A kiss is just a kiss

[Soon]

Affection was/is (unfortunately) rare in my family--even a kiss on the cheek is rare.

I have only kissed lovers on the lips.

[RockOn]

I came from a long line of huggers and kissers so I think nothing of a quick kiss on the lips ... even with some of my straight girlfriends I have not seen in a while and am so happy to see again. My family was very affectionate so I am pretty much a "touch you" when I am talking to you too.

[tantalizingfemme]

Thank you for all of the responses!!

I, like many, grew up with a mother who never showed affection (unless we were in front of other people and then it was/is a grand show) and a father who hugged and kissed us freely.

It's interesting because I am extremely uncomfortable even just hugging my mother, brother and sister and yet, with my father it was comforting. I made the decision when my son was born that I was going to give him all the affection he wanted and loved all over him until around 12/13 when to even stand close to him in public was horrifying for him. Around 16/17 he "came back around" and now I take my cues from him. He's cute because sometimes I tell him he has to give his mother a hug and he gets that "geez mom you're so embarrassing but I will do this to humor you and make this all stop" look and give me a hug, but he smiles when he walks away.


Honestly, I stopped for a moment when I thought that maybe I was doing something wrong... but many of you have solidified my resolve to keep kissing til he says no more. Thank you for that.

I really appreciate hearing everyone's thoughts on this...

[RockOn]

Kiss him and tell him you love him whenever you can!

The grandmother I loved so much told me:
"If you love someone, tell the person.

Romanic relationships are harder sometimes. I know a femme from my past who will "run rabbit" the hell out of there if I tell her I love her. For, me, I have to pick up on non-verbal signals to learn a femme's comfort/discomfort levels sometimes.

Good idea for a thread!

[Novelafemme]

Originally Posted by Brock

I came from a long line of huggers and kissers so I think nothing of a quick kiss on the lips ... even with some of my straight girlfriends I have not seen in a while and am so happy to see again. My family was very affectionate so I am pretty much a "touch you" when I am talking to you too.

Me too! I have learned to keep my hands to myself because not everyone likes their space interrupted by my need to grope them. I have been totally lost in conversation only to find that I am unabashedly running my fingers through someones hair or rubbing their back. OOPS! Thankfully the people who are my friends know this about me and love me in spite of myself.

[pinkgeek]

Originally Posted by 1QuirkyKiwi

It is a cultural thing from my experience; both my Maori and Italian family kissed on the lips and affection was shown freely (this is why I’m an affection bucket, lol!). In my Maori family, we do a Hongi; we press noses and foreheads together and exchange the breath of each other’s life….. It’s our version of a handshake. My closest Whenau (family) always kiss on the lips afterwards.

I will Hongi my English cousin and kiss him on the cheek and very occasionally on the lips; usually at Christmas and Birthday’s.

Friends, I sometimes Hongi and kiss on the cheek depending on their comfort level.

I'm mostly aclimatized to mainland culture and I forget on the islands how affectionate people are, even people who aren't close. I had to help my Mum and her ladies auxiliary with some stuff this morning and many of the ladies had not met me before. It was kisses and hugs from all the Aunties who have been "waiting forever to meet Beryl's daughter".

My Mum and I still Hongi and kiss both cheeks when I leave the island or come back. My queer family - we kiss, hug, snuggle and are very affectionate.

Excellent topic!!!

[bright_arrow]

I can not really recall if my family was affectionate.. I suppose it was more of a rarity with my immediate family. My mother's family though, we are all huggers. However, I reserve contact for my close friends and family. I am okay when other people try to hug me, I just have to pick up on the cue. I will not try to hug anyone outside of my family, friends have to initiate it.

If someone tried to kiss me on the lips, honestly, it would bother me. I can not pinpoint why exactly, but it would. The kiddo hugs me sometimes and she will go to kiss me on the mouth and I automatically avert but kiss her cheek or the top of her head.

