PTSD and Trauma recovery

[swagger]

Jet - well done and I wish you strength and love and compassion. I can relate to your process. Got my meds changed, am battling through that. It'll be ok.

[tuffboi29]

Hey all..

I have been rolling with flashbacks for..IDK..2 weeks now?

My EMDR therapy has been halted until I am in a better state of mind to handle it. Revelation after revelation have been battering away at me terribly.

I even ran into a friend that I've known since about fifth grade. I allowed myself to get a bit deep with her and admitted to the abusive relationship between my mother and myself. She looked at me and said the damned thing.

"Tuff..You have to remember that I was there and saw years of it. Why do you think I always dragged you to my house to spend the night? No matter how many times you said things were ok I was so scared for you."

Apparently I'm not as good at covering things up as I thought I was.

I'm doing much better at my new house. I have put enough distance between myself and my mother that she couldn't visit even if she had the address.

I hope everyone is doing..well..better than yesterday if yesterday sucked for you..and I wish everyone a good tomorrow.

Take care all..And remember..the worst part of this is the work it takes to get beyond it. There's always a reward for ones work. In our case the reward is peace. You are all in my prayers and thoughts.

[swagger]

Ergh flashbacks....hugs for you, tuff. Pretty awesome that your old friend tried to take care of you a little back then. And so good that your mother can't reach you! I haven't seen my stepfather in about 7 years and am so glad of that.

So my new meds cause insomnia for the first 10 days or so...I have seroquel to help me sleep and they help a bit. Of course, I'm moving house this coming week....bad timing.

[tuffboi29]

Just checking in. I hope everyone is doing ok this holiday season. I know how hard this time of year can be.

I'm doing really good since the last time I was in.

I'm starting to see a spark of my old self. The confident, happy-go-lucky me.
I even braved a little bit of Christmas shopping crowds. I still think I'll leave that one alone for a while.

Also, I have been flashback free for the past 4 days now. Just all around feeling great.

Take care everyone..ya'll are in my thoughts.

[girl_dee]

Flashbacks ... Don't like em

[Nat]

Ugh.

Triggered on top of triggered 3 days out now. A guy in my group of friends has been pushing my buttons since I met him last fall. I made the mistake of trying to explain to him things like not wanting him to touch me, like not wanting him to make sexual comments about me or to me, like not wanting to hear how hot 15 year olds are to him. His response was to post a photo from a friend's wedding - a picture where he had put his arm around me and where I look obviously uncomfortable along with the comment "look at this woman being touched." I felt so violated I wanted to climb out of my skin, but I forced myself to go to my best friend's birthday party the next night, knowing he would be there. I go between total blank to crying to wanting to die and I can't seem to climb out. Oh, and then there's shame and embarrassment and the fact that some of the mutual friends now think I'm princessy and crazy (let's face it - I probably am). I am not a threat to myself - I want to be clear about that - but I am in an emotional hell right now and I hope to crawl out from under it soon.

[Nat]

Doing much better this morning. Not exactly tip-top but much much much better.That was possibly the biggest reaction I've had to something and I am pretty sure it's because I kept trying to force things to be okay when they just weren't.

Anyway, thanks to the few of you who offered me words of comfort. I know it might seem silly but it meant a lot. You get so far out on a ledge sometimes, it's so helpful to remember human warmth and kindness are there.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Nat,

You touched on something that I question all the time...human kindness and warmth. In a way it eludes me because I am different. I always try to be kind to others, and live by my spirituality (both Buddist and Catholic principles). Time after time people let me down. Or I have people who make promises to me, including family members, who disappoint me. I try to make peace with it, and move on. Yes, it still hurts. But what else is there to do? It is a major trust issue for me now. And I guess it always will be. But again, what else is there to do with this? How do you move bast that trust issue?

Flashbacks suck. I hate them. Sometimes they trigger me into having seizures. It is just one thing after another.

Thanks.

Andrew

[Nat]

Andrew -

I don't have any answers or solutions. Life can be very hard and especially in times of trouble it can be very lonely. Even when a person is lucky enough to have people in life who are loving and supportive, sometimes it's hard to see or appreciate because it cannot always meet our needs. I think the most difficult struggles and the most powerful anguish are usually and necessarily faced alone, even with supportive others on the sidelines. Also, even the most supportive people burn out. I think really music has been one of the best comforts to me - music and time to recover when possible. I heard recently that small doses of morphine following a traumatic experience can prevent the development of PTSD but I haven't read anything too hopeful regarding any permanent fix once it's set in.

