What Cracked You Up Today? - Page 42

jac · 03-20-2013, 05:55 PM

I got another for you....
Not sure the jest of the conversation but I have an idea where this stemmed from....

a response from one kid to another - "it's kinda like a mo-ped, it's a fun ride till your friends find out!"

Oy!!

Miss Scarlett · 03-21-2013, 04:37 AM

A whispered answer...

Cid · 03-21-2013, 09:31 AM

Steve Harvey was on Ellen this morning and he was talking about a family they had on Family Feud. The question....name a word that begins with pork...answer...cupine. That cracked me up.
His sister said (what Steve thought was..) lawn. He says lawn? As in your front lawn? She says...no, lawn (loin) then spelled it L I O N!
Funny shit.

ruffryder · 03-22-2013, 03:44 PM

this week at work. . co-workers.

watching pranks on youtube and discussing how we should do security pranks after messing with some associates.

scoring a bunch of snacks and monster drinks after an event closing, everyone raiding it!

haha! fun times at work, have to stay full of laughter when it's not time to be serious.

this >>>

LOL!

Kobi · 03-22-2013, 04:22 PM

CINCINNATI - Authorities in still-frigid Ohio have issued an "indictment" of the furry rodent, who predicted an early spring when he didn't see his shadow after emerging from his western Pennsylvania lair on Feb. 2.

"Punxsutawney Phil did purposely, and with prior calculation and design, cause the people to believe that spring would come early," Mike Gmoser, the prosecutor in southwestern Ohio's Butler County, wrote in an official-looking indictment.

Gmoser wrote that Punxsutawney Phil is charged with misrepresentation of spring, which constitutes a felony "against the peace and dignity of the state of Ohio."

The penalty Phil faces? Gmoser says — tongue firmly in cheek — is death.

Punxsutawney Phil does not have a listed phone number.

Bill Deeley, president of the Punxsutawney club that organizes Groundhog Day, said Phil has a lawyer and would fight any extradition attempt by Ohio authorities.

Deeley defended his fur-bearing associate and said the death penalty was "very harsh" given the nature of the allegations.

"We'll have to plead our case one way or the other, but I think we can beat the rap," Deeley said.

The vitriolic backlash on social media to Phil's dead-wrong prognostication has not gone unnoticed in and around Gobbler's Knob, Deeley said, and special security precautions were in place.

"Right next to where Phil stays is the police station," he said. "They've been notified and they said they will keep watching their monitors."

Winter has been dragging on in the Buckeye State and surrounding areas, with daily high temperatures this week hovering in the mid-30s and no end in sight for about 10 days, said Don Hughes, a meteorologist with the National Weather Service in Wilmington, Ohio.

A storm moving into the region Sunday could bring between 4 and 8 inches of snow, he said.

"It's taking too long," Hughes said, adding that he's hearing plenty of complaints from colleagues and neighbors about the late spring. "Most people I've talked to say they've had enough. They want spring. They're looking for colors and sunshine and Easter lilies."

The frigid temperatures and snow might be particularly hard to swallow after last spring, when the U.S. saw the warmest March in recorded history. Highs in the Cincinnati area, for instance, were well into the 80s.

Hughes said this spring isn't nearly the coldest on record but that the area is about 5 degrees below normal.

Gmoser's indictment made no mention of a possible co-conspirator in the false prediction of early spring, Ohio's own forecasting groundhog, Buckeye Chuck.

Chuck also failed to see his shadow when he emerged from his burrow on Feb. 2 in Marion in north-central Ohio.

--------------

I'm thinking the insanity defense might work in this one. Just not sure which side should use it.

BowtiePrincess · 03-22-2013, 04:48 PM

Being told Im not a country girl ! LOL

deb_U_taunt · 03-22-2013, 08:56 PM

My 4 yr old nephew twice this week.

Yesterday, my mom gave him a jar for bugs yesterday. He had a couple worms and a potato bug last time I saw it. We found the EMPTY jar this morning in the clothes hamper. No idea where the bugs are.

