Mental Illness

[lipstixgal]

I am taking lunesta and was eating in the middle of the night but I knew it, that's weird why do those pills do that?? I take Geodon, and klonopin but the lunesta will be gone by Sunday so it will have to be Ambien!!

[JinxdGirl]

I am ..
a self injurer with 18 months of abstinence.
an abuse survivor.
not weak because of mental illness.

I come from a family riddled with mental illness, it's as much nature as lack of nurture in my case. I am well medicated and managing well, but this hasn't always been the case. I do not work. I am on SSD and SSI and have been for 8 years. I will have to remain on these benefits for the foreseeable future, in some capacity, for the insurance. Affording my medication and therapy would be impossible without the assistance of the government. I rarely tell anyone about my disability status unless they are an integral part of my everyday existence, because people can be horribly judgmental and/or use that information as ammunition when things don't go their way.

I have been in therapy/counseling off and on for 21 years. If you did the math, you will know that I started at the age of ten. I do not count my kindergarten year of spending an hour with the school psychologist every day, nor do I count the family therapy that was court ordered and my family attended only one session.

I have attempted suicide more times than I can count, starting around the age of eleven. I have been hospitalized 3 times, the first at the age of 13 and the last at age 24.

I was diagnosed with PMDD at 31. Diagnosed as Bi-Polar at the age of 21. Diagnosed with PTSD at 20. Diagnosed with atypical depression at 19. Diagnosed as Borderline at 15. Diagnosed with anxiety at 11.

I've been on so many different combinations of medicine I can't even remember them all. I do recall, however, my parents telling me that they would not pay for medicine for me because I just needed to stop seeking attention. After all, anything that could have ever been wrong with me was my own doing and had nothing at all to do with the lifetime of abuse and neglect that I was going through/coping with/barely surviving/survived. Please note the sarcasm in that last sentence.

In summation, I am mentally ill. Being judged and stigmatized because of that fact irritates me. I am mentally ill, however I am not the last 12 psychotic girlfriends you had. I shouldn't have to pay for whatever they may have done to you. Discounting anything about me because of my diagnosis is unfair, I am still capable of loving, feeling, parenting, caring, anger, disappointment and anything else so many seem to negate because I am "crazy". I did not wake up one day, when I was 10, and say "Hey! I think I'll be batshitcrazy for the rest of my life!". I control what I can control. I take my medication. I journal daily. I participate in therapy. I cannot wish this away. I've tried. I will not let it define me.

I am mentally ill. But, I am so much more than a laundry list of diagnosis. I am strong, loving, intelligent, witty, fun, friendly, flirty, femme. I am Jinx!

[lipstixgal]

I have bipolar disorder I don't work not because I don't want to its hard to do and I have chronic fatigue syndrome also. I take Geodon, lunesta and klonopin for anxiety. I don't think that I am crazy I just have a disability that's all. I too can love, parent and do all the other things that "regular" people do whatever that is...

[chefhottie25]

Originally Posted by JinxdGirl

I am ..
a self injurer with 18 months of abstinence.
an abuse survivor.
not weak because of mental illness.

I come from a family riddled with mental illness, it's as much nature as lack of nurture in my case. I am well medicated and managing well, but this hasn't always been the case. I do not work. I am on SSD and SSI and have been for 8 years. I will have to remain on these benefits for the foreseeable future, in some capacity, for the insurance. Affording my medication and therapy would be impossible without the assistance of the government. I rarely tell anyone about my disability status unless they are an integral part of my everyday existence, because people can be horribly judgmental and/or use that information as ammunition when things don't go their way.

I have been in therapy/counseling off and on for 21 years. If you did the math, you will know that I started at the age of ten. I do not count my kindergarten year of spending an hour with the school psychologist every day, nor do I count the family therapy that was court ordered and my family attended only one session.

I have attempted suicide more times than I can count, starting around the age of eleven. I have been hospitalized 3 times, the first at the age of 13 and the last at age 24.

I was diagnosed with PMDD at 31. Diagnosed as Bi-Polar at the age of 21. Diagnosed with PTSD at 20. Diagnosed with atypical depression at 19. Diagnosed as Borderline at 15. Diagnosed with anxiety at 11.

I've been on so many different combinations of medicine I can't even remember them all. I do recall, however, my parents telling me that they would not pay for medicine for me because I just needed to stop seeking attention. After all, anything that could have ever been wrong with me was my own doing and had nothing at all to do with the lifetime of abuse and neglect that I was going through/coping with/barely surviving/survived. Please note the sarcasm in that last sentence.

