What every Femme should know... - Page 7

*Anya* · 02-23-2012, 04:03 PM

This is the femme thread.

Sometimes, topics start out in one place and wind up in another, depending on the thoughts, feelings and insights of those that it speaks to.

Obviously, the original post spoke to many of us and generated a lot of feelings.

I personally have no concerns about where it wound up-writing thread or not.

I would rather not censor anyone. I think everyone has a valid viewpoint-even when I do not agree with them.

I am not a moderator and this is my perspective and my opinion.

Scuba · 02-23-2012, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Julie

Indeed it is the Poetry Thread. Quotes, Snippets and Other Writing. However, that does not mean there is not room for dialogue and discussion about said writing.

Are you making an attempt to censor the feelings of others, when it comes to the prose/poem that was posted? When in fact, this poem can be searched and various renditions of it can be found.

I sure hope not scubadyke... That would be a clear act of censorship and not productive or indicative of any writing thread.

Julie

Writing inspires us one way or another for sure and censorship is not a good path to start down nor was it my intention to suggest that.

I may not always agree but I will always appreciate.

Scoobs

starryeyes · 02-23-2012, 04:33 PM

Here is my stereotypical list of what ALL Femmes need to know lol :-D All in fun!

Hugs!

Always get the gel top coat so your nails don't chip after a Manicure. Worth the extra money!

Cheap mascara doesn't always do the trick... Go for the more expensive!

If you are going to wear nothing else, wear eyeliner. You eyes will pop, girl!

The blister Bandaids are a lifesaver for a night out dancing when you are wearing non- dancing shoes.

If you lose a toenail cause you were out dancing all night in non-dancing shoes without the bandaid (tsk tsk) the nail ladies can hook you up with an acrylic and no one will ever know..

Brown and black are opposites on the color wheel...

If you don't have enough time to get your nails done, Press-Ons do the trick and no one will know! ( this was hard for me, but they looked good!!) haha.

Spanx are awesome!

Lace stockings are sexy with anything!

Black heels are also sexy with lace stockings, all the time!! Especially with a little black dress! You betta werk!!

Dude · 02-23-2012, 04:40 PM

If I was the op
my lesson in this would be to be more careful.
Especially with the >every< word.
This person created a thread when they just meant to post?
Had it been one post in the swoon thread it would not have
gotten this kind of response.

Saying all of the post's in here are a waste of time to read
is probably not something I would have said but this is where AGAIN we all
get to be different.

I dont think people were dissing romantic gestures or thoughts
at all.
This particular (not original) poem? is not every femme's ideal romance and that's ok.

To me, it really is that simple.

atomiczombie · 02-23-2012, 05:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JistMe

Someone out there was meant to be the love of your life... your best friend; your soul mate.
He'll brush the hair out of your eyes, and send you flowers when you least expect it.
He'll stare at you during the movies, even though he paid $30 to see it.
He'll call you to tell you goodnight, or just because he is missing you.
He will call you right back when you hang up on him.
He'll lay with you under the stars listening to your heartbeat... or stay awake all night just to watch you sleep.
He'll kiss your forehead for no reason, and hold your hand in front of your Dad. He'll say you are just as beautiful without makeup on, and show you off to the world when you're in sweats.
He will constantly remind you how lucky he is to have you.
He'll look in your eyes and tell you that you are the most beautiful woman in the world, and for the first time in your life... you'll believe it.
You will know when you find him ---
He will be the one who turns to his friends, and says...
"Thats her..."

When I read this, what comes to mind is, why do I need someone else to treat me that way? How can I be loving, kind and attentive to myself? Why do I need a best friend and soul mate to be happy? How can I be my own best friend and soul mate? How can I feel beautiful just as I am? What makes me not feel that way? Not that I am femme or that I would partner with someone who is masculine lol. But I guess my point here is, why would I need a partner to mirror for me what I can be for myself? Is depending on a partner for that a healthy expectation? I think that partners are wonderful to have if you want to share your life with someone and build a strong bond of love and mutuality. But expecting a partner to mirror for me what really I am not already to myself - i.e., compassionate and accepting, it is unrealistic and won't work. Because if I don't believe I am wonderful and beautiful just as I am, no partner or anyone else will ever really convince me that I am. It has to come from me.

