, how can I demand they toe mine? Right?

The idea of ridicule as a silencer is important to me. Again, something I've done. I'm working on the idea of mirror a lot so I am focusing on me-me-me for many of my discussions.

Ridicule is scarily close to teasing. I tease a lot. I've crossed the line and been called on it (thank you to those who were kind/brave/honest enough to have a discussion with me about it). I am really working on the kindness thing myself. Some see it as artificial. I know my "seek joy, y'all" has been met with laughter. It's all good. I don't need to have my personal journey match anyone else's.

But when I find others who gossip and ridicule me, then I find that I do not need them in my life. Life is hard enough without having to deal with people who choose that particular path. And, smile, it's just another path. I just don't want to walk it, that's all.

I think sometimes folks see my statements as peripheral put-downs. Not so. If anything, they are reminders to myself of what I can and can not tolerate in my own life from myself. Again, learning that I can only control me is an interesting lesson.

So I find gossip silencing and you, Apoca, may find it liberating because you don't have to hear it about yourself. I think it is others trying to get me to fit their world and you see it as unimportant in your world. I like the way you see it. Maybe I can wrestle my poor self-esteem around to seeing it your way.

Did I state how you see it correctly? I don't mean to diminish your voice.

I used to want everyone to like me, but (and maybe its my antidepressants ) I just choose not to care any more. I have plenty of friends who do like me, to the point I end up having to neglect them due to time constraints.

I also am not very confrontational and I hate hate hate being told what to do, so yeah, not having to hear what people think of my kitchen counters or whatever is liberating. (except my G/F and in-laws are Northern so I still get told what to do A LOT.)

Teasing I often do not get (understand). I have been made fun of my entire life for not being able to get jokes, not liking to be jumped out at, dunked in the pool, etc. Ridiculing just seems mean and I am trying to eradicate mean from my life. Hopefully I can find ways to be funny that are not at anyone else's expense.

I really like "see joy y'all" and hope its OK if I use it.

I like what you say about our only being able to control ourselves. Your analogy of only being able to control what is inside our own hula hoop is something I try to keep in mind.

This is a great discussion and it helps to better understand that often your posts are about you and not how you think others should act. This makes sense and I will keep it in mind. Thank you so much for discussing!

[T D]

Silencing = Using someones personal stories, shares as ammunition to be used as a means of belittling and thereby silencing them. Using gossip, falsehoods, negativity to describe someone and put a negative spin on their character. Telling others that what they say/said isn't pertinent to the topic or bascially doesn't belong in the thread. Trying to convince everyone reading the thread that you are the smartest, most informed, and you must be believed because of this. That if you ID as some certain way, then you must be like all the others who ID that way. Like someone else said earlier, not every butch, transguy, or anyone else are misogynistic pigs, nor do they all think that a "femme is not a femme without a butch", something I'd never even seen or heard about until this site. Interestingly enough some people would certainly color us all as being the same.

It goes on and on and on, the ways this can and does happen are endless. I absolutely do NOT think this is something that we just perceive in our heads, I think it actually happens, often times intentionally, and is quite often directed at specific participants. I've been watching these types of threads for years and years, and they generally end up the same way with the same people doing and saying the same stuff in the same manner.

What this boils down to for me is RESPECT or lack of it. If each person here looked at the other as a person of REAL value I believe they'd have respect for that person. What I often times see instead is someone who has a "need" to somehow prove that they're the smartest, the most informed, the brightest star on the block, and quite frankly it's these very people who make me wonder why they "need" this so much. It just leads me to believe that they're insecure themselves, and need to obtain their security by collecting followers from around them and giving themselves an appearance of superiority.

Again, I'm just saying that respect and/or lack of it is at the bottom of all this for me. I find it very difficult to respect people who don't respect others, or at the very least speak as if they do when responding to other peoples thoughts, views, feelings, experiences, etc.

You know, I've been wanting to say this for a very long time. I've been watching it go on for SOOO long now. I may get a bunch of backlash from having said these things, but bottom line for me is, if you don't give respect you're not going to get much of it back, and if you try to be the smartest kid on the block, it doesn't ensure that you are.

It would be really nice to see people open up more, to be more caring about others here, to be more open to understanding, to be more open to the fact that not everyone in a particular category is the same as the person standing beside them, that each of us has a different way of communicating, that we're all different and we ALL perceive the world differently, and that we're all speaking from OUR perceived worlds!

