08-16-2011, 10:04 AM | #1021 | |
Mentally Delicious
How Do You Identify?:
Queer High Femme, thank you very much Preferred Pronoun?:
Mme. Relationship Status:
Married to JD. Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 10,446
Thanks: 5,995
Thanked 42,843 Times in 7,833 Posts
Rep Power: 21474861 |
Quote:
WORD. My answer is: I don't know yet. The fat girl in me is beloved. On purpose and with vigor. Politically and emotionally. Because I've worked at it for years and because it is a sign that I reject the negativity, body hatred, sexism, beauty-ism, and bag of your basic "fucked up shit" that our Mothers and Fathers and the World has handed to us. She is proof that I am strong. To be fat in this world requires that. She is proof that I have and will continue to survive. That I reject all of that fuckery. It is a little unnerving to me that a smaller body will have such huge meaning for me and how I move in the world. I am apprehensive about people violating my personal space. I am apprehensive about receiving more unwanted attention than I already get. I am apprehensive about being more visible. I feel safe in my fat body. Insulated. Strong. Unrepentant. Audacious. I don't want to stop feeling that way. So I'll have to do more work when I thought my "work" here was done. After all, I climbed the mountain of body shame and staked my blinding pink flag at the top and flipped the giant bird out across the horizon. A big ass "fuck you" to what I had to climb over and through to get there. And now? Im looking out over that valley and seeing more scary work ahead. Harder work maybe. And I'm hearing the echoes of "You'll never be acceptable no matter what size you are". I am finding it a huge battle to let go of my control issues with food. My personal stuff centers around not having control for a long time and gaining control by being able to choose (with reckless abandon) what I put in my piehole. Being out of control is being IN control for me. And now, I feel like I have to give that control over to the part of me who wants to be more conscious, who wants to drive the bus for awhile, who says that being an eating machine is no longer acceptable. Adult me is telling baby me that it's time to wave goodbye now. I think I'll still be here when I'm smaller. (not in the thread, but here, in this body) The me who did the work. The me who identified with the fat and made it her own. The reality is that the work I did is not going to just go away because my ass is smaller. I'll still need to reconnect with my body, I'll just have better tools to do it.
__________________
. . . |
|
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Medusa For This Useful Post: |
08-16-2011, 10:07 AM | #1022 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Relationship Status:
I need ya boo, gotta see ya boo Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Big Money Texas
Posts: 4,708
Thanks: 24,309
Thanked 13,080 Times in 3,050 Posts
Rep Power: 21474855 |
((((Matthew)))))
I'm sorry to hear that you are having problems with your legs & feet. Sometimes, reality has a way of kickin' our own asses and gives you a wake up call that you can no longer ignore! I know for me, it was my feet constantly hurting and being humilated when I couldn't sit comfortably in one of my friend's outdoor chairs. I told myself ENOUGH IS ENOUGH... I am the only one that can change my life. I want to... and I HAVE to! You mentioned that you really wanted to try out Weight Watchers. I know that it can be pricey, and really isn't an option for you right now. But what you can do is check out Amazon. They have TONS of books, kits & WW tools to get you started where you can track it all yourself... some of the books starting off used at $.01! You can't beat that!!! Just type in Weight Watchers... and almost 3,000 items pop up! If you want to try out the meetings, call your local chapter to find out prices. In my hometown, it's only like $9.95 a month for unlimited meetings... where you can weigh in, buy supplies and find support. GOOD LUCK my friend! |
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to PinkieLee For This Useful Post: |
08-16-2011, 10:10 AM | #1023 | |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
Me Relationship Status:
I am a human and not a possession Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southern Volusia County, FL
Posts: 6,746
Thanks: 23,549
Thanked 13,442 Times in 4,316 Posts
Rep Power: 21474857 |
Congrats on giving up smoking!
Zimmy Quote:
__________________
"A loving heart is the truest wisdom"
-Chinua Achebe |
|
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Zimmeh For This Useful Post: |
08-16-2011, 10:18 AM | #1024 | |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
. Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: .