This is not to say that we shouldn't look for love and compassion and acceptance in a partner. Who we choose to have in our lives reflects how we feel about ourselves. I just think it's a myth that we can only be happy and feel loved when we have a partner who loves us. Don't wait for someone to come along and make you happy. Be happy with yourself here and now!

dixie · 02-23-2012, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starryeyes

Here is my stereotypical list of what ALL Femmes need to know lol :-D All in fun!

Hugs!

Always get the gel top coat so your nails don't chip after a Manicure. Worth the extra money!

Cheap mascara doesn't always do the trick... Go for the more expensive!

If you are going to wear nothing else, wear eyeliner. You eyes will pop, girl!

The blister Bandaids are a lifesaver for a night out dancing when you are wearing non- dancing shoes.

If you lose a toenail cause you were out dancing all night in non-dancing shoes without the bandaid (tsk tsk) the nail ladies can hook you up with an acrylic and no one will ever know..

Brown and black are opposites on the color wheel...

If you don't have enough time to get your nails done, Press-Ons do the trick and no one will know! ( this was hard for me, but they looked good!!) haha.

Spanx are awesome!

Lace stockings are sexy with anything!

Black heels are also sexy with lace stockings, all the time!! Especially with a little black dress! You betta werk!!

Yup, very stereotypical, so I'm glad you put the "all in fun" disclaimer on there. Although I do kinda wonder what the purpose of this post was, especially being purposely stereotypical in the midst of a conversation in which the general topic has become about how NOT to lump all folks into one of those one-size-fits-all categories.

And yes, this is just my own personal thought upon reading this post.

starryeyes · 02-23-2012, 05:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dixielady

Yup, very stereotypical, so I'm glad you put the "all in fun" disclaimer on there. Although I do kinda wonder what the purpose of this post was, especially being purposely stereotypical in the midst of a conversation in which the general topic has become about how NOT to lump all folks into one of those one-size-fits-all categories.

And yes, this is just my own personal thought upon reading this post.

I dunno... just posting stuff

girl_dee · 02-23-2012, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starryeyes

I dunno... just posting stuff

"just in fun" disclaimer isn't really an excuse to be purposely stereotypical. You surely know this by reading most of the posts in this thread.

People of my heritage are often stereotyped into movies and *just in fun* makes fun of us.

They think it's ok because it's "just in fun". It's not funny to us.

The fact that you capitalized the word ALL , added a *lol* then a *just in fun* sounds to me like you knew you were about to piss off a bunch of people.

Nothing on your list applies to this femme, just so you know.

dixie · 02-23-2012, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starryeyes

I dunno... just posting stuff

And from this...I can't help but wonder if you had even read any posts in this thread?

dixie · 02-23-2012, 05:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

"just in fun" disclaimer isn't really an excuse to be purposely stereotypical. You surely know this by reading most of the posts in this thread.

People of my heritage are often stereotyped into movies and *just in fun* makes fun of us.

They think it's ok because it's "just in fun". It's not funny to us.

The fact that you capitalized the word ALL , added a *lol* then a *just in fun* sounds to me like you knew you were about to piss off a bunch of people.

Nothing on your list applies to this femme, just so you know.

I think that's what bothered me as well. That, and the fact that I am not one to be lumped into that "stereotypical" femme category either.

starryeyes · 02-23-2012, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dixielady

And from this...I can't help but wonder if you had even read any posts in this thread?

It was just in fun... can we lighten up? It too scary to post around here **runs away

pynkkameleon · 02-23-2012, 05:23 PM

As one who is also new to this site, I can easily understand why JistMe felt somewhat attacked. I think that I would have felt that way too. This thread should have been a safe place to share well intended, simple and sweet words.