Today, he came out of the bathroom saying he was taking a crap and had cut his penis off. My niece (his mom) asked him if she could see it. He told her 'no, I just need to walk it off' and started walking laps around the island in the kitchen.

I LOVE THIS KID

StrongButch · 03-25-2013, 06:52 AM

My friend stopped by on her way to work said: Your on layaway! WTF (lol)

jac · 03-26-2013, 06:49 PM

Here we go again.....

kid: what's for dinner?
staff: ummmm I think..... well, not sure.
me:chicken burger. or maybe it was turkey burger.
kid: wtf?
me:it's some kind of fowl (foul) burger!! Now go eat...

I love a good play on words!!

jac · 03-27-2013, 05:33 AM

My girl and I texting this morning.......................

She was telling me something about work...
I responded with: "Then stay on that ass and make her accountable for her position!"
She replied with: "Ooh that sounds dirty."

Rereading that, it does sound dirty!! Lmao!!

lusciouskiwi · 03-27-2013, 07:54 AM

jac · 03-30-2013, 09:18 AM

It's a Juji story................

me: so where are you from?
juji: my mommy right?
me: well yeh but where were you born?
juji: i wasn't born.
me: what? were you hatched from an egg?
juji: noooooo i just am.
me: let's try this again. i was born in florida. mommy was born in mississippi. so where were you born?
juji: in maine bub (short for boobeh but also how mainers speak)
me: does this mean you're a mainer?
juji: yessah, i'm a mainah bub!

I know my daughter has issues with not hearing the "r".

I, on the other hand love how he sounds!!

Gemme · 03-30-2013, 09:21 PM

juji: noooooo i just am.

The kid's got something there.

bkisbutchenuff · 03-30-2013, 10:21 PM

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...followed by....I know you can, I know you can, I know you can....LMBO!

Blade · 03-31-2013, 10:32 AM

While at the auction Friday night I had to use the restroom. I went in did my thing and turned around to flush the toilet and said damn that looks like my bluetooth in the toilet. Without thinking WOOOSH my hand went straight down in the toilet to retrieve my "priceless" electronic. As I brought it up, I was thinking well at least it wasn't poop, in the water...EWWWWW it was pee. And how stupid is that you know it won't work now that it has been in water.

I washed my hands, dried off the bluetooth, stuck it in my ear and turned it on. OMG it still worked and has worked just fine since then. Then I cracked up laughing. A $20 bluetooth was worth so much to me that without even thinking I stuck my hand in toilet water, hopefully with only my pee in it to get my bluetooth out.

I don't know where the bluetooth fell from. I had left my phone in the truck, and don't remember if I put the device in my coat pocket or if it was still in my ear. At any rate, you can rest assured I don't carry it around in my mouth by the hook on the earpiece anymore.

On a side note, it is hard to find a bluetooth that fits my ear and that I can hear well. World of Wally doesn't carry this model anymore.

Kenna · 03-31-2013, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blade

While at the auction Friday night I had to use the restroom. I went in did my thing and turned around to flush the toilet and said damn that looks like my bluetooth in the toilet. Without thinking WOOOSH my hand went straight down in the toilet to retrieve my "priceless" electronic. As I brought it up, I was thinking well at least it wasn't poop, in the water...EWWWWW it was pee. And how stupid is that you know it won't work now that it has been in water.

I washed my hands, dried off the bluetooth, stuck it in my ear and turned it on
.....

good thing your auction buddy keeps a little bottle of hand sanitizer...what cracked me up is you found me and proceeded to tell your story in an excited voice right in the midst of a huge crowd..I think when they heard you say you had put your hand in the toilet ...the crowd parted like Moses parted the sea!

deb_U_taunt · 04-02-2013, 05:04 PM

My nephews bought my mom an octopus splash and spray for her 71st birthday LOL

jac · 04-02-2013, 05:12 PM

I've been referring to the kids as Ma'am and Sir for the past couple of week... or Miss and Mr. Today I was talking to one guy and said something ending it with Sir... and three other guys responded!!