Stepping down now.

[SuperFemme]

TD, I appreciate your post a lot. I'm glad you felt okay about posting here what you have long wanted to say.

Respect is key, you are right. I hope I haven't intimated that we are just perceiving this in our heads.

I'm wanting to know what we do with it when it happens. I'm hoping we can be the change.

I want to learn.

[NJFemmie]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

My name is adele and I am so NOT here to recruit you! (sorry, couldn't resist)

This is a great post! I wonder if people equate everyone not agreeing with them to not being heard? Then it all goes to hell in a handbasket. The thing is, on the other side of the coin that is not being heard is not listening. Listening means extracting ones POV and being open IMO.

Just because you don't agree with someone doesn't mean you aren't being heard - it just means you aren't being agreed with. If someone makes that equation, then they (the collective) have other issues to address. IMO it means that unless you AGREE to what they are saying, you are obviously dismissing it, or "not hearing them". Perhaps it's a case of THEM dismissing the fact that you simply don't agree. Now who is dismissing who?

[Bit]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

This is a great discussion and it helps to better understand that often your posts are about you....

I personally think this point can never be emphasized enough. It's not just Arwen, although that's who Jen was answering---it's US, all of us.

Our posts are ALWAYS about us. It doesn't matter what the subject is or to whom we're speaking; every post we make is a part of us--after all, it came from our minds, right?--and reflects our experiences, our worldview, our own emotional state.

For example, if I post a long rant aimed at XYZ because they said something which really pissed me off, when YOU read it, you aren't really reading anything at all about XYZ (even if you agree with my rant, lol)---what you're reading is actually about Cath, because it came from me.

Depending on the subject of the rant, you're reading maybe the results of the way I was treated in childhood, or maybe the results of an abusive marriage, or maybe the results *yanno I rant the most about the way Butches are treated in public* of my feeling helpless/embarrassed/humiliated/ANGRY/helpless/helpless/helpless when my first partner was humiliated by women in a public restroom who very snidely and loudly pretended in front of a large crowd that they couldn't tell she was a woman because she was wrapped in a man's coat to stay warm in her wheelchair.

Does my example make sense to y'all? I might say someone is acting in a misogynistic way, or a callous way, or any other way, and I might be right----but in the end, my post is actually about how their post ties into other things which have happened to me in the past, things which I might not ever speak about but which surely influence what I say anyway.

This is a natural human trait and I think it's the main reason that we (people who post) so often take someone else's post as if it were ridicule or disrespect. I think this tendency of ours to read everything through a strong filter of our own past experiences is one of the things that leads people to react with such strong emotion to other people's posts.

And to answer Adele's question *cuz I know it's coming! * I think what we can do to change is simply to acknowledge it. If we make it a point to remember that other people's posts are all about them and what has happened in their lives, and if we remember that our responses (especially our anger) come from what happened to us in our own lives, then I think maybe we'll be more inclined to cut each other some slack.

Your Mileage May Vary on this... and that's okay. *smiling*

Also, I never feel like someone answering just one point from another person's post is a form of silencing. I agree with TD's definition of silencing.

[Apocalipstic]

Great post Bit! Yes its true, how we react to things is completely because of our life experiences. We all need to remember that.

And to women who see themselves as bathroom monitors.......
Cynthia uses the Men's room, apparently Men don't look at each other in the bathroom like women do.

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by NJFemmie

Just because you don't agree with someone doesn't mean you aren't being heard - it just means you aren't being agreed with. If someone makes that equation, then they (the collective) have other issues to address. IMO it means that unless you AGREE to what they are saying, you are obviously dismissing it, or "not hearing them". Perhaps it's a case of THEM dismissing the fact that you simply don't agree. Now who is dismissing who?

Yes, this is exactly my point! The person who is not agreed with does not feel heard because nobody is coming around to their viewpoint. I wonder if this happens?

[Lynn]

The notion that people are deliberately dismissive or silencing because they use big words or complex phrases is kind of...dismissive...to me. Not that I take this personally, because I don't. I don't think I have posted enough to be noticed that much. If anyone is talking about me, I sure don't know about it.

I have always been a quiet person. One that a lot of people made fun of, when I was younger. I tended to read a lot, liked to try to get good grades, and I wasn't mean. I was shy and insecure.Therefore, I wasn't cool. People said I was conceited and said that I thought I was better than them. I couldn't believe that, because I didn't think I was good enough for anything.