I do think however that this created a very valuable and worthy discussion (thank you JistME) that should continue elsewhere without the OP's intentions being the center of the discussion. I truly feel as if I have gotten quite a bit out of it and I would like to see it continue.

As someone who is finding her voice and her place on this site, I do have to say that I am a bit disappointed and somewhat intimidated by the very occasional rude comment I see made, not against JistMe, but towards others that are simply sharing their point of view or even just asking for clarification. I'm not talking about the humor, such as JAGG's lovely list of "DO NOT DO'S". I think that throwing in that bit of humor is awesome, appreciated and a necessary means to keep any conversation or debate lively. I'm talking about the personal attacks. Respect and honor each person's opinions and if you so vehemently disagree that you can't be at least kind, step away and go find something else to do. It's those kinds of attitudes that cause drama and dissuade others from wanting to get involved in these discussions and oftentimes cause them to miss out on the value of being a part of such a wonderful and diverse community.

Corkey · 02-23-2012, 05:25 PM

Good grief. People are allowed to post their opinion, we don't have to agree with it, but running away is passive aggressive and if you didn't think about what you posted just say so. OY!

girl_dee · 02-23-2012, 05:26 PM

like causing a 10 car pile up and keep going.

Corkey · 02-23-2012, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vonni

As one who is also new to this site, I can easily understand why JistMe felt somewhat attacked. I think that I would have felt that way too. This thread should have been a safe place to share well intended, simple and sweet words.

I do think however that this created a very valuable and worthy discussion (thank you JistME) that should continue elsewhere without the OP's intentions being the center of the discussion. I truly feel as if I have gotten quite a bit out of it and I would like to see it continue.

As someone who is finding her voice and her place on this site, I do have to say that I am a bit disappointed and somewhat intimidated by the very occasional rude comment I see made, not against JistMe, but towards others that are simply sharing their point of view or even just asking for clarification. I'm not talking about the humor, such as JAGG's lovely list of "DO NOT DO'S". I think that throwing in that bit of humor is awesome, appreciated and a necessary means to keep any conversation or debate lively. I'm talking about the personal attacks. Respect and honor each person's opinions and if you so vehemently disagree that you can't be at least kind, step away and go find something else to do. It's those kinds of attitudes that cause drama and dissuade others from wanting to get involved in these discussions and oftentimes cause them to miss out on the value of being a part of such a wonderful and diverse community.

People don't respond well to finger wagging when they are pointing out ism's. Happens all the time. Every poster has followed the TOS, or we would have heard about it.

dixie · 02-23-2012, 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starryeyes

It was just in fun... can we lighten up? It too scary to post around here **runs away

Seriously? If someone attempting to start a calm dialogue with you in hopes of understanding the meaning of a slightly confusing statement you make is "too scary" then I would like to live in that bubble as well, because your reality seems to be much different than mine.

And I am also sorry, but I am the kind of femme who would literally go insane if the most important worry in my life was the "right" hair, makeup, and nails. Therefore, it's not very "fun" for me to be stereotyped in jest.

Tawse · 02-23-2012, 05:38 PM

I think we should be careful about the your filters versus my filters and who has responsibility issue.

And I say that for one reason.

All the sexual harassment classes I've ever gone to.

The guy says sweetheart. He means nothing by it. But if the woman interprets it as harassment - then it is. If she's ok with it - then it's not.

It has nothing to do with his intention, and 100% with the way it is received.

And that is a very polarized example - and yes it could be argued rather easily that it's wrong and completely different.

So I'll pull up another point - dealing with difficult people in the work place. If someone has a problem with you and you're pulled to DEO - you better not say "it's his/her fault because of their filters, I didn't intend..." or "this is just the way I am, if he/she doesn't like it they are the problem..." It won't get you anywhere and may even see you lose your job.