A little respect goes a long way... they're learning!

StrongButch · 04-03-2013, 05:28 AM

My cat and as I call it her cat-attitde! Im hoping im not the only one with a strange pet! (lol)

Teddybear · 04-03-2013, 06:46 AM

It wasn't today but yesterday

I was in NH and passed a self storage place and the sign out front read " hoarders welcomed here" that was funny in itself then I read the name of the place its call "why self storage". I Damm near lost my drink

03-21-2013, 09:31 AM	#823
Cid Member How Do You Identify?: ultra femme princess Preferred Pronoun?: she, lady..whichever Relationship Status: waiting for the right one Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Don't follow me, I'm lost. Posts: 807 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,627 Thanked 2,731 Times in 632 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Steve Harvey was on Ellen this morning and he was talking about a family they had on Family Feud. The question....name a word that begins with pork...answer...cupine. That cracked me up. His sister said (what Steve thought was..) lawn. He says lawn? As in your front lawn? She says...no, lawn (loin) then spelled it L I O N! Funny shit. __________________ Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

03-22-2013, 04:22 PM	#825
Kobi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Biological female. Lesbian. Relationship Status: Happy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Hanging out in the Atlantic. Posts: 9,234 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,840 Thanked 34,630 Times in 7,640 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	Punxsutawney Phil 'indicted' over spring forecast CINCINNATI - Authorities in still-frigid Ohio have issued an "indictment" of the furry rodent, who predicted an early spring when he didn't see his shadow after emerging from his western Pennsylvania lair on Feb. 2. "Punxsutawney Phil did purposely, and with prior calculation and design, cause the people to believe that spring would come early," Mike Gmoser, the prosecutor in southwestern Ohio's Butler County, wrote in an official-looking indictment. Gmoser wrote that Punxsutawney Phil is charged with misrepresentation of spring, which constitutes a felony "against the peace and dignity of the state of Ohio." The penalty Phil faces? Gmoser says — tongue firmly in cheek — is death. Punxsutawney Phil does not have a listed phone number. Bill Deeley, president of the Punxsutawney club that organizes Groundhog Day, said Phil has a lawyer and would fight any extradition attempt by Ohio authorities. Deeley defended his fur-bearing associate and said the death penalty was "very harsh" given the nature of the allegations. "We'll have to plead our case one way or the other, but I think we can beat the rap," Deeley said. The vitriolic backlash on social media to Phil's dead-wrong prognostication has not gone unnoticed in and around Gobbler's Knob, Deeley said, and special security precautions were in place. "Right next to where Phil stays is the police station," he said. "They've been notified and they said they will keep watching their monitors." Winter has been dragging on in the Buckeye State and surrounding areas, with daily high temperatures this week hovering in the mid-30s and no end in sight for about 10 days, said Don Hughes, a meteorologist with the National Weather Service in Wilmington, Ohio. A storm moving into the region Sunday could bring between 4 and 8 inches of snow, he said. "It's taking too long," Hughes said, adding that he's hearing plenty of complaints from colleagues and neighbors about the late spring. "Most people I've talked to say they've had enough. They want spring. They're looking for colors and sunshine and Easter lilies." The frigid temperatures and snow might be particularly hard to swallow after last spring, when the U.S. saw the warmest March in recorded history. Highs in the Cincinnati area, for instance, were well into the 80s. Hughes said this spring isn't nearly the coldest on record but that the area is about 5 degrees below normal. Gmoser's indictment made no mention of a possible co-conspirator in the false prediction of early spring, Ohio's own forecasting groundhog, Buckeye Chuck. Chuck also failed to see his shadow when he emerged from his burrow on Feb. 2 in Marion in north-central Ohio. -------------- I'm thinking the insanity defense might work in this one. Just not sure which side should use it. __________________

03-25-2013, 06:52 AM	#828
StrongButch Member How Do You Identify?: I see the world thru a lens Preferred Pronoun?: Yes Boss Relationship Status: Chillin out with awesome women Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: San Francisco Posts: 1,376 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,018 Thanked 4,183 Times in 1,180 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Cracked me up My friend stopped by on her way to work said: Your on layaway! WTF (lol) __________________ Life is like music,so it can be played in many different styles.

