Cynthia Nixon says she's gay by 'choice.' Is it really a choice?

[Blue_Daddy-O]

Originally Posted by BullDog

What I am saying is as a woman I would never choose to be straight. I do believe I was born with the predisposition of same sex attraction, but if given the choice I would most definitely choose to be a lesbian.

I agree, even for myself. Even with the trials and tribulations I have lived through due to being Gay, I still wouldn't change being true to myself. I am always very happy to see this in others, being true to oneself, no matter the consequences.

[starryeyes]

I choose to love women, and I wouldn't change it for the world!!!

I know I was born with the "gay gene", I guess. I have a gay father and I am a lesbian. I don't think it is a coincidence. I was married before, but I do not believe I was ever straight. I was doing what I was supposed to do with a man, whom I still love and will always love no matter what.

There are so many of us out there who choose to stay married to men or stay in hetero-relationships. They are not straight, but they chose to do so because of their reasons (whatever they are).

I know I would NEVER choose to go back to that world... no way, no how. I am so happy, and I choose to be who I am, a hot-blooded femme lesbian. Growl. lol.

<3

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by Blue_Vegan_Daddy-O

Losing your family, losing loved ones, being discriminated against, losing a job or being turned down for a job, getting beaten and murdered for being Gay/Queer, being treated like a second class citizen for being Gay/Queer. I would hardly call any of these situations a charmed life.

My first girlfriend used to do a lot of blah blah blahing about "If you've never been beaten up you don't understand what it means to be queer". Like being shit on was some sort of a homa right of passage or a badge of honour.

But I have very little patience for the "being gay is horrible" doctrine. Very little patience.

I chose to be here. I have partnered almost exclusively with women for the last 13 years. (granted, that's not a very long time but I -am- only 34.) And you know what? Since diving head-first into the "community" my life has improved immeasurably.

Have I ever been harassed? Oh you bet. Is my relationship with my parents strained and complicated now? Yep, that too. But you know what? Those things are hardly a blip on the radar compared to the world of awesome that I CHOSE to live in.

[Softhearted]

Being homosexual or bisexual is not horrible, but when you are a teenager it certainly feels like it...

If I really had a choice, I wonder if I would have choosen teenaged years feeling tomrented, depressed, suicidal, and yes, I dare to say, abnormal...

The only choice I had was either to accept it or to repress it... I repressed it until my late 20's...

[mariamma]

I came out as a lesbian at 16 but was with men for 18 years out of choice. A major issue is ... I expected the men to be as capable emotionally as women. This is why I have never felt bi or straight. I can say I love women. Can't say I love men. I like them. I respect them. I just can't have a deep, meaningful relationship with men.
I can see how Cynthia might feel similar. I can see how some women or men can choose to be with a gender that fits better with soul, spirit and mind before the body

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Kobi

I still want to know why she sticks with using "gay" and "homosexual" rather than using "lesbian" tho.

Maybe she doesn't identify as a lesbian. Maybe she doesn't like that word or doesn't feel that it fully describes who and what she is.

I identify as Queer, not gay (although, in mixed company I have allowed it for the sake of ease of conversation and being too tired to delve into the world of gay vs. queer as it relates to me), not lesbian, and although I am a homosexual in the most basic of definitions, I do not use that word to describe myself unless I am in a clinical or sterile environment (clinic, hospital, etc).

[lettertodaddy]

Originally Posted by Kobi

Leaving the Hollywood aspect, the studies influence, and the political implications out of it, I'm interested in how many people here see their orientation, however you define it, as a choice or the destiny of biological influences.

So which has been your own personal experience?

I'm attracted to both men and women. I've dated men in the past. I was even married to one. Now I'm choosing to pursue women, and align my emotional and romantic feelings with my political and interpersonal beliefs.

I liked Nixon's quote:

"I say it doesn't matter if we flew here, or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is gay and who is not."

[Vlasta]

Hello to everyone, I am out of the corner since I break the TOS and I must take a full responsibility for my actions.