Posts: 2,905
Thanks: 4,151
Thanked 5,827 Times in 1,721 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853 |
Quote:
I think it's a really great start that you will go back through this thread and try to glean tips that you think will work for you. Over the past week or so, I've seen you post elsewhere on the site about what you've been eating and I understand what you're saying here about suffering because of yourself. It does seem you've been engaging in a kind of self-sabotage, something I think to which many of us here in this thread can relate. It takes many forms, and food is a common one, you are definitely not alone in that. Please continue to reach out to people in this thread, I think you will find a lot of compassion and support. I do have one suggestion for you. See if you can calculate what you spend each week at 7-11, I know it is not a cheap place to buy food. Then see what a week of Weight Watchers will cost you. I'm reasonably certain you will find not only that you could trim your 7-11 budget and afford WW, but that the value would greatly surpass anything you can find at 7-11. WW often offers discounted rates, etc. And I'm willing to bet if you went to a local chapter, and stated your case, that they would work with you. Please look into this, WW offers amazing support and once you see that first good loss, I believe very strongly that you will feel so much better and be your own source of inspiration. Please do this today.
__________________
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats. - H. L. Mencken Last edited by Mister Bent; 08-16-2011 at 10:23 AM. Reason: errant comma |
|
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Mister Bent For This Useful Post: |
08-16-2011, 10:20 AM | #1025 | |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
Me Relationship Status:
I am a human and not a possession Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southern Volusia County, FL
Posts: 6,746
Thanks: 23,549
Thanked 13,442 Times in 4,316 Posts
Rep Power: 21474857 |
Hey Matt,
Add some probiotic yogurt as a snack. I have found the Chobani brand to have the least amount of calories and sugar. My favorite one is the black cherry and blueberry one. I count how many calories I eat on a daily basis. I also agree with what Mr. Bent said, you need to see a doctor. When my dad passed, he weighed 365lbs and he suffered from pulmonary adema. This is the scientific name for water around the pericardium sac of the heart. I'm always here if you want to talk. Hugs my friend! Zimmy Quote:
__________________
"A loving heart is the truest wisdom"
-Chinua Achebe |
|
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Zimmeh For This Useful Post: |
08-16-2011, 10:50 AM | #1026 | ||
Moderator
How Do You Identify?:
As a Tiger of course Preferred Pronoun?:
Not the Old Man Relationship Status:
Two Tigers Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Northern California
Posts: 7,492
Thanks: 18,001
Thanked 15,995 Times in 3,995 Posts
Rep Power: 21474858 |
Quote:
Quote:
I am really trying to find a way to live a balanced life rather than in a straight jacket. |
||
08-16-2011, 11:18 AM | #1027 | |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She, Her, etc Relationship Status:
Single Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,767
Thanks: 9,029
Thanked 13,026 Times in 4,786 Posts
Rep Power: 21474858 |
Quote:
I will also check out Amazon for books and stuff, thanks for the link hun ~ I appreciate it :-)
__________________
"When you fall off the wagon ... clutch the sides of it until you get a better grip!" |
|
08-16-2011, 11:19 AM | #1028 | |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
transman Preferred Pronoun?:
male Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,868
Thanks: 710
Thanked 4,133 Times in 1,079 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852 |
Quote:
Thank you.
__________________
Practice humility and kindness. |
|
08-16-2011, 11:43 AM | #1029 |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
pushy broad Preferred Pronoun?:
she Relationship Status:
Follow your heart; it knows things your mind cannot explain. Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Southeast corner
Posts: 5,633
Thanks: 24,417
Thanked 25,409 Times in 4,660 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
Matthew, my friend...as one diabetic to another....when is the last time you had a kidney function test?
