05-07-2011, 11:15 PM | #81 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Stone butch, daddy type Relationship Status:
sylvie calls me her studmuffin Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: OR
Posts: 691
Thanks: 2,005
Thanked 3,834 Times in 617 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
I lost my beautiful, amazing, oldest daughter this past July to ovarian cancer, 2 days short of her 32nd birthday. I have been in major denial about it being Mother's Day, so much so that I failed to plan a Mother's Day Special for the little restaurant I run, oops. I was a "step-parent", but she was "mine". After she got sick, was when she started calling me "Ma". Sweetest word I ever heard. I would like tomorrow to pass quickly, please and thank you. I also recently had to send my mother to go live with my brother, after caring for her for over 20 years. Her dementia is progressing rapidly and I just couldn't keep her safe with me anymore, and unfortunately the transition is not going well on that front, my brother tells me she cries for me. I am grateful for the loving understanding people I have in my life (love you Syl) that are gonna let me take a pass on the day. Hugs around to all that feel pain on this day... and squeeze them (Mothers and children) if you can! PEACE
__________________
If you don't sleep in my bed, or sign my paycheck, your opinion probably does not matter to me...
|
The Following 17 Users Say Thank You to Mtn For This Useful Post: |
05-07-2011, 11:52 PM | #82 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Neither, nada, out of the box Preferred Pronoun?:
My name always works Relationship Status:
Happy whatever happens Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Little Rock
Posts: 1,827
Thanks: 2,021
Thanked 7,270 Times in 1,422 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
I always get weird and weepy around this time. My mother died April 28, 1996-yeah, two weeks before Mother's Day, and on her birthday to boot. She had cancer; one month from discovery to death. It was the nasty one that got Michael Landon and Patrick Swazey-pancreatic. I miss her a lot, and I can't tell you how many times I used to go to the phone to call her, before I'd remember. I did that for nearly a year.
She and my dad are both buried in Ohio, so I can't get back up there to "see" them. My daughter is 12 and it still feels weird when the kids take me out. I have to remember that I'm "the mom" now. Their dad's mom is only in her early 60's, so we'll be calling Grandma, too. Sometimes I feel almost jealous that my kids' dad has both his parents and both his siblings, and I don't have any, plus I've lost two brothers. Irrational, but it's how I feel. I'm already dreading Father's Day. My dad went almost the same way-throat cancer, two weeks from discovery to death! He was 92, and very ready, I think. He lived in Oregon, and I'm glad I got to see him before the cancer, when he was "with it" and able to get around. At least we had that last good visit. Goodness, sorry for rambling!
__________________
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck
|
05-08-2011, 04:20 PM | #83 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
femme Preferred Pronoun?:
she Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 844
Thanks: 1,904
Thanked 1,243 Times in 461 Posts
Rep Power: 5731586 |
Almost over... dinner done... mom watching the news. Just a few more hours and the day is done.
|
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to ruthie14 For This Useful Post: |
05-08-2011, 09:02 PM | #84 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
femme Preferred Pronoun?:
she Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 844
Thanks: 1,904
Thanked 1,243 Times in 461 Posts
Rep Power: 5731586 |
Well friends, I'm off to bed. This day has finished for me. It wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be.. which is good. No phone/text/email message from my former stepkids. They are grown and make thier own choices. I am not one of them. No way to adopt a child with my life the way it is. No way to really change it, so there it is. My annual whine! The one day a year I allow myself to feel really shitty, really angry, really sad and really empty. I can only allow them this day... for I need to be about the task of living day to day, and allow the positives of THOSE days, push out the negatives of this one.
I would wish that this day could be good for everyone, but since it isn't, I thank all those who have posted this year and last. For being part of each other's journey to healing and hope. For allowing each other the time and place to be mournful,sad and angry... and also to be encouraged, supported, and understood. Blessings to you all, Ruthie |
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to ruthie14 For This Useful Post: |
05-09-2011, 08:48 AM | #85 |
Family Man
How Do You Identify?:
TG Male Preferred Pronoun?:
Masculine ones Relationship Status:
She just gets me Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: .....
Posts: 2,828
Thanks: 2,997
Thanked 12,786 Times in 2,431 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853 |
Well Abigail called to sing happy mothers day to me and make me laugh.. I also got some very sweet texts from the guys at work and a hug and flower from my 1stSGT when we signed in at drill. Desd took me to dinner on the way home and I had a wonderful talk with Jenn my step- mom on the way home. I tried in my rater clumsy way to express to her what she means to me Bu I think she gets it.. when she and my Dad come for the wedding we are going to see skyler so I can show her the four legged grandchild..
__________________
This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of will Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain And a hundred percent reason to remember the name! Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it. |
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Bard For This Useful Post: |
05-09-2011, 09:11 AM | #86 |
Pink Confection
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status:
Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Nashville
Posts: 4,266
Thanks: 17,195
Thanked 11,380 Times in 2,839 Posts
Rep Power: 21474855 |
Well, we made it another year!