First of all , since I see how much my comment upset so many people and I was not willing to put my very personal life to explain why I feel the way I do as I done it with my son’s situation and beg for support . The second comment on my son’s thread was rude and I regretted immediately when I hit that submit button, but there were also very kind and compassioned people trying to help me. I was in agony if I would lose my only child and unable to function. I was offered help that I couldn’t even follow on since I just dealt with the lawyers, on my knees and hoping for the best outcome.

I break the TOS, but I was under impression as I see I was called on this thread ugly and my ugliness is was against TOS also, but guess not.

I really didn’t want to clarify my statement however my true friend from here encouraged me to do so , it’s obvious for people to calm down I should. Please, do not take this as I am on the soap box, but a true part of my life.

Back in late 80’s, I was partnered with a butch for two and half years. I was happy since I have my child and a very attractive butch and just happy family, house with white picket fence. She was binding her breast and she could pass back then. Just to give you idea that she was not some girly partner. She always questioned me why I have been somewhere for so long, I never understood that, but just took it as a part of her personality .She was thinking with her mind, not mine since she was the one had a double life.

In two and half years she forgot to tell me that she was bisexual. It was dishonest since if she told me that from beginning I would never get into that type of relationship.
Make a long story short as much I can, I for first time in my life ended up with STD which thanks God was only Chlamydia and was treated with antibiotics in very short time I was clear. However, I have tested myself since every year for HIV until this day. I can’t even think I would jeopardize someone’s life with lack of my responsibility of knowing. I have been negative all this years; otherwise I would not have a relationship with anybody.

It was back in 80’s and I am sure by now, I would know and I would completely refrain from any relationship if I was infected. When I was infected with STD , I felt dirty , crushed by my delusional happiness and I was unable function , I have to take time off from my work since I cried 24/7 by this betrayal and waste of my life .

I was equally guilty in my future relationships after this ordeal, I never give my relationships 100 %. I always guard my heart and she truly screwed my life in my future. It was that traumatic for me since I believe in monogamy .

So, I would like from my community until you walk in my shoes, don’t jump in my throat, you was not there for me when I begged for support for my child while he was detained by immigration , but when I expressed that I am not fond of bisexuals suddenly people that I know in person noticed my opinion .

If you are bisexual it’s none of my business, but please be honest about your sexuality. In my case, I could save two and half years of my life, heartache and being more open to my relationships.

In addition of that, I found out she molested my son while I was not home and working. It was so disgusting and I couldn’t even deal with it. My son knew how horrible was for me and really never talk about it, but he did admit to me that happened. Unfortunately, it was many years later and the statute of limitation ran out and what I supposed to do 10 years later? Go to police? They wouldn’t even pay me attention. I wouldn’t even spit on her if she was on fire. Last what I heard from one of our friends, she has two children and still living with a woman. Her ways didn’t changed , dishonest and still have her cake and eat it too .
So once again, don’t judge me until you walk in my shoes. Thanks .

[Semantics]

Originally Posted by Vlasta

Hello to everyone, I am out of the corner since I break the TOS and I must take a full responsibility for my actions.

First of all , since I see how much my comment upset so many people and I was not willing to put my very personal life to explain why I feel the way I do as I done it with my son’s situation and beg for support . The second comment on my son’s thread was rude and I regretted immediately when I hit that submit button, but there were also very kind and compassioned people trying to help me. I was in agony if I would lose my only child and unable to function. I was offered help that I couldn’t even follow on since I just dealt with the lawyers, on my knees and hoping for the best outcome.

I break the TOS, but I was under impression as I see I was called on this thread ugly and my ugliness is was against TOS also, but guess not.

I really didn’t want to clarify my statement however my true friend from here encouraged me to do so , it’s obvious for people to calm down I should. Please, do not take this as I am on the soap box, but a true part of my life.

Back in late 80’s, I was partnered with a butch for two and half years. I was happy since I have my child and a very attractive butch and just happy family, house with white picket fence. She was binding her breast and she could pass back then. Just to give you idea that she was not some girly partner. She always questioned me why I have been somewhere for so long, I never understood that, but just took it as a part of her personality .She was thinking with her mind, not mine since she was the one had a double life.