Swelling of legs and feet is sometimes a sign of kidney damage or failure...common in diabetics. I'm not a medical professional by any means...but it's one of the signs that my doctors have told me many times over the years is a red flag not to be ignored. This is seriously not something to take a "wait and see" attitude about. You need your kidneys my friend. Also, look wayyyyy back at the start of this thread and you'll find a link to a handy points guide from WW....I was using it without being a member way back when. It wasn't perfect, but it was a start.... Oh, wait....found it....here it is... http://www.augustgames.com/weightwatchers.htm There's also a link back near the beginning for a shortcut to figuring out your WW points....I'll go look for it again, or scroll to the first few pages of my posts in this thread. I'm pretty sure it's there. In the meantime....hugs to you. So.....my new eating plan continues.... Breakfast this morning was one slice of whole wheat toast with peanut butter and black coffee, cuz I was running late and had to eat on the run. Morning snack...greek yogurt and fresh cut fruit salad that I cheated and bought at the supermarket. Lunch...now...running late still....a giant salad with lettuce, a whole tomato, half a cucumber, 1/2 cup of garbanzo beans (just drained and rinsed out of the can), a handful of black olives for those healthy fats, 1 hard-boiled egg chopped up for a little more protein and dressing made from apple cider vinegar, seasonings and extra virgin olive oil (another of the good fats I'm supposed to eat more of). I'm crunching....it's huge...and it's yummy. Afternoon snack will probably be more fruit and some low-fat mozzarella string cheese or maybe some almonds. Dinner will be broiled steak and a plateful of steamed broccoli and cauliflower. Before bed snack....who knows....but last nights string cheese and green olives was pretty darn yummy, so there may be a repeat.
__________________
I'm not tall enough to ride emotional roller coasters
|
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to JustJo For This Useful Post: |
08-16-2011, 11:44 AM | #1030 | ||
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She, Her, etc Relationship Status:
Single Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,767
Thanks: 9,029
Thanked 13,026 Times in 4,786 Posts
Rep Power: 21474858 |
Quote:
Quote:
__________________
"When you fall off the wagon ... clutch the sides of it until you get a better grip!" |
||
08-16-2011, 12:16 PM | #1031 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Relationship Status:
I need ya boo, gotta see ya boo Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Big Money Texas
Posts: 4,708
Thanks: 24,309
Thanked 13,080 Times in 3,050 Posts
Rep Power: 21474855 |
Matthew, please know that none of us are harping on you... we are just really wanting to see you help yourself! Honestly, WW is really not that pricey. The online program is $17.95 per month... and it gives you ever single tool imaginable at your fingertips. Receipes, calculating tools, exercise tips, blogs, weight/activity trackers... EVERYTHING!
Think about this: Daily trips to the 7-11 might only be $2 for soda or a snack a day... but multiplied by 30 days of the month is $60! That's more than enough to pay for WW! Seriously, check out the WW books on Amazon! You are gonna save a lot more $$ buying them online, than if you were to get them at a local bookstore. Many of the used books start out at A PENNY... you can't beat that! At some point in our lives, we've all been where you are at ~ either physically or emotionally. We've all been afraid that we will fail... or perhaps that we might succeed. We've become attached to own comfort zones, ways of living AND eating... but there comes a time when YOU have to start the ball rolling. As much as any of us wants to help you my friend, YOU are the only one that can make these changes! We are all routing for you... and look forward to seeing your healthy journey unfold! Last edited by PinkieLee; 08-16-2011 at 12:20 PM. |
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to PinkieLee For This Useful Post: |
08-16-2011, 12:23 PM | #1032 |
Italian Stallion
How Do You Identify?:
DNA Usually... Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: In a van, down by the river..
Posts: 2,702
Thanks: 1,557
Thanked 4,721 Times in 1,270 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853 |
Salad vs. Thai Food Adventures.....