In summation, I am mentally ill. Being judged and stigmatized because of that fact irritates me. I am mentally ill, however I am not the last 12 psychotic girlfriends you had. I shouldn't have to pay for whatever they may have done to you. Discounting anything about me because of my diagnosis is unfair, I am still capable of loving, feeling, parenting, caring, anger, disappointment and anything else so many seem to negate because I am "crazy". I did not wake up one day, when I was 10, and say "Hey! I think I'll be batshitcrazy for the rest of my life!". I control what I can control. I take my medication. I journal daily. I participate in therapy. I cannot wish this away. I've tried. I will not let it define me.

I am mentally ill. But, I am so much more than a laundry list of diagnosis. I am strong, loving, intelligent, witty, fun, friendly, flirty, femme. I am Jinx!

thank you for addressing the stigma that goes along with mental illness. i have been diagnosed with schizophrenia for a little over 3 years. once i began to understand it and became more comfortable with it, i started to talk about my feelings and what life with it is like. some people in my life started to disappear from my life...potential romantic interests would no longer be interested in dating me. it has been painful and irriatating. the people who stayed in my life have been supportive and compassionate. i have become more appreiative of the relationships in my life. i am in therapy, take meds, and attend support groups. i believe all of those things have made me stronger and knowledgable. i am no longer afraid or embarrassed to talk about mental illness. i hope that doing that changes the way some people think about mental illness. i will continue to embrace my diagnosis and live with it without shame.

[chefhottie25]

i just wanted to share some good news with all of you. today i celebrated 2 years of being clean from heroin and cocaine. thank you all for your support...i couldn't have acheived it without you guys.

[femmebotdyke]

Thank your for this thread. Having just joined the site I don't feel comfortable disclosing too many details about my experiences with mental illness but I think threads like this play an important part in breaking down the stigma experienced by people living with mental illness. I grew up with a parent with severe bipolar disorder, anxiety and adult ADHD. For many years his illnesses, the stigma against mental illness and the mentally ill and the repercussions of some of the bad decisions he made while under psychiatric care created a barrier which prevented me from seeking treatment for my own mental health issues. I went through a lot of pain as a child all by myself so it's something I feel quite strongly about.

I also think it's worth mentioning in this context that the suicide rates for LGBTIQ people in my home country of Australia are up to 8 times higher than for their heterosexual peers. There is also evidence that LGBTI Australians have higher rates of depression, anxiety, self-harm and suicide ideation so I think issues around mental health for our communities are also tied (to some extent) to broader struggles for social justice and attitudinal change.

As for me, I have been diagnosed with depression and social anxiety and mental illness has interrupted my schooling, employment and ability to form relationships in the past. The first medication I was prescribed for depression was Effexor, which also made me agoraphobic. Most of the time I appear to be very high-functioning, calm, competent and under control so people have tended to assume I can manage on my own...but a lot of it's because I already graduated from 101 crisis management and co-parenting as a kid! It's been difficult, but incredibly worthwhile finally getting the help I need.

Anyway, I should also add that I found JinxdGirl's post really affecting. Thanks everyone for having the courage to share your struggles. Oh and naturlover_52, I don't mean to be rude but what does your therapists' race/ethnicity/religion have to do with anything? Again, thanks for sharing.

[naturlover_52]

Oh and naturlover_52, I don't mean to be rude but what does your therapists' race/ethnicity/religion have to do with anything? [/QUOTE]

well hmmm Just commenting on a previous thread...From Jinx.... where shr called Her therapist the old Glass Ass. IT doesn't make ANY difference TO me....religion/race/ethnicity/sexual orientation of a therapist.....JUST the report that U have w/ them and the therapist that said that MY OCD was a reason for my sexuality broke that REPORT,,,,,,MADE me think that I didn't KNOW myself....which kind of goes w/ WHAT U said about LGBTs mental illness being because of OUTSIDE Issues.....well that was a huge thing for me. I wasn't making racial/religious slurs when I made the statement....JUST describing the people.
NOTHING MORE

[naturlover_52]

I was just describing the people NOT insulting nor was a racial/religious slur was meant....that wasn't my intention at ALL sorry to those offended

[femmebotdyke]

Thanks for the clarification, naturlover_52. It's something that I've personally done before- mentioned someone's ethnicity or sex in a context where it's not really relevant. We tend not to specify if someone's white. I didn't think you meant anything by it but I think it's sometimes worthwhile pulling each other up on these things if we notice them- in the same way I think it's useful for someone to correct me if I use the wrong pronoun, for instance. Anyway, thanks again for making that clear.

[Isadora]

Originally Posted by chefhottie25

i just wanted to share some good news with all of you. today i celebrated 2 years of being clean from heroin and cocaine. thank you all for your support...i couldn't have achieved it without you guys.