In two and half years she forgot to tell me that she was bisexual. It was dishonest since if she told me that from beginning I would never get into that type of relationship.
Make a long story short as much I can, I for first time in my life ended up with STD which thanks God was only Chlamydia and was treated with antibiotics in very short time I was clear. However, I have tested myself since every year for HIV until this day. I can’t even think I would jeopardize someone’s life with lack of my responsibility of knowing. I have been negative all this years; otherwise I would not have a relationship with anybody.

It was back in 80’s and I am sure by now, I would know and I would completely refrain from any relationship if I was infected. When I was infected with STD , I felt dirty , crushed by my delusional happiness and I was unable function , I have to take time off from my work since I cried 24/7 by this betrayal and waste of my life .

I was equally guilty in my future relationships after this ordeal, I never give my relationships 100 %. I always guard my heart and she truly screwed my life in my future. It was that traumatic for me since I believe in monogamy .

So, I would like from my community until you walk in my shoes, don’t jump in my throat, you was not there for me when I begged for support for my child while he was detained by immigration , but when I expressed that I am not fond of bisexuals suddenly people that I know in person noticed my opinion .

If you are bisexual it’s none of my business, but please be honest about your sexuality. In my case, I could save two and half years of my life, heartache and being more open to my relationships.

In addition of that, I found out she molested my son while I was not home and working. It was so disgusting and I couldn’t even deal with it. My son knew how horrible was for me and really never talk about it, but he did admit to me that happened. Unfortunately, it was many years later and the statute of limitation ran out and what I supposed to do 10 years later? Go to police? They wouldn’t even pay me attention. I wouldn’t even spit on her if she was on fire. Last what I heard from one of our friends, she has two children and still living with a woman. Her ways didn’t changed , dishonest and still have her cake and eat it too .
So once again, don’t judge me until you walk in my shoes. Thanks .

I'm sorry for everything you've been through.

I also want to say that you weren't infected with a disease because your partner was bisexual, you were exposed because your partner was unfaithful and a cheater. Despite what many believe, exclusively lesbian women contract and transmit STD's among themselves all the time.

I don't judge you. I believe that you're entitled to your opinion, I just disagree with it because I believe it harms the bisexuals in our community.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I'm sorry someone hurt you like that Vlasta, it's not because she was bisexual it was because she is not a nice person and a POS for doing what she did to you, your son, your heart...

We've all been hurt it still DOES NOT give us the right to make broad generalizations about a group of people..

Pedophiles come in all genders and sexual orientations, same with liars, cheaters and pricks..

[EnderD_503]

I think human sexuality is a lot more complex than biological vs. choice or biological vs. environmental and there has been some interesting stuff written on it by theorists during the 20th century.

I can see how sexuality can be all of the above, meaning a mixture of biological, environmental and choice. I can remember only being attracted to women since I was a kid. I don't ever remember being genuinely attracted to boys as a kid. Developing politics and interests made me more attracted to queer women, and that much, I think, is both environmental and choice (in that I opt not to date straight-identified and/or particularly normative women).

Although if I think of what some have been saying in this thread, I think if I could flip a switch and suddenly be physically attracted to men or even queer men...the thought really brings out an adversarial reaction in me. I really would not take that option. I think if I could choose I would continue to be strictly into (queer) women. That much has to do with politics and personal values/beliefs.

As far as Nixon, I do see why some people are pissed off at her. In many places, lgbtq rights can rest on the biological argument. Additionally, as a celebrity people are, unfortunately, more likely to listen to her than to 10,000 activists. Hence why I generally think Hollywood stars should stfu about social issues in general. Most of them aren't particularly educated (and I don't mean this in an academic way) on social issues and tend to fuck up more than they help.

Edit: That being said, I would add that I find it hard to believe that any one person is 100% straight or gay. I think society has created this binary and it's led to a lot of fucked up shit. That being said, I still think everyone has their preferences. Just because something might have originally (or might eventually be) a possibility does not leave out the fact that people have their preferences. Different people have different preferences based on how they fuck...same with who they fuck.

Also, Straight celebrities aren't coming out saying "I chose to be straight," so I think all this "I chose to be gay" shit by Nixon is playing further into a lot of fucked up social bullshit.