Obviously, I am most affectionate with my partner. I love to hug and hold hands and cuddle, but reserve that part of me for my partner. Sometimes when we visit my family I will cuddle up next to my mom and put my head on her shoulder, but we have not always been like that. My dad is a big hugger now that I've grown, and I like it

[WingsOnFire]

Originally Posted by iamkeri1

[B][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=magenta]
Smooches, (but only if you're comfortable with it, LOL)
Keri

SMMOOOOCHES SISSY!!! LOL...seriously... I grew up kissing on the cheek not the lips... personally I wouldnt find it intimate at all unless I was intimate with the person. The bear went to kiss me on the cheek and I snuck a kiss on his lips and shocked him lol...but its nothing sexual.

I too believe its cultural or how you were raised. It wouldnt bother me either way. I am very emotional and touchy feely. If I was kissing a lover on the lips and someone who was a friend or family member on the lips it would mean two totally different things to me. I just never really thought about it before..

Thanks for the thread.

[SweetJane]

Originally Posted by Brock

My family was very affectionate so I am pretty much a "touch you" when I am talking to you too.

I do that, too! Even perfect strangers like at the grocery store IF we get into a conversation about something. Often I'll reach out and touch an arm or a hand. If it's a close friend and the conversation is intense, the touching also gets more intense. Usually, it's to make a point or to soften some words.

[Miss Scarlett]

For me, kissing anyone other than my partner on the lips is not something i'd do. Though a hug or kiss on the cheek is fine.

my parents were very affectionate towards each other but not to us kids. i have no memories of being held, loved or comforted when i was a child. So when they got older and started traveling it felt "creepy" to me when Mom wanted to kiss me good-bye at the airport and tell me "I love you."

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Originally Posted by grenade

This is just beautiful.

I'd carry tic tacs though.

LOL! I just spat my tea out everywhere! LOL! I've never been keen on family members who have smoked and still do when it comes to doing the Hongi. I do cringe a little and try not to breathe too deeply, lol! Anyone Hongi-ing (not a word) me gets a lovely whiff of ginger, lol!

[tantalizingfemme]

You know, it took me a long time to become comfortable hugging, let alone kissing people. Even though my aunt and uncle (mother's side) and father and paternal grandmother were affectionate with me, I would stiffen if someone hugged me, or hang to the back when everyone was saying goodbye. When I had my son, it was the first time I was able to freely show my affection. When Devon and his little friends would play, they would all seek a hug or a hand to hold on to on the spur of the moment. The openess in which they displayed affection whether it was with me or another adult was so sweet and innocent that I think it helped me become more open to affection from others.

I would have to say that I have become a much more affectionate person the older I get.

[tantalizingfemme]

Originally Posted by Miss Scarlett

when Mom wanted to kiss me good-bye at the airport and tell me "I love you."

Yes. Me too. My mother was not a warm person at all, but most of my experiences with her showing affection was always in public, especially in an airport in front of a lot of people. (I moved out when I was 17 and always have lived far from her)

I still get that tightness in my stomach when I think about it, because it always feels phony. (Plus she is always really loud, yelling my name when I am halfway to her.)

[RockOn]

*cracking up about Novelafemme's "grope them" comment*

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Originally Posted by pinkgeek

I'm mostly aclimatized to mainland culture and I forget on the islands how affectionate people are, even people who aren't close. I had to help my Mum and her ladies auxiliary with some stuff this morning and many of the ladies had not met me before. It was kisses and hugs from all the Aunties who have been "waiting forever to meet Beryl's daughter".

My Mum and I still Hongi and kiss both cheeks when I leave the island or come back. My queer family - we kiss, hug, snuggle and are very affectionate.

Excellent topic!!!

My first visit to the UK to study, I had a few unpleasant comments about why couldn’t I keep my hands to myself. It did hurt, then I learned to read the ‘signals’ and go from there. Going from one country to another with different attitudes to touching and being affectionate is stressful; especially when I felt almost straight Jacket-ed because being touchy-feely wasn’t the done thing.

When I meet anyone for the first time, I always take their hand and hold their arm, whilst smiling.

If I should meet any members here, the first thing I’d do after smiling at them, is open my arms for a hug. One of my partners and some dates have told me that I’m overly-affectionate….. They did admit that they weren’t that affectionate.