Now we're in a casual laid back atmosphere here - but I have to say, maybe due to corporate / legal brainwashing, that anytime someone says 'it's your fault if you hear me wrong' - it makes me want to grab my documentation and get ready to head to a mediator.

Just a thought...

edited to add: oh shit I just realized this long thread is because of the way something was received instead of intended.

kinda makes you go hmmmm

starryeyes · 02-23-2012, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dixielady

Seriously? If someone attempting to start a calm dialogue with you in hopes of understanding the meaning of a slightly confusing statement you make is "too scary" then I would like to live in that bubble as well, because your reality seems to be much different than mine.

And I am also sorry, but I am the kind of femme who would literally go insane if the most important worry in my life was the "right" hair, makeup, and nails. Therefore, it's not very "fun" for me to be stereotyped in jest.

This was not about you in any way shape or form. I don't even know you.

And your comment "And I am also sorry, but I am the kind of femme who would literally go insane if the most important worry in my life was the "right" hair, makeup, and nails"... where was this insinuated?

I am a Girly Femme to the T, but it is not the most important worry in my life... I guess you have some stereotypes yourself coming out. Maybe you need to look at that.

Have a nice day

girl_dee · 02-23-2012, 05:39 PM

i sometimes feel that the world has been stereotypical for so long, and especially in the name of comedy that people are shocked when someone says. "hey, that's not ok"

Corkey · 02-23-2012, 05:40 PM

My Femme is not obsessed with her hair or nails or looks or lipstick.
She is a capable warm intelligent funny talented wonderful human being.
She is awesome and I am a lucky guy to be married to her.

02-23-2012, 04:03 PM	#121
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,719 Times in 7,286 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	This is the femme thread. Sometimes, topics start out in one place and wind up in another, depending on the thoughts, feelings and insights of those that it speaks to. Obviously, the original post spoke to many of us and generated a lot of feelings. I personally have no concerns about where it wound up-writing thread or not. I would rather not censor anyone. I think everyone has a valid viewpoint-even when I do not agree with them. I am not a moderator and this is my perspective and my opinion. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

02-23-2012, 04:33 PM	#123
starryeyes Senior Member How Do You Identify?: a round peg in a square hole Preferred Pronoun?: Guess... Relationship Status: Seat taken Join Date: May 2011 Location: Rocky Mountain High Posts: 2,491 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,199 Thanked 10,056 Times in 2,077 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Here is my stereotypical list of what ALL Femmes need to know lol :-D All in fun! Hugs! Always get the gel top coat so your nails don't chip after a Manicure. Worth the extra money! Cheap mascara doesn't always do the trick... Go for the more expensive! If you are going to wear nothing else, wear eyeliner. You eyes will pop, girl! The blister Bandaids are a lifesaver for a night out dancing when you are wearing non- dancing shoes. If you lose a toenail cause you were out dancing all night in non-dancing shoes without the bandaid (tsk tsk) the nail ladies can hook you up with an acrylic and no one will ever know.. Brown and black are opposites on the color wheel... If you don't have enough time to get your nails done, Press-Ons do the trick and no one will know! ( this was hard for me, but they looked good!!) haha. Spanx are awesome! Lace stockings are sexy with anything! Black heels are also sexy with lace stockings, all the time!! Especially with a little black dress! You betta werk!! __________________ "It's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to fall down. Get up! Look sickening....and make them eat it!" - Latrice Royale Starry