[Vlasta]

Thank you for your reply's and I didn't expected that someone would agree with me . I knew since nobody would risk to be unpopular with they friends and I agree with me .

Yes , I am biased and I will not denied that. There are millions gay people rightfully fighting for the equal rights , they have been together for many years and not getting nowhere . Sad situation , but true .

On the other hand , no wonder that heterosexual community looking us as freaks and they don't recognized that we live an equally loving and normal lives as they do . If there are people that one day they are with John and few days later they are with Jane .Therefore , they are thinking it's a choice for us in which in so many cases it's not .

and to Snow , I hate pedophiles and I am just grateful that my son has been strong enough to overcome this situation and as a loving child kept that from me , because I wouldn't be posting here , I would be in a prison .

It's ok to be bisexual , but be honest and not living a double life .

[The_Lady_Snow]

Yanno Vlasta I'm not going to disagree with someone's opinion because it's gonna keep my homies "happy". I DON'T agree with what you stated because it was a sweeping generalization of members in this community. I wanted to clarify that particular detail....

[Softhearted]

Since when living a double life is linked to being bisexual?!??????

[Vlasta]

I am not going to debate any longer on this thread , I am done with it . I made myself clear how I feel . I lived through a very bad situation. I am not the one that you come home to me with a sperm from whoever you had sex with .

I am done , have a good night .

[JustJo]

Thank you Vlasta for coming back into the thread and telling your story and where your point of view comes from. I know that had to be difficult, and I appreciate you having the courage to do that.

I can also understand how your experiences with this partner, especially when it came to what she did to your son, can create bitterness...even though it was the individual that hurt you, and not others who may also identify as bisexual.

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by Vlasta

On the other hand , no wonder that heterosexual community looking us as freaks and they don't recognized that we live an equally loving and normal lives as they do . If there are people that one day they are with John and few days later they are with Jane .Therefore , they are thinking it's a choice for us in which in so many cases it's not .

Wow. You know, I always thought that things like "the religious right" and "conservatism" and "general fear mongering hogwash" was the reason that we don't have equal rights in many countries.

I mean, come on. BISEXUALS are the reason you don't have equal rights? Really?

[betenoire]

And you know. While I'm real sorry you had a bad experience with someone who happened to be bisexual...I'm gonna tell you a story.

My dad used to be a trucker in the 80s. I used to travel with him a great deal of the time when I wasn't in school. This one time we were at a rest stop in Michigan when a man with a knife came up to us. He stole my dad's wallet and scared the shit out of us both.

Now, the dude at the rest stop happened to be Black. Given that one bad experience does my father (and me too) have a pass to shit-talk Black people? Would it be acceptable for my father to say "I don't have a problem with Black people so long as they don't steal wallets"? Of course not. Even though my dad had a bad experience once that would STILL be a bigoted thing to say because 1 - any time you say "I don't have a problem with ____" you obviously DO have a problem with ____. and 2 - it gives the impression that stealing wallets is a "Black thing" to do and any Black person who doesn't steal wallets is the exception to the rule.

so when you say:

It's ok to be bisexual , but be honest and not living a double life .

It's clear that you don't think it's okay to be bisexual, and that you think there is a positive correlation between bisexuality and living a dishonest double life.

I am not the exception to the rule. Your ex is not the rule. There just IS no rule.

Just like there is no "rule" to lesbians or heterosexuals.

[SnackTime]

Originally Posted by betenoire

I mean, come on. BISEXUALS are the reason you don't have equal rights? Really?

I do not see anywhere in her posts where she has stated this.

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by SnackTime

I do not see anywhere in her posts where she has stated this.

Yes , I am biased and I will not denied that. There are millions gay people rightfully fighting for the equal rights , they have been together for many years and not getting nowhere . Sad situation , but true .

On the other hand , no wonder that heterosexual community looking us as freaks and they don't recognized that we live an equally loving and normal lives as they do . If there are people that one day they are with John and few days later they are with Jane .Therefore , they are thinking it's a choice for us in which in so many cases it's not .

Maybe it was actually a non sequitur, but I was crediting her post for following a cohesive train of thought.

Best case scenario she said that bisexuals are the reason that heterosexuals think of us all as freaks. BEST case scenario.