In school, and now, I tend to use big words. Why? I don't know. It comes naturally. I know what they mean and sometimes they fit best. By the same token, sometimes I have complicated thoughts about something and I work really hard to say things in just the right way. I don't try to outsmart anyone, nor do I get involved in the "outwitting" contests that I sometimes see. Not because I find them silencing (unless they're derailing a thread, then it sucks). More because I'm shy, and don't want to appear stupid.

There are times when the discussion gets too esoteric for me. For the most part, though, I don't assume that just because I can't understand someone, that they're trying to shut me out of a discussion. I feel it's as much my responsibility to try to understand someone as it is their's to make themselve's understood.

I just wanted to add a couple of other things...

I agree that it's about respect. Respect for individuals. And kindness. If we would always give each other the benefit of the doubt, we could communicate much better. I have seen threads deteriorate when something is misperceived, or even if a less popular opinion is voiced. There have been times, though, when I read no disrespect at all, but it was perceived that way by someone else.

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by Lynn

The notion that people are deliberately dismissive or silencing because they use big words or complex phrases is kind of...dismissive...to me. Not that I take this personally, because I don't. I don't think I have posted enough to be noticed that much. If anyone is talking about me, I sure don't know about it.

I have always been a quiet person. One that a lot of people made fun of, when I was younger. I tended to read a lot, liked to try to get good grades, and I wasn't mean. I was shy and insecure.Therefore, I wasn't cool. People said I was conceited and said that I thought I was better than them. I couldn't believe that, because I didn't think I was good enough for anything.

In school, and now, I tend to use big words. Why? I don't know. It comes naturally. I know what they mean and sometimes they fit best. By the same token, sometimes I have complicated thoughts about something and I work really hard to say things in just the right way. I don't try to outsmart anyone, nor do I get involved in the "outwitting" contests that I sometimes see. Not because I find them silencing (unless they're derailing a thread, then it sucks). More because I'm shy, and don't want to appear stupid.

There are times when the discussion gets too esoteric for me. For the most part, though, I don't assume that just because I can't understand someone, that they're trying to shut me out of a discussion. I feel it's as much my responsibility to try to understand someone as it is their's to make themselve's understood.

I read it as MOST people who use big ole edumacational words are fine. Fabulous even. There are a select few that will wield these words as a weapon and use them to talk *down* to somebody else. I haven't seen it happen here. So I don't really think it was meant as a blanket statement, but more of a specific one.

I did a book report on Root's in the fourth grade and was a geek officially from that day forward. I had glasses, braces, bad hair and a bad home life.
Basically I was velcro for bullies.

[Words]

I think that sometimes we're our own worst enemies when it comes to silencing.

Here's an example. Not understanding how the reputation system works is driving me absolutely nuts. I hate not 'getting' things, especially when I've done all the research - in this instance, a visit to the FAQ section, the result of which was that I found myself more confused than ever - yet still find myself none the wiser. So why haven't I just started a thread/posted in a thread asking how it works? Because - and this is the honest truth - I'm worried that if I do, folks might think that perhaps I'm 'one of those people' who gives way too much importance to non-important things. Which I'm not. I just really want to know how it works because, well, I like to know things.

And so I sit, still confused, still wondering, still silenced by my fear of being seen as something I'm not. Now how silly is that?

Or is it silly?

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by Words

I think that sometimes we're our own worst enemies when it comes to silencing.

Here's an example. Not understanding how the reputation system works is driving me absolutely nuts. I hate not 'getting' things, especially when I've done all the research - in this instance, a visit to the FAQ section, the result of which was that I found myself more confused than ever - yet still find myself none the wiser. So why haven't I just started a thread/posted in a thread asking how it works? Because - and this is the honest truth - I'm worried that if I do, folks might think that perhaps I'm 'one of those people' who gives way too much importance to non-important things. Which I'm not. I just really want to know how it works because, well, I like to know things.

And so I sit, still confused, still wondering, still silenced by my fear of being seen as something I'm not. Now how silly is that?

Or is it silly?

O. M. G. you just made me laugh. Not at you but with you because I can relate.

See your avatar on the left side? Underneath it the dot, the scales and the red alert triangle? Click on the scales and rep away. IF that is what you are asking.