02-23-2012, 05:23 PM	#132
pynkkameleon Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Girly ones Relationship Status: Riding off into the sunset with my Cowboi Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Texas Posts: 130 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,279 Thanked 487 Times in 98 Posts Rep Power: 7809053	As one who is also new to this site, I can easily understand why JistMe felt somewhat attacked. I think that I would have felt that way too. This thread should have been a safe place to share well intended, simple and sweet words. I do think however that this created a very valuable and worthy discussion (thank you JistME) that should continue elsewhere without the OP's intentions being the center of the discussion. I truly feel as if I have gotten quite a bit out of it and I would like to see it continue. As someone who is finding her voice and her place on this site, I do have to say that I am a bit disappointed and somewhat intimidated by the very occasional rude comment I see made, not against JistMe, but towards others that are simply sharing their point of view or even just asking for clarification. I'm not talking about the humor, such as JAGG's lovely list of "DO NOT DO'S". I think that throwing in that bit of humor is awesome, appreciated and a necessary means to keep any conversation or debate lively. I'm talking about the personal attacks. Respect and honor each person's opinions and if you so vehemently disagree that you can't be at least kind, step away and go find something else to do. It's those kinds of attitudes that cause drama and dissuade others from wanting to get involved in these discussions and oftentimes cause them to miss out on the value of being a part of such a wonderful and diverse community. __________________ ~Vonni~ *Don't define your world in black and white..* *There is so much hiding amongst the greys* *❤❤❤❤❤*

02-23-2012, 05:25 PM	#133
Corkey Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Human Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Where I want to be Posts: 8,155 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 47,491 Thanked 29,291 Times in 6,640 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Good grief. People are allowed to post their opinion, we don't have to agree with it, but running away is passive aggressive and if you didn't think about what you posted just say so. OY! __________________ "Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them". ~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee)

02-23-2012, 05:40 PM	#140
Corkey Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Human Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Where I want to be Posts: 8,155 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 47,491 Thanked 29,291 Times in 6,640 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	My Femme is not obsessed with her hair or nails or looks or lipstick. She is a capable warm intelligent funny talented wonderful human being. She is awesome and I am a lucky guy to be married to her. __________________ "Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them". ~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee)

02-23-2012, 04:40 PM	#124
Dude Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: Perusing Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: exit 5 with an exit 21 goal Posts: 1,725 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15,351 Thanked 10,605 Times in 1,477 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	If I was the op my lesson in this would be to be more careful. Especially with the >every< word. This person created a thread when they just meant to post? Had it been one post in the swoon thread it would not have gotten this kind of response. Saying all of the post's in here are a waste of time to read is probably not something I would have said but this is where AGAIN we all get to be different. I dont think people were dissing romantic gestures or thoughts at all. This particular (not original) poem? is not every femme's ideal romance and that's ok. To me, it really is that simple.

02-23-2012, 05:26 PM	#134
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,939 Times in 13,921 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	like causing a 10 car pile up and keep going.

02-23-2012, 05:38 PM	#137
Tawse Member How Do You Identify?: TG Gender Queer Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Atlanta Posts: 730 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,973 Thanked 2,737 Times in 642 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	I think we should be careful about the your filters versus my filters and who has responsibility issue. And I say that for one reason. All the sexual harassment classes I've ever gone to. The guy says sweetheart. He means nothing by it. But if the woman interprets it as harassment - then it is. If she's ok with it - then it's not. It has nothing to do with his intention, and 100% with the way it is received. And that is a very polarized example - and yes it could be argued rather easily that it's wrong and completely different. So I'll pull up another point - dealing with difficult people in the work place. If someone has a problem with you and you're pulled to DEO - you better not say "it's his/her fault because of their filters, I didn't intend..." or "this is just the way I am, if he/she doesn't like it they are the problem..." It won't get you anywhere and may even see you lose your job. Now we're in a casual laid back atmosphere here - but I have to say, maybe due to corporate / legal brainwashing, that anytime someone says 'it's your fault if you hear me wrong' - it makes me want to grab my documentation and get ready to head to a mediator. Just a thought... edited to add: oh shit I just realized this long thread is because of the way something was received instead of intended. kinda makes you go hmmmm

02-23-2012, 05:39 PM	#139
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,939 Times in 13,921 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	i sometimes feel that the world has been stereotypical for so long, and especially in the name of comedy that people are shocked when someone says. "hey, that's not ok"