I’m very kinaesthetic and literally see the world through touch. If I don’t like someone, then I hate being touched be them and touching them.

[tantalizingfemme]

Originally Posted by Brock

*cracking up about Novelafemme's "grope them" comment*

I had to laugh at this too. When Devon was little, there were very few places that were off limits for tickling and kisses.(The groin area was, of course) He would get belly busters, tushy busters...

I remember the days when he wanted to marry me... lol. Now he just wants me to keep being his sugar momma.

[Sparkle]

Originally Posted by 1QuirkyKiwi

My first visit to the UK to study, I had a few unpleasant comments about why couldn’t I keep my hands to myself. It did hurt, then I learned to read the ‘signals’ and go from there. Going from one country to another with different attitudes to touching and being affectionate is stressful; especially when I felt almost straight Jacket-ed because being touchy-feely wasn’t the done thing.

I think it is fascinating how much our experiences can vary.

I am a very affectionate person (see previous wanton kissing post) BUT I am a bit shy when meeting new people and it takes me a little while to warm up & feel I know someone well enough to extend an affectionate gesture.

I was taken aback when I first moved to the UK to find that people were so affectionate with out really knowing me/having met me before - warm hugs & cheek kisses (instead of handshakes) were the normal introductory exchange and bigger hugs and enthusiastic cheek/lip kisses were the standard after that -- and it surprised me. Perhaps I was just adopted by a very affectionate group of people. I acclimated quite quickly, of course, but it was completely contrary to what I expected from the stereotypical stiff upper lip British reserve.

[Nurse Darlin]

Y girls are 15, 12, and 6. They all 3 kiss me on the lips with no hesitation. Many of my family member kiss me on the lips as well. I have few friends that do, but, maybe its because they don't know how I would feel about it. Who knows? I think its sweet and appropriate for someone you have a nice friendship of close family bond with. I hope my kids never get tired of kissing their Mommy!

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Originally Posted by Sparkle

I think it is fascinating how much our experiences can vary.

I am a very affectionate person (see previous wanton kissing post) BUT I am a bit shy when meeting new people and it takes me a little while to warm up & feel I know someone well enough to extend an affectionate gesture.

I was taken aback when I first moved to the UK to find that people were so affectionate with out really knowing me/having met me before - warm hugs & cheek kisses (instead of handshakes) were the normal introductory exchange and bigger hugs and enthusiastic cheek/lip kisses were the standard after that -- and it surprised me. Perhaps I was just adopted by a very affectionate group of people. I acclimated quite quickly, of course, but it was completely contrary to what I expected from the stereotypical stiff upper lip British reserve.

In my experience it depends where in the UK you are..... My first time here I was living in Richmond-Upon-Thames (very posh ara) as I was studying at Hampton Court Palace and there, people are very stiff upper lip and all that. When I moved to Windsor a few months later people were more open mainly due to all the tourists for the Castle.

I moved to Henley-on-Thames in Oxford (to get away from tourists) and got the stiff upper lip again, until the locals got know me. Scotland and East London and East Anglia people are more like Octopus's, lol!

[cinderella]

I'm afraid I have to disagree with you on this one, LS. Like you, I am of Hispanic descent, and to me - as well as the rest of my family - kissing on the mouth is something very intimate, and reserved for lovers.

I grew up with tons of affection, and I in turn am just as affectionately demonstrative. My immediate and extended family are very 'kissy-huggy'. We grew up that way. My mom was always showing her affection to us kids - she loved us to death - sometimes a bit too much, lol. We, all of my family members, never kissed on the lips - always on the cheek. I personally think the kissing on the lips is more an American custom. I always find it strange when I see family members kissing on the lips, and am never comfortable with it. I truly believe it to be a cultural thing.

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I kiss my cubs on the lips, cheek, hands or I still do a lil "muah" on their owies. Im affectionate with the cubs since when I was a kid there was no affection.

There are some friends I'd lip smooch with once again it's cultural a kiss on the mouth is not frowned upon or looked upon as anything other than a greeting, affection, salutations.


I know it's not often seen in American culture.