03-27-2013, 07:54 AM	#831
lusciouskiwi Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme lesbian feminist Preferred Pronoun?: Anything except for "aunty" Relationship Status: Happy with my butch. Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Aotearoa New Zealand Posts: 2,681 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 25,494 Thanked 9,096 Times in 1,899 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	__________________ happiness is a form of courage. George Holbrook Jackson Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth. Katherine Mansfield Motivate yourself or be miserable. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice. Wayne Dyer

03-30-2013, 09:18 AM	#832
jac Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: butch stone Preferred Pronoun?: masculine ones work best... Relationship Status: ♥ engaged to spritz ♥ Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: bangor, maine Posts: 3,344 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,720 Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts Rep Power: 0	It's a Juji story................ me: so where are you from? juji: my mommy right? me: well yeh but where were you born? juji: i wasn't born. me: what? were you hatched from an egg? juji: noooooo i just am. me: let's try this again. i was born in florida. mommy was born in mississippi. so where were you born? juji: in maine bub (short for boobeh but also how mainers speak) me: does this mean you're a mainer? juji: yessah, i'm a mainah bub! I know my daughter has issues with not hearing the "r". I, on the other hand love how he sounds!! Last edited by jac; 03-30-2013 at 09:24 AM.

03-20-2013, 05:55 PM	#821
jac Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: butch stone Preferred Pronoun?: masculine ones work best... Relationship Status: ♥ engaged to spritz ♥ Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: bangor, maine Posts: 3,344 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,720 Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts Rep Power: 0	I got another for you.... Not sure the jest of the conversation but I have an idea where this stemmed from.... a response from one kid to another - "it's kinda like a mo-ped, it's a fun ride till your friends find out!" Oy!!

03-21-2013, 04:37 AM	#822
Miss Scarlett Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: . Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: . Posts: 5,530 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,478 Thanked 12,947 Times in 3,419 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	A whispered answer...

03-22-2013, 03:44 PM	#824
ruffryder Senior Member How Do You Identify?: FTM Preferred Pronoun?: guy ones Relationship Status: ... Join Date: May 2011 Location: chillin' in FL Posts: 3,690 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,951 Thanked 9,679 Times in 2,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	this week at work. . co-workers. watching pranks on youtube and discussing how we should do security pranks after messing with some associates. scoring a bunch of snacks and monster drinks after an event closing, everyone raiding it! haha! fun times at work, have to stay full of laughter when it's not time to be serious. this >>> LOL!

03-22-2013, 04:48 PM	#826
BowtiePrincess Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Happily taken Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: One red light, TN Posts: 219 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 565 Thanked 522 Times in 140 Posts Rep Power: 9425364	Being told Im not a country girl ! LOL

03-22-2013, 08:56 PM	#827
deb_U_taunt Senior Member How Do You Identify?: ........ Join Date: May 2011 Location: ....... Posts: 1,748 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,324 Thanked 5,255 Times in 1,361 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	My 4 yr old nephew twice this week. Yesterday, my mom gave him a jar for bugs yesterday. He had a couple worms and a potato bug last time I saw it. We found the EMPTY jar this morning in the clothes hamper. No idea where the bugs are. Today, he came out of the bathroom saying he was taking a crap and had cut his penis off. My niece (his mom) asked him if she could see it. He told her 'no, I just need to walk it off' and started walking laps around the island in the kitchen. I LOVE THIS KID

03-26-2013, 06:49 PM	#829
jac Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: butch stone Preferred Pronoun?: masculine ones work best... Relationship Status: ♥ engaged to spritz ♥ Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: bangor, maine Posts: 3,344 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,720 Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts Rep Power: 0	Here we go again..... kid: what's for dinner? staff: ummmm I think..... well, not sure. me:chicken burger. or maybe it was turkey burger. kid: wtf? me:it's some kind of fowl (foul) burger!! Now go eat... I love a good play on words!!