Love to all of us! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoox
__________________
|
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Apocalipstic For This Useful Post: |
05-10-2012, 08:14 PM | #87 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
femme Preferred Pronoun?:
she Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 844
Thanks: 1,904
Thanked 1,243 Times in 461 Posts
Rep Power: 5731586 |
Feeling the need to bump this thread. Mother's day is upon us. I am blue, weepy and edgy. Trying to keep the positives in mind and the negatives in perspective. I know it will be better next week... but right now.. not so much. It just never seems to get easier.
Post your feelings, rant and rage. This is the place to get support. My wish is that some of us are having an easier time of it this year. If not, know you have my ear and my heart is with you. Ruthie |
05-10-2012, 08:20 PM | #88 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
femme Preferred Pronoun?:
she, her Relationship Status:
single Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: California
Posts: 686
Thanks: 3,502
Thanked 1,973 Times in 546 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
Thanks. It is not a great day. She died 20plus years ago and there were mixed emotions there, though I did love her. I don't like Mothers day and sometimes other holidays too much and try to shut them out mentally every year as they pass. For those who recently lost their mothers, it does get better, but I think it never goes away.
__________________
Dont be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth. ~Rumi |
05-10-2012, 08:50 PM | #89 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
stone butch Preferred Pronoun?:
makes no diffrence,I know who I am. Relationship Status:
single,maybe looking if the right person comes along. Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: shreveport,Louisiana
Posts: 4,907
Thanks: 4,682
Thanked 14,937 Times in 3,937 Posts
Rep Power: 21474855 |
Mothers day was always about my mom and grandma,just like fathers day was about my grandpa.When I had kids I really never felt it was a day for me and it was ok.Both my grannie and mom are gone now so I do think of them on this day.My son takes me out to lunch or dinner or not but always gives me a hug and love you mom on this day(he dose this every day any how).Nither of us are scrooges, its just not that big a day for me.
|
05-12-2012, 12:09 PM | #90 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
femme Preferred Pronoun?:
she Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 844
Thanks: 1,904
Thanked 1,243 Times in 461 Posts
Rep Power: 5731586 |
Having a hard time. One of my good friends daughter had a baby last weekend and her other daughter is due this week. Another friend had a grandbaby born last week as well. Getting hard. Went out to get myself out of the house. I went to he farm market that I love. Bought some wonderful lemon/rosemary soap called bliss... all natural etc. Visited with 2 friends. Home and going to have some lunch and clean out my trunk. Party tonight. Tomorrow is going to be rough but at least I have things to keep my mind occupied for today.
|
05-12-2012, 12:57 PM | #91 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?:
she, her, little one Relationship Status:
dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: dallas, tx
Posts: 1,495
Thanks: 13,823
Thanked 6,443 Times in 1,288 Posts
Rep Power: 21474850 |
my mom passed away six years ago (my dad also). most years the birthdays and deathiversaries are the worst. mother's day and father's day aren't quite so bad if i can pretend they're not happening. i can't have children and i'm deeply conflicted about wanting to be a mother, which makes this day difficult, too.
i honestly would rather just ignore mother's day altogether because emotionally it's easier for me that way, and it makes the day less painful. but i feel bad because it makes me not so conscientious about doing nice things for the other mothers in my life - my sister and my friend's mom, who has kind of become like my second mom. |
05-12-2012, 02:52 PM | #92 |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Relationship Status:
. Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: .
Posts: 5,530
Thanks: 4,478
Thanked 12,948 Times in 3,419 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
Yesterday i was telling Clay how much i missed my Mom and that i wasn't going to post in this thread this year...but i changed my mind. Instead of posting how much i miss her i want to post some of the fun things about her...
One year my baby brother gave her a copy of "More Dirty Jokes" by Mr. J for Mother's Day...i think he was about 13 at the time...Mom loved it! Only my family...lol When we were in high school my big brother had the most infamous and extensive porno mag (Mom only allowed Playboy, Oui and Penthouse - all others were forbidden and he complied) collection in the neighborhood - Mom and i would about every week or so retrieve the collection and read them together...commenting about the articles & photos, laughing at the cartoons... When my middle brother was playing American Legion baseball i found a pouch of chewing tobacco in his uniform when i was doing laundry...naturally it led to a discussion with Mom and some experimentation by the two of us...it was nasty...LOL When Mom said she'd always wanted to try my baby brother and i were more than happy make sure she did...it was so funny...especially when Dad came home from work and caught us but he didn't find it nearly as funny as we did...LOL We'd have really bizarre "what if" conversations...like "What if people had tails? What would be the etiquette?" If one of us saw something really crazy on TV or in the paper we'd call the other to say "OMG quick put on channel ___ " or "Look at page __ in the ____ section of the paper!" The awesome day we spent together the day before her law school graduation that began with us taking a Trailways bus from Charlotte to Durham and ended with a pizza and champagne celebration at her apartment...she was (as am i) convinced she tipped the Dominos dude $50 that night...LOL When i was growing up Mom said if we wanted to smoke or drink do it at home so she knew where we were and didn't worry about us...She was a pretty amazing parent - giving us freedom that our friends' parents did not give them...her philosophy was if the parents made it ok the lure of rebellion or secrecy was gone...fortunately for her it worked. She encouraged us to be free spirits...to march in our own parade rather than in lock step with the world...So it was really funny when i came out to my parents and reminded her of this...her response cracked us both up..."I didn't expect you would listen!"...LOL So this Mother's Day i am not mourning my loss. Rather i am celebrating the incredible woman who helped make me the person i am today...and Clay, Honey, now you know who is to blame...LOL Happy Mother's Day Mom and thank you! |
05-13-2012, 04:48 PM | #93 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
femme Preferred Pronoun?:
she Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 844
Thanks: 1,904
Thanked 1,243 Times in 461 Posts
Rep Power: 5731586 |
Almost over... took mom out for dinner and that was lovely. Still having a hard time. My friends 2nd grandbaby of the week was born today.. a girl. I have to say I don't know which is harder, when my friends were having babies, or now that they are having grandbabies. I have not heard a word from my former stepchildren... didn't really expect to ... but I always have a tiny morsel of hope that maybe they will. Why I don't know. I wonder if they even think of me on days like today. Will let myself have a good cry after mom goes to bed. Don't want to upset her. She knows it's hard, but that would just be too much. Wish I had some vodka in the house. lol oh well, it is what it is.