I had a large garden salad for lunch and put ONE tiny scoop of bowtie pasta salad on the side and one scoop of tuna....I was REALLY looking forward to eating this after getting myself pumped up. I was over the Thai food craving
I get back to my desk and my friend/co-worker comes over just to see me staring off into space asking what's wrong. I was disappointed, really disappointed over a damn salad. Since when??? Well, since I found a damn hair on my bowtie pasta!!! My co-worker had to convince me to scoop that out because I had to eat something rather than not have lunch. The pasta was off to the side in a neat pile in the corner of the container. It took a while for me to want to eat it and I was grossed out And you bet your ass I took a picture of it to show the café tomorrow. If this were any other day, I would have boxed that shit up and went right back there and said “look what I found” I know they would have instantly took care it by giving me something else and not expecting me to pay for it, but that was beside the point. I also knew that if I stepped back outside I would have ran over to the Thai place. I truly wanted to keep this “salad promise” to myself. So, I ate the lettuce, grape tomatoes, shredded carrots and soybeans that were situated away from the pasta pile that I removed (with another utensil I may add). I examined that salad up and down as if I had a magnifying glass on the other end of the fork. After a few squeamish mouthfuls I was doing pretty good and was content. I dipped the romaine lettuce into my balsamic vinaigrette dressing in a tiny container on the side and I enjoyed it. I’m proud of myself keeping my promise to myself and especially to my friend Lisa who talked me into originally getting a salad versus Thai. Come to think of it, I don’t know if I should smack her or hug her…. |
08-16-2011, 12:30 PM | #1033 |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She, her Relationship Status:
Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: West Coast
Posts: 8,258
Thanks: 39,306
Thanked 40,719 Times in 7,286 Posts
Rep Power: 21474858 |
Dear Matthew
I truly hope you do not feel that everyone is bugging you, as I believe it comes from a place of truly caring, by all of us.
I try not to wear my RN hat when I am on the planet but sometimes I feel I must and this is one of those times. I am not licensed to diagnose, so therefore, will not attempt to do that. What I will say is that your symptoms do sound serious and can escalate quickly. I would not make an MD appointment for any time in the distant future. I would, instead, encourage you to be seen by a physician, today or tomorrow, at the latest. If he/she is unable to give you an appointment quickly, please use urgent care. They will need to both treat the underlying disorder as well as your current symptoms. Please do so as quickly as possible. Again, this simply comes from a place of caring about your well-being.
__________________
~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner |
08-16-2011, 12:33 PM | #1034 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Relationship Status:
I need ya boo, gotta see ya boo Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Big Money Texas
Posts: 4,708
Thanks: 24,309
Thanked 13,080 Times in 3,050 Posts
Rep Power: 21474855 |
Well despite the lovely Thai food images that Scorpie put into my head, I went home for lunch and fought off the craving for thai noodles. I got home, popped a lean cuisine in the microwave and made myself a big ol' salad with lettuce, tomato, baby carrots, avacado & LIGHT raspberry vinaigrette dressing. Dessert was a handful of strawberries & grapes.
When I walked back into the office, I saw the man unloading his truck with goodies for the office from Sams. Yes, that includes bags of chips, candy & sodas. He motioned me over and said, "don't worry sugar, I got you a present." He hands me another big ass fruit platter and a huge box of 94% fat free kettle corn. Finally, the man gets it Last edited by PinkieLee; 08-16-2011 at 12:35 PM. |
08-16-2011, 12:34 PM | #1035 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
fem Preferred Pronoun?:
femme, she, her, baby, sweetie Relationship Status:
holding my heart close and putting back up a wall Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: california, palm springs
Posts: 994
Thanks: 206
Thanked 719 Times in 350 Posts
Rep Power: 4115670 |
I have been speaking with matthew, he is trying to get into a doctor today, I told him not to wait.
__________________
Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present. Jim Rohn |
08-16-2011, 12:37 PM | #1036 |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She, her Relationship Status:
Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: West Coast
Posts: 8,258
Thanks: 39,306
Thanked 40,719 Times in 7,286 Posts
Rep Power: 21474858 |
"I had a large garden salad for lunch and put ONE tiny scoop of bowtie pasta salad on the side and one scoop of tuna....I was REALLY looking forward to eating this after getting myself pumped up. I was over the Thai food craving
I get back to my desk and my friend/co-worker comes over just to see me staring off into space asking what's wrong. I was disappointed, really disappointed over a damn salad. Since when??? Well, since I found a damn hair on my bowtie pasta!!! " ***************************** Oh man, Scorp! Hairs in food or anywhere but on a head (or genitalia, lol), gross me out! It is one of my little, well maybe phobia is a strong word, but truly freaks me if I see it in food. I totally understand that you needed to eat anyway. Great job for sticking to your eating plan hair and all!
__________________
~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner |
The Following User Says Thank You to *Anya* For This Useful Post: |
08-16-2011, 12:37 PM | #1037 | |
Italian Stallion
How Do You Identify?:
DNA Usually... Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: In a van, down by the river..
Posts: 2,702
Thanks: 1,557
Thanked 4,721 Times in 1,270 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853 |
You have "the man" well trained dontcha Pinks!?
I'm glad I'm so inspirational in a time of need (dabbing eyes and clenching heart) PS...If anyone is struggling with being bad (food-wise) just think about the hair...That'll kill the urge...LMAO Wavin' and have a great afternoon folks!! Quote:
|
|
The Following User Says Thank You to Scorp For This Useful Post: |
08-16-2011, 12:39 PM | #1038 | |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She, Her, etc Relationship Status:
Single Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,767
Thanks: 9,029
Thanked 13,026 Times in 4,786 Posts
Rep Power: 21474858 |
Quote:
I called My primary doctor, who is also My trans doctor and because he only works on Friday's they are booking like two weeks in advance ~ but there is no way they can pencil Me in until October 28th! Thats NOT even close to being acceptable, so I've called a doctor I've seen before in the same strip mall as My parent's floral shop and they receptionist will get back to Me this afternoon. I don't like that I have to wait so I'm currently looking into walk-in clinics that may be in My area and if I have to I will take Myself to one of them and go from there. The nurse at My primary physician's office suggested that I keep this current doctor as My trans doctor but instead find another doctor as My family physician. I am going to do that so that's My next plan of action .......... I had a 500ml of pepsi and stuck it in the fridge, out of sight out of mind and I am currently drinking water as well as I just put 3-4 bottles of water in the fridge to make it cold. Also I am stopping buying things at 7-11 unless I want the occasional lottery ticket, calling card etc ~ NO more slurpees, certainly no more pop, no more chocolate or anything of the sort. Starting tonight, after supper, I'm going to walk around the block atleast once a day; I'll build that up and then say after a week I'll increase the area and/or time in which I walk every week. More water, LOTS more, much more activities, I'm going to look into a discounted gym membership at the YMCA and have two 5lb weights sitting in the living room that I am going to start using. NO excuses and NO more waiting, this is ridiculous and its time I started looking out for Myself !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! P.S. I want everyone to know that I never once thought of anyone as bugging Me; I see it as friends helping Me out and everyone here has always come from a place of love and concern. I'm doing My best to get in to see a doctor, be it a walk in doctor or the woman who is near My parents flower shop ........... either way I'm working to get this taken care of! Thank you to all of My friends here for being concerned about Me, for the tips and all the help ~ it means alot to Me and I appreciate & love each of you :-) P.P.S ~ a special thank you goes out to sweetfemme for talking to Me today! Your a bigger support than you may realize, but I'm not going to miss this chance to say the biggest THANK YOU I can find .......... it'll never be good enough to tell you how much I appreciate the support today and always
__________________
"When you fall off the wagon ... clutch the sides of it until you get a better grip!" Last edited by Leigh; 08-16-2011 at 12:44 PM. Reason: added a line or two :-) |
|
08-16-2011, 12:43 PM | #1039 | |
Italian Stallion
How Do You Identify?:
DNA Usually... Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: In a van, down by the river..
Posts: 2,702
Thanks: 1,557
Thanked 4,721 Times in 1,270 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853 |
Thank you A/G!! I hope I made it clear in that earlier post that I removed that whole pile in one swipe and tossed it in another paper plate! Way out of character to me to eat up anyway....And thanks for pointing out the genital hair OMFG great...just great...
Quote:
|
|
08-16-2011, 12:52 PM | #1040 |
Moderator
How Do You Identify?:
As a Tiger of course Preferred Pronoun?:
Not the Old Man Relationship Status:
Two Tigers Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Northern California
Posts: 7,492
Thanks: 18,001
Thanked 15,995 Times in 3,995 Posts
Rep Power: 21474858 |
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! TAKE COVER PEOPLE! I have added as in went back and got more salad to my plate to go with the barracuda I thawed out (caught it myself). Fun to catch and good to eat. And my refrigerator is full of fruits and vegetables for salads and my juicer. There is no Pepsi. I have got to find that Apocalypse thread that I think Medusa started. |
|
|