03-27-2013, 05:33 AM	#830
jac Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: butch stone Preferred Pronoun?: masculine ones work best... Relationship Status: ♥ engaged to spritz ♥ Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: bangor, maine Posts: 3,344 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,720 Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts Rep Power: 0	My girl and I texting this morning....................... She was telling me something about work... I responded with: "Then stay on that ass and make her accountable for her position!" She replied with: "Ooh that sounds dirty." Rereading that, it does sound dirty!! Lmao!!

03-30-2013, 09:21 PM	#833
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,631 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,498 Thanked 107,945 Times in 25,668 Posts Rep Power: 21474888	juji: noooooo i just am. The kid's got something there. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

03-30-2013, 10:21 PM	#834
bkisbutchenuff PPoA - Southern Gentle Butch How Do You Identify?: BOI/Butch/Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, he, him, handsome, Daddy Relationship Status: Single. 😉 Join Date: May 2011 Location: GA Posts: 2,398 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 14,071 Thanked 10,845 Times in 2,247 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...followed by....I know you can, I know you can, I know you can....LMBO! __________________ BK "We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." Randy Pausch.

03-31-2013, 10:32 AM	#835
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,855 Thanked 14,413 Times in 4,058 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	While at the auction Friday night I had to use the restroom. I went in did my thing and turned around to flush the toilet and said damn that looks like my bluetooth in the toilet. Without thinking WOOOSH my hand went straight down in the toilet to retrieve my "priceless" electronic. As I brought it up, I was thinking well at least it wasn't poop, in the water...EWWWWW it was pee. And how stupid is that you know it won't work now that it has been in water. I washed my hands, dried off the bluetooth, stuck it in my ear and turned it on. OMG it still worked and has worked just fine since then. Then I cracked up laughing. A $20 bluetooth was worth so much to me that without even thinking I stuck my hand in toilet water, hopefully with only my pee in it to get my bluetooth out. I don't know where the bluetooth fell from. I had left my phone in the truck, and don't remember if I put the device in my coat pocket or if it was still in my ear. At any rate, you can rest assured I don't carry it around in my mouth by the hook on the earpiece anymore. On a side note, it is hard to find a bluetooth that fits my ear and that I can hear well. World of Wally doesn't carry this model anymore. __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

04-02-2013, 05:04 PM	#837
deb_U_taunt Senior Member How Do You Identify?: ........ Join Date: May 2011 Location: ....... Posts: 1,748 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,324 Thanked 5,255 Times in 1,361 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	My nephews bought my mom an octopus splash and spray for her 71st birthday LOL

04-02-2013, 05:12 PM	#838
jac Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: butch stone Preferred Pronoun?: masculine ones work best... Relationship Status: ♥ engaged to spritz ♥ Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: bangor, maine Posts: 3,344 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,720 Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts Rep Power: 0	I've been referring to the kids as Ma'am and Sir for the past couple of week... or Miss and Mr. Today I was talking to one guy and said something ending it with Sir... and three other guys responded!! A little respect goes a long way... they're learning!

04-03-2013, 05:28 AM	#839
StrongButch Member How Do You Identify?: I see the world thru a lens Preferred Pronoun?: Yes Boss Relationship Status: Chillin out with awesome women Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: San Francisco Posts: 1,376 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,018 Thanked 4,183 Times in 1,180 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Cracked My cat and as I call it her cat-attitde! Im hoping im not the only one with a strange pet! (lol) __________________ Life is like music,so it can be played in many different styles.

04-03-2013, 06:46 AM	#840
Teddybear Senior Member How Do You Identify?: by my name Preferred Pronoun?: He, him Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Here there everywhere. Posts: 2,097 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,620 Thanked 6,233 Times in 1,687 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	It wasn't today but yesterday I was in NH and passed a self storage place and the sign out front read " hoarders welcomed here" that was funny in itself then I read the name of the place its call "why self storage". I Damm near lost my drink