|
05-13-2012, 06:31 PM | #94 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
Woman Relationship Status:
In recovery. Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Oregon
Posts: 632
Thanks: 3,518
Thanked 1,955 Times in 496 Posts
Rep Power: 21474849 |
(((( HUGSSS )))) to you all...
When I was 7, my mom bailed. She was and still is a miserable human being, and I hate feeling obligated to call her. So this year I didn't.
__________________
Squint your eyes and look closer. I'm not between you and your ambitions. I am a poster girl with no poster. I am thirty-two flavors and then some. And I'm beyond your peripheral vision, so you might want to turn your head~Ani I want to think again of dangerous and noble things; I want to be light and frolicsome; I want to be improbable, beautiful and afraid of nothing as if I had wings Mary Oliver
|
05-13-2012, 06:44 PM | #95 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
stonefemme Relationship Status:
single Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: near Vancouver, B.C. Canada
Posts: 592
Thanks: 2,649
Thanked 1,279 Times in 357 Posts
Rep Power: 17783435 |
Missing Mom
This is the first Mother's Day without my mother. She passed away last July 30, and I have missed her every day. I wanted to call her today and tell her how sorry I was for not listening to her stories more, for not calling more, for not sharing the special moments of my life with her.
But, I have rallied, and have decided to have a little section in the garden of the new house that will represent what she loved. Flowers and figurines. I look out at a beautiful two toned liliac tree. I am going to fix the area underneath so that every time I am outside, she will feel closer. Where she is buried is too far for me to drive to every time I want to give her some special talk time. My own children? Oh, daughter came by with a card and a quick hug, and my son breezed in, gave me a plant and card, and went off with his friends to enjoy our sunshine. So, I am sitting and watching House Hunters and other such shows so I can travel via my comfy chair. I am happy with my current life, and I know it is okay to grieve for my wonderful mother and best friend. Blessings to all, Candice |
05-13-2012, 08:35 PM | #96 |
Moderator
How Do You Identify?:
femme sub Preferred Pronoun?:
Baby Grrl Relationship Status:
Attached Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NYC
Posts: 6,787
Thanks: 52,942
Thanked 21,739 Times in 5,099 Posts
Rep Power: 21474857 |
Mother's Day today was not an easy one.
Family dysfunction and blow-ups. I held my fragile 97-year-old grandmother's hand, as she shook and tears ran down her face. Her daughter, my aunt, yelled and read from a paper all of my grandmother's failings. My aunt J refused to return all that she's stolen from my grandmother's now nearly empty apartment. My uncle D yelled at me. When my aunt and her family left in a rage, we went inside and had tea and cake. Said my brother, "This all feels so bizarre." Yet he made me a nice cup of Chamomile tea, and I sipped it until it was time to leave. |
05-13-2012, 08:42 PM | #97 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?:
she, her, little one Relationship Status:
dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: dallas, tx
Posts: 1,495
Thanks: 13,823
Thanked 6,443 Times in 1,288 Posts
Rep Power: 21474850 |
i've been working all day because i am really stressed about money this week and i have to make a certain amount by tuesday and i'm afraid i'm not going to make it :\ i did call my sister and my friend's mom. my sister gave me a pep talk and i left a 'happy mother's day' message on my friend's mom's voicemail. i've been sad and stressed but...it's okay. i'm still here. tomorrow's another day.
|
05-13-2012, 08:59 PM | #98 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
The original lime-twisted femme Preferred Pronoun?:
I answer to most things, especially lesbian. Relationship Status:
Still loving my Mare ;) Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 4,683
Thanks: 1,343
Thanked 11,426 Times in 2,979 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854 |
Mother's Day isn't as bad as it used to be for me. I lost my mom when I was 14, and the years that followed were pretty rough until I got older - and it got better ...
Each year I just light a candle, send a prayer and move on with my day ...
__________________
|
|
|