We are all brave in some form. We all live with personal fears and failures. All of us have experienced mental illness or addiction in some form or another. All. Of. Us. The "learning to be brave" push to face (out loud) their own fears, the "brave in progress" face them every day and learn to simply accept and live, and the "truly brave" recognized the fear, face it (often more than once or continuously) and reach out to others. You are truly brave, yanno.

Congratulations.

[Jedi]

Originally Posted by chefhottie25

i just wanted to share some good news with all of you. today i celebrated 2 years of being clean from heroin and cocaine. thank you all for your support...i couldn't have acheived it without you guys.

Congrats chef........what an accomplishment. You should be very proud of yourself.

[lipstixgal]

How is everyone doing today?? Me still sleepy I don't what from. Maybe the ambien but I took that at like 8 PM last night. Just not feeling well at all. I hope its not depression kicking in because I have been home from the shingles and doing nothing. going to try to do another internship will let the school know that I want to work and get out of the house!! Have Jewish holidays that are coming up and want to attend temple for sure...

[naturlover_52]

I totally understand what U mean....I have been busy taking care of myself....because of the fact that I have a duel diagnosis...JUST not one w/ alcohol/drug addiction. But a second disability to my GADs and my Borderline Personality.

good luck w/ getting a NEW Internship...I think that that would be good. KEEP me informed if ya would.

I am trying to get stuff done to get Medicaid and also trying to find work thru Dept of Vocational Rehab.

Take care all

[nicetgurl_30]

I've been in mental health for about 10+ years and as a therapist I would like to say that yes mental illness does carry a stigma with it. But we could talk about stereo types all day. It's getting help that needs to be a focus. Making sure that close friends and family undertstandin what ur going through, that it isn't a choice and sometimes u do need help with certain MAOI OR sertoin receptors sites to reduce risk.
Some ppl need medication like others have to have glass to see better ot take medication to balance hBp.

[naturlover_52]

BUT at the same time we need to INFORM family about what the heck is going on....at the same time some DON"T wanna hear about it. Also some don't have a clue what it is like to need to be medicated. I just know I need meds for both the high BP and also the borderline Personality Disorder. BUT right now I am also dealing w/ Major Anxiety....and the anxiety meds aren't working.
BUT like many have told me....I breath....and take things 1 day at a time...until I can get to see the Psychitrist next week.

[chefhottie25]

Originally Posted by naturlover_52

BUT at the same time we need to INFORM family about what the heck is going on....at the same time some DON"T wanna hear about it. Also some don't have a clue what it is like to need to be medicated. I just know I need meds for both the high BP and also the borderline Personality Disorder. BUT right now I am also dealing w/ Major Anxiety....and the anxiety meds aren't working.
BUT like many have told me....I breath....and take things 1 day at a time...until I can get to see the Psychitrist next week.

i hope things get easier for you. hang in there...it takes awhile for therapy to work and for the right combination of meds to be determined. it all came together for me about a year ago. i am grateful...but i will never forget what it was like in the beginning. you have good support here...keep using it.

[chefhottie25]

just wanted to check in. hope everyone is doing well. i have been a little down since i broke my foot. i hate having my mobility restricted. i get to go back to work full time on thursday...i am sure that will cheer me up.

[naturlover_52]

back in the land of the living and the real world after a weeks stay in another mental place....but glad I went....and got the help to recover....and working on NOT relapsing AGAIN....and also taking things 1 day at a time...meds were changed again...and gonna see what this new one can do to help....abilify on top of the Effexor XR and the Trazadone.
living in the here and now and working ON moi....and getting healthy and happy.
trying for SSI again...hope 3rd time is the charm.

thanks all

[deeperstill]

naturlover:
keep trying with SSI. I did some work in this area a long time ago (too long ago to offer any specific help, sorry!), but i can tell you most people are denied at the 1st and 2nd levels...My firm often didn't even accept cases until they were that far along. Good luck and keep trying!

Originally Posted by naturlover_52

back in the land of the living and the real world after a weeks stay in another mental place....but glad I went....and got the help to recover....and working on NOT relapsing AGAIN....and also taking things 1 day at a time...meds were changed again...and gonna see what this new one can do to help....abilify on top of the Effexor XR and the Trazadone.
living in the here and now and working ON moi....and getting healthy and happy.
trying for SSI again...hope 3rd time is the charm.

thanks all

[naturlover_52]

IT doesn't seem to be working
and NOw trying to see how I do
Just took 2 Tazadone an see how that does anything.....Doc is gonna call me today......take care and I am trying to Hang in there.....JUST not feeling LIKE me. I am feeling very uncontrolably hyper.