What is it Wesley said in the princess bride? "Life IS pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."

I pretty much agree, though I think there are moments of beauty and meaning which are worth living through the painful bits for.

(((you)))

Natalie

[Andrew, Jr.]

Nat,

Can't take morphine. I am allergic. Anyway, I need to watch all the meds I take being Diabetic.

I am not sure if anyone saw Dr. Phil on TV today. It was on suicide. They had on Thomas Joyner, PhD, who is well known for his research on the topic. But what got to me was that the documentary film "The Bridge" was also discussed. It film is about San Fran's Golden Gate Bridge that takes more lives every day, and how some film crew just sat and videotaped them all for a month or so. I cannot believe someone did that.

[Turtle]

Life is stranger than fiction. And there was lots of discussion about the film. I'm sure you could google some articles. I don't remember, but they may have used the footage from the cameras that are always on the bridge.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Turtle,

I was just really surprised that it was shown on TV. I have no idea of how that footage was even allowed on network TV with all the rules and regs that the fcc has now.

I have been in S.F. a few times, and only once drove over that bridge. It was a nightmare during rush hour. You are right about the cameras. They are just about everywhere. I remember that part of the bridge. I just never noticed the side where the people are at. But then again, I was the one driving.

[Turtle]

I don't know if you will find this interesting, but I remembered while reading your post - the people always jump off the bridge toward the city, not toward the ocean. Any which way, it's tragic...

[Andrew, Jr.]

I didn't know that. Interesting. It is as if they are hoping for something or someone to stop them. It is horrible.

[friskyfemme]

Originally Posted by Nat

Ugh.

Triggered on top of triggered 3 days out now. A guy in my group of friends has been pushing my buttons since I met him last fall. I made the mistake of trying to explain to him things like not wanting him to touch me, like not wanting him to make sexual comments about me or to me, like not wanting to hear how hot 15 year olds are to him. His response was to post a photo from a friend's wedding - a picture where he had put his arm around me and where I look obviously uncomfortable along with the comment "look at this woman being touched." I felt so violated I wanted to climb out of my skin, but I forced myself to go to my best friend's birthday party the next night, knowing he would be there. I go between total blank to crying to wanting to die and I can't seem to climb out. Oh, and then there's shame and embarrassment and the fact that some of the mutual friends now think I'm princessy and crazy (let's face it - I probably am). I am not a threat to myself - I want to be clear about that - but I am in an emotional hell right now and I hope to crawl out from under it soon.

(((Nat)))

I certainly relate to ur situation here. Ya know sometimes you just have o be point blank with some people. It is not a reflection on you! It is definitely a flaw in the other individual that he is so disrespectful. I generally am diplomatic and kind when I relay some sensitive info. But, there is a time for an outright 'no holds barred'... get ur filthy hands off of me or I will have to scream it! (and I have!) It stopped!

NO ON HAS THE RIGHT TO VIOLATE YOU! Stand up to this jerk! I know you can!

Wrapping you ribbons of purple energy for strength and justice. Love you Nat

[Apocalipstic]

Thank you all for being here and posting.

I have had a major upheaval in my life and my PTSD is acting up. I am so anxions today I could shatter into a million bits....though in other ways I feel stronger than I ever have.

So very anxious!

I could totally use a morphine drip! lol

[Apocalipstic]

Today is a bit better. I am looking at houses and moving soon and still have a lot of coping to face. I fear I will be keyed up till I get moved and settled.

Trying to focus on the good in my life and remaining calm no matter what.

I want to kick PTSD.

[Apocalipstic]

I broke out in hives all over and had to go to ther doc. Probably nerves. Need to find a place and move asap and try to get things as normal as I can.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Thank you all for being here and posting.

I have had a major upheaval in my life and my PTSD is acting up. I am so anxions today I could shatter into a million bits....though in other ways I feel stronger than I ever have.

So very anxious!

I could totally use a morphine drip! lol

Hang in there ((((( you )))))

[Soft*Silver]

I know I am not a frequent flyer in here but I am a lurker...and I dropped down to say my hand is upon your back for comfort, dear one...breathe....there are many of us who ride the waves of PTSD and shatter our boats upon rocky shores....but those shores also reach grassy lines and smoother land...places you have also been before. Get there too...

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I broke out in hives all over and had to go to ther doc. Probably nerves. Need to find a place and move asap and try to get